Oscars 2009

Sorry, I had a bit of an Oscar hangover yesterday. So, hopefully everyone watched, but just in case you missed it here's the Oscars in a nutshell:



Thankfully, the horrible Hugh Jackman/Beyonce!/High School Musica/Beyonce!/Mamma Mia/Beyonce! number was not included in that highlight reel. Baz Luhrmann needs to go into the "Never Be Allowed to Stage An Oscar Performance Ever Again" file right next to Debbie Allen. (Sorry Baz, I still love Moulin Rouge!)

They actually did do a pretty classy thing this year by not cutting off any of the winners speeches with the annoying music cues.

However, they made up for that display of class by tackily teaming Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black (AKA Angelina Jolie's costar in Kung Fu Panda) as presenters for the sole purpose of getting a Jen/Angelina reaction shot:



Ugh, I have to say, well played Jolie. Poor Jen looked so nervous!

Sadly, the Best Actor win was an upset, with Sean Penn winning for Milk, however that may have been a good thing because I don't think Mickey could have topped the speech he gave the previous night at the Independent Spirit Awards:



In other Oscar news, doctors are preparing to remove the giant growth from Jessica Biel's gown. We wish them the best.


For more Oscar fashion : check this out (because I'm lazy)

The 1st Annual Assy Awards

On this Oscar Eve, we'd like to welcome you to the 1st Annual Assy Awards. However in honor of this year's big movies, I think it's appropriate to call them the Kill Your Assy Awards. Seems like every film that came out this year was a major downer. So in recognition of just how freaking much we all wanted to slit our wrists after watching these films, we'll start with our first category:

MOST DEPRESSING MOVIE MOMENT OF THE YEAR:
(Caution: these nominees contain spoilers, so if you haven't yet seen or have had these movies spoiled for you, skip to the next category.)

And the nominees are:

Home Abortion Kit: what could possibly go wrong? - Revolutionary Road

Wait a minute, this movie was actually really fucking sad. That cute Bollywood dance routine at the end doesn't change that! I mean, that Marc Anthony looking fucker BLINDED a little boy!- Slumdog Millionaire

"Whoa, I finally realize that killing hundreds of people is worse than being illiterate. I've gotta hang myself right now, but how will I ever reach my noose? Oh yeah, I can climb up on all these books! How ironic and dramatic!" --The Reader

"Hey kid, I'm broken down, washed up and have no real friends, wanna play an old Nintendo game from my glory days in my trailer? You could even tell me how much it sucks compared to new technology."-- The Wrestler

It's bad enough they killed the dog, but did they have to draw it out for So. Fucking. Long? - Marley and Me

And the Assy goes to:

Comeon now, everybody knows there is nothing worse in a movie than when a dog dies. Especially when they trick the public into thinking the movie is going to be a fun, sweet, holiday film for the whole family. To be fair, I didn't actually see it, but come on, the dog DIED. I'm sure parents everywhere that had to comfort their hysterical children on the ride home from the theater will agree with this choice.


Ok everyone, put the razor blades down, yes you too Randy the Ram. Let's lighten things up a bit, huh?

MOST AWESOME QUOTE IN A MOVIE:

"Did I ever tell you I was stuck by lightning seven times?" - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

"Then Kurt Cobain had to come along and fuck it all up" - The Wrestler

"We are going to go on a big boat." - Revolutionary Road

"You never go full retard." - Tropic Thunder

"Get off my lawn" - Gran Torino

And the Assy goes to:

"GET OFF MY LAWN"

Gotta give it to Dirty Bunker in Gran Torino. That was the only moment in that wretched movie worth watching.


MOST AWESOME MOVIE MOMENT:

Nixon drunk dials David Frost and loses his shit - Frost/Nixon

Randy the Ram blades himself --on a deli meat slicer! - The Wrestler

Paris Hilton's face falls off - Repo! The Genetic Opera

"The End" - The Reader

And the Assy goes to:

Paris Hilton's face falling off in Repo! The Genetic Opera. It really doesn't get much more awesome than that. Well, maybe if her genitals fell off too (and that wouldn't be much of a stretch for Valtrex girl). Congrats Paris!


