The Most Awesome Thing You'll See All Day!

Ah-dam!! Ah-dam!!

So this past Wednesday, Idol producers tried to pull the old fakeout on us and make us think Adam was in the bottom 2 and risked going home. He wasn't. He didn't. Matt-in-the-Hat Girard did of course. And America was relieved. No one more so than little Baby Paisley:



Don't forget to vote next week Paisley! It's been confirmed - next week is motherfucking Rock week with special guest mentor:


Hell to the yeah! I wonder if they'll let him smoke. They don't even let Simon smoke indoors!

It has also been revealed that next week the contestants will have two performances - one solo and one duet with another contestant.

Happy 4/20!

Random Shit I Found on YouTube

Hey kids! You don't need to buy expensive trendy designer clothes by Calvin Klein, Gloria Vanderbilt, or Bill Blass to be a real hot dog, just check out Mr. T's tips on how to be stylin in this amazing 80's treasure.

When wrestlers make movies

Earlier today, I posted about the upcoming awesome tough-guy movie, The Expendables, and I mentioned that the cast should include more wrestlers in it. How funny that on the very same day, I came across this trailer for an upcoming (most likely straight-to-DVD) thriller called End Game (no, not that one, that's a whole nother thing) that made me maybe want to rethink my earlier statement.

End Game stars the amazing roided-out crazy bitch and Olympic gold-medalist, Kurt Angle, as a crazy psychopathic serial killer. Wait, it gets better! The film also stars Jenna Morasca of Survivor and Playboy fame (and now appearing along with Kurt on TNA aka: the poor man's WWE). She plays, wait for it, a stripper! This is actually a real movie. And not a porn (obviously, those have much better acting.). I especially love the clown getup (Doink!). Try to get through it without laughing (or chanting "YOU SUCK!")



All I can say is, John Cena's gotta feel a whole lot better about 12 Rounds after checking out this trailer.

Best Actress: Saaphyri

On I Love Money this week, Becky "Buckwild" and Saaphyri "Lip Chap" tried to come up with a plan to make the 15 minute decision making time in the Vault run out so they would have a chance of being safe from elimination. The first plan, Buckwild pouring water over everyone (without even any soap or nuthin'!) failed, so then Saaphyri had to draw upon her exquisite acting chops (2:00) to carry out their strategy. She was amazing (and demure - 3:03), however maybe too convincing for her own good because when the medics arrived, they pulled out the needle and thus, the plan was yet foiled again.

VH1 really needs to give these two a show (screw that Daisy of Love crap!), they're like the new Lucy and Ethel.

Possibly the most badass movie of all time

Fuck that Sex and the City crap, I'm looking forward to the testosteronefest, The Expendables, opening 2010.

Have you heard about this one yet? Written, directed, and starring Sylvester Stallone, it's the story of a team of mercenaries that go to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator. You know the plot's not important though, because it's just an excuse to blow things up real good. Real, real good.

Check out this motherfucking cast: Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Randy Couture (UFC). As for estrogen, so far there's only Charisma Carpenter (Thumbs up! Longtime girl crush!) and Brittany Murphy (Good on her for finally getting some work!)

This has the potential to acheive the level of awesomeness that Snakes on a Plane could have if it was good (and if they didn't kill the chihuahua.) They just need to cast Samuel L. Jackson, Steven Seagal, Jackie Chan, The Rock, Vin Diesel, Bruce Willis, Mr. T, about half the WWE, and of course, Chuck Norris.

This will sweep the Oscars in 2011!

Happy Friday!

Here's one for all the TwitterTwats out there (I'm talking to you John Mayer):

When Celebrities Go to McDonald's - The Pharrell Williams Edition

Pharrell>>>>>Ashlee Simpson

This next song goes out to Paris Hilton...

I recently saw Papa Roach live for the first time and I've gotta say, they're pretty damn awesome. I never really gave them much credit before and they surprised the hell out of me at that show.

Here's a video off their upcoming album, Metamorphosis (comes out next Tuesday, March 24th) , it's called "Hollywood Whore" and it's my new favorite song. At the show, lead singer Jacoby Shaddix dedicated it to the lovely Paris Hilton-



Be warned though, around 2:50 it gets a little Raiders of the Lost Ark scary, but it's awesome.

"Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya honey!" I think I love this dude!

Wham rocks!

I just heard this this morning and it's my new favorite song! I'm usually skeptical when bands cover 80's pop songs and make them heavy, but this one's pretty damn awesome. Ok, I'm a sucker for when bands cover 80's pop songs and make them heavy.



Happy Valentine's Day!

Let's go Balistic!

Sorry, sorry. I went MIA again. Not really, I've been here, I was just lazy. But today I decided to check back on my blog and I'm so excited because I actually got a comment on my last post!!!! I have readers!!!! Well, a reader! Ok, technically it's spam, but I don't care, I'm invigorated! Watch out Perez and Dlisted, soon I may even get a comment from that millionaire dating site!!

I feel like dancing!!! Let's all (and by "all" I mean me and that spambot if he's still around) dance to my new favorite song. Of course I'm referring to "The Christina Bale Dance Remix (What don't you fucking understand?) "

I know you've all heard this already, but it's so addicting, it must be played again.
Seriously, you could tell me this was a real song and I'd be like "cool, is it new KMFDM?"

Nick Mitchell/Norman Gentle will save American Idol!

Well, maybe not since there's no way in hell he's going to make the top 12, but he did save last night's episode from being a complete snoozefest like all the other audition shows this year were.

In case you missed it

Now, a message from our sponsor

Many of us are having a snow day today due to the winter storm that's wreaking havoc on the Northeast(I always wanted to use the term "wreaking havoc!"). You know what that means! Getting some household tasks done and other productive things? Hell no! It means hanging out in your pajamas, drinking Baileys hot chocolates, and watching trash tv!

While doing so I've noticed some truly awesomely awful commercials they play during the day.

My personal favorite is for a product called RePHresh (Get it? it's like "refresh"?). For when your vagina feels really stinky, even after douching. It looks like one of those fake Saturday Night Live commercials but apparently it's for real.



The best part is at :12. That lady rules. She's like "Can you smell what my vagina is cookin'?" Then they all do the fresh vagina dance.

Speaking of dancing, if you want to learn how to dance like a ho, there's Flirty Girl Fitness!



Check out one happy Flirty Girl Fitness customer! It really works!!:





We can't talk about awesome commercials and not mention SHAM WOW!



SHAM WOW's especially come in handy when you have an accidental spill in your home meth lab!! Vince can attest to that!


Finally we have the Bissell vacuum cleaner commercial starring the amazing Mr. Jiggles:



I truly believe that that black and white dog framed Mr. Jiggles. Go back and look at the way he's smirking at Mr.Jiggles while the lady yells. That dog better watch out for Mr. Jiggles will have his vengeance!

Congrats Mickey!!

I know I'm a day late to the party, but I just had to post Mickey Rourke's awesome acceptance speech for his (much deserved) Golden Globe for Best Actor. (This is the East Coast one with director Darren Aronofsky flipping Mickey off. Oohh, a middle finger!!) Best moment of the night (Kate Winslet referring to Angelina Jolie as "the other one" is a close second.)



I don't know how he did it, but Mickey stole my speech. I always planned to thank Axl and my dogs if I ever won an award.

Seriously though, everyone HAS to see this movie, even if you're not a rasselin' fan. I'm sorry I'm fantarding , but there is a reason for all the hype. He's THAT good. (So good, that you forget that Marissa Tomei is amazing as well.) You will never forget the character of Randy the Ram.

Plus, the soundtrack to the story rocks (including Bruce Springsteen's perfectly devastating theme) and the movie includes perhaps the best scripted conversation about music since the "Like a Virgin" debate in Reservoir Dogs.

See it, don't waste your money on that Gran Torino shit (now playing the role of Archie Bunker: Dirty Harry!)

Full list of winners and nominees

Support the Blackout Drunk!

One of the best reality shows that nobody watched ended (hopefully only its first season) recently. That show was called Redemption Song and it featured eleven bitches who overcame tough times to give their singing careers a final shot (hence the name of the show) and win a contract with Geffen records. Sort of a low (very low) budget American Idol meets Rock of Love (without the washed-up douche in a wig). The problem with this show was that it aired on the Fuse network so hardly anybody knew about it (I stumbled on it one day while channel surfing). Which is too bad because had it been on VH1, MTV, or Bravo, it would have been a huge hit.

