It ain't pretty when the pretty leaves you with no place to go

Hey, remember Rockstar:INXS? Think......

Ok, well, INXS have kicked winner J.D. Fortune out of the band, and apparently he's homeless now. (Is anyone else surprised that they were even still together? They had that one album, toured, and then we never heard from them again.)

Fortune, real name Jason Dean Bennison, recently told Canada's Entertainment Tonight how INXS delivered the news that he just wasn't roit for the band after all. JD said, "I was in an airport (in) Hong Kong and literally got a handshake. They said, 'Thank you very much.' I found myself really alone because I had traveled with these guys for 23 months. I don't know where I am going from sofa to sofa, from night to night. I am trying to get through my life."

JD also confessed that the firing might have been the result of his cocaine addiction, adding, "It got as bad as it needed to be for me to numb out the fact that I knew this was going to come to a screeching halt." He also says that he has been clean for two years.

Look for JD to appear on the next season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.

Steve-O is insane

No, he really is. He was checked into a mental health hospital and placed on a 72-hour hold which his since been extended to 14 days.

Steve was arrested on March 3rd after a dispute with a neighbor. Soon after that, he taught the world to juggle on the video above. If that didn't set off enough alarms, Steve then emailed some of his friends suicide notes. In them, he blamed a broken relationship for the reason he wanted to end his life.

On Sunday his bodyguard and a woman friend brought him to the hospital, where an insider says he caused a major scene, "Steve started flipping out. He told doctors he wanted to hurt himself badly. He wanted to break every bone in his body one by one."

A source at the treatment facility told Star Magazine, "Steve is stabilized on meds at this point. He was also treated for burns on his skin as if he had been putting cigarettes out on his own body."

Today Steve posted the following message on his blog:

"You should all know I am in the looney bin. They call it "code 5150," that means psycho,legally, f*ckin bat-sh*t, certifiably. I'm outta my mind, believe-you-me. How'd I get this way? How can this be? It's gotten so bad there's nothing left of me."

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E! will give any asshat a reality show

Tivo alert!! Filming for the latest unnecessary "celebrity" reality show starring Dina Lohan and family will begin next Tuesday in New York City.

Dina, who is also the executive producer, explained the future trainwreck in an interview with People Magazine, "It's about what I do, how you can be successful, and be a single mom and fulfilling your kids' dreams. It won't just be following my family around like other shows. It'll show me cultivating careers, going to soccer practice. Ali going to school and in the studio. It'll encompass everything. Lindsay is a family member and will lend a helping hand if Ali asks her, when she's in the recording studio. We just want it to be real."

Hey Dina, isn't it more like your children fulfilling your dreams? I thought E! already did a show about pageant mothers.

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Welcome Back Lindsay! (this is where we build them up after kicking them when they're down)

Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab, sober (?), and in Los Angeles to continue shooting her movie Dare to Love Me. That's the one she was taking the tango lessons for.

Her mom Dina tole PEOPLE, "Lindsay is very happy and her life is back in control." Hey Dina, keep your famewhore ass away from her and maybe she'll stay that way!

In other Lindsay news, she recently filed a countersuit against Raymundo Ortega, the man who is currently suing her over a car accident in West Hollywood in 2005. Lindsay claims it was Raymundo and not her that was negligent when her Mercedes-Benz crashed into his van.

BFF ALERT!

In the past, punk phenomenon, Avril Lavigne has called out Britney Spears for "dressing like a showgirl," "dancing like a hoe," and not being able to deal with the pressures of fame.

But that was before Tuesday night when the two met up at Hyde. (By the way, as I'm sure you heard, Britney was ordered to submit to random drug and alcohol tests are part of her ongoing custody battle with K-Fed so naturally, she's paying no attention.) Brit and Av then rode together to Winston's, another club. Later that night Britney went to the Beverly Hills Police Station and asked officers for an escort home.

Give it up Avril, Britney is way too punk rock for your ass.

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What's in the bag Lindsay?

Here's Lindsay on her way out of a Rite-Aid in Utah on another little field trip from rehab. Yup, she left drug rehab to buy some drugs. But she's a star so she can.

I bet $50 there's NyQuil, cigarettes, and condoms (for her bathroom breaks) in there.

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And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

It was reported in Britain's Daily Star newspaper that Pete Doherty's cat was recently rushed to the vet after eating cocaine. Police are now said to be investigating the matter.

In a statement, a spokesperson for the RSPCA (Royal Society for the Protection of Animals) said, "It is a police matter, so we cannot deny or confirm the identity of the man who had his kitten removed. But it is very important to protect animals from substances that can do them serious harm."

"Answer me!!! Who taught you how to do this stuff?

"Meow. It was you alright? Meow, I learned it from watching you!"


Junkie rock stars who use drugs, have pets that use drugs.

