Coppa-coppa-coppa-coppachameleon..........

In strange future career goal news, Boy George has expressed interest in becoming a police officer.

He said recently: "Being arrested in America is terrible. I don't wish it to anyone. At first I was sad and scared, but, within time, the police gave me support and tranquillity. I ended up getting close to them, maybe it will be my next job!"

Um, well he does seem to have the handcuffing part down. I sure wouldn't wish to being arrested by Boy George.

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I Officially Love Her!

I never was a fan of Victoria Beckham's. She just always seemed like a snobby bitch to me. But lately she's been growing on me. I think it all started when she had her friend Scary's back and publicly called Eddie Murphy a "Beverly Hills Cock." Then I saw some of her show Victoria Beckham: Coming to America the other night and I actually caught myself smiling and laughing thinking "You know, she's pretty damn cool!"

If there was any doubt remaining as to her awesomeness, check this one out: Paris Hilton has been quoted as saying, "We could be soulmates" about Victoria and that she'd love to hang out with her. To which my girl Vicky replied (to a "friend"), "Over my dead body!" That is so awesome I have to go change my knickers!

You Go Girl!! Who cares if your show tanked, you are fabulous!

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Lindsay wasn't available?

A rep for the soon-to-open LAX nightclub in the Luxor Hotel in Vegas told PEOPLE that Britney Spears will host the grand opening next month.

Fabulous idea!! Because the last time she hosted something it was such a success:

This show will change the world!

Snoop Dogg is the latest celebrity to get their own reality show. Try to contain your excitement. The show, which will be on E! (I can already see Joel McHale showing clips: "Let's take some E!"), will focus on Snoop's balance between his family, career, and blunts.

Ted Harbert, president of Comcast Entertainment group, said in a statement: "Snoop Dogg is, without a doubt, one of the most charismatic and intriguing personalities in pop culture today." (He actually made this statement in 1993 between bong hits in the parking lot before a date of The Chronic Tour, but who's keeping track?)

Anyway, we here at Asshat Hollywood are very excited to have with us today, Snoop Dogg!!

Welcome Snoop!

........................

Um, ok. Sooo, are you excited about the new show?

"Know what I'm sayin'?"

I'll take that as a yes I guess. So, how do you feel about being compared to Ozzy Osbourne?





Wow, that's um, interesting. So how does your family feel about being filmed 24/7?

"Know what I'm sayin'?"

Yeah, uh, actually no. No, I really don't know what you're saying because YOU AREN'T SAYING ANYTHING BESIDES 'KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN?'. What's that? What are you handing me?

No, I don't smoke the pot. No thanks, really. Well ok, maybe just a little hit.....

"Know what I'm sayin'?"

You know, I think I do! Wow, that Ted Harbert was right! You ARE charismatic and intriguing! Good luck on your show! Let's go get some Cheetos!

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ASSHAT OF THE WEEK

Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has been indicted on federal charges related to illegal dogfighting.

When police searched this disgusting piece of shit's property called "Bad Newz Kennels" (no kidding) they found 54 pit bulls, blood on the carpets, a treadmill for dogs, and a "rape stand" which is used to hold dogs in place while mating. SICK SICK SICK! There were also graves for seven pit bulls (I'm surprised he even bothered to give them a grave and didn't just throw them out in a garbage bag) Dogs were killed after being tested whether or not they would be good fighters. The methods Vick and the other monsters would use to kill the dogs included drowning, strangulation, hanging, gunshot and electrocution. (And you know they got some sick pleasure out of murdering them.)

I don't know if I want to cry or scream. Probably both. Cruelty to animals is the trigger that makes my YOU'LLBESORRYYOUPISSEDMEOFF button go off. Dogs especially, because they are so loyal and all they want in return is love and maybe a Milk-Bone once in a while. These dogs fought because they were trying to please their "friends." It's so awful and maddening. And this is just one instance. I know DMX was into that shit too and that's just another celebrity. It's happening all over the country. To read more and find out how you can help put an end to this terrible crime please check out the The Humane Society website.


I just hope they have rape stands in prison.

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A Star is Born

So who besides me checked out the premiere of Rock of Love starring Poison's Bret Michaels on VH1 last night?

