ASSHAT OF THE WEEK

It's one thing for the inconsiderate fuckheads at TMZ to cream themselves over every detail of a horrific tragedy, we expect that by now. But shoving cameras in the faces of a grieving family? That's bad taste, even for them.

Asshat of the Week runner-up goes to Liz Smith for selfishly attempting to stay relevant by blabbing details of Natasha Richardson being taken off life support yesterday.

The whole thing is terrible and sad enough and it's really disgusting the way these leeches are treating it.

RIP Natasha.

ASSHAT OF THE WEEK

No surprise here.

Say goodbye to your career (and hopefully, your freedom) you piece of shit!

Asshat of the Week

Hey Seacrest, he's BLIND you dumbass!!!!



You know this is going to turn into a running gag. I can't wait for the finale show when Ryan pulls this with special guest Stevie Wonder. You heard it here first!

Ryan's working on an entire blooper reel.



I haven't seen a kiss this awkward since Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie at the MTV awards. (Perfect music!)

Asshats of the Week

Memorize the faces of the two bitches above so you can spit on them if you ever see them.

Their names are Brianna Broitzman (19, left) and Ashton Larson (18, right) and they have been named in a lawsuit along with four other teenagers for abusing elderly Alzheimer's patients in a Minnesota nursing home. The other four girls were not named since they are minors (Bullshit! I hope someone finds out their names and posts them all over the internet!). Their parents must be so proud!

So what exactly did these sperm-better-off-left-in-the-condom little cunts do? Here's a list:

Brianna poked one resident's breasts, spit a loogie into the mouth of another elderly person, stuck her fingers in a resident's mouth and nose to make them scream (which she thought was hysterical), and stuck her bare ass in the face of another resident. She has a total of eleven criminal counts.

Ashton "inserted her finger into a resident's rectum," spit water on another, and would deliberately bathe a resident in a rough manner so the elderly man would get an erection. Sick! She has ten counts.

There's more on the Smoking Gun in the official documents. It's really disgusting. They took photos of a lot of this stuff too.

The girls defense? They were "just having fun." Way to insult Cyndi Lauper you little twats!! This is NOT what she had in mind. Yup, the girls would get together each day and laugh about all their silly antics. They figured they would not get caught because "the residents did not have their right minds."

Each bitch faces up to a year in jail for each of the counts. Here's hoping everyone on the jury has a parent or grandparent in a nursing home.

Oh, here's the best part, you ready? The name of the facility this all went down in is the Good Samaritan Society Nursing Home. Guess, they'll have to change the name.

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Asshat of the Week

There's delusions of grandeur and then there's Kanye West.

In an interview, Kanye recently spurtled out this mouthful of verbal diarrhea:

"I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice,. It's me settling into that position of just really accepting that it's one thing to say you want to do it and it's another thing to really end up being like Michael Jordan."

Hey Kanye,

Oh sorry,

HEY KANYE!! LIL BOW WOW BEGS TO DIFFER! HE GOT THE MAGIC SNEAKERS, NOT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kanye then went on to call out Timberfuck, claiming Justin's slacking off was his gain ( of being the voice of the generation):

"There were people who had the potential to do it but they went on vacation, so when Justin went on vacation I made albums. And it just came out to be that."

Ok, seriously. Everybody go out to Best Buy next Sunday and buy a copy of Chinese Democracy. Even if you don't like the band, do it for better good. We really need to stop this. Not having the number 1 album, will knock him down a little, you know? And even if you like Kanye, do it for his own good, because any more success and his head will explode.

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Asshat of the Week

I haven't done an Asshat of the Week in quite some time, however this fuckhead father sure makes up for all the ones I missed.




Someone call child services. Hell, call Britney. Anyone's better than this piece of shit father.

Asshat of the Week!

Yeah Mario, homeless people are HYSTERICAL!

I fucking hate this tool.

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ASSHAT OF THE WEEK!

Some thieves rob banks. Some rob convenience stores. Steve Tryon, 18, from Terre Haute, Indiana robbed a lemonade stand.

Well, he tried to anyway. After Steve got his $17.50 pay day, the young girl running the stand chased after him!

She chased Steve into a nearby home and called police. It soon turned into a lemonade standoff situation when police tried to get Steve to come out and surrender. He eventually did after 45 minutes and was arrested on a preliminary felony robbery charge (no breaking and entering?? He ran into somebody's house!). He was put in jail and must appear in court on Tuesday.