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Baby Bump Worked!

TMZ reports that Nicole Richie has been sentenced to serve four days in the City or County Jail or her choice for her DUI conviction last December (remember she drove the wrong way on the highway?) . In addition to the four day sentence, Nicole will be on probation for three years, will have to pay a fine of $2,048.00 and will have to attend an alcohol education course. Nicole must serve her four day sentence by September 28th.

FOUR DAYS???!!!! Boy, Paris must be pissed.

Celebrity Deathrace 2007

Our first contestant is Lindsay Lohan (aka "Firecrotch") who was arrested in Santa Monica early this morning. The police received a call from a driver in an SUV claiming another SUV was chasing her. When police pulled over the SUV in pursuit, guess who? (Lindsay also had two unnamed men in the car with her, but they were not arrested.) They arrested Lindsday after she failed the Breathalyzer. (She clocked in at .12 percent on her Breathalyzer tests, going well above the legal limit of .08. Way to go!! High Score! I guess the SCRAM anklet didn't work so well.)

Upon a search conducted at the police station, cocaine was found on Lindsay. She was then booked for DUI, possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custody facility, and driving on a suspended license. Lindsay later posted $25,000 bail and was released from jail at about 6:30 a.m.

Her publicist, Leslie Sloane, had no comment. I have a comment for her publicist: RUN and find a new client!! That sweet little Abigail Benson, perhaps?

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Damn, surely no one can top that!

Oh silly, silly me!

So Brit had contacted OK! Magazine and arranged an exclusive photo shoot and interviewTMZ has learned that Britney's self-arranged photo shoot and tell-all interview. Well TMZ is reporting today that the photo shoot was a complete disaster and now OK! is in a predicament, and don't know what to print. A source said that if they published the photos it could "kill her career." (Yeah, I'm not sure how you can kill something that's already dead either.)

FROM TMZ:
' Apparently, Brit Brit's eyes rolled back in her head at one point, causing her to look half dead. Her mood, we're told, was extremely erratic. She took frequent bathroom breaks our source says, and each time she returned her mood would change. She was also completely paranoid during the entire interview, fearing at one point the ceiling was about to cave in on her. Out of control y'all!

We've also learned that Brit had some issues with hygiene on the set as well. At one point, Britney ordered up some fried chicken to munch on. We're told after she chowed down, she wiped her hands on a several thousand dollar Gucci dress that she was wearing for the shoot, staining it with grease. Yuck! One of her dogs also needed some assistance in the housebreaking department. Our on-set spy says that the dog pooped all over the floor, and Brit used (what else?) -- a Chanel dress to clean it up! How trashtastic!As for how Brit looked for the photos, another nightmare. We've learned that OK! hired two of the best hair and makeup artists in L.A. to transform the once-bald beauty into something more presentable, but she wasn't havin' none of that. She refused to let the hired help touch her, opting instead for her "skanky friends" to do her hair and makeup. No wonder she always looks so fantastic! '


Neither Britney's or OK!'s reps have commented.

Wow, this one's tough. I'll call it a draw. It's tough not to be swayed by chicken grease on Chanel though.

Ok fine, CONGRATS BRITNEY!!!

Lindsay Surrenders to the Po-po

Lindsay Lohan surrendered to Beverly Hills police yesterday afternoon, facing up to the charges for driving under the influence and the hit-and-run back in May. She arrived with her attorney and was released on $30,000 bail about an hour later. Her court date is set for Aug. 24 in Superior Court in Beverly Hills.

Lindsay was cited back then but hadn't been officially arrested until now. She waited this long so as not to clash with Paris and Nicole Richie's trials and sentences. (Because that would be, like, so embarrassing!)

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The Simple Crackhead Life

Nicole Richie wants to make it clear that while she was a drug addict, she has never been under a bridge (though Anthony Kiedis has claimed to have spotted her there once) and she never, ever went without footwear.

In a recent interview for Nylon magazine Nic said, "When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes."

Uh, yeah, that's because your father is Lionel Richie moron! Maybe if he didn't adopt you, you would have ended up under a bridge and not having any Christian Louboutins to protect your feet! Speaking of being a moron, crack and heroin are two different drugs. Care to educate her Whitney?

"CRACK IS WHACK!! KISS MY ASS!"

Thanks Whit!

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Promises Made, Promises Broken

Here's Lindsay Lohan spotted outside a gym near Promises, the rehab facility where she is currently checked in. Just like Britney, she got bored with the whole working on sobriety in seclusion thing and left for a few hours to "work out." Please, the only part of her body that is getting a workout is her left nostril.

It was also reported today that Lindsay is getting another hall pass so she can..wait for it, celebrate her 21st birthday at a NIGHTCLUB!

The doctors at Promises must have gotten their license from the same place as Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon.

