Watch out Pussycats, there's a new show in town!

Melanie Brown (aka Mel B) and Kelly Monaco are set to star in a new burlesque show in Vegas called PEEPSHOW. Although the dancers in the show will be topless, Mel and Kelly will not be. (For anyone that wants to see Kelly's boobs, just google "Kelly Monaco Playboy") Both women have appeared on Dancing With the Stars.

Here's the plot, Kelly's character is "Little Bo Peep," a timid and lonely girl who is guided by Mel's, "Peep Diva,"who says she will be "scantily clad, but in a classy way."

Mel went on to tell PEOPLE, "This is an original show. The Peep Diva is a diva, but it's all about empowering Kelly's part."

I know, wow! Although, I think I saw a porno like that once.

Like the Pussycat Doll lounge act, the show will have a revolving cast of guest (C-list) celebrities starring in it. Let's just hope this show doesn't spawn a pop group.

Let's check in the rehearsals:

Another Dancing With the Stars hookup?

First Karina and Mario, then Sabrina and Mark, then Cheryl and Drew, then Karina and another Mario, now Shannon and Derek.

Is there Spanish Fly in the spray tanner?

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More Scandal With the Stars!

Geez, Dancing with the Stars is more of a soap opera than most soaps. And the WWE! (Sorry, it's on the brain, I'm so just psyched for Wrestlemania this Sunday!)

So first were the Cheryl/Drew blowjob rumors, now Page Six is reporting that Karina Smirnoff was seen kissing Mario at an Oscar viewing party back in February. And by Mario, they don't mean A.C. Slater, they mean the R&B singer Mario that is Karina's partner on the show this season.

Karina's denying it though, joking to Mario (when asked by PEOPLE after Monday's show),“I told you to keep it on the DL, dude. Did you keep that window open? By the end of the show, I will be pregnant with Mario’s baby!”

Then Mario said, “I love this woman! I love her personality! I’ve grown to love the person that she is, and you should feel that way about your partner!” To which Karina responded: “Is that all it is?”

A source confirmed that Karina and Mario Lopez are still together saying, “They’re totally boyfriend and girlfriend. They went out to Eva Longoria’s restaurant [Beso] opening together.” Oh, well that proves it then! Totally!

Please, like Mario (Lopez--God, this is confusing) hasn't cheated on Karina. Didn't the dude cheat on his fiance the night before their wedding? Karina should hook up with (R&B) Mario and give him a taste of his own medicine.

All this scandal!! See, this is why the Lambada was forbidden!!

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Scandal With the Stars!!

Ut oh! Star is reporting that Cheryl Burke saved a horse and rode Drew Lachey during the last national Dancing With the Stars tour. In case you didn't know, Drew is married with a 2-year old daughter..

An insider told Star, "They didn't go very far to cover it up. Cheryl was constantly draped all over Drew. They held hands, had their legs intertwined and were always touching inappropriately."

And Cheryl's now ex-boyfriend Matthew Lawrence (Boy Meets World and also Joey's brother) caught Cheryl blowing Drew out of his socks!

Sources say Matthew found the two when he went to retrieve something from her dressing room on a tour stop in Jacksonville, Florida on January 22. He ran out screaming and yelling.

The next day as the buses were getting ready to leave, insiders say that Drew started yelling at Matthew and Joey in the parking lot. "If you talk about this, I'll bury you Matt. I'll bury you Joey. I'm serious I will hurt you!"

Drew and Cheryl's lawyers are both denying the affair (which is pretty much confirming it--I mean, lawyers?) Matthew told Star, "There are too many things going on. I can't talk about it."

I wonder how Drew is going to bury Matt. I wonder how Drew is going to bury Joey. Maybe it will be a dance-off?

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They call him Mellow Yellow; He calls them bitches

I just can't take it! First Britney Spears is a brilliant actress, and now Adam Carolla is a dancer extraordinaire! Here's his first (and most likely, last) dance on Dancing With the Stars which premiered last night.

No Chyna? No Maksim?

The cast of the next season of Dancing With the Staa--uh, Stars was announced yesterday.

Everyone who was afraid that Steve Guttenberg had been kidnapped by aliens can breathe a big sigh of relief!

Everyone who was afraid that Shannon Elizabeth hadn't been kidnapped by aliens--well, you're out of luck there.

Here are the match-ups:

Olympic Gold Medal skater Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas
Actress Priscilla Presley and Louis van Amstel
NFL star Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska
Actor Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke
R&B singer Mario and Karina Smirnoff
Oscar-Award-winning actress Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez
Illusionist Penn Jillette and Kym Johnson
TV and Radio Personality Adam Carolla and Julianne Hough
Actress Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough
Actress Marissa Jaret Winokur and Tony Dovolani
Former Tennis Champ Monica Seles and Jonathan Roberts
Actor Steve Guttenberg and Anna Trebunskaya

Marlee Matlin? She's deaf!--take that Heather Mills!

