I love you, you love me, Nicole is now a good mommy

"Wow Paris, you gained weight!"

For some reason I thought Barney was shot dead sometime around 1995.

If not, he should have been.

Don't agree? Fine, then tell me you can watch this without shoving broken glass in your eyes and ears:

I call bullshit

Remember that picture of Joel Madden and Lindsay Lohan? Well, despite Lindsay currently being a lesbian, Star is running with the scandalous story.

One "on-looker" said, "Their heads were practically touching, and he had his leg over hers. Joel has a flirtatious side, and he definitely wasn't turning her away."

Then Paris supposedly sent Nicole a text that read: "Lindsay was all over Joel!"

Then a "friend of the couple" who claims to be with Nicole at the time said that she tried to call Joel, but he didn't answer the phone. "He was so zeroed in on Lindsay, he never heard his cell ring. Nicole felt so incredibly helpless and upset that she threw her phone against the wall in a rage."

Wow!! That friend saw how Joel was zeroed in on Lindsay and then saw Nicole throw her phone? I had no idea Nicole and Joel are friends with David Copperfield, because those are some magic powers that friend must have had to be in two places at one time!

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Oh hell no!

Broadway bosses reportedly are interested in getting Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie to star in Chicago together.

Nicole has allegedly already been offered a role (no word on which one) in the show and producers are hoping they can get Paris onboard too.

A source told OK! magazine, "The producers think they will sell double the amount of tickets."

Isn't there something wrong with casting these two considering they are the exact thing Chicago is supposed to be a satire of? That fuzzy line between fame and infamy and the public's fascination with crazy and ego-obsessed bitches?

And the irony of it all, is that if this does happen, they probably will sell double the amount of tickets (I'm gonna guess mostly tourists that wouldn't normally go to a Broadway show but saw the movie and want to see Paris and Nicole in it.) therefore proving the whole point of the story!


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Nicole's giving away her gifts to100 needy babymamas

Nicole Richie, who is due is January with Joel Madden's child, is going to give away all of the baby gifts that she received at her Wizard of Oz themed baby shower to the poor.

Nicole and Joel will donate the gifts to 100 needy families through their newly formed Richie Madden Foundation which runs through the Los Angeles Free Clinic.

Maybe I'm just in the spirit of the holidays, but I feel like I must applaud Nicole and Joel for this. It seems they both are really turning over a new with this whole baby thing!



Or maybe they just realized that witches, flying monkeys, and Munchkins (particularly the Lollipop Kids), are way too fucking scary for a baby!

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What???

Damn!! I take a dump and Nicole Richie has already served her jail sentence?

Nicole checked into Lynwood yesterday at 3:15PM and was released at 4:37PM. That's 82 minutes for those of you counting but she only was actually in her cell for 35 minutes.

Overcrowding is cited as the reason for Nicole's short stint in the can. However the jailer was the high bidder on Ebay to win that clay head of Lionel Richie from the Hello video.

Coincidence? I think not.

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Now you don't have to watch the interview

News has gotten out today that Nicole Richie confirmed to Diane Sawyer that she is pregnant with Joel Madden's baby.

"Yes I am. We are. I'm almost four months."

Wow, it's a good thing they got a seasoned professional like Diane to uncover that scoop!


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Baby Bump Worked!

TMZ reports that Nicole Richie has been sentenced to serve four days in the City or County Jail or her choice for her DUI conviction last December (remember she drove the wrong way on the highway?) . In addition to the four day sentence, Nicole will be on probation for three years, will have to pay a fine of $2,048.00 and will have to attend an alcohol education course. Nicole must serve her four day sentence by September 28th.

FOUR DAYS???!!!! Boy, Paris must be pissed.

Holy shit, she really is pregnant! How is that possible?

I still don't understand how it's possible, but Nicole Richie is pregnant with Joel Madden's child! Multiple sources (not including Nicole) have confirmed to US Weekly that she is 12 weeks into her pregnancy. I predict it will be a boy. I also predict the child will weigh .5 lbs and will be wearing eyeliner.

The Simple Crackhead Life

Nicole Richie wants to make it clear that while she was a drug addict, she has never been under a bridge (though Anthony Kiedis has claimed to have spotted her there once) and she never, ever went without footwear.

In a recent interview for Nylon magazine Nic said, "When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes."

Uh, yeah, that's because your father is Lionel Richie moron! Maybe if he didn't adopt you, you would have ended up under a bridge and not having any Christian Louboutins to protect your feet! Speaking of being a moron, crack and heroin are two different drugs. Care to educate her Whitney?

"CRACK IS WHACK!! KISS MY ASS!"

Thanks Whit!

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Nicole upstages Paris!

Here's a photo of what Nicole would look like at 3 weeks along.

Is Nicole Richie pregnant? According to Life and Style, she is. They report that Nicole recently underwent blood and urine screenings which "confirmed she is pregnant." She was also photographed at a reproductive clinic on May 30 and a source was quoted as saying, “Nicole’s determined to get healthy for her own sake and the baby’s.”

Hmmm, she did seem to have a pooch in some recent photos lately, but I thought it was Ethiopian belly. How does someone so thin even get pregnant?

Well, if this is true and it's a girl they can share clothes!

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Cure for "hypoglycemia": Quit the coke and eat a damn sammich!!

Nicole Richie's spokesperson said that the reason Nicole has been fainting and in the hospital because she is suffering from hypoglycemia.

Nicole fainted twice this month on the set of The Simple Life 5. Her health issues have become an issue for the E! Show.

A source said, "Four or five times she's felt really faint and almost passed out. She has to go into her trailer for a good part of the day."

But a rep for the show denies this claim and said "Nicole has reported to work each day and the results have been fantastic."

