Time to play : How old is Lindsay Lohan?

A) 22

B) 32

C) 42

D) That's Lindsay Lohan? I thought that was a dude!

Dina: EVERYTHING'S FINE!!!

Dina Lohan attempted some damage control on the rumors that Lindsay's guest stint on Ugly Betty was cut short from six episodes to four because of Lindsay's behavior and disrespectful actions.

On Lindsay's alleged dispute with America Ferrara: "It was just silly. America's a doll."

On Lindsay bringing a large group of friends on set and trashing her dressing room: "And they said [Lindsay] brought a posse. It was my mother and myself, and Ali. It was not a posse. We had sushi and no one trashed the room."

On why the episode arc was cut to four episodes: "She had fun on Ugly Betty. "It was long hours and when you're on a movie set it's a lot different. She's not used to television, but it was fun."

On Samantha Ronson: "We've known the family for years, so it's great. Sam is so tough and smart. "She's a sweetheart."

Ok, let's activate the Asshat Hollywood Bullshit Translator:

TRANSLATION: "Please, movie and television producers, please buy this load of crap and hire my daughter. I have become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Lindsay is my only hope. God knows, I've tried with the other one, but she's useless. Hey, how about a reality show about Lindsay and Sam's alternative relationship? I'm accepting of it you know, not like her father. I even said Sam's lovely, see?"

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Michael Lohan is not allowed at Lindsay's wedding

Lindsay Lohan has reportedly banned her father from attending a party she and girlfriend Samantha Ronson are throwing at Hollywood's Peninsula Hotel on August 8th for "their closest friends and family." Hmmm, wonder what kind of party this is.

Lindsay allegedly even hired extra security to make sure only people on the guest list are let in. The reason she doesn't want Michael there is because he doesn't approve of Lindsay and Sam's relationship. A source told Britain's Daily Star newspaper: "Michael thinks Lindsay is just going through another phase and that she will end up getting hurt. He thinks it is embarrassing."

Are you listening E!? Why not follow Lindsay's lead and ban Dina from your airwaves?

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No Emmy until Lindsay says so

Earlier this week, Queen Bitch of the World, Katherine Heigl pulled herself out of consideration for an Emmy for her role on Grey's Anatomy, because, well, she's a bitch.

Now Lindsay Lohan is following suit, and taking herself out of the Emmy race for her ground-breaking and award-worthy 45 second guest spot on Ugly Betty. (in case you missed it, the clip is above. Brace yourself though, it's THAT good.) Lindsay reportedly doesn't want to jinx her chances for winning an Emmy next year for one of the five episodes she'll appear in.

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Who the hell asked your skanky ass?

Tila Tequila recently gave Lindsay Lohan some advice on coming out via Usmagazine. "I think that the fact that everyone knows about it makes it fine. Just go all out with it! If you’re going to do something, do it all out."

Ok, so Tila, why don't you practice what you preach? Everybody knows that your stupid reality dating show is a sham and that you have a longterm boyfriend so why don't you just come out with that? And also that you are talentless famewhore skank? You know, just go all out with it!

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Michael Lohan thinks he is setting a good example

Michael Lohan is feeling a little desperate for attention, since Dina's in the spotlight with the future Emmy award-winning Living Lohan, so he's decided to out his daughter as a lesbian and out himself as a Bible-thumping homophobe.

Michael told Usmagazine.com that Lindsay and Samantha Ronson's relationship "is evident to anyone with half a brain."

But that doesn't mean he approves. "Just like the [topless] Marilyn Monroe spread, Linds is my daughter and there are just some things a father doesn't want to see or hear, regardless of whether they are true or false."

He adds Lindsay "is a big girl, and she can make her own life choices. Then it is between her and God."

Then, for good measure, Michael decided to shift to Dina, "Maybe her mother's life revolves around the tabloids and reports, but mine doesn't. I am into setting a good example and doing good things that don't deceive or exploit my kids. But I will say this: While we were a family, you never even saw or heard a negative thing about any of us. But since the separation, look at everything that has happened!"

Speaking of, TMZ has some video of Michael setting a good example.

Lindsay's big, enormous, guest role on Ugly Betty!

Yeah, that was it! As for the rest of the season finale: if you missed it, no worries, go watch the "I Choose Me" episode of 90210 and pretend Kelly is Betty, Dylan is Gio, and Brandon is Henry. And throw in a lame and done-to-death Naomi Campbell cell phone joke.

Fuck, what the hell happened to this show?

