Trouble (again) in Paradise?

"That Natalie Portman sure is cute."

There's a rumor going around that Angelina Jolie is rippin' over Natalie Portman personally requesting Brad Pitt to play her lover in a new movie.

A source said:

"Angelina had a massive fit and was shouting her head off. She accused Brad of flirting with Natalie. "Angelina can't help but feel threatened. Brad knows how jealous she gets but won't stop saying how gorgeous and intelligent Natalie is. He keeps saying she is 'cute as a button. Angelina worries about karma. It's eating her up and we're sure the cause of a lot of the rows is her not quite trusting Brad."

Ooohh, what goes around comes around!

There are also rumors that Brad had pleaded with Angie to attend couples' counselling in a desperate bid to save their relationship to which Angelina is said to have agreed to, but only after seeking the advice of her ex-husband Billy Bob Thornton. The source added: "This just caused more friction with Brad because although he doesn't have a problem with her talking to her exes, he doesn't understand why she would take Billy Bob's advice to try therapy as when he suggested it to her she reacted very angrily."

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Wait a minute, Angelina asked BILLY BOB THORTON for advice?

She bleeds just like us!

Angelina Jolie fell yesterday while filming her new movie, spy thriller Salt in Washington D.C.





Very funny Jen!

Thank you for being a friend

So check out this ensemble that St. Angelina recently wore to the premiere of The Long and Curious Case of Benjamin Button in Germany:




Hey Angie,

Dorothy Zbornak is not pleased and will cut you!

Uncoolgate today on Oprah

Ok, ok, I will now move on from my imaginary feud to a real-life one. Jen Aniston recently called Saint Angelina "uncool" in an interview after Ang mentioned how she looks forward to telling her kids that mommy and daddy were fucking around on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

So here's a clip of Jen explaining the comment (which she does not need to explain!!! Her husband cheated on her and the other woman rubbed it in her face!!! She's allowed to call that "uncool!") to The Oprah:

Liar liar, Slutty pants on fire!

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have always denied that they hooked up during the filming of Mr. and Mrs. Smith since at the time Brad was still married to Jennifer Aniston.

In a recent interview in the New York Times however, Angelina finally confirmed what everyone already knew: that she's a homewrecker.

Angelina says that looks forward to showing the movie to her 65 children because "Not a lot of people get to see a movie where their parents fell in love."

Come on kids, let's watch Mommy and Daddy try to kill each other!

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First pic of one of Angelina's babies!!!

Look, Shiloh's holding her:

HAHAHAHA!! Gotcha!!! That's not a real baby! And, Zahara rules!

Saint Angelina's obstetrician, Dr. Michel Sussmann, held that press conference to let the people of the world know that...................Angelina has NOT yet given birth. Are you freaking kidding??

The doctor did assure everyone that Angie is ok.

"Everything is normal. She is very well, and she's okay. ... Brad and Angelina want everyone to know that everything is going well."

He added that "The babies will arrive in the weeks to come."

WEEKS???!!!! They are playing with our emotions!!! Dirty French teases!

Dr. Sussman said that the reason Angelina was in the hospital was because, "It is simply a visit of surveillance, no birth," and that "she will stay in the hospital until the birth. I will stay with her."

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What the hell kind of a famewhore is this doctor anyway? Who holds a freaking press conference for their patient?


THIS JUST IN: Madonna and Guy Ritchie have hired Dr. Michel Sussmann as their new spokesperson. Dr. Sussmann held another press conference and in it he assured everyone that "Everything is normal. They are very well. ... Madonna and Guy want everyone to know that everything is going well."

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!

Angelina Jolie is in a hospital in Nice RIGHT NOW!!!

Her doctor is going to address the media at 11:30 E.T.

The hospital's spokeswoman issued the following statement: "Madame Jolie's doctor will be updating her condition at the hospital and giving medical details. Madame Jolie is doing very well."

Wait a minute, it's after 11:30 and I can't find the doctor's report. I NEED TO KNOW MADAME JOLIE'S MEDICAL STATUS!!!! I CANNOT WAIT!!! MY MERE MORTAL LIFE IS MEANINGLESS!!!

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Saint Angelina loves horsies

Like, she really, really loves them.




The horse looks bored.

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Oh great, now she'll want to adopt all the Fraggles

There are reportedly talks to make a new Muppets movie and Saint Angelina is considering starring in the film.

A source said, "The idea is to re-launch the Muppets with a big name and a big movie. Angelina is a big Muppets fan and being so passionate about kids there's a very real chance that she'll take this project on. Even Brad might want to have Miss Piggy as a love interest!"

Angelina better watch out. Miss Piggy's hot. She'll pull an Angelina and steal Brad.

No word on whether Daisy De La Hoya has signed on to play Janice.

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BREAKING NEWS!!! ANGELINA DID NOT HAVE THE BABIES YET!

It was reported earlier today that Saint Angelina had gone into labor with her twins, but her rep has released the following comment: "Angelina has not given birth. She is fine, enjoying her home and her family in France."

Why do they toy with our emotions like this?

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We can all sleep now!