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Hollywood Cokeheads, Drunks, and Skanks Update for Wednesday, 5/30/07

Here's Lindsay arriving at Promises rehab. You know she's just going to try to get a lighter sentence. Oh well, fake it until you make it Firecrotch!

PHOTO


Let's check on Britney,



Oh dear, Britney got really drunk at the Skybar over the weekend. A source told Metro.co.uk that she got really, really sick in the men's bathroom and had to be carried out, "Britney was found slumped over the toilet bowl with make-up smeared over her face and her wig hanging off." Wow, hot! Hey guys, don't all race to the Kleenex box at once!
So like Lindsay, Brit practiced some damage control by posting a message on her website.

And of course, there's the religious literature connoisseur herself (and quite possibly the root of all the above people's problems, Paris Hilton herself. TMZ has learned that Paris's cell mate has already been chosen. It will be a woman who is already there doing time for reckless driving. Jailers told TMZ that they 'were looking for someone who they believe will not try to cash in on Hilton's stay.' Yeah, that'll happen.

Officials at the prison are currently conducting searches of the staff and inmates for anything electronic in order to avoid any photos A memo went out warning staff that if they take any pictures, they will be FIRED! There's also talk of a "written protocol"prepared for Paris detailing "when and how things should be done for her." Um, the bitch get a rider for PRISON?

Herbie- Fully Loaded

I'm sure by now everyone's heard of Lindsay Lohan's very busy Memorial Day Weekend.

She crashed her car into a curb early Saturday morning, had some minor injuries to her "upper chest area" (?) and was arrested for driving under the influence. Then the cops found a "usable amount" of cocaine in the car so further charges could be filed and she might just find herself in jail.

Now she may be headed back to rehab as early as today but not before she got one more night of partying in. Last night she reportedly stumbled out of the club around 4:00 AM and collapsed. A bouncer had to pick her drunk ass up and put her in the (thankfully) passenger seat of her SUV.

Wow, so first the Laguna Beach idiots, then Joe Francis, then Paris, now Lindsay. I love it! The police sure are meeting their quota for Hollywood cokehead skanks!

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Wanna see pictures of Lindsay snorting coke?

Of course you do! And now you can thanks to News of the World!

According to the article, this is just an average night for Linds, as a source claims she usually does "two and half grams of coke on her own."

But Lindsay is sober and went to rehab! you say. The source, a "friend" (some friends huh?) says you are a dumbass if you believe that. "She carries round a water bottle to try to fool everyone into thinking she is clean but she tips the water out and refills it with vodka and soda."

This "friend" also reveals that Lindsay has fired up her crotch with James Blunt, Jude Law, Calum Best, Joaquin Phoenix, Benicio Del Toro, Jared Leto and James Franco.

Here are the pictures. They were taken at Teddy's nightclub in Hollywood's Roosevelt Hotel. So classy.

Please, please, please get busted Lindsay!! Then she could be locked up with Paris, Joe Francis, and those Laguna Beach turds and the world would be a better place.

He really wanted to hurt him

FROM PR INSIDE:
' Boy George has been arrested after allegedly imprisoning a male escort in his flat.

Auden Carlsen fled the singer's East London home in terror, claiming George and another man had grabbed him and chained him to a wall.

Carlsen - who claims he had agreed to pose for photos for the 'Do You Really Want To Hurt Me' singer and was not working as an escort - said: "I walked into the bedroom wearing my white underpants and a T-shirt and then I was jumped on by another man.

"George handcuffed me to a hook by the bed as they held me down." Carlsen then claims the other man left the room before the former Culture Club singer produced a box of sex toys and told him: "Now you'll get what you deserve." The 28-year-old Norwegian - who met George on the gay dating website Gaydar - says he pulled the hook from the wall and fled in his underpants before phoning the police from a nearby newsagent's on Saturday morning. George was later arrested and taken to a police station. He was then bailed by detectives probing assault and false imprisonment allegations.

The 45-year-old singer - who was unavailable for comment - was given community service in New York last year after a sizable amount of cocaine was found in his apartment.
Officers had originally been called to George's home after he claimed a rent boy had tried to steal from him. '

DAMN!

(that's all I got)

Linday needs Ritalin .... Seriously

Poor Lindsay is failing in her quest to be adequite. Everytime she gives an interview, it's spastic, incoherent, and crazy. She doesn't disappoint in her latest interview with Allure. Here are some random quotes:

"When my friends and family are around me I feel like they're safe . . . When my friends have left me - I've just seen everything collapse. They're not safe without me."

"It's so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab."

"Everybody's tired of hearing things about me and them . . . I think it's just better for me to lie low and get better."

Oh Lindsay! Remember when you were just a cute little freckled girl who had a doll that turned into Tyra Banks? Where is that girl?