Ugly Lindsay

PEOPLE (who else?) has released the first photo of Lindsay Lohan filming a scene for her guest stint on Ugly Betty. Lindsay will appear in six episodes beginning with the May 22nd season finale (which will also feature Naomi Campbell).

The scene above is a flashback to Betty's high school days. See, Lindsay is going to play a former high school bully that resurfaces in Betty's life when Daniel goes to a doctor to get a tattoo removed and she is the doctor's ditzy receptionist and...wait...

Lindsay is:

A) Deciding whether she should try to pop a bigass zit on Joel's face.

B) About to start sucking Joel's nose after spotting some cocaine residue in his left nostril.

C) Being told delicately by Joel that the leggings comeback has run its course.

D) About to get her ass kicked by Nicole Richie.

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Is nothing sacred? Part 2

Ok, first she attempts to imitate Marilyn, now she's invading my beloved pro-rasslin? That's where I draw the line! Where's the Boogeyman? She needs some worms shoved down her throat!

Aw shit, she was there with the Sunshine Foundation helping children (that's NOT one of them on the left by the way)?

I don't care. Move away from the WWE Lohan, it's too classy for you!

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Is nothing sacred?

So someone at New York Magazine thought it would be a good idea to recreate Marilyn Monroe's final photo shoot starring Lindsay "Don't Call Me Firecrotch" Lohan. They even got original photographer Bert "I'm hard up for cash" Stern to shoot the spread (no pun intended).

I have a feeling whoever got this brilliant idea is also responsible for this crap.

To exemplify the sacrilege, below are some photos from the Lindsay shoot side-by-side with the Marilyn originals:









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We salute you Lindsay!!

Refreshing (and adequite) celebrity trend for 2008: underwear!!

Is she/ isn't she?

Sources have told New York Daily News that Lindsay Lohan has been "drinking a little bit" (By "little" they mean two, rather than three, bottles of Jager a day) over her Thanksgiving holiday week in New York with her mother.

But the "friends" insist that the booze is ok and that Lindsay's problem is drugs, not alcohol (because we all know alcohol isn't a real drug!! Duh, it's legal.) They say, "For Lindsay, her real problem was drugs, not alcohol. In the past, it wasn't the drinking that was the problem - it was the heavy drug use. The drug use was way more intense than her party drinking. As long as she isn't doing drugs, she's okay." Party on!

Lohan's spokeswoman has of course refuted these claims, saying "These so-called friends are making up things about her."

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Welcome Back Lindsay! (this is where we build them up after kicking them when they're down)

Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab, sober (?), and in Los Angeles to continue shooting her movie Dare to Love Me. That's the one she was taking the tango lessons for.

Her mom Dina tole PEOPLE, "Lindsay is very happy and her life is back in control." Hey Dina, keep your famewhore ass away from her and maybe she'll stay that way!

In other Lindsay news, she recently filed a countersuit against Raymundo Ortega, the man who is currently suing her over a car accident in West Hollywood in 2005. Lindsay claims it was Raymundo and not her that was negligent when her Mercedes-Benz crashed into his van.

Lindsay has found love!!

Or at least a new bathroom partner. This week's lucky boy is Chesare Bono, as in Sonny Bono, not U2 Bono.

Yup Chesare is the 19-year old son of the late Sonny and Republican Congresswoman Mary, who must be so thrilled.

Lindsay and Chesare met in rehab and are rumored to be getting serious. According to a source: "Chez is telling pals that he and Lindsay have fallen for each other big time. They plan on moving in with one another just as soon as they get out of rehab. He is telling people they spend every moment they can together and lean on each other for comfort."

Oh Chez, you silly pathetic 19-year old. Just because Lindsay mounts you on the toilet doesn't mean that you are serious. I'm going to feel so bad for the kid when she dumps him soon for Richie Sambora.

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What's in the bag Lindsay?

Here's Lindsay on her way out of a Rite-Aid in Utah on another little field trip from rehab. Yup, she left drug rehab to buy some drugs. But she's a star so she can.

I bet $50 there's NyQuil, cigarettes, and condoms (for her bathroom breaks) in there.

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Celebrity Deathrace 2007

Our first contestant is Lindsay Lohan (aka "Firecrotch") who was arrested in Santa Monica early this morning. The police received a call from a driver in an SUV claiming another SUV was chasing her. When police pulled over the SUV in pursuit, guess who? (Lindsay also had two unnamed men in the car with her, but they were not arrested.) They arrested Lindsday after she failed the Breathalyzer. (She clocked in at .12 percent on her Breathalyzer tests, going well above the legal limit of .08. Way to go!! High Score! I guess the SCRAM anklet didn't work so well.)