St. Angelina confirmed yesterday that she is indeed having twins (after Jack Black outed her on the Today Show)

Now Angie's other Kung-Fu Panda co-star Dustin Hoffman has blabbed her due date to Today show reporter Natalie Morales. God, these people need lives of their own!

The babies are due on August 19th.

I'm sure any day now, one of the pandas will reveal the sex of the babies, what the names are, and the birthing method. Stay tuned for the breaking news!

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Holy shit!! Angelina leaving Brad??? For Bono??!!

Whoa, this one is crazy!

Rumors are circulating that Angelina Jolie, currently pregnant with twins, has been secretly seeing U2 frontman Bono! The hookups reportedly started soon after the two goodoers (and Brad!) attended the "Next Steps for Africa" conference at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, Friday Jan. 27, 2006.

Although both are saintly, neither is an angel. Still-married Bono was rumored to be dating Penelope Cruz last summer after the two were spotted vacationing together in Saint-Tropez. And we all know about Angelina.

Here's the kicker. A source revealed those may be mini-Bono's Angie's carrying! Holy crap!! The scandal!!! How will this affect their Nobel Peace prize chances?

Oh, note to Jen - Don't take Brad back!

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Cheetos?!!! St. Angelina is a BAD MOTHER!

Zahara -"Why is that lady with the busted weave running towards us Mommy?"

St. Angelina - "Kids, hide the Cheetos. Maddox, go start the helicopter."

Saving the world and repopulating it at the same time has taken its toll

Life & Style Weekly has reported that Saint Angelina, who is rumored to be pregnant with twins, collapsed on her flight home from Iraq two weeks ago.

The story claims that Angelina fainted in her seat and was given oxygen and treated for nosebleeds and leg cramps.

Because of early-pregnancy complications with Shiloh, Brad and Angie have moved a full-time nurse into their home as a precaution. The only problem with that is that Angelina is never home and always in some third world country!!

I will say a prayer to Saint... oh wait, I usually pray to Saint Angelina. Shit! What am I going to do now?

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Just admit it already!

So the SAG awards were Sunday night, but nobody cares who won. The big news is whether or not Saint Angelina is pregnant again after her choice of gown further fueled the baby rumors that have already been going around for a couple of weeks.

How many future saviors of mankind do we need?

LOOK!! Saint Angelina has been eating!

Angie and Brad attended the 13th Annual Critics' Choice Awards last night and Angelina looked a lot healthier than she has in a long time! She even smiled!

All is right with the world.



PICS

Silly Jen Aniston, did you buy a voodoo doll?

Oh no!! At the U.K. premiere of her new movie Beowulf, Saint Angelina's leather pants split up the crack. Oh Angie, you porker!! Geez, before you know it, she'll get so big she'll be wearing adult sized clothes!

Fortunately she had her bitch Brad with her so he was able to cover the split seam. Good job Brad! But too bad PEOPLE blew your cover.


Angie's bad luck didn't end there however. She also stepped in a huge wad of gum and got it all over her Louboutin's. (was Britney there?)

God this is like a bad 80's comedy. Or that even worse Lindsay Lohan stinker Just My Luck!

And it just kept getting worse.

Angelina also failed to notice that she had spinach stuck in her teeth:


And a huge pussy zit on her nose!


And then her head spontaneously combusted!



Personally, I think it's all the stress.

Another Jolie-Pitt

Rumors are swirling that Angelina is knocked up again. Saint Angelina was scheduled to give a lecture in Italy this week as part of a conference called "The Flight Of The Hummingbird - The Future of Children In The Mind And Society Of The World" but cancelled her appearance at the last minute.

Local newspaper are reporting that she pulled out of the gig after discovering she was expecting.

This part's awesome. A spokeswoman for the Pio Manzu Centre (where that Hummingbird or whatever conference is being held) named Letizia Manjani released the following cryptic statement (pay really close attention), "Angelina cancelled last week. Due to her privacy I can't confirm her pregnancy, but I can say that the Italian newspapers are correct in their reports."

I'm sure Angelina and Brad are very grateful that Letizia respects their privacy so much and didn't spill the beans.

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Bullshit quote of the day

Saint Angelina recently told Britain's Cosmopolitian magazine that she has only slept with four men.

On being a slut: "It was never true. I had only slept with four men in my life - and I married two of them!"

For those counting that would be Brad Pitt, Billy-Bob Thornton, Johnny Lee Miller and one other person.


Then again, maybe she's not lying, she never said she only had sex with four men.

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Jen's dating a model - Angelina's buying a new orphan - Brad's kicking himself

PEOPLE reports that Jennifer Aniston is dating a new guy. His name is Paul Sculfor and he is a British model and former boxer and construction worker..

He even got a recommendation from a former girlfriend, London socialite Lady Victoria Hervey, "He's a lovely guy. A gentleman. Simple things, like opening doors, he does all that. He'll think of the woman before himself."

Meanwhile in Brangelinaland:




Crazycatlady Angie is planning to adopt yet ANOTHER child. This time it's an orphan boy from the Czech Republic. She met the boy at a Catholic orphanage during filming of her latest film called Wanted.

Bartender, please cut her off!

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