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Animal's Wild Night of Not Drinking

FROM PAGE SIX:

' February 8, 2007 -- TRAIN-wreck pop tart Britney Spears continued her club-hopping tour of Manhattan Tuesday night when she indulged in a frenzy of drinking, dancing and making out. Confirming rumors that she and Isaac Cohen are no longer an item (OK! Magazine reports Cohen dumped her over the phone), spies said Britney was "partying like a college girl looking to get laid."

At 8 p.m., just as Zitomer was closing, Britney entered the Madison Avenue department store near the Carlyle Hotel and bought several items, including a red fur head wrap and a pink rabbit jacket [PETA TAKE NOTE!].

After she was a no-show at the chaotic Heatherette show (supposedly because she was "really scared" by the press), Spears and friends had dinner at touristy Rue 57. She next headed to Marquee, where sources said she was dancing with her girlfriends and "demanded all alcohol be kept far away from her." But other witnesses weren't buying that. "She must have been drinking secretly in the bathroom," said one. "Because she was falling all over the place. She was also chomping on lollipops from the bathroom all night [Hmmm, cokejaw perhaps?] . And she didn't leave any money for the bathroom attendant." [that's awful, they work hard for the money!]

Spears' wild night continued at club Tenjune, where she was seen arriving at 2:30 a.m. with a group of friends. "Britney was completely hammered," said a witness. Again, the tank top-clad party girl asked that no alcohol be put on the table - but clubgoers saw her dancing on the banquettes and "drinking what looked like vodka and O.J." A source told Page Six that one of the people who followed her from Marquee to Tenjune (described as "a scruffy-looking guy") was "hitting on her all night, but she wouldn't even look at him. "Then a model guy came to her table and she started making out with him." Spears ended her night with a visit to McDonald's. Reps for Tenjune said, "Britney was here, but she was not drinking." A rep for Spears told us, "Britney was at Marquee with friends." Marquee had no comment. '


Oh Britney thought she'd pull the Lindsay Lohan trick and not have any alcohol on the table while acting like a drunken fool. That'll fool 'em for sure!

It is nice to see that Brit is a one-man kind of woman though. She always comes home to this guy:

Crack the door for the curious girl cause she's waiting, she's been waiting (and waiting and waiting.....)

FROM STAR MAGAZINE:
' LINDSAY CAUSES BATHROOM LINE UPROAR
Maybe Les Deux should start charging Lindsay Lohan rent for her bathroom use! Friday night at the hot Hollywood nightclub, La Lohan spent twenty minutes in the bathroom angering a large line of people waiting to use the loo, too.

While Paris Hilton was in rare form —behaving herself — Lindsay was full diva hogging the private bathroom all for herself and without any remorse.

"I saw Lindsay walk in and thought she'd come right out but she didn't, she was in there for like twenty minutes!" says a source. "People started getting mad. Twenty minutes is just unacceptable. You should just go in and out because you know people are waiting. But not Lindsay."

Ten minutes into Lindsay's bathroom lockdown, the line of revelers turned into an angry mob. They wanted Lindsay out!

"These girls got so mad they started kicking the door and yelling nasty names at her like 'Bitch' and 'Slut,' but Lindsay still did not come out. So selfish!" Finally, after the eternal twenty minute wait, Lindsay came out — without an apology.

"Instead, she pointed her finger at everyone and looked everyone in the eye and asked, 'Which one of you said 'F**k You?' That is just not OK!'"

The eyewitness described Lindsay as behaving "like an eighth grader fighting back, when she should have let it go and moved on."

When the restless crowd started laughing at her, Lindsay's turned red. A girl yelled, "Firecrotch!" and Lindsay got visibly upset.

But keeping her cool, Lindsay gave a disgusted look to the crowd and said, "F**k you bitches," and fled the stairs. C'mon Lindsay! Next time kill your enemies with kindness! '

Don't these people realize it takes awhile to chop the perfect line. Especially when you have to balance the mirror on your lap and you have a firecrotch for crying out loud!

We Don't Need No Stinking Boys!

FROM STAR:

' The first meeting of the new-membership Lonely Girls Club came to order on Tuesday night, January 9, when Cameron Diaz, 34 (of whom boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, recently said, "It's over," say sources), her Charlie's Angels pal Drew Barrymore, 31 (reportedly on the outs with boyfriend Fabrizio Moretti), and perpetual prowler Lindsay Lohan, 20, hooked up for a power party at the hot West Hollywood club Hyde. Diaz had been a presenter earlier in the evening during the People's Choice Awards in L.A.

"It looked like a fun 'Girl's Night Out' of bonding," says a source. "They were laughing and having a great time." And even though the male club-goers that evening included Lindsay's hunky ex, Harry Morton, 25, "all boys were ignored!" the source adds. '

And people are complaining there's no snow this winter!