Upon a search conducted at the police station, cocaine was found on Lindsay. She was then booked for DUI, possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custody facility, and driving on a suspended license. Lindsay later posted $25,000 bail and was released from jail at about 6:30 a.m.

Her publicist, Leslie Sloane, had no comment. I have a comment for her publicist: RUN and find a new client!! That sweet little Abigail Benson, perhaps?

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Damn, surely no one can top that!

Oh silly, silly me!

So Brit had contacted OK! Magazine and arranged an exclusive photo shoot and interviewTMZ has learned that Britney's self-arranged photo shoot and tell-all interview. Well TMZ is reporting today that the photo shoot was a complete disaster and now OK! is in a predicament, and don't know what to print. A source said that if they published the photos it could "kill her career." (Yeah, I'm not sure how you can kill something that's already dead either.)

FROM TMZ:
' Apparently, Brit Brit's eyes rolled back in her head at one point, causing her to look half dead. Her mood, we're told, was extremely erratic. She took frequent bathroom breaks our source says, and each time she returned her mood would change. She was also completely paranoid during the entire interview, fearing at one point the ceiling was about to cave in on her. Out of control y'all!

We've also learned that Brit had some issues with hygiene on the set as well. At one point, Britney ordered up some fried chicken to munch on. We're told after she chowed down, she wiped her hands on a several thousand dollar Gucci dress that she was wearing for the shoot, staining it with grease. Yuck! One of her dogs also needed some assistance in the housebreaking department. Our on-set spy says that the dog pooped all over the floor, and Brit used (what else?) -- a Chanel dress to clean it up! How trashtastic!As for how Brit looked for the photos, another nightmare. We've learned that OK! hired two of the best hair and makeup artists in L.A. to transform the once-bald beauty into something more presentable, but she wasn't havin' none of that. She refused to let the hired help touch her, opting instead for her "skanky friends" to do her hair and makeup. No wonder she always looks so fantastic! '


Neither Britney's or OK!'s reps have commented.

Wow, this one's tough. I'll call it a draw. It's tough not to be swayed by chicken grease on Chanel though.

Ok fine, CONGRATS BRITNEY!!!

You look better on TMZ

Ok, so here's a picture of the newly sober (stop laughing) Lindsay Lohan from PEOPLE. :


Ok, so then I head over to TMZ and look what I see:

??????????


I feel like I'm having deja vu.



I feel like I'm having deja vu.

Maybe this is the sequel to The Parent Trap?

Wait, I know! This is one of those games where you have to circle the things that are different? I'm really good at these!!! I wonder what I could win. Ok, time to get to work...Surfboard, Bikini, SCRAM anklet, Peace Sign, Gold Shoes..........

Lindsay Surrenders to the Po-po

Lindsay Lohan surrendered to Beverly Hills police yesterday afternoon, facing up to the charges for driving under the influence and the hit-and-run back in May. She arrived with her attorney and was released on $30,000 bail about an hour later. Her court date is set for Aug. 24 in Superior Court in Beverly Hills.

Lindsay was cited back then but hadn't been officially arrested until now. She waited this long so as not to clash with Paris and Nicole Richie's trials and sentences. (Because that would be, like, so embarrassing!)

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Lindsay Lohan, you just completed rehab! What are you going to do now?

"I'M GOING TO VEGAS TO PARTY!!!"

Yup, after checking out of Malibu, California's Promises rehab facility on Friday after more than six weeks Lindsay partied (sans alcohol--supposedly) at Pure nightclub with friends in Vegas on Saturday night.

A rep for Linds released the following statement confirming her release from Promises: "On Friday, July 13, 2007, Lindsay Lohan successfully completed her 45 days of residential and extended-care treatment at Promises. She has transitioned to an intensive outpatient program, which includes attendance at daily AA meetings, outpatient therapy and daily testing. On her own, she has also made the decision in support of her sobriety to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet. In part she is wearing the bracelet so there are no questions about her sobriety if she chooses to go dancing or dining in a place where alcohol is served."

It was reported that Lindsay only drank energy drinks at the nightclub.

I don't know if I buy this. It's not like that bracelet is police ordered and monitored. I'd be willing to bet it's all for show. Even if it's for real, I bet the cocaine doesn't set that thing off.

Here's another photo of Lindsay partying with the cast of Rock of Love. Oh, those are the Pussycat Dolls? My bad.

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