And:

Let's Go Guttenberg!!!

Speaking of DWTS vets, boxer Floyd Mayweather may not have done so well on the dance floor, but he may be better in the ring. Not the boxing ring, the wrestling ring! On Sunday night's WWE No Way Out pay-per-view, Floyd interrupted Big Show's return and the two got into an altercation. While that was planned, Big Show's broken nose wasn't. The two met up again on last night's live Raw broadcast and accepted Big Show's challenge to a match which will take place at Wrestlemania.




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Rasslin' With the "Stars"

Former wrestler Chyna told TMZ that Dancing With the Stars producers are "interested" in her for the new upcoming season of the show.

In addition, Hulk Hogan recently said in an interview with Newsweek that his daughter Brooke "auditioned" for the show. (How sad is that? I guess they audition the G listers.)

They'll have to pair these two with Edyta and Cheryl! I for one can't wait to see them dance the tango, the cha cha (cha), and the suplex.

For Fuck's Sake! WHYYYY?!

You kinda knew this was coming, didn't you?

Marie Osmond has designed a line of creepyass dolls inspired by her various dances on Dancing With the Stars which will be sold on QVC beginning tonight at 6PM Eastern. Now you can reenact the desperation at home!! The one above is, of course, her Samba/fainting routine. There will also be the Boogie Woogie doll, the Paso Doble doll, the Quickstep doll, and the season finale Freestyle doll (so a doll of a person pretending to be a doll). Sadly, there are no plans for a life-size Maksim blow-up doll.

What I want to know are WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE that buy this shit? Yes, I know they are the same people that voted for her but really, this madness has to stop. Won't somebody save us??

"BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!!!!"

Hey everyone, it's my She-Ra doll from 1986! I thought you got tossed in the box of amputated Barbie parts. I'm so glad to see you!

"First of all, your bitch mother donated me to the church tag sale and I had to fight my way back to Etheria. Then I ran into my brother and had to coach him through some, um, life decisions he was struggling with."

I'm sorry to hear that. How is He-Man doing?

"Much better since he came to terms with his sexuality. He and Skeletor actually just purchased an adorable little condo in Eternia. I was just there for Thanksgiving."

That's fantastic!

"Um excuse me please, but this is about me. I just want to let people know that I am the perfect gift for the holidays and that every child and tragically pathetic middle-aged doll collector can own me, their very own MARIE OSMOND: DANCER EXTRAORDINAIRE DOLL!!"

"Oh, put a fucking lid on it toots! Nobody gives a shit."

"Actually they do, the first two dolls in my collection sold out in eight minutes on QVC! Marie is one of the world's top doll designers you know."

"Did I stutter or do I need to draw my sword and cut you?"

"Stop {huuuuuuuuhhhhh) please [huuuuuuhhhh] I'm feeling light-headed...."

THUD!!!!!!!!

Oh knock it off Marie, everyone knows you're faking.

"I've had just about enough."

"Take that you annoying creepy piece of Chinese plastic!"

"ALRIGHT!! MORE DRAMA!! DON'T FORGET EVERYONE, QVC TONIGHT AT 6! BUY ALL FOUR DOLLS!

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More Scandal With the Stars

This season of Dancing With the Stars has had enough scandal to fill up a year of a soap opera! The were family deaths, (faked?) fainting spells, food poisoning, legit hook-ups, alleged hook-ups, and Wayne Newton's scary-ass face.

They couldn't even get through the finale without someone going to the emergency room!! Professional dancer Mark Ballas was taken by ambulance to the E/R just minutes after performing his cha-cha (or is it cha-cha-cha? Whatever.) with girlfriend (that's the legit hook-up above) Sabrina Bryan. Turns out he dislocated his shoulder Monday night during rehearsals.

Judge Bruno Tonioli told PEOPLE after the show that "he should not have been out there on the floor tonight, but he is so committed to this show and he is such a professional he said ‘I am going to dance.’ He came out her and gave it his all and now he’s made it worse. I am devastated. That boy is one of the best dancers we’ve ever had. He’s a star. I am so worried. I just pray to God he’s okay.”

Sabrina had to stay for the duration of the telecast and was not allowed to leave to be with Mark in the hospital. She said, “I’m dying right now.I know I had to be here, but I’m so worried about him. I’m so mad they wouldn’t let me leave. But I have so much thanks for this show so I guess I had to stay. The ambulance came and took him away in the middle of the show, and I just want to get to a phone and call him.”