MOST POINTLESS SCENE IN A FILM:

DISHWASHER RACE!!! - Rachel Getting Married

Sex scene #32: WE GET IT ALREADY! - The Reader

Clint Eastwood gets a shave and buys a suit... AKA: Foreshadowing sequence for all the idiots that can't see the ending of this movie coming a mile away. - Gran Torino

What the fuck? Brad Pitt shrunk down to a baby? I was buying this curious shit until this crap!- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

And the Assy goes to:



The dishwasher race in Rachel Getting Married. TEN FUCKING MINUTES OF THIS SHIT?!!!! I stuck through it because I was really hoping that appliance would go bad like in the horror classic "Attack of the Killer Refrigerator":



but sadly, it didn't.


MOST AWESOME MUSICAL PERFORMANCE IN A FILM:

Randy and Pam's duet to "Round and Round" - The Wrestler

The groom randomly serenades his new bride with Neil Young - Rachel Getting Married

The awesomely awful vocal stylings of Pierce Bronsan -Mamma Mia!

"Zydrate Anatomy" - Repo! The Genetic Opera

And the Assy Goes to:



The movie sucked, but this song was pretty awesome (yes, even with Paris). Plus, that Graverobber dude was hot.

NOTE: Unfortunately, "Dah Duh Dah Duh Dah Duh" by Christian Bale was deemed ineligible for this year's Assy Awards since "Terminator: Salvation" has not yet been released, otherwise it would have been the clear winner.


BEST MOVIE ABOUT DOGS:

Marley and Me

Hotel For Dogs

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

And the Assy goes to:


My reasoning is this:

• Marley and Me is definitely out for reasons stated above.
• I didn't see Hotel for Dogs
• Beverly Hills Chihuahua is about the greatest breed of dogs

Best Use Of a Guns N' Roses Song In a Film:
(You knew I was gonna go there)

"If the World" - Body of Lies

"Welcome to the Jungle" - Death Race

"Sweet Child O' Mine" - The Wrestler

And the Assy goes to:



"Sweet Child O' Mine" in The Wrestler!! Since it was the only movie of those three that didn't suck! Which goes to show that even GN'R can't save a sucky movie.

Here to perform the winning song is 1988 era Guns N' Roses. (Because it's my awards show):



Best Use of Shit in a Film:

Jamal really, really wants that autograph - Slumdog Millionaire

Sucks to be the camera guy - Zach and Miri Make a Porno

And the Assy goes to:

It's a tie! Because there just weren't enough shit scenes in movies this year:




via videosift.com

Best Boobs in a Film:

Kate Winslet - The Reader

Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler

Zoe Kazan - Revolutionary Road

Meryl Streep - Doubt

And the Assy goes to:



Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler. Kate's won enough awards, and sorry, but about a half hour into The Reader, I was yelling at her to put some damn clothes on. Marisa rocked those B cups and at 44, she looked better than a lot of women half her age.

And no, I didn't read the wrong name off the card!

Oh yeah, also, I was kidding about Meryl Streep.


Best Supporting Actor:

The guy that got struck by lightning seven times - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Ron Howard's brother as the camera guy- Frost/Nixon

Diego Luna as Harvey's annoying boyfriend - Milk

Verne Troyer as Benjamin Button as a baby - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

And the Assy goes to:


Verne Troyer as baby Benjamin Button!!

What?

That wasn't Mini Me? No shit?

Ok, well I guess that was a mistake. Verne wasn't in the movie. So we are going to give the Assy to Ron Howard's brother in Frost/Nixon, because let's face it, that film ain't gonna win anything tomorrow night.


Best Supporting Actress:

Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler

Amy Adams - Doubt

Taraji P. Henson - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Rumer Willis - The House Bunny


And the Assy goes to:

Rumer Willis in The House Bunny!! Because Rumer gets a lot of shit, but this scene in The House Bunny ripped off Forrest Gump way better than the entire 2 1/2 hours of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. (sorry it's dubbed, it's the only one I could find. It makes it kind of artsy though.)




