The Duggars are planning to take over the world

Seriously, think about it: If each of their eighteen kids have eighteen kids of their own, that's 324 Duggars. Then their eighteen kids will have eighteen kids and so on and so on and before you know it, the Duggars will control Earth and we'll all be forced to join that crazy ass cult where everybody has really ugly clothes and bad hair and gets molested by Daddy Jim Bob!! I seem to remember Nostradamus mentioning this once.

And it's starting with their oldest son, Joshua, 21. Joshua's new wife Anna is pregnant with the couple's first child. The couple told PEOPLE they are planning a "name theme" like Joshua's parents (all eighteen kids' names start with "J") which means, they are planning to have many, many more.

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All I can say is:

Another womb
Preparing for wreckage
Now that Michelle’s out of her prime
More Duggar children
A new generation
They’ll have two hundred kids combined
And I wonder are they all fucking deranged?
And if under the bad hair, if they have any brains

We don't need another Duggar
We don't need no more sperm to roam
Why couldn’t his wife use some contraceptive foam?

Try looking for something….to do besides spawn
There’s stuff like knitting a sweater to wear
If music’s a passion, maybe try drumming
If not there’s reupholstering chairs
Then I’ll ponder if you can be the ones who will change it?
Cuz you don’t need a family the size of Ukraine
Where all names start with “J”

We don't need another Duggar
Michelle’s already got 18 at home
And we sure as hell don’t need another reality show

Please, Joshua and your wife…
Listen to my remarks
If you need yet another life
Get something that barks
Like a dog or something

Buffy's Pregnant!

Congrats to Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. who announced today that they are expecting their first child together! The baby is due in the fall.

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Octomom's Mother - "I think she's crazy too!"

RadarOnline posted a video of batshit Nadya Suleman arguing with her mother. Those lips really start going when Octo loses her shit when her mother suggests giving up the babies for adoption.

Anyone else smell a sitcom? It's the next Kath and Kim!

Catching up

Sorry, sorry!! I know I have a habit of taking a few days between posts.

So let's get caught up on what's gone down so far in 2009:

Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell had twins and named them Dolly and Charlie, neither of which are sheep nor male.


I'm sure everyone has heard the sad news about the passing of 16 year-old Jett Travolta. The death was determined to be the result of a seizure.
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In happier news, Alyssa Milano has announced that she is engaged to agent David Bugliari.
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BUT,

Jennifer Love Hewitt and her fiance Ross McCall have split up.
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Another rumored-to-be troubled couple, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had a second daughter yesterday, but have not yet released the name.
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We finally got to see the Rock of Love Sharon Osborne/"model" (HA!)Megan catfight:

Staged or is Rodeo psychic (for knowing to wear waterproof pants)? You be the judge.

Another Baby!

Naomi Watts gave birth to her and Liev Schreiber's second child yesterday. They had a boy, but the name was not released.

They have a one-year boy named Alexander.

Let's hope they keep up the "normal baby name" trend!

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Set your Tivo!

PEOPLE reports that the Duggars plan to let the TLC network film the birth of their 18th (not a typo) child and air the footage for all to watch.

It will look something like this:

Jayden James is going to be ok

Britney Spears's 2-year old son Jayden James was rushed to a Kentwood hospital at 1:30 p.m. yesterday after suffering what has been described as a "terrible allergic reaction." A source told PEOPLE that the toddler "had hives, was itchy and irritable" and that "they're just not sure" what caused the reaction.

Britney spent the night in the hospital with her son. She was said to be very happy that they didn't put any restraints on her this time.

Britney's people posted the following statement on her website:

"Jayden James Federline was admitted to the Southwest Mississippi Regional Medical Center on Sunday, November 9th. Doctors concluded he had a reaction to something he ingested. He is expected to be discharged tomorrow."

As for that something he ingested, my guess is that Womanizer song. I broke out in hives after that shit too!



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Willow and Wesley are having a baby!

Congrats to Alyson Hannigan and husband Alexis Denisof who announced today that they are expecting! The child is due in the spring.