How are they ever going to top this season? They're gonna have to put landmines under the dance floor and have Edyta wear even fewer scraps of clothing next time around.

Anybody still there?

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I don't know about you, but it's been hard to get back into the regular swing of things after a long holiday weekend filled with lots of food, booze, and sleep. It's kind of a funk you don't want to get out of. Now I understand how Britney feels!

But even Brit pulled herself out of the funk long enough to make a new video. That's right kids, I said Britney Spears has a new video y'all!!! Here's a picture of Britney on the set. She's the one in the middle by the way (I was able to tell because she's wiping the Cheeto grease off on her jacket).

The video is for a song called "Piece of Me" (no, it's not an Ashlee Simpson cover!) and the video is being directed by famed video director Wayne Isham. The concept? Britney and her backup dancers all dress alike to throw off the paparazzi. They escape into a club where dancing ensues (since they all look alike, we won't notice that the real Britney is no where in this dance sequence! You're a genius Wayne!). At the end of the video, it is revealed that Britney called the paparazzi herself. She then turns on her dancers and hits them with umbrellas. Ok, that last part's not true, but it would be awesome. Man, I really gotta lay off watching wrestling a little.

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Speaking of wrestling (see what I did there), by now I'm sure you've heard about Linda Hogan filing for divorce.


Apparently Hulk didn't know Linda had filed until he was told by a reporter. (Maybe he just didn't hear her. You know how he always puts his hand up to his ear?) Since the news was announced there have been various stories coming out about the split. Everything from Linda not wanting a divorce after all, to the whole divorce being a ruse to protect the couple's assets in a potential civil suit brought upon them by John Graziano, the victim in the street racing accident caused by their son Nick. Perhaps the saddest thing to come out of all of this is that their beautiful and talented daughter Brooke has put her singing career on hold. I know!! How can she deny us that angelic voice and timeless class?

Guess we'll just have to wait and see how this develops brother.

(I realize now that I've brought up wrestling I could comment on current storylines in the WWE, however I've blocked certain things out of my mind, so I'm gonna skip it if that's cool.)

Congrats to Helio and Julianne, this season's winners of Dancing With the Stars!! I wanted Mel and Maks personally but as long as it wasn't Marie "Vote for me, I'm 48 and I have drama!" Osmond, I'm happy. How much you wanna bet Donnie is on next season?

This makes Julianne a two-time champion!! Sadly however, this means that next season she'll be paired up (also referred to as "Burked") with some geriatric leadfoot so enjoy it now Julianne!!

In related news, Helio has split up with his fiancee leading to speculation that rumors of a relationship with partner Julianne may be true. SCANDAL!

The amphetamines are totally safe and had nothing to do with it!

Marie Osmond has blamed her fainting spell on Dancing With the Stars (in case you've been living under a rock and haven't seen one of the 76,000 replays, here you go) on the California wildfires.

Marie said, "Right at the beginning…I started getting light-headed. And the only thing I could think of (is) I have allergies, there's almost half a million people being evacuated, the air quality is terrible - and I just couldn't get my breath."

Earlier Marie said it was just something that happens to her every now and then. Then she blamed her drummer for playing the wrong tape. Then acid reflux. But of course, it has to be the wildfires!

Looks like Marie got the sympathy vote as she was declared safe on last night's results show. Samantha Harris got the least number of votes and was sent home.

What? Oh, Mark Cuban? Aw shit!

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A tiger never changes its dimples

Did anyone think Mario Lopez would really change his ways (has anyone even seen that Doritos girl since their divorce?) and be faithful to Karina Smirnoff? Wait, let me rephrase that: Did anyone, besides my mom, think Mario Lopez would really change his ways ?

STAR reports that he was 'caught canoodling in a casino with a mystery blonde just six days after enjoying a poolside lovefest with his girlfriend', Karina. This all went down on May 19th at Harrah's New Orleans Casino & Hotel.

Oh Karina dear, cha-cah far away from the cheating bastard. You have an open invitation to come over my house to get drunk, watch Saved By the Bell, and make fun of AC Slater's Jerri Curl mullet and acid-washed jeans.

Sit down Peggy!

In more Asshats on a Plane news, Heather Mills and her Dancing With the Stars partner Jonathan Roberts were recently on a 10-hour Virgin Atlantic flight from Los Angeles to London when the entertainment system broke down.

Heather and Jonathan had the bright idea of cheering up the passengers with the art of dance, so they strapped on their dancing shoes (and in Heather's case, leg) and performed an impromptu foxtrot routine down the aisles of the plane (once the Fasten Seatbelts sign was turned off of course).