How could it not? The show had awesome challenges like making the contestants perform drunk or run up twenty flights of stairs, get all winded, and then perform a dance routine to Cold-Hearted Snake by Paula Abdul. I'm not joking. One time, they had to write and perform a rap where they called the other girls "hoes". Even cooler was the elimination process, when host Chris Jericho (WWE) would break their record (literally--each girl had an old-school 33RPM vinyl record and he would break them in half and say "You've been dropped from the label". To add injury to insult, sometimes the pieces of the record would fly out and hit the poor girl! ) Of course there also were a lot of awesome catfights, often involving food. But the best part was the captions they'd put under the girls' names during their confessionals, each one explaining their reason for redemption. Some examples included "Ran an escort service, "Former child star turned drug dealer," "Blackout drunk," and my favorite, "Once threw a girl through a window." Seriously, y'all missed a really awesome show.

In the end it came down to Angelica Rose and Mixi, aka "Former child star turned drug dealer" and "Blackout Drunk." Angelica had the better voice, but was really unlikable and committed the number one entertainment business no-no: Using the "N" word (she didn't call anyone it, but used it nonetheless. She then spent the rest of the series denying that she was racist.) Mixi on the other hand (she's the one with the Muppet on her head), wasn't the strongest singer, but was "the best performer" (aka -the most marketable) and won the contract.

They never actually explained the terms of the contract or what the winner received other than, you know, the contract, but Geffen apparently coughed up enough for Mixi to a real song and release a real video. And you know what? It's pretty damn catchy. A little Amy Winehouse, a little Gwen Stefani, a little Veruca Salt (whatever happened to them?) And they fixed her hair too! But I guess promotion wasn't included the mysterious contract, because other than Fuse (which, again: nobody watches) I haven't seen one thing advertising it. So here's my part, not that a whole lot of people read this blog, but hey, probably more than watched Redemption Song (yeah I'm counting on one hand)

Here's Mixi's song "I Miss Those Days":

Porn Shop Musical!!

Check out Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens posing with a fan as they shop for some new toys!

Looks like Vanessa is in the baking section. I never knew you can buy cupcake pans in the shape of balls with mini-penis candles! How sweet of her to bake for Zac!

SOURCE

Happy Halloween......baby!

It's just not Halloween until I hear "She likes the dar-----K!"

Winehouse sighting!!

Oops, false alarm!

It's just Cindy Crawford at a Halloween party! Extra points for the big white spot under her nose! Great touch!

SOURCE

The best news you'll hear all day!!!

No, not Angelina's twins!

Brenda Walsh is coming to the new 90210!!!!!!

Shannen Doherty is reportedly in talks with producers about guest starring on the new series!

A source has said that the only things standing in the way of a role for Shannon are her demand for more money and her request for advance notice of plotlines. “She wants to know what the story is going to be first,” the source said.

GIVE HER WHATEVER SHE WANTS!!!!!!

So now we have Kelly, Donna, and (maybe) Brenda returning for the new show. Next, they need to work on getting Emily Valentine. And she needs to have the rattail again. Between her and the New Kids reunion, rattails are going to make a comeback! Just like leggings did! Oh! And then they should get Nat, of course, and Val, who was almost as awesome as Brenda, and Jackie--who was way too awesome to be Kelly's mother, and that one black guy that played basketball, and their chunky friend who wasn't good-looking enough for the main credits, and Dylan's friend Jonesy, and the transvestite that hooked up with Steve and stole his car, and Reek, oh and the guy that tried to rape Donna, and the guy that tried to kill himself because Donna wouldn't go out with him, and Ray Pruitt to push Donna down the stairs again, and Rex Manning (remember when Brenda pretended she was older?), I can't stop!, ok and Colin the cokehead artist, and that creepy cokedealer dude that Kelly made out with, and the anti-semitic band that David managed, and JEREMY JORDAN, Alright!, and Professor Finlay!!! Oh, but no Claire Arnold, because she was annoying. And no Andrea Zuckerman, because she was boring. Ok, now that would be an awesome show! Fuck those new people--send them over to Gossip Girl! You too Rebecca Katsopolis.

To celebrate Brenda's return, here's a touching Brenda and Dylan tribute I found on YouTube set to Tiffany's beautiful hit, "Could've Been."



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