Oh Steve. Don't you know you have to have a getaway vehicle? Like a dirt bike or at least a skateboard. This is why you'll never graduate to robbing tag sales. Dumbass!

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ASSHAT OF THE WEEK!

Hulk Hogan went on Larry King Live attempting to do some damage control for his trainwreck of a family and ended up making it worse. Hulk said that Nick's accident was meant to happen by God to make Nick and John Graziano "better people."

Uh, I'm no doctor or theologist, but I would think that not being paralyzed is better than being paralyzed (like John is). Isn't there a story in the Bible about how Jesus healed a man that couldn't walk? So, that would lead me to believe that God prefers the opposite of Hulk said.

Hulk also said that everything happens for a reason and that it is in God's hands.

On a related note, God responded to Hulk's comments saying "Leave me out of this brother."

Asshats of the Week

Every single person who saw this happen and did nothing.

Are we as a society really here already? If so, that's really fucking depressing.

A disturbing surveillance video showing an elderly man getting hit by a car and then being ignored by bystanders has shocked — and shamed — many in Hartford, Conn.

Angel Arce Torres, 78, was trying to cross the street when a Honda plowed into him, sending him flying and leaving him lying crumpled and bleeding in the middle of the street. The driver of the car did not stop; but, even more disturbingly, passing cars and people on the sidewalk nearby did nothing to help Torres.

As Torres lay in the street, nine cars passed him without stopping. More than 40 seconds went by before anyone even stepped off the sidewalk to get a closer look. But no one went over to Torres' body to try to help or even divert traffic.

Finally, after about a minute and a half, a police car responding to a different call happened upon the scene and an ambulance was called.

The accident occurred last Friday, but Hartford's police chief released the traffic surveillance video on Wednesday, hoping to get information on the hit-and-run driver and make an arrest.

Chief Daryl Roberts also expressed outrage in a news conference Wednesday, saying "we no longer have a moral compass."

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Asshat of the Week

So Brooke Hogan was in a car accident Sunday. It wasn't her fault. Another car that was speeding hit her car and pushed it into a concrete wall while she was driving on the Bayside Bridge in Clearwater, Florida. No charges have been filed in the accident.

There were no injuries and Brooke's 2008 four-door Mercedes had $3,000 damage.

So here's why Brooke's Asshat of the Week.

Brooke posted a message on her MySpace page (which has since been removed) referencing her brother Nick's accident (you know, the one that he's serving time for for reckless driving and that left his friend John Graziano paralyzed in the hospital?) and she even goes as far as to credit Nick and John with saving her and her passenger's lives by reminding them to put on their seatbelts.

"I don't know if you heard, but my friend and I got into a really bad car accident today ourselves . . . As I turned on my car I clicked my seatbelt. As we pulled out onto the road, I looked over and realized my friend didn't have her seatbelt on. I reminded her to put it on and the minute she clicked it, a car crashed into us. It was a horrible car accident, one that most would be severely hurt in, but we had our seatbelts on and they kept us in tight."

Thank god for John!!! If not for him getting crushed to the point of most likely having to spend the rest of his life in a nursing home, Brooke might have been hurt and the world would be denied of her beauty and angelic voice!

Seriously? You fucking idiot!

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ASSHAT OF THE WEEK

Sometimes you tell the day by the bottle that you drink and (recently out of rehab) Richie Sambora was having a Jack Daniels kind of day yesterday when he was arrested for DUI in Laguna Beach, California last night.

Richie was pulled over around 11:00 PM last night after police stopped him for driving erratically and taken in after failing numerous field sobriety tests.

Ok, drunk driving is bad enough right?

But what about drunk driving with your child in the car? Well, that makes you Asshat of the Week.

Yup, TMZ just reported that Ava, Richie's 10 year old daughter with Heather Locklear, was in the car with Richie when he was pulled over. Piece of shit.

Richie was released this morning around 4:00AM.


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Asshats of the Week

Anyone that watched the Oscars last night may have noticed that during the "In Memoriam" montage, Brad Renfro was not mentioned.

TMZ called the Academy out on the omission, and this was their lame ass response: "It is simply not possible to include everyone in that segment."