Best Actor:


Mickey. No joking here, he better fucking win tomorrow.


Best Actress:



Again, no reason even nominating anyone else, Kate Winslet for her performance at the Golden Globes. Not only did she act soooo surprised and humble, but she referred to Angelina Jolie as "the other one." You rule Kate!


Best Picture:



DUH!


Thank you so much for attending the 1st Annual Assy Awards! To take us out, in honor of Bruce Springsteen's snub, here is a medley of overlooked Oscar songs throughout the years:



See you next year!

Oscar nominations

The nominations for the Oscars were announced this morning. Pretty predictable, though there were a few surprises.

Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role
Richard Jenkins -THE VISITOR
Frank Langella-FROST/NIXON
Sean Penn - MILK
Brad Pitt - THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Mickey Rourke - THE WRESTLER

Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
Josh Brolin- MILK
Robert Downey Jr. - TROPIC THUNDER
Philip Seymour Hoffman - DOUBT
Heath Ledger - THE DARK KNIGHT
Michael Shannon - REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role
Anne Hathaway - RACHEL GETTING MARRIED
Angelina Jolie - CHANGELING
Melissa Leo - FROZEN RIVER
Meryl Streep - DOUBT
Kate Winslet - THE READER

Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams -DOUBT
Penélope Cruz - VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
Viola Davis - DOUBT
Taraji P. Henson - THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Marisa Tomei - THE WRESTLER

Best Animated Feature Film of the Year
BOLT
KUNG FU PANDA
WALL-E

Achievement in Art Direction
CHANGELING
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
THE DARK KNIGHT
THE DUCHESS
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

Achievement in Cinematography
CHANGELING
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
THE DARK KNIGHT
THE READER
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

Achievement in Costume Design
AUSTRALIA
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
THE DUCHESS
MILK
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

Achievement in Directing
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
MILK
THE READER
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

Best Documentary Feature
THE BETRAYAL (NERAKHOON)
ENCOUNTERS AT THE END OF THE WORLD
THE GARDEN
MAN ON WIRE
TROUBLE THE WATER

Achievement in Film Editing
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
THE DARK KNIGH T
FROST/NIXON
MILK
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

Best Foreign Language Film of the Year
The Baader Meinhof Complex
The Class
Departures
Revanche
Waltz With Bashir

Achievement in Makeup
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
THE DARK KNIGHT
HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY

Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures (Original Score)
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
DEFIANCE
MILK
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
WALL-E

Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures (Original Song)
WALL-E"Down to Earth"
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE"Jai Ho"
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE"O Saya"

Best Motion Picture of the Year
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
MILK
THE READER
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

COMPLETE LIST

Ok, first of all,

And secondly, WHY THE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN SNUB? Are you fucking kidding me?

Hi! We're only pretending to care!

The awards season was kicked off last night with the People's Choice Awards on CBS. You know, the one where the public votes on the awards and the winners lie and say "This award means the most to me out of all them because it's voted on by you, the fans!" when it really means absolutely nothing to them because they think the public is a bunch of morons. Though, judging by some of these choices (not to mention categories), I can't blame them for thinking that.

Here are the winners:

FAVORITE MOVIE
* The Dark Knight

FAVORITE FAMILY MOVIE
* WALL-E

FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE
* The Dark Knight

FAVORITE MOVIE COMEDY
* 27 Dresses

FAVORITE MOVIE DRAMA
* The Secret Life of Bees

FAVORITE INDEPENDENT MOVIE
* The Secret Life of Bees

FAVORITE CAST
* The Dark Knight

FAVORITE MALE MOVIE STAR
* Will Smith

FAVORITE LEADING MAN (How is this different from Favorite Male Movie Star?)
* Brad Pitt

FAVORITE MALE ACTION STAR
* Will Smith

FAVORITE FEMALE MOVIE STAR
* Reese Witherspoon

FAVORITE LEADING LADY (how is this different.......?)
* Kate Hudson

FAVORITE FEMALE ACTION STAR
* Angelina Jolie

FAVORITE ON-SCREEN MATCH-UP
* Christian Bale & Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)

