Who even watches commercials anymore anyway?

Heinz made news this week when it pulled the above commercial for mayonnaise featuring...OMG!!! two men kissing! The company reportedly received a whopping 200 complaints after the spot aired. They pulled the ad and apologized to anyone who may have been offended.
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In a related story, another commercial recently spread online (this one actually legitimately offensive). It was for JC Penney and showed two teenagers rushing to get dressed after having sex:


Calm down everybody, Jamie Lynn Spears doesn't have her own teen maternity line at Penney's. The commercial was created by an advertising agency and submitted to the store, but JC Penney claims they never approved the ad and are "furious" over the attention it is bringing to the store--which hasn't gotten attention since...well, ever. Yeah, ok, whatever you say JC Penney.

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Here to comment, please welcome the Geico Caveman.

Welcome!

"What's up?"

So I'm interested to hear your take on all these controversial commercials, being in advertising yourself. Do you think commercials have gotten out of control, or are we just being too sensitive?

"You know I come from a time before television. Back then, it took a lot of time to get information on a product out because there were no commercials. We had to go door to door, you know? Like when I invented the wheel..."

Wait, wait, hold up, YOU invented the wheel? Like, you personally?

"Did I stutter?"

No, it's just that's pretty impressive, that's all. Hey, too bad there weren't patents back then huh? Ha!


"Oh ha ha, yeah, very funny. Do you even know how much that sucks? Now look at what I'm forced to do. I'm an advertising gag and the star of a failed sitcom. I INVENTED THE DAMN WHEEL! If it weren't for me, there wouldn't be any cars. There wouldn't be any car insurance. There wouldn't be any GEICO!! It's so disrespectful it makes me sick!"


"I don't mean to barge in, por favor, but Ay dios mio!!! Give it a rest Caveman!!!! At least you still got a job! I had to hump a lot of legs to get that Taco Bell gig! I gave them best years of my life and then they just threw me out like the leftover pintos and cheese. Speaking of which, thanks to that place, I had the runs for TWO WHOLE YEARS ese! That's 14 years for me! Oh yeah, I dropped the chulupa alright.

Oh, and now Taco Bell wants 50 Cent to change his name to 79 cent and he wants to sue them. Did it ever occur to them to ask me? Hell, I'd change my name in a Nueva York minute! So I don't wanna hear your bitching or about your dumb wheel invention, which you probably didn't even really invent, it's just that there's no one other cavemen alive to dispute it!"

".........................."

Caveman? Anything to add?

".........................."

Um, ok then. Thanks to the Geico Caveman and The Taco Bell Dog.

"I am not the Taco Bell Dog anymore! My name is Rick James. Yeah, like 'I'm Rick James bitch'! Don't get me started on that one either. "

Ripoff??

So there's this guy Andrew from a band called Creaky Boards who claims Coldplay's song "Viva La Vida" (that annoying one in the ITunes commercial that you think is U2 at first) is a ripoff of a song that he wrote. He even says the Coldplay lead douche Chris Martin went to one of his band's shows. What makes it even funnier is that the name of Andrew's song is "The Songs I Didn't Write." Judge for yourself. Here's the full version of Coldplay's song. Both songs suck ass in my opinion.


But both Coldplay and Andrew ripped off this awesome guy:



In related news, Ricky Martin has not commented on whether or not he too would like to sue Coldplay.

Lindsay is:

A) Deciding whether she should try to pop a bigass zit on Joel's face.

B) About to start sucking Joel's nose after spotting some cocaine residue in his left nostril.

C) Being told delicately by Joel that the leggings comeback has run its course.

D) About to get her ass kicked by Nicole Richie.

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Who got it worse?

George Bush throwing out the first pitch at the Nationals home opener game?:




Or John Cena at the WWE Hall of Fame Ceremony?:

Has this been bugging anybody else?

When did this happen???

TMZ has this photo of an extremely perky and buff-looking Mariah Carey and it's perplexing me a bit.

I'm sorry Mimi, but this is stinking of staged. And airbrushed. And leaked by your publicist. And is that even your actual body?

What do you think? Abs of Steel or Body of Erasertool?

Upgrade?

Ashlee Simpson is now a redhead. She looks good. Take note Lohan!

Improvement?

Amy Winehouse has gone blonde and lost the beehive.

The only problem is, where is she going to keep her drugs now?

Improvement?

Poor Rumer Willis. She wants so badly to fit in with all the cool brats but she's so rather, um, unfortunate looking. I feel like such a meanie for saying that but try to say she's not like a celebrity genetics experiment gone awfully wrong. You can't, can you? Meanie!

Seems Rumer decided to try a Britney weave. In fact, it looks like she is wearing one of Britney's actual weaves. Other than the greasiness, not bad! I say improvement!

HAAAAHHAAAAHAAAA!

Pete Dohery says he has kicked his drug habit and will tour only alcohol-free venues to celebrate.

Petey claims he has been sober for two months and has requested that the venues his band, The Babyshambles, play do not serve alcohol. The tour will kick off in a juice bar in London on October 21st.

A source told the Sun, "Pete came up with the new idea. He feels like a new man. It'll be a challenge for him to go on tour without drugs. Everyone expects him to fall back into it but he's confident he can keep in the straight and narrow."

Ok, I shouldn't make a joke out of this if he really did get his life together.




BUT COME ON!! It's PETE DOHERTY! I wonder which will last longer - Pete's Juice Tour or Pam and Rick's marriage. Your call!

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There really are no words

So remember that guy Prince Fritz von Anhalt? You know, Zsa Zsa's Gabor's husband and contestant #3 on the Who's Anna Nicole Smith's Babydaddy game show?

Well he's back in the news. This time for calling police claiming to have been robbed at gunpoint by three women.

When police showed up they found Prince Fritz sitting in his Rolls Royce. Handcuffed. And naked. He told the cops that the women stole his watch, clothes, and keys.

Now I'm no career criminal but if I were going to rob someone that drove a Rolls Royce, I'd probably take the car in addition to the keys. I'd probably take his cell phone too. In case you're wondering, I'd still definitely undress the old man because gray pubes are sexay.

So let's reason this out. There are only three logical options:

A) He was robbed by three of the cast members of Rock of Love
B) He's a batshit crazy attention whore giving Britney and Lindsay a run for their money and called the cops himself
C) It was a performance art piece, a social commentary on the wealthy: How one can seemingly have everything, but still be naked inside.

Vote now. The winner gets a two-for-one coupon at Britney's Chicken Shack:



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Your call

Brooke Hogan: Breast implants or maturing?

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