I told you it was lame ass. So we're supposed to believe that they didn't have enough time. The close to FOUR hour long Academy Awards didn't have two seconds to spare for an actor that made 26 movies in his very short life.

But they had enough time for the gag about the history of binoculars in film.

So, some stuff to catch up on.

First off, CONGRATS NY GIANTS!!!!

In related news, Patriots coach Bill Belichick may not be getting (another) SuperBowl ring, but he's not going home empty-handed because CONGRATULATIONS BILL, you are this week's winner of ASSHAT OF THE WEEK for being a such a sore loser!



Wait, hang on--I can't give you your trophy yet, because there's still one second on the clock. All the asshats back on the field!!

That includes you Heidi Montag and your stupid new "single" , God, it's like a bad ripoff of Paris Hilton's Stars Are Blind.

I'd rather watch Paula Abdul's SuperBowl performance again. Yeah, she was lipsynching, so what? It's Paula Abdul, did anyone really think she'd sing live? I was surprised that Jordin Sparks lip-synched the National Anthem, (watch closely). Speaking of the National Anthem, did you ever notice that old people get REALLY pissed when someone sings it and changes the melody around a little or inserts a run instead of singing it straight? Just something I noticed over the years.



Speaking of former American Idol contestants and old people, Season 5 runner-up Katherine McPhee married that creepy guy over the weekend? Does anyone care? She was dropped from her label, wasn't she? She's 23, he's 42.

Asshat of the Week!!

Yeah, it's only Monday so I know I'm already counting my asshats before they hatch, but anytime anyone uses the "Do you know who I am?" line, they get an automatic pass without passing Go and collecting $200.

Montel Williams didn't just say this, but also added on a personal threat last Friday to a HIGH SCHOOL student in Savannah, GA. He was there to promote a program giving free prescriptions to low-income people. A local high-school student named Courtney Scott was an intern at the Savannah Morning-News and asked Montel, "Do you think pharmaceutical companies would be discouraged from research and development if their profits were restricted?"

Montel angrily responded with "I'm trying to figure out exactly why you are here and what the interview is about. I'm here as a patient advocate talking about the fact that medications available today are saving people's lives, that's what's saving mine and after that, this interview is done."

Later that day, the reporters returned to the hotel for an unrelated story and Montel got in Courtney's face, pointed his finger at her and yelled: "Don't look at me like that. Do you know who I am? I'm a big star, and I can look you up, find where you live and blow you up."

Montel later tried to save face by apologizing and claiming it was a misunderstanding on his part because he thought they were at the hotel to confront him about his earlier dumbass comments.

Nice try Montel, but it's too late. We have taken a sample of your DNA and the test results confirm that you...

are....



Indeed an asshat!

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Asshat of the Week!

In this time of Thanksgiving and family, the douchiness of deadbeat dads seems to stand out even more. Eddie Murphy has reportedly flat-out REFUSED to meet his daughter with Melanie (Scary Spice) Brown, Angel Iris.

This is the daughter he denied was his child until Mel took him to court and his DNA results proved he was.

Mel and her lawyers have been attempting to work our visitation rights for Eddie in court but the case has been postponed for over three months because Eddie hasn't submitted an offer.

What a turd! First the whole "Booohoo, I didn't win an Oscar, I'm leaving!" spoiled brat drama, then the denial about the baby. He's on the Tom Cruise path to career suicide (without aliens). You suck Eddie!

And meanwhile Mel B.'s stock is soaring thanks to Dancing With the Stars. I love her so much, it almost makes up for being pounded through the skull with "Wannabe" ten years ago. Almost. Check out the awesome dance from last night's episode (yeah, I know. There is a clip of the Spice Girls, but the dance is worth it. And Maksim.) Speaking of, if Marie Osmond doesn't go home tonight I am going to personally blow up the Church of Latter Day Saints! Who said that?



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Asshat of the Week

It's only Monday and already I had a hard time deciding if the Asshat of the Week should be the dumbass Red Sox fans: "We won, let's riot and flip some cars!" or famewhore Trista Rehn Sutter. It was a tough call, but Trista won out. Hey, that's the first time Trista won anything, isn't it? Unfortunately Trista, you will have to share the honor with Us Weekly Magazine, so you're still not a total winner.

I'm being kind of mean here though. See, Trista is already going through some hard times. She's got a battle ahead of her. A battle with her post-baby weight, and she is bravely speaking about her struggle in the latest issue of Us Weekly.