FAVORITE SUPERHERO
* Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne/Batman

TELEVISION:

FAVORITE TV DRAMA
* House

FAVORITE TV COMEDY
* Two and a Half Men

FAVORITE ANIMATED COMEDY
* The Simpsons

FAVORITE SCI-FI / FANTASY SHOW
* Heroes

FAVORITE COMPETITION / REALITY SHOW
* Dancing with the Stars

FAVORITE GAME SHOW
* Deal Or No Deal

FAVORITE MALE TV STAR
* Hugh Laurie

FAVORITE FEMALE TV STAR
* Christina Applegate

FAVORITE TALK SHOW HOST
* Ellen DeGeneres

FAVORITE SCENE-STEALING GUEST STAR
* Robin Williams on Law & Order: SVU

FAVORITE TV DRAMA DIVA
* Kyra Sedgwick as Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson on The Closer

FAVORITE NEW TV DRAMA
* The Mentalist

FAVORITE NEW TV COMEDY
* Gary Unmarried

MUSIC:

FAVORITE MALE SINGER
* Chris Brown

FAVORITE FEMALE SINGER
* Carrie Underwood

FAVORITE GROUP
* Rascal Flatts

FAVORITE R&B SONG
* No One by Alicia Keys

FAVORITE POP SONG
* I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry

FAVORITE ROCK SONG
* All Summer Long by Kid Rock

FAVORITE COUNTRY SONG
* Last Name by Carrie Underwood

FAVORITE HIP-HOP SONG
* Low by Flo Rida featuring T-Pain

FAVORITE COMBINED FORCES
* No Air by Jordin Sparks featuring Chris Brown

FAVORITE SONG FROM A SOUNDTRACK
* Mamma Mia - Meryl Streep from Mamma Mia!

FAVORITE FUNNY MALE STAR
* Adam Sandler

FAVORITE FUNNY FEMALE STAR
* Tina Fey

FAVORITE STAR 35 & UNDER
* Carrie Underwood

SOURCE

Best Part of the Grammys: Part 3

Amy Winehouse's reaction.

I'm sure Blake, Incarcerated is very proud.

I want to change the words to the Kids Incorporated song and have Fergie sing it:

Blake Incarcerated

B! L! A! K! ( uh, E!)

Blake Incarcerated

B! L! A! K-E!

Oh--oh

Look, Amy's made it

And she loves her Blake Incarcerated

Best Part of the Grammys: Part 2

Just ignore Beyonce.

Actually, the first part with Beyonce is pretty awesome - if you turn the sound down and pretend she's reciting Green Eggs and Ham.

Best Part of the Grammys: Part 1

Just ignore Rihanna.

OH-WEE-OH-WEE-OH!

Harvard is Hot!

Harvard awarded Paris Hilton the "Woman of the Year" award yesterday.

Well, sort of. They gave her the Lampoon Woman of the Year award, which is a spoof on Harvard's actual Man and Woman of the Year awards which are given out by Harvard's Hasty Pudding Theatricals acting group. Those awards are presented annually to actors who've made a "lasting and impressive contribution to the world of entertainment." (The Lampoon award? Not so much) This year's recipients of those awards will be Charlize Theron and Christopher Walken.

But let's let Paris have her day!!! The idiot actually thought she was seriously being honored. It's almost as awesome as when Michael Jackson thought he won that artist of the millennium award that year on the MTV awards.

On her award Paris (who arrived an hour late to the ceremony) said, "Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine standing here, standing on the steps of the Harvard Lampoon. It's really exciting and I've had such a great time."

Congrats moron!

SOURCE

DEPRIVED!!!!

It was announced today that due to the writers' strike, the 65th Annual Golden Globe Awards has been downgraded to an hour-long press conference that will take place at the Beverly Hilton on Sunday at 6:00 pm PST. The press conference be covered live by NBC news.

President of The Hollywood Foreign Press Association, Jorge Camara, said in a statement: “We are all very disappointed that our traditional awards ceremony will not take place this year and that millions of viewers worldwide will be deprived of seeing many of their favorite stars celebrating 2007’s outstanding achievements in motion pictures and television. We take some comfort, however, in knowing that this year’s Golden Globe Award recipients will be announced on the date originally scheduled."

