Don't eat him Heigl!

Somebody call PETA!

Martha Stewart is one creepyass bitch

As you may have heard, Martha Stewart's beloved dog Paw Paw took his walk over the Rainbow Bridge recently. To mourn him, Martha posted photos of his last day on her blog, complete with descriptions of the pachysandra, crocus, and greening grass, because you know, it's Martha.

Martha also creepily accompanies each photo of Paw Paw getting closer and closer to death with her own narrative--by Paw Paw. "Paw Paw" tells us how tired he is getting, how he doesn't want to eat anymore, and how much he'll miss Martha's hugs and kisses. He even tells us all about his last pee. I'm not shitting you and it's even creepier with the pictures. See for yourself!

Speaking of pictures, in case you're wondering what's in that beautifully wrapped package in Martha Stewart Living (well not in this case) linens above, it's Paw Paw right before his burial. Bitch couldn't spring for a doggie coffin? Martha also updated the site with a photo of Paw Paw's grave with the promise that she will make it more beautiful in the coming days. Well of course she will!

So not to leave you with that fucking morbid image of a giftwrapped dead dog, Asshat Hollywood has obtained the following photo of where Paw Paw is now, complete with a message from Paw Paw himself:


I am finally free!! This heaven place is great! Hey Jesus, don't let that bitch in here!

That Funky Monkey

Christina Ricci survived an attack from a chimpanzee on the set of her new film Penelope when her co-star named Chim Chim grabbed on to her breast and refused to let go.

Christina described the terrifying incident,

"It's the first day of shooting and I have this kitchen scene where I'm sitting down and the monkey is sitting right next to me. Of course it freaks out during the take and grabs my left breast and will not let go, and he's so strong.

I'm thinking, 'This thing is gonna rip it's hand away and I will no longer have a boob there!' I'm so freaked out and the whole rest of the actors are turned around so no one sees that this has happened to me and I'm like, 'Help, help' as quietly and calmly as possible so this thing does not freak out any further.

Finally they got him off me but my fear is completely validated and I did not go near him for the rest of the shoot... Monkeys are crazy and you never what they'll grab onto; I don't like unpredictable animals."

Chim Chim has defended his actions, saying he was just trying to pick a piece of lint off Christina. If she was wearing the above top, he has a valid argument.

SOURCE