You MUST, especially if you enjoyed Flavor of Love. This show has everything FoL had. 80's has-been bachelor? Check. Scary hoes? Check. Busted weaves? Double check! - Bret gets in on that one too! (not entering Bret's room unannounced is actually a rule! I think we all know why.) Oh and some girl even inherited Hottie's bicycle bell blink sound effect! It just doesn't get any better than this y'all!

The standout trainwreck ho so far is Tiffany (I mean, duh? Her name is Tiffany ) who, if you ever wondered what Ginger Spice would look like in 30 years if she kept the 1997 hair and clothes and adopted a daily regimen of drinking a 1.75 liter of cheap vodka and smoking three packs, ponder no longer!

So first Tiffany is kicked out along with four other wannabe groupies before even setting a hooker heel into the mansion. But then, in pure allegedly unscripted reality television fashion, bangs on the door and demands to be given a chance to screw Bret and possibly get her own spin-off show. So the bodyguard lets her back in. Of course she then proceeds to get wasted, make an ass out of herself, piss everyone off, all the while spouting off nonsensical babble that even Paula Abdul wouldn't understand (which is skillfully captioned for us by the those jokers in the control room). So come elimination time (btw- I totally called the backstage pass thing. Next I call Rock of Love: Charm School with Tawny Kitaen ) what happens? Surely she's blown her chance and will be sent home for certain? Nope, they keep her of course!! They don't even try to lie about why. Bret explains "You're entertaining." Awesome.

For a complete and fabulous recap, check this blog out:

I love you VH1!

What the Asshats Are Up To

"No, I will not confirm that I am pregnant."

"Doesn't anyone want to take my picture? It's Mischa!!! Barton... The O.C.? Hello? I could bend over, I'm not wearing panties..."

Jessica: "You guys are so lucky to get to be in a movie with me. I am SO hot you know."

"When daddy gets distracted by the man over there, we can scale that wall and make a run for it."

"Nobody will recognize me in this disguise y'all!! Now sniff doggie, find Jayden James."

"It's ok doggie, I saved you from that crazy Britney. Good thing she needed a Starbucks refill and put you down. You'll be much better off with me. Here's your new home- my accessories closet! Just watch out for Baby Luv, the kinkajou--he bites."

"Jeremy Jordin, Alright!"

Lindsay Lohan, you just completed rehab! What are you going to do now?

"I'M GOING TO VEGAS TO PARTY!!!"

Yup, after checking out of Malibu, California's Promises rehab facility on Friday after more than six weeks Lindsay partied (sans alcohol--supposedly) at Pure nightclub with friends in Vegas on Saturday night.

A rep for Linds released the following statement confirming her release from Promises: "On Friday, July 13, 2007, Lindsay Lohan successfully completed her 45 days of residential and extended-care treatment at Promises. She has transitioned to an intensive outpatient program, which includes attendance at daily AA meetings, outpatient therapy and daily testing. On her own, she has also made the decision in support of her sobriety to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet. In part she is wearing the bracelet so there are no questions about her sobriety if she chooses to go dancing or dining in a place where alcohol is served."

It was reported that Lindsay only drank energy drinks at the nightclub.

I don't know if I buy this. It's not like that bracelet is police ordered and monitored. I'd be willing to bet it's all for show. Even if it's for real, I bet the cocaine doesn't set that thing off.

Here's another photo of Lindsay partying with the cast of Rock of Love. Oh, those are the Pussycat Dolls? My bad.

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Wow, a normal wedding!

Congrats to Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell who wed on Saturday in an intimate ceremony.

PEOPLE reports that 'Romijn, 34, wore a Ralph Lauren gown and jewelry by Neil Lane as she and O'Connell, 33, exchanged vows in front of 100 family and friends. The couple's two dogs Taco and Better – dressed in black bow ties – also joined in on the festivities, running around the grounds. '

Very awesome. Low-key ceremony with family, friends and their dogs (I have a dog named Taco too!) Way classier than some over the top call every magazine and entertainment show fly in a cake from France blah blah Tony- Parker blah Longoria extravaganza.

Remember Sliders? I liked that show.

FUCK!

Yup at 1:37 PM today I will officially be turning off the twentysomething expressway. I have no freaking idea how this happened.