In related news, Joan Rivers is ecstatic that E! told her that she and Melissa can host the red carpet arrivals this year.


SOURCE

Trainwreck TV alert!

Amy Winehouse is reportedly on board to perform at next month's Grammy Awards. Amy recently cancelled her U.K. tour and took a month off following the arrest of her husband.

Media sources are referring to Amy's Grammy performance as her "comeback" and Amy is "really excited," according to a source. Amy is also nominated in six categories at this year's ceremony.

The performance is rumored to be a soul and Motown medley, possibly a duet with one or more US stars. Kanye West's name has been mentioned. Fuck Kanye, I want to see Amy duet with Britney! How freakin' awesome would that be?

There's just one snag though, Amy needs a U.S. visa and she's hoping her recent arrest (in connection with Blake's.) won't hinder her getting one.
SOURCE

In other Wacky Winehouse news, Amy has credited singer Bryan Adams with helping her with her addictions to drugs and alcohol by taking her scuba-diving. She spent Christmas and New Year's holidays with Bryan at his home in Mustique.

Amy says the scuba-diving has changed her life: "I've learnt to appreciate the simple things, like the beauty of nature. And it's taught me to face my fears. It's a different world down there. I can look at things in a new way. "I've come to the realisation that life is too short; I want to make sure I live every minute of it."

First, Bryan Adams? What? Why is this guy's name always coming up so randomly? Remember when Lindsay Lohan was over his house and fell out of the shower and down the stairs and broke a teacup and cut an artery or something like that about a year or so ago? He did that really annoying song from Robin Hood like twenty years ago and was never heard from until all of a sudden all these drug addicted starlets are staying at his house. He should open up the Bryan Adams Rehabilitation Center for Wayward Girls or even better he could just call it Reckless. Seriously, what? Second, can you imagine Winehouse scuba-diving? Her bouffant is probably full of plankton.

Shit, now I have that damn song stuck in my head.

SOURCE

The Fresh Prince of Hollywood Blvd.

Congrats to Will Smith, who received a star on the Hollywood of Fame.

At the ceremony Will said, "I'm humble, I'm honoured, my heart is just beating right now. I don't really understand it - I'm not used to feeling like that ... There's something in the concrete about being etched into the fibre of Hollywood. It inspires me when I look around and I see all of you coming out here to support me and honor my family like this. It makes me feel like I'm not doing enough, it makes me feel like to have all of this I've gotta change the world."

Oh Will, Parents Just Don't Understand changed my world!

Oh yeah, Will's Thetan Guide, Little Tommy Cruise, attended the ceremony to Will's surprise. On Little Tommy, Will said "I just love his commitment, I didn't know he was going to be here today, when he says he's somebody's friend he doesn't take that lightly, he really means it, he shows up and works hard and he makes me want to work hard and be better so I appreciate the inspiration."

SOURCE

It has to be a deal with the devil!

Damn! Michelle Pfeiffer is 49 and looks better than a lot of women half her age! Those women in the background are going "BITCH!"

Anyway, she received her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday. Are you thinking, "She just got one NOW?" too? That means Britney and Seacrest got theirs before her. That's crazy.

For Real?

So the Emmy nominations were announced today. Check this out:



Outstanding Original Music And Lyrics:
Family Guy - "Peter's Two Dads" , MADtv -"1209". Saturday Night Live - "Dick In A Box", Scrubs - "Everything Comes Down to Poo"

That's awesome! (I still can't stand Timberfuck though)



Here are some other Emmy nominations:

Best Drama: Boston Legal, Grey's Anatomy, Heroes, House, The Sopranos

Best Comedy: 30 Rock, Entourage, The Office, Two and a Half Men, Ugly Betty

Best Actress, Drama: Patricia Arquette (Medium), Minnie Driver (The Riches), Edie Falco (The Sopranos), Sally Field (Brothers & Sisters), Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: SVU), Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)

Best Actor, Drama: James Gandolfini (The Sopranos), Hugh Laurie (House), Denis Leary (Rescue Me), James Spader (Boston Legal), Kiefer Sutherland (24)

