Ring in a box

Justin Timberfuck was recently spotted shopping for diamond rings at a jewelery store in New York, leading to speculation that he and girlfriend of two years, Jessica Biel, are going to get engaged soon.

There are even rumors that the two are already planning to wed this summer in Italy and are even looking at venues. A source told British newspaper Metro, "They both like the idea of marrying in Italy in the summer."

Well I say good for them. I hope they go on a really long honeymoon so we could get a couple weeks without a Timberfuck cameo on Saturday Night Live. I mean really, they should just put him in the opening credits. As if that show didn't suck enough.

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Because movies starring real-life couples are so successful!

Oh yay! Timberfuck and Jessica Biel are reportedly looking for a movie to star in together.

A source said, "Justin is very keen to do a comedy while Jessica wants to do something grittier because she's concerned about her image." Oh right, because she's sooo hot. she wants to be taken seriously as an ac-tor.

I know what you're thinking and I am too. Please let it be a remake of Shanghai Surprise!! Box office gold!

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Three's Company

Check out this bizarre little gem of a picture. It's a rear shot of Jessica Biel, Timeberfuck (green shirt), and her (lady) friend at a Packers Football game.

Can you really blame Jess though? She probably liked having a real man handle her shit.

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Shut up Jessica!

"At first I felt really embarrassed about it. You know, it's a weird thing to talk about. Like, 'Hey, guys. Guess what?' You don't just go telling everybody that. But after I got over that, I just started to embrace it. I started thinking, if I ever do have kids, and if they have kids, I can tell them: 'You know what? Your grandma in 2000-and-whatever was the Sexiest Woman Alive. How about that, kids?' That's what I started to think about. I'll always have that picture to say, 'That's what Granny used to look like.'" - Jessica Biel on embracing her sexiness.


I'm so relieved she is finally at peace with this.

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Girl Fightt!

The MTV Movie Awards just may be worth watching this year, and not just because the very awesome Sarah Silverman is hosting.

Page Six reports that people working on the show, which airs live June 3, are concerned about the fact that Cameron Diaz and Jessica Biel are both scheduled to present awards and want to make sure they are kept far, far, apart.

Yes, this is all because of Timberfuck. (Still don't get it!) He's even nominated for his role in some movie no one saw called Alpha Dog (only on MTV).

A source said, "It's becoming a big deal because the girls both want very separate arrival times. Nobody knows who Cameron is going to bring, if anyone. But if Jessica walks with Justin, Cameron will want to bring a date. If Jessica goes alone, Cam will probably walk alone. It's a mess. Cam is used to being more high-profile than Jessica. But now that Jessica's dating Justin, she has more leverage. Cameron's looking a little unstable lately."

Remember when MTV punk'd Britney and Christina on the Video Awards and made them think they were going to be presenting an award to Eminem? They pussied out of course, but it was cool for a second just to see the looks on their faces. They should have Timberfuck and Jess come out together and present an award to Cameron. Then they could lower a steel cage and Cam and Jess could fight it out. Then they could tell Timberfuck that he didn't pay his taxes and they are going to take all his stuff away and he could cry like a little bitch. Then Jack Black could come out and sing a song during all of this. That would be awesome.

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But would she go down on him in a theater?

Jessica Biel and Alanis Morissette's ex Ryan Reynolds were spotted dining together recently which sparked rumors they are Hollywood's latest hookup.

What is the deal with Jessica? I don't get it. It's like the tabloids needed a new Hollywood IT girl named Jessica once Jessica Alba got all serious with that guy Cash Warren. I mean, nobody gave a crap about her when she was on that godawful 7th Heaven show. I can't even think of any movies she's done since the godawful Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. She's got a hot body, I'll give her that much, but she looks pretty much like every other girl I'd see at the mall on a Saturday afternoon. I'm not hatin', I just don't get the fascination. Maybe it has something to do with Derek Jeter? Maybe he's the Grand Marshall of ITdom?

Oh, and, Ryan: lose the headband.