This is one case of the Hollywood Baby Epidemic that actually doesn't bug me because they are both awesome.

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It's Baby Levi!!!

How much you wanna bet that kid's first words are "Alright alright"?

Time to play: How Low Will the Paparazzi Go?

Halle Berry is the one celebrity mother who refuses to sell out her new baby.

What to do? What to do?

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Back

Hey Bitches (any bitches even still there?),

So I'm back from an unplanned (and unwanted) sabbatical. Life really sucks sometimes, but no one ever said it wasn't going to.

You just have to deal with some things and always try to remember that no matter how bad things seem to be, there's always someone else in a worse situation. Yeah, it's kind of a selfish way of thinking ("this shit sucks, but at least it doesn't suck as much as what those other people are going through.."), but it makes you thankful for the positive things that you do have, and the most important thing you could have is hope, which I'm really thankful to have, because some people don't even get to have that.

So anyway, apparently I missed the most monumental event of the year.


Yeah, the birth of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt of course!

Speaking of, here's a perfect example of what I was talking about earlier about things sucking but other things sucking more for somebody else. Angelina and Brad's new twins being born sucks for Shiloh, who is now old news. However, it sucks more for Jennifer Aniston, who, for no matter how long she and Brad are divorced will continually be expected to comment on every development in Brad and Angelina's relationship for the rest of her life and will always have to say how happy she is for them so she comes off as the bigger person when she really wants to say "FUCK THEM BOTH, I HOPE THEIR MUTANT BABIES LOOK LIKE SLOTH FROM THE GOONIES!"



Nicole Kidman (above, post-birth) also recently gave birth to that tiny baby she's been carrying around. This sucks for her husband Keith Urban, because now he'll no longer have his wife to himself. However, this sucks even more for Nicole's other two (adopted) children, Connor and Isabella, because now they'll be down to only one photo opp with their mom per year instead of two.

See, how this works?


I missed yet another baby's birth..or is it baby giving birth? Jamie Lynn Spears popped out her little bundle of joy too! This sucks for Jamie, the father, their families, Jamie's career, Planned Parenthood, Zoey 101 fans, etc. But it sucks more for parents of teenagers who on top of trying to teach their children about sex and responsibility, will have to also explain what is wrong with a national magazine treating a 16 year old mother like a celebrity and paying her millions for a cover story.



In non-baby news, the long-awaited and much-hyped Batman sequel, "The Dark Knight" opened last night to rave reviews. This sucks for Jack Nicholson, who was reportedly pretty pissy in the past that he wasn't asked to reprise his role as the Joker for the film and is probably even more pissy now that everyone's going on and on about Heath Ledger's amazing performance. But it sucks even more for the costume designer from "Batman and Robin" who is now working at the Real Doll factory.


So when faced with something bad in your life, always remember: This shit sucks, but there's always somebody else going through suckier shit.

First pic of one of Angelina's babies!!!

Look, Shiloh's holding her:

HAHAHAHA!! Gotcha!!! That's not a real baby! And, Zahara rules!

Saint Angelina's obstetrician, Dr. Michel Sussmann, held that press conference to let the people of the world know that...................Angelina has NOT yet given birth. Are you freaking kidding??

The doctor did assure everyone that Angie is ok.

"Everything is normal. She is very well, and she's okay. ... Brad and Angelina want everyone to know that everything is going well."

He added that "The babies will arrive in the weeks to come."

WEEKS???!!!! They are playing with our emotions!!! Dirty French teases!

Dr. Sussman said that the reason Angelina was in the hospital was because, "It is simply a visit of surveillance, no birth," and that "she will stay in the hospital until the birth. I will stay with her."

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What the hell kind of a famewhore is this doctor anyway? Who holds a freaking press conference for their patient?


THIS JUST IN: Madonna and Guy Ritchie have hired Dr. Michel Sussmann as their new spokesperson. Dr. Sussmann held another press conference and in it he assured everyone that "Everything is normal. They are very well. ... Madonna and Guy want everyone to know that everything is going well."

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!