Best Reality Show: The Amazing Race, American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, Project Runway, Top Chef

Best Actor, Comedy: Alec Baldwin (30 Rock), Steve Carell (The Office), Ricky Gervais (Extras), Tony Shalhoub (Monk), Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men)

Best Actress, Comedy: America Ferrera (Ugly Betty), Tina Fey (30 Rock), Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives), Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine), Mary-Louise Parker (Weeds)

FOR A COMPLETE LIST CLICK HERE

Seen and heard that Oscars

"It's ok, you can laugh at my joke. I'm not a racist like Kramer."

"When they showed me that jacket, I said HELL NO!! But they made me wear it."

I loved this! The dance troupe that twists their bodies to interpret the movies. I think this was Basic Instinct 2.

Jack and Diane pay homage to Britney. Jack brought the bald head, Diane brought the crazy.

"Oh don't worry about Marc, I brought extra embalming fluid!"

R.I.P. Snuffleupagus

"Go home Ryan, you ain't with me and Crash was last year loser!"

{Thinking} Sound grateful, even though you want to yell 'WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU FUCKERS SO LONG?!!'


Photos 1
and 2

Who looked worse?

The sad part is each of these fugly dresses cost more than my car.

OR

So now that we know there will be no Borat to look forward to, we need some way to entertain ourselves for the 11 hours of the Oscars Sunday night. I've decided to turn to the old tried and true friend: Alcohol. So put on your prom dress, grab a couple bottles of Asti and lets play:

THE 2007 ACADEMY AWARDS DRINKING GAME

Red Carpet (depending on which red carpet you're watching)

DRINK!:

• Every time an interviewer asks "Who are you wearing?"
• Every time a celebrity laughs that they don't know and has to ask his or her publicist.
• Every time Joan Rivers mispronounces someone's name or refers to a movie a different actor/actress was in.
  
• Every time Joan Rivers makes a joke about her breasts being down to her knees.
• Every time the camera cuts to Melissa rolling her eyes and/or shaking her head at her mother.
• Every time Ryan Seacrest catches himself knowing more about fashion than the person he's interviewing.
• Every time Ryan Seacrest makes an unconvincing comment about how hot a female celebrity looks.
  
• Every time a celebrity looks uncomfortable or pissy at being interviewed. (hint: look for Angelina)
• Every time they are in the middle of interviewing someone and the camera cuts to someone more interesting while you can still hear the interview. (E! does this a lot)
• Every time a "Back to you_____!" gets botched (there is no audio, the person is not aware, etc)
• Every time a woman gets tripped up in her train.
• Every time someone who has no business being there shows up. (I'm talkin' bout you Timberlake!)

The Show

DRINK!:

• Every time Ellen dances. (I bet $10 she does the Little Miss Sunshine dance with Abigail Whateverherlastnameis)
  
• Every time they show Jack Nicholson sitting in the front row with his sunglasses on. He's so cool even at 106!
  
• Every time someone thanks God, first and foremost.
  
• Every time someone jokes about having a list "just in case."
• Every time they show a losing nominee graciously applaud and fake-smile after the winner is announced.
• Every time a winner continues talking after the shutupmusic starts playing. (take two shots if they actually say "I'm going to keep talking.")
• Every time a winner thanks their kids at home and cleverly says "You better go to bed now!"
• Every time the more popular dead people come on the "In Memorium" and the applause changes from polite clapping to really loud cheering. (I wonder if they'll show Anna Nicole)
• Every time you change the channel to check in on The Surreal Life during the 30 minute lifetime achievement award segment.
  

The Post- Show

• Post-show? Dude, you should be totally passed out by now. If you are still playing, you're either A) not playing correctly or B) Lindsay Lohan
  

You suck Oscar!

Sacha Baron Cohen was asked to be a presenter at the Academy Awards but declined because show producers wouldn't allow him to appear as Borat. Spoilsports! He will still attend though, hopefully in character. I really hope he wins and when he goes up to make his acceptance speech he brings the fat guy with him and they reenact the fight scene onstage.

