Michael's latest disease

Michael Jackson used to come out with new albums. Then he'd come out new body parts. After that, he'd come out with new criminal accusations and lawsuits. It seems like his latest thing is to come out with a new disease every few months. If you remember, in the not too distant past there were rumors that he was suffering from some fatal lung disease. Then those rumors were shot down and we didn't hear much more about them.

Now there are reports that Michael has contracted a potentially "flesh-eating" superbug.

SUPERBUG!!

Michael allegedly got the infection while having his 73rd (rough estimate) nose surgery. A source said: "The infection has spread throughout his face and body and is being aggressively treated by doctors. There's a chance it could turn into a flesh-eating disorder where it begins to kill off his skin, so he's being very carefully monitored."

Michael was recently seen leaving a clinic, where he is allegedly being treated for the MRSA-like bug with an IV drip, wearing a surgical mask.

Celebrity plastic surgeon Dr. Anthony Youn commented : "It is possible that Mr. Jackson has a staph infection or MRSA. "In some worse cases surgeons will have to remove the infected tissue if it dies - leaving the patient needing major reconstructive surgery. It is particularly worrying if it's on the face."

See you next time when Michael is rumored to have gangrene!

Superbug's cute, isn't he?

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Good News Ladies (and young boys)!!!

Woo hoo, get that Jesus Juice on ice! Michael Jackson is NOT married!

Earlier this week, many hearts were crushed when reports came out that Jacko had married his children's nanny, Grace Rwaramba. However now his spokeswoman has released a statement that the rumors are false:

"Wide-spreading reports regarding Michael Jackson being married are not true. Documents stating otherwise are a hoax."

I know you all are relieved that this hot piece is still on the market.

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I thought he was broke

Michael Jackson has purchased the publishing rights for Eminem's back catalogue.

Wacko bought Famous Music LLC from Viacom for an undisclosed amount and now owns the rights to songs by Shakira, Beck, and Bjork, as well as Eminem under the transaction.

He said, "This is a milestone event for Sony/ATV Music Publishing. The diverse collection of songs in this catalogue range from timeless classics to contemporary hits, and I am pleased to add the acquisition of Famous Music to Sony/ ATV."

So I guess this means we'll be hearing "Stan" in a Nike commercial soon!

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Michael Jackson pushed a dying woman out of her hospital bed!

' The family of an elderly woman who was moved from her hospital bed to accommodate MICHAEL JACKSON is suing the pop star.

The eight children of MANUELA GOMEZ RUIZ filed suit on Thursday (15FEB07) alleging Jackson and celebrity-obsessed hospital staff moved their mother out of her death bed and tormented her family.

The lawsuit claims she was "treated like cargo" and roughly moved from her emergency room bed when Jackson arrived at the hospital complaining of abdominal pains during his child molestation trial.

The THRILLER singer demanded two beds after going to the Marian Medical Center in Santa Maria, California on 15 February 2005.

Gomez, 74, died later that night.
Her family is accusing Jackson and the hospital of inflicting emotional distress and of negligence, elder abuse, false imprisonment and conspiracy.
According to hospital spokeswoman AMY SILVA, "We are confident the care provided to Mrs Ruiz was exceptional." '


Since when does Michael Jackson need more than one bed anyway? After all, the greatest thing you can do is share a bed.

Good luck to Gomez's family but I think Wacko's almost broke, isn't he? Not sure what they'll get. Maybe they can sue for the Elephant Man's remains--they'll make some pretty good money off those on Ebay.

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Where's Jacko?

TOKYO (AP) — Michael Jackson is back in the United States after living in Bahrain, France and Ireland. He emerged with his spokeswoman Friday to confirm to The Associated Press that he is back after more than a year in self-imposed exile following his acquittal in a high-profile child molestation trial that ended in June 2005.

They also said he is on the comeback trail — planning a pair of "fan appreciation events" in Japan in March, one of which will charge $3,300 for the opportunity to meet the Gloved One.

"I can confirm that he is in the United States," spokeswoman Raymone K. Bain said. "We don't give out information regarding our client's whereabouts because of safety, and this is just an ongoing policy." [Me: Is that for his safety or the American children's?]

During the brief conference call, Jackson read a statement prepared for The Associated Press about his plans to visit Japan and allowed only one question: How are you?

"I'm fine, thank you," was his reply.

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I don't see how it would be that hard to find him. My guess would be that you can find him at a grammar school, Chuck E. Cheese, or a NAMBLA meeting.

Oh, and $3,300 to meet that freak? For that much, you'd better be able to keep the nose!

Why did Michael Jackson go to Kmart?

He heard boys' pants were half off! [tap,tap, cymbal crash!]


Wacko Jacko pledges his support to Asshat Hollywood by donning a pair of tighty whities on his head. Now that's a real asshat, especially if they are used.

Ok, you have one minute to make all the Michael Jackson/little boys/underwear jokes you can. Go!