Let's see what special Asshat Hollywood correspondent Ashley has to say about this. Take it away Ashley:

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Wow, I'm actually starting to like Hilary Duff

Hilary Duff is beginning to drop the goody-goody image and embrace her inner-bitch. On her new album she rants about ex-Joel Madden and his new girlfriend Nicole Richie:

" In the title track of 'Dignity', the blonde singer appears to attack the couple who began dating soon after the Good Charlotte frontman split from Hilary. The song lyrics apparently say: 'Where's your dignity? I think you lost it in the Hollywood Hills. Can't buy respect but you can pick up that bill. Always with Mr. Right, but then you have a fight. Run into your friend's ex, he's happy to be your next. Tomorrow's paper's coming out so kiss him fast, watch the cameras flash.' Hilary, who dated Joel for two years, is also said to slate Nicole on track 'Gypsy Woman' - branding 'The Simple Life' star 'sick' and 'shameless'. The lyrics read: 'She lets you think that you found her first. That's how she works her sick and twisted gypsy curse. Talks with a grin 'cause she's got no shame. Enjoy the fame, bringing down the family name.' '
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It's no Get in the Ring (yes, I must reference a GN'R song every day, get over it) , but it's a start. You go girl, lay it down on that skanky skeleton!

Engaged?

Star is speculating that the ring Nicole Richie was seen wearing to Paris' birthday party is an engagement ring from boyfriend Joel Madden. Doesn't really look like an engagement ring to me though. Who cares anyway? Even if it is, they'll call it off in two weeks.

Nicole and Paris - on the outs again?

FROM THE NY DAILY NEWS:

' Nicole Richie snubbed Paris Hilton's 26th-birthday bash on Saturday night in Las Vegas.

Although the tiny terror had dinner in the city and was announced by Paris on the microphone to be "on her way," she never showed up at the Hard Rock Hotel bash.

It's a fresh chill in the relationship of the former best friends, who posed together for a Harpers Bazaar shoot in the Beverly Hills De Beers store just last Tuesday.

Hilton, meanwhile, has been pruning some other friends from her guest list. She declined to invite Kim Kardashian, who made gossip headlines recently for the saga of her own sex tape.

"She didn't want Kim on the red carpet stealing her thunder," says a pal. '


"Tiny Terror." That rules! So maybe it's because, oh I don't know, Nicole's father is black? Go Nicole!

CHARGED!

Nicole Richie has been charged with misdemeanor driving under the influence. The DA says Richie is charged with being under the influence of "an alcoholic beverage and a drug. She will be arraigned next Wednesday.

I hope her punishment is that she has to eat.

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CELEBRITY COUPLES CELEBRATE THE NEW YEAR

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden in Las Vegas. Don't cry Hilary, I'm not a guy, but I'm pretty sure doing Nicole would probably actually be the equivalent of doing a hole in the wall (or that skeleton from Science class), so you were probably better, even if you didn't put out at all.



Jessica and John Mayer- the most obviously together "non-couple" since Vaughniston, spent NYE at a party at the Hudson Hotel New York City and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

[THUD!]



Oops! Sorry, it was a combination of being bored and tired. I'm very "tired".

Anyway, speaking of Jess, rumor is Nick Lachey may have proposed to Vanessa Minnillo.

People reports: Lachey whispered into Minnillo's ear and kissed her neck. The occasion appeared to overwhelm Minnillo, who responded by dabbing away joyful tears. Minnillo later told PEOPLE she was pent up with emotion because "everyone that is important in my life is here. I literally choked up. I'm just so happy."

I was going to make an oral joke about Vanessa being choked up, but this is just sweet so I won't ruin it.

Finally, the hottest couple of all, Britney and alcohol!

PETA's Worst Dressed of 2006

Here come the best/worst lists of the year. PETA has named it's top offenders for 2006:


1. Nicole Richie: This pelt-wearing party girl is all animal skin and bones. She’s an incredible shrinking woman with the heart to match.

2. Ashley Olsen: Wearing fur does add 20 pounds, but if Ashley wants to fill out her frame, we suggest using a fork instead.

3. Eva Longoria: You’d think she’d be more sympathetic to the plight of rabbits considering the way she screws around like one on Wisteria Lane.

4. Christina Ricci: Disregarding the holiday season’s “Peace on Earth” message, Ricci recently posed for a magazine cover wearing fur from slaughtered reindeer. At least she’s not into fur hats: Imagine how many more pelts it would take to cover that forehead.

PETA LATER RETRACTED THEIR COMMENT ON CHRISTINA AND REPLACED WITH:

*UPDATE: Great news! We’re thrilled to report that Christina Ricci has had a change of heart about fur after receiving an email from PETA asking her to watch a fur expose by Martha Stewart. In an email to PETA VP Dan Mathews, Ricci says, “I never meant to hurt nor anger anyone with my insensitivity. For what it is worth I have received the message loud and clear and will not be wearing fur in the future. I apologize for my offensive actions.” Ricci is being removed from peta2’s list.

You may notice that Paris Hilton didn’t make the list this year, and that’s because we’re giving her the benefit of the doubt. Paris has been telling reporters that she’s no longer wearing fur after seeing what really happens to animals, like dogs and cats on Chinese fur farms. Animals who are victims of the fashion industry live in miserable filthy conditions before they are killed for couture—many of them will be skinned alive.

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I didn't even know these people wore fur until this list came out! Where the hell are JLo and Beyonce? Oh and if I were Christina, I'd still be pissed about that forehead comment. And the fact that Nicole is holding a diet soda is bothering me more than the fur coat.

Nicole's Mugshot

As we learned this morning, Nicole Richie was arrested for DUI

Her mug shot was finally released:



(It wasn't as bad as I hoped, so I Nolte'd it up a bit.)