Angelina Jolie is in a hospital in Nice RIGHT NOW!!!

Her doctor is going to address the media at 11:30 E.T.

The hospital's spokeswoman issued the following statement: "Madame Jolie's doctor will be updating her condition at the hospital and giving medical details. Madame Jolie is doing very well."

Wait a minute, it's after 11:30 and I can't find the doctor's report. I NEED TO KNOW MADAME JOLIE'S MEDICAL STATUS!!!! I CANNOT WAIT!!! MY MERE MORTAL LIFE IS MEANINGLESS!!!

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Hey remember...........

Paris Bennett from American Idol Season 5?

Me neither, but her mother is freaking moron!

19 year old Paris recently revealed that she is pregnant and expecting a baby girl in October.

Ok, here comes the part where her mother is a freaking moron.

Paris's mom, Jameica Bennett was quoted as saying, "I'm proud of how she did it. I was 16 when I got pregnant."

Uhhhhhhhhhh.... So is she proud that Paris held out for three more years than she did or is she proud that Paris got pregnant while she was a teenager? Either way, she's a freaking moron.

No word on who the father is (Chicken Little-please!!!) but Paris reportedly has "a ring."

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In other Idol baby news, here's a recent photo of the Clayby, which is due next month:


Yeah, I said next month!

Maddie "Whoops!" Spears is here!

Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth this morning at 9:30 am to a daughter that she and fiancé Casey Aldridge named Maddie Briann.

A source told PEOPLE, "Just the family was there. Everyone is healthy and happy."

That family includes Britney, who flew in yesterday to be with her sister.

Baby and baby are doing fine.

Another day, another baby

Tori Spelling gave birth to her second child with husband Dean McDermott yesterday by C-section.

Stella Doreen McDermott was born at 3:13 p.m. and weighed in at 6lbs., 8 oz.

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Can we get an EPT test just to make sure?

Last week, there were rumors that Paris Hilton was pregnant after photos spread of her allegedly sporting a baby bump. Paris seems to have squashed those rumors by drinking and smoking in Vegas Friday night while filming her new stupid reality show where girls that were deemed "too low class" for Flavor of Love and Rock of Love compete to become Paris's BFF.

Paris reportedly drank pink champagne at dinner and vodka, tequila, and smoked cigarettes later that night at Vegas nightclubs.

I'm not celebrating yet. Personally I think people are giving the skank way too much credit to think she wouldn't drink and smoke if she were pregnant. I mean, the bitch doesn't feed her pets and keeps them in the closet.


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Honorabla Mention

Jessica Alba gave birth to a baby girl on Saturday in Los Angeles. Jessica and husband Cash Warren named their daughter Honor Marie Warren. How cool would it if that kid became a judge?

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Wait what? Who had a baby?

It was announced today that Vin Diesel and his girlfriend, model Paloma Jimenez, had a baby girl back on April 2nd.

Ok, everyone that thought Vin Diesel was gay raise your hand.

Put your hand down Vin.

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Geez, Madonna picked the wrong kid.

Madonna's adoption of David Banda was finally finalized last week so you would think that would be the end of the nearly two-year drama.

Nope. Little David's biological father, Yohane Banda has now decided that he wants to fight for visitation rights to the child. A little late, no?

Yohane claims government officials promised him access his son every three to four years as part of the adoption arrangement and he is now looking into his legal rights to see the child.

He said, "I love the boy and it was in his best interests to put him in the orphanage. Because I support the adoption I would not want to put up a challenge that would reverse it, but I might challenge some aspects of the order. I am discussing with my family about following up on having access to the child. We will not leave things the way they are - we will do something about it."

What is with this guy? He's the most wishy-washy deadbeat dad ever! I think he's starting to realize that Madonna is rich and he missed out on getting something out of the deal. Madonna should just let him live in the mansion. I'm sure she can find a job for him. Maybe he can be a backup dancer or something. And they can make a reality show out of their life together and call it "All in the Malawian Family." And who knows? There's all those rumors about things with Guy seeming to be strained, so maybe the two of them can hook up.

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