SOURCE

Full, In-Depth Grammy Coverage!

Congrats to the Dixie Chicks for winning every single Grammy award last night. Hopefully now they will shut up about how everyone supposedly hates them.

SAG AWARD RESULTS

J-Hud and Eddie are two for two

Female Actor in a TV Movie or Miniseries
Helen Mirren / ELIZABETH I

Male Actor in a TV Movie or Miniseries
Jeremy Irons / ELIZABETH I

Female Actor in a Comedy Series
America Ferrera / UGLY BETTY

Male Actor in a Comedy Series
Alec Baldwin / 30 ROCK

Ensemble in a Comedy Series
THE OFFICE

Male Actor in a Supporting Role
Eddie Murphy / DREAMGIRLS

Life Achievement Award
Julie Andrews

Female Actor in a Drama Series
Chandra Wilson / GREY’S ANATOMY

Male Actor in a Drama Series
Hugh Laurie / HOUSE

Ensemble in a Drama Series
GREY’S ANATOMY

Female Actor in a Supporting Role
Jennifer Hudson / DREAMGIRLS

Male Actor in a Leading Role
Forest Whitaker / THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND

Female Actor in a Leading Role
Helen Mirren / THE QUEEN

Ensemble Cast of a Motion Picture
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

SOURCE

Dreamgirls can keep dreaming (except for J-Hud and Eddie)

SHOCKER!! Dreamgirls was not nominated for Best Picture or Best Director. Even more shocking, Beyonce was not nominated for Best Actress! I know!!
Also shocking, Mark Wahlberg was the sole acting nominee for the Depahted.




BEST PICTURE
Babel
The Departed
Letters From Iwo Jima
Little Miss Sunshine
The Queen

BEST ACTOR
Leonardo DiCaprio (Blood Diamond)
Ryan Gosling (Half Nelson)
Peter O’ Toole (Venus)
Will Smith (The Pursuit of Happyness)
Forest Whitaker (The Last King of Scotland)

BEST ACTRESS
Penelope Cruz (Volver)
Judi Dench (Notes on a Scandal)
Helen Mirren (The Queen)
Meryl Streep (The Devil Wears Prada)
Kate Winslet (Little Children)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine)
Jackie Earle Haley (Little Children)
Djimon Hinsou (Blood Diamond)
Eddie Murphy (Dreamgirls)
Mark Wahlberg (The Departed)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Adriana Barraza (Babel)
Cate Blanchett (Notes on a Scandal)
Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine)
Jennifer Hudson (Dreamgirls)
Riko Kikuchi (Babel)

BEST DIRECTOR
Clint Eastwood (Letters from Iwo Jima)
Stephen Frears (The Queen)
Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu (Babel)
Paul Greengrass (United 93)
Martin Scorsese (The Departed)

MORE




And then on the other side, the nominations for the Razzies were announced yesterday:

WORST PICTURE
Basic Instinct 2
Bloodrayne
Lady in the Water
Little Man
Wicker Man

WORST ACTOR
Tim Allen (Shaggy Dog, Santa Clause 3 & Zoom)
Nicolas Cage (Wicker Man)
Dan Whitney (Larry the Cable Guy)
Rob Schneider (The Benchwarmers, Little Man)
Marlon & Shawn Wayans (Little Man)

WORST ACTRESS
Hilary & Haylie Duff (Material Girls)
Lindsay Lohan (Just My Luck)
Kristianna Loken (Bloodrayne)
Jessica Simpson (Employee of the Month)
Sharon Stone (Basic Instinct 2)

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Danny DeVito (Deck the Halls)
Ben Kingsley (Bloodrayne)
M. Night Shymalan (Lady in the Water)
Martin Short (Santa Clause 3)
David Thewlis (Basic Instinct 2 & The Omen)

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Kate Bosworth (Superman Returns)
Kristin Chenoweth (Deck the Halls, Pink Panther & RV)
Carmen Electra (Scary Movie 4 & Date Movie)
Jenny McCarthy (John Tucker Must Die)
Michelle Rodriguez (Bloodrayne)

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