Here is a heartbreaking excerpt of the moving interview that every new mother in America, hell any woman, any size 4 heffer, can relate to:

' Three months after the birth of her son, former Bachelor star Trista Sutter, 35, tells Us she’s on a mission to lose the last of the 30 pounds she gained during pregnancy.

“I’m definitely not pleased when I look in the mirror,” admits the 5-foot-2 star, who now wears a size 4 and weighs 116 pounds, but aspires to surpass her prebaby physique and get down to 106 pounds. “When I fit into my size 26 Hudson jeans, then I’ll be happy.”

Sutter shares her post-baby body issues with Us and how husband Ryan, 33, is helping her get down to her goal weight.

How are you feeling about your body?
“My friend said that when I came home from the hospital, I’d be back in my old jeans. Fifteen pounds did fall off immediately, but the fact that it’s been three months and I’m still not in them is a bummer.”

What bothers you the most?
“My belly. It has a layer of fat, which, of course, your body has to put on, but it’s blubbery and I hate it. I want to be able to go bathing suit shopping for a vacation and not feel totally disgusted…I just don’t feel good in a lot of my clothes.”

Does Ryan help?
If I eat something that I shouldn’t, Ryan shakes his finger at me and says, ‘Uh, uh, uh!’ He’s been awesome, 100 percent supportive. He watches Max when I go to the gym and is constantly saying that I look great. But when you don’t feel good about yourself, you don’t feel like you want to be intimate. I want to feel, and look, sexy again for him. Even though he is being nice and saying he’s still attracted to me, I want to feel like he’s telling me the truth and not just saying it because he’s a good husband.” '

I know, 116 pounds!!! I wouldn't leave the house!!! Poor, poor Trista! It's a good thing she has such a wonderful, supportive husband who's willing to shake his finger at her when she eats a no-no food! Good luck Trista, you can lose that blubber and be back to your former sexpot self in no time! I believe in you! As a matter of fact, don't stop at 106 lbs, try for 96, or 86, or 76. Hell, go for 6!!!

And kudos to Us Weekly for publishing such an inspirational piece about this gifted, talented, and lovely young heroine. I'm sure this kind of story will resonate with the vast majority of women in America who will all surely stand up and applaud Trista's courage.

By the way, did she say anything about the BABY?

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ASSHAT OF THE WEEK!

“I’m rooting for the Red Sox in the World Series,” former New York mayor and current Presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani said after a breakfast fund-raiser at Umbria Ristorante in Boston.

Are you fucking kidding me?

His copout (lots of those today huh?) was that he always roots for the American League team.

Ok, if Cleveland made it, I could buy that, but the Red Sox? The New York Yankees arch rival? YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT.

And I'd feel the same way if it were reversed. If you are fan of one of those teams, you don't switch. YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT. Even John Kerry wouldn't do that and he flip-flopped on everything!

Does he honestly think he's going to gain any votes that way? All it shows is that he's a typical politician and will say anything he needs to say to get a vote.

I was never planning to vote for him, but still.

YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT.

Asshat!


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Asshat of the Week

We all knew Ann Coulter was an asshat, but the verbal diarrhea she sputtered on Donny Deutsch's CNBC show, "The Big Idea," was just unbelievable. I don't understand why people continue to give this "woman" (Adam's apple!!) airtime.

I'd like to shove an imperfect menorah up her ass sideways.

Asshat of the Week

Yesterday was Whoopi Goldberg's first day as a co-host of the View. As difficult as it may sound, Whoopi managed to one-up Rosie O'Donnell's asshatidry by not only defending animal lover Michael Vick, but insulting the intelligence of Southerners by saying that dogfighting isn't unusual "from where he comes from" meaning: the South. Whoopi continued: "It's like cockfighting in Puerto Rico. There are certain things that are indicative to certain parts of the country."

Is she as ignorant as she seems to think those them people from the South are or is this a ratings gimmick. You decide by seeing how it went down here (go 1:40 into it)

By the way, Whoopi is from New York City so in case you were doubting her expertise on all things Southern, oh, excuse me, Deep Southern, she doesn't really have any.

So anyway, Congrats Whoopi. First day on The View, making news headlines since 1985, and Asshat of the Week all in 48 hours!

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