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This is Mucca Chucka, the newest game sweeping the nation! In it, your mission is to help the beautiful and classy Heather Mills get more money from her divorce settlement by throwing water on Paul and his lawyer. Just watch out for the judge, you don't wanna hit him!!

Heather to Paul's lawyer "You're all wet!"

Heather Mills is making news today not just for hopping away with $33 million dollars cash plus assets worth $15.6 million in her divorce from Paul McCartney, but for reportedly throwing a glass of water over Paul's lawyer yesterday at the proceedings!

Heather allegedly calmly walked up to Fiona Shackleton and tipped a glass of water over her head before the judgment was announced. Somebody's been watching their soaps! Eliot Spitzer's wife, take notes!

Here's 40 year old (Really? Damn!) Fiona, before and after her makeover:


She looks better!

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Sexiest Woman???

Heather Mills is reportedly hobbling her way up to the top of FHM's (For Horny Males) annual "Sexiest Woman" poll.

Heather has been receiving an average of 1,000 votes a day, compared with previously receiving around 15. She is currently in 95th place, ahead of Paris Hilton (ok, I'll give her that one), Gwen Stefani (huh?) and Kirsten Dunst (eh?).

FHM deputy editor Chris Bell said, “Heather Mills has always been vilified as a gold-digger with a dubious past. But with her pin-sharp power suits and model good-looks, thousands of FHM readers have realised she’s about to become the world’s most eligible – and richest – single woman.” I know, I know: "model good looks"--this guy should do stand-up!

It's gotta be the divorce settlement money. That and the kink factor due to the stub--maybe they saw that Nip/Tuck episode.

Or it's a computer glitch and they are trying to vote for the Unsexiest Woman poll.

Vote For the Worst should embrace this, it's much more intriguing than Idol at the moment.

In the lead are some chick named Cheryl Cole and last year's winner Jessica "I'm Too Sexy"Alba. The winner will be announced on April 24.

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Sit down Peggy!

In more Asshats on a Plane news, Heather Mills and her Dancing With the Stars partner Jonathan Roberts were recently on a 10-hour Virgin Atlantic flight from Los Angeles to London when the entertainment system broke down.

Heather and Jonathan had the bright idea of cheering up the passengers with the art of dance, so they strapped on their dancing shoes (and in Heather's case, leg) and performed an impromptu foxtrot routine down the aisles of the plane (once the Fasten Seatbelts sign was turned off of course).

Problem was, the disgruntled passengers were not impressed and didn't applaud at the end of their number. Damn Beatles fans!

One passenger commented, "We weren't in a good frame of mind because of the broken entertainment system. When the dance routine, which moved from first-class to economy, finished, no one clapped because we were all in such a bad mood." (Wow, I guess they really, really wanted to see Employee of the Month.)

Another said, "She's no Sanjaya." (Ok, I know. It's run its course. Sorry)

That is hysterical. It reminds me of that scene in the Brady Bunch sequel. I guess this isn't going to make the opening filler montage before their dance on this week's show.

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Poor Heather's got blisters on her nub!

The training for Dancing With the Stars has taken a toll on Heather Mills' stump. A source told Britain's Closer magazine: "Heather has been through hell recently and it's great for her to focus on something other than her daughter and the divorce. The sores are especially bad where her leg joins her prosthetic limb, but she's determined not to give up."

Heather recently joked, "I'm quite happy to be thrown around. It's unlikely my leg is going to fly off, although it would be quite funny. I don't want to give anyone in the audience a heart attack."
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I wish that would happen and then the person could sue her for whatever money she gets from the divorce settlement!

Oh and, "it's great for her to focus on something other than her daughter.." Yeah, those kids can be such a nuisance!

I swear this is not photoshopped!

Here's Heather Mills on her way to a dance studio to practice for Dancing With the Stars.

So which is it?

A) She has a midg---sorry, little person in her bag that is trying to escape by kicking her in the ass.

B) Marc Jacobs has lost his mind.

C) She is donating her used legs to the less fortunate limbless people at the Goodwill drop.

D) She's just carrying her spare legs.


If you said D, congrats you win the prize!! (sorry, there really isn't a prize)

I guess it's like golf where they have a different club for each type of hole. She probably has a tango leg, a waltz leg, a samba leg, etc. But isn't that cheating?

Careful Heather, you only have one leg left! Wait, what am I saying? Nevermind- go down the expert slope Heather!

tmz