Anyway, to make myself feel better, here are some people that share my birthday and most are older than me:

Harrison Ford - 65 (7/13/42)
(and the sad part is I would be too old to play his girlfriend in a movie.)

Cheech Marin - 61 (7/13/46)
Smoke up man!

Cameron Crowe - 50 (7/13/57)
Almost Famous is one of my favorite movies ever. Having him on my birthday almost makes up for also having

Yup, Corey Clark (7/13/80)

and then there's also:

X- Pac - 35 (7/13/72)

Who you might remember as Chyna's asshole ex-boyfriend on The Surreal Life a couple years ago and who may be returning to the WWE.



Also turning 30 with me today is

Some actress named Ashley Scott. I've never seen her in anything, but she's pretty cute and doesn't look like an old lady so that makes me feel better. Girl, I'm sharing your pain.

She didn't really say that, did she?

In an interview in the August 2007 issue of Glamour magazine, Jennifer Lopez says that while she is not pregnant, she's pretty sure everybody wants her to get knocked up because the future of the world depends on her eventual offspring with husband Skeletor, um, I mean Marc Anthony.

When asked about the pregnancy rumors, Jenny replies with this thoughtful piece of verbal diarrhea, "Marc and I just saw Children of Men. The message of the movie was if we don't have children, there's no hope for the future. And without hope, society just goes to pieces. Maybe that's what the pregnancy rumors are about---hope for future."

Methinks she's been hanging out with Tom and Katie a wee bit too much.

Your call

Brooke Hogan: Breast implants or maturing?

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New Couple?

TMZ reports that David Spade and Pamela Anderson hung out in Vegas over the weekend. They showed up together at JET nightclub at the Mirage. Their drinks of choice were champagne and Red Bull vodkas.

While some people might say HUH?, it makes sense to me. From what I've heard David has a lot in common with Tommy Lee and it's not just Heather Locklear.

In "Who Asked?" News

"We've been recyclin' with Mr. Al Gore............"

Burnt out as I am, you know I couldn't pass up an opportunity to post when my beloved Axl decides to issue an out of nowhere and pointless press release. So in the latest one released today on his website, Mr. Rose explains, in great length as usual, why (nu) GN'R did not play one of last Saturday's Live Earth shows.

Guns N' Roses or myself will not be performing at Rio Live Earth or Live Earth for a couple of reasons. The first is that we were not asked until the last couple weeks while we were on tour in Australia and have upcoming sold-out dates already rescheduled in Japan. Our gear is already en route to Japan for these shows. We have attempted to find a solution to be able to perform in Rio, but unfortunately none has been suggested.

I was asked to perform individually with Lenny Kravitz by the promoters and Mr. Gore. As we were working this out, Lenny unfortunately became injured and temporarily canceled his involvement from the event. According to the promoters, by the time they had reconfirmed Lenny's performance, there wasn't enough time to arrange flights for myself to Brazil and then to Japan for our upcoming shows. Unfortunately, I was not informed that Lenny's performance was reconfirmed until our own explorations and in following the media surrounding the event today, which is Saturday morning here in Australia and Friday in Brazil.

Guns N' Roses or I were not asked to play anywhere else such as Japan or Australia (as we are already in the regions on tour) and in which we have formally offered to perform but the offer of our involvement was declined.

We wish all involved, the performers, the organizers, the fans and audiences around the world all the best and a very successful event.

Thank you,
Axl Rose

Um, ok? I'm not sure who asked. Even I didn't, and I implore you to find a bigger nutswinger than me.

But now that he's explaining things, hey Axl, how come you didn't play the American Idol finale? Or Eva Longoria and Tony Parker's wedding reception? Or Philadelphia that day in 2002?



You know, you could make it all better though. I have a birthday coming up on Friday. Why don't you give Slash, Duff, Matt, and Izzy a call and give those other dudes a day off? Say about 4 (that's 8 your time)? I'll even dread my hair. (If you can't make it though, I expect a press release.) Ok, call me.

Sorry, it's been a busy day for me

Haven't had a chance to post so in the meantime, for your viewing pleasure, here's a clip from Batshit Abdul's new reality show, Hey Paula!