Problem was, the disgruntled passengers were not impressed and didn't applaud at the end of their number. Damn Beatles fans!

One passenger commented, "We weren't in a good frame of mind because of the broken entertainment system. When the dance routine, which moved from first-class to economy, finished, no one clapped because we were all in such a bad mood." (Wow, I guess they really, really wanted to see Employee of the Month.)

Another said, "She's no Sanjaya." (Ok, I know. It's run its course. Sorry)

That is hysterical. It reminds me of that scene in the Brady Bunch sequel. I guess this isn't going to make the opening filler montage before their dance on this week's show.

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Samannn harris tha preg is nant (get it?)

CONGRATS!!!

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Pissy "Stars"

STAR is reporting that some people on Dancing With the Stars are angry that Cheryl Burke is returning for a third season after winning two seasons in a row.

A source said, "There is an uproar over the fact that Cheryl Burke is coming back yet again for another season of Dancing with the Stars. She has won the last two seasons and is quickly becoming a fan favorite. However, she is just a dancer and not a celebrity. Some stars do not think she should be getting this much attention from the fans or judges. They're jealous."

Puh-lease. She's more of a star than the majority of the new cast. $20 Heather Mills is the jealous "star."

GO CHERYL & STEVE SANDERS!!

Poor Heather's got blisters on her nub!

The training for Dancing With the Stars has taken a toll on Heather Mills' stump. A source told Britain's Closer magazine: "Heather has been through hell recently and it's great for her to focus on something other than her daughter and the divorce. The sores are especially bad where her leg joins her prosthetic limb, but she's determined not to give up."

Heather recently joked, "I'm quite happy to be thrown around. It's unlikely my leg is going to fly off, although it would be quite funny. I don't want to give anyone in the audience a heart attack."
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I wish that would happen and then the person could sue her for whatever money she gets from the divorce settlement!

Oh and, "it's great for her to focus on something other than her daughter.." Yeah, those kids can be such a nuisance!

"You know Heather, artificial limbs actually date back to the cavemen......."

Vincent Pastore dropped out of Dancing With the Stars earlier this week due to his heart condition and the rigorous physical demands of the show. His replacement was announced this morning: it's John Ratzenberger from the best sitcom ever, Cheers. He will be paired with professional dancer (Joey Lawrence's partner last season) Edyta Sliwinska and will have only three weeks to practice before the show premieres on March 19th. They should have gotten Nick Tortelli instead-- he rules.

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I swear this is not photoshopped!

Here's Heather Mills on her way to a dance studio to practice for Dancing With the Stars.

So which is it?

A) She has a midg---sorry, little person in her bag that is trying to escape by kicking her in the ass.

B) Marc Jacobs has lost his mind.

C) She is donating her used legs to the less fortunate limbless people at the Goodwill drop.

D) She's just carrying her spare legs.


If you said D, congrats you win the prize!! (sorry, there really isn't a prize)

I guess it's like golf where they have a different club for each type of hole. She probably has a tango leg, a waltz leg, a samba leg, etc. But isn't that cheating?

Dancing With the Stars Fourth Season Cast revealed!

It's true, Heather "Stumpy" Mills has indeed signed on. I predict she will be the first person voted off.

Also in the cast: Billy Ray "Bring Back the Mullet" Cyrus, Leeza Gibbons (Entertainment Tonight "anchorwoman"), Joey Fatone (the chubby one in N'Sync), Laila Ali (Muhammad's daughter), Vincent "Big Pussy" Pastore (he's gonna have a heart attack!), Apolo Anton Ohno (Olympic speed skating champion), Paulina Porizkova (Rick Ocasek's supermodel wife), Clyde Drexler (basketball Hall of Famer), Ian "I'm Steve Sanders Bitch" Ziering, Shandi Finnessey (2004 Miss USA--yawn)


It seems like every season, the definition of "stars" gets broader and broader huh?. I bet next season they'll have movie extras and Sanjaya Malakar.

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Heather Mills to kick up her pegleg on Dancing With the Stars?

Heather Mills is reportedly in talks to be a contestant on Dancing With the Stars, a source tells PEOPLE. She has not officially signed on yet and her rep declined to comment. Wow, a contestant more wooden than Master P! I didn't think it was possible! I hope her leg flies off during the cha-cha-cha and hits Carrie Ann Inaba. That would be some good tv!! Seriously though I bet she has two left feet (thanks Moxie!) Everybody hates her though, she won't have a leg to stand on (thanks Haven) come voting time!