Set your Tivo!

PEOPLE reports that the Duggars plan to let the TLC network film the birth of their 18th (not a typo) child and air the footage for all to watch.

It will look something like this:

Hey Larry, Flavor Flav wants his hat back!

The sad part is, Larry King actually believes he is piloting a Viking ship and that his name is Captain Óleifr.

But just let him think that, he's in his happy place and dinner isn't until 4.

Back

Hey Bitches (any bitches even still there?),

So I'm back from an unplanned (and unwanted) sabbatical. Life really sucks sometimes, but no one ever said it wasn't going to.

You just have to deal with some things and always try to remember that no matter how bad things seem to be, there's always someone else in a worse situation. Yeah, it's kind of a selfish way of thinking ("this shit sucks, but at least it doesn't suck as much as what those other people are going through.."), but it makes you thankful for the positive things that you do have, and the most important thing you could have is hope, which I'm really thankful to have, because some people don't even get to have that.

So anyway, apparently I missed the most monumental event of the year.


Yeah, the birth of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt of course!

Speaking of, here's a perfect example of what I was talking about earlier about things sucking but other things sucking more for somebody else. Angelina and Brad's new twins being born sucks for Shiloh, who is now old news. However, it sucks more for Jennifer Aniston, who, for no matter how long she and Brad are divorced will continually be expected to comment on every development in Brad and Angelina's relationship for the rest of her life and will always have to say how happy she is for them so she comes off as the bigger person when she really wants to say "FUCK THEM BOTH, I HOPE THEIR MUTANT BABIES LOOK LIKE SLOTH FROM THE GOONIES!"



Nicole Kidman (above, post-birth) also recently gave birth to that tiny baby she's been carrying around. This sucks for her husband Keith Urban, because now he'll no longer have his wife to himself. However, this sucks even more for Nicole's other two (adopted) children, Connor and Isabella, because now they'll be down to only one photo opp with their mom per year instead of two.

See, how this works?


I missed yet another baby's birth..or is it baby giving birth? Jamie Lynn Spears popped out her little bundle of joy too! This sucks for Jamie, the father, their families, Jamie's career, Planned Parenthood, Zoey 101 fans, etc. But it sucks more for parents of teenagers who on top of trying to teach their children about sex and responsibility, will have to also explain what is wrong with a national magazine treating a 16 year old mother like a celebrity and paying her millions for a cover story.



In non-baby news, the long-awaited and much-hyped Batman sequel, "The Dark Knight" opened last night to rave reviews. This sucks for Jack Nicholson, who was reportedly pretty pissy in the past that he wasn't asked to reprise his role as the Joker for the film and is probably even more pissy now that everyone's going on and on about Heath Ledger's amazing performance. But it sucks even more for the costume designer from "Batman and Robin" who is now working at the Real Doll factory.


So when faced with something bad in your life, always remember: This shit sucks, but there's always somebody else going through suckier shit.

Hey remember...........

Paris Bennett from American Idol Season 5?

Me neither, but her mother is freaking moron!

19 year old Paris recently revealed that she is pregnant and expecting a baby girl in October.

Ok, here comes the part where her mother is a freaking moron.

Paris's mom, Jameica Bennett was quoted as saying, "I'm proud of how she did it. I was 16 when I got pregnant."

Uhhhhhhhhhh.... So is she proud that Paris held out for three more years than she did or is she proud that Paris got pregnant while she was a teenager? Either way, she's a freaking moron.

No word on who the father is (Chicken Little-please!!!) but Paris reportedly has "a ring."

SOURCE


In other Idol baby news, here's a recent photo of the Clayby, which is due next month:


Yeah, I said next month!

Kanye West thinks he's Axl Rose

Fans booed and threw glow sticks at Kanye West during his performance at the Bonnaroo Festival in Manchester, Tennessee, after he went on two hours after he was scheduled to take the stage.

Kanye was supposed to go on at 2:45am. (2:45 AM???) but a message appeared on the jumbotrons letting the audience know that Kayne wouldn't be on until 3:15 a.m. Then at 3:15 a.m. another message appeared saying he'd go on at 3:30 a.m. He finally went on at 4:25 a.m.

What I'd like to know is who the hell is even still awake at 4:25 a.m.? Especially if there were acts all day earlier.

The delay was reportedly caused by problems setting up Kanye's ridiculous spaceship stage. Where's Scotty when you need him?

A spokesman for the annual festival said Kanye wasn't entirely to blame since Pearl Jam (who went on before Kanye) went an hour past their scheduled end time which delayed setting up Kanye's stage. Great, now Kanye has someone else to blame. Thanks spokesperson!

Kanye was originally supposed to play at 8:15 p.m. but wanted to change for a late night performance. Well he got that for sure.


SOURCE

I believe the children are the future...and they are doomed if this guy's their mentor

Bobby Brown has avoid jail time and received community service for his December 07 arrest for cocaine possession in Massachusetts.

The judge has recommended BobbAY work as a mentor to young people for one year to fulfill his volunteer work and his attorney agreed. If he doesn't screw up, the whole incident will be wiped from his record.

What the hell is this guy going to be able to mentor children in? Screwing up their lives? Shaving their fades to look like Gumby? Digging out doody bubbles? Seriously, what is wrong with that judge? Is there no trash on the highway to pick up?

SOURCE

Unfuckingbelievable

So Britney is free to roam the streets in search of gas stations late at night again! Yup, a court representative has ruled that there was "no just cause" to keep Britney in the psych ward anymore after a hearing at the hospital and a quick interview with Britney.

The was the reason Britney was RELEASED yesterday. While it was recommended by doctors that her stay last the additional 14 days, this moron court representative overrode the decision.

Yes, again, the ruling was "no just cause." For the patient whose condition less than a week ago was classified to be "G.D." -- Gravely Disabled, meaning she was determined to be unable to take care of basic needs, such as dressing herself, or the acquisition of shelter.

No word on whether or not Sam Lutfi drugged the court representative, however suspicions arose when the rep suddenly began speaking in a faux British accent and later was seen out wearing a hot pink wig.


SOURCE

Oh Jaime.....

In case you haven't heard, Brit's little sis is following right in her (bare) footsteps and getting knocked up too!

The father is Jamie's boyfriend of two years, Casey Aldridge. He is nineteen years old. Jamie is sixteen.

On the pregnancy, Jamie said in an exclusive to OK! Magazine, "I can’t say it was something I was planning to do right now. But now that it’s in my lap and that it’s something I have to deal with, I’m looking forward to being the best mom I can be. I'm also super-psyched about getting my driver's license y'all! I also can't wait to have my baby shower with all the little clothes n stuff! It's so cute!! I can't wait, I'm just like Britney now for real!"

Upon hearing the news, Britney's response was, "My sister's not pregnant!" Then she drove around confused, making several U-Turns, cutting across traffic, and going in and out of hotels. So, nothing out of the ordinary. Still no word as to whether or not she believes Jamie is pregnant yet.