They grow up so fast!

So weird. I was just watching "School of Rock" yesterday and then today I found out that the kid that played Zach was busted for underage DUI last month. What the hell? Those kids aren't supposed to age, let alone grow up to be dumbasses!

17-year old, Joey Gaydos Jr. released an apology to TMZ.com:

"Some of you may have seen video footage of me on shows like TMZ, or your local news regarding an unfortunate incident I had a few weeks ago.

The first thing I would like to say is, I made a HUGE mistake, and I really regret my actions. What I did was wrong, and all I can say is, I'm sorry to anyone I may have let down, I'm only human, and we ALL make mistakes.

To everyone who has supported me through this I would like to say, THANK YOU, it really means a lot."

Sounds like he's not letting the man get him down.

Just in time for lunch!

Here's Tara Reid's ass!

Tara, give Pete Burns a call and get the name of his lawyer!

Flea Bomb maybe...

So one of the Kardashians who isn't Kim, Khloe, was arrested on drunk driving charges and served her three hour sentence Friday. She was supposed to serve 30 days, but her time was reduced due to overcrowding and because she posed a threat to the prison population, or so she told Ryan Seacrest on his radio show this morning.

Are you ready for this? Khloe said, "There was a bomb threat. They put me in solitary confinement and the warden came down to talk to me and said, 'You're the one causing all the problems here. ... There are all these bomb threats, and we think they're because of you.'"

Khloe also said she had to watch an "intense" instructional video about "how to be a good inmate" and to avoid fights and getting a staph infection.

Write your own joke.

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Can we get an EPT test just to make sure?

Last week, there were rumors that Paris Hilton was pregnant after photos spread of her allegedly sporting a baby bump. Paris seems to have squashed those rumors by drinking and smoking in Vegas Friday night while filming her new stupid reality show where girls that were deemed "too low class" for Flavor of Love and Rock of Love compete to become Paris's BFF.

Paris reportedly drank pink champagne at dinner and vodka, tequila, and smoked cigarettes later that night at Vegas nightclubs.

I'm not celebrating yet. Personally I think people are giving the skank way too much credit to think she wouldn't drink and smoke if she were pregnant. I mean, the bitch doesn't feed her pets and keeps them in the closet.


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Wedding Day?!

I really hope Beyonce and Jay-Z get married today as rumored, because I'm really tired of hearing about it. First Beyonce was spotted wearing a diamond band on her ring finger last month and last Thursday the couple applied for a marriage license in New York City. The wedding will supposedly take place today in New York as well.

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To add spark to the speculation, Kelly Rowland posted this video on YouTube of her and Michelle Williams in an "undisclosed location." Those two look hammered and carry on for a while after that. See what you started Miley and Mandy Show?!

ASSHAT OF THE WEEK

Sometimes you tell the day by the bottle that you drink and (recently out of rehab) Richie Sambora was having a Jack Daniels kind of day yesterday when he was arrested for DUI in Laguna Beach, California last night.

Richie was pulled over around 11:00 PM last night after police stopped him for driving erratically and taken in after failing numerous field sobriety tests.

Ok, drunk driving is bad enough right?

But what about drunk driving with your child in the car? Well, that makes you Asshat of the Week.

Yup, TMZ just reported that Ava, Richie's 10 year old daughter with Heather Locklear, was in the car with Richie when he was pulled over. Piece of shit.

Richie was released this morning around 4:00AM.


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Hey Mr. Winehouse , I've got some great swampland in Jersey....

Amy's dad, Mitch Winehouse insists that, despite rumored recent drug binges and accounts of hotel trashing, his daughter is on the straight and narrow.

Why is he so sure?

Because she's with Kelly Osbourne of course! Who happens to be a drug counselor. What, you didn't know?

Mitch told Closer magazine, "Staying out til 5am is what people her age do, she hasn't relapsed. If she's with Kelly there's no relapse. Kelly's a drug counselor, so Amy's completely safe with her."

Makes perfect sense to me!

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Well, she told ya she was trouble

If Amy Winehouse's recent sobriety was for real, it unfortunately seems to have been short-lived, after Amy trashed a hotel room in London's Riverbank Plaza Hotel causing $6.000.00 worth of damage.

Amy was staying in a suite at the luxury hotel since leaving rehab earlier this month. During her two-week stay, she has refused to allow the cleaning crew into the room. When Amy was out attending the Brit Awards Wednesday night, the hotel management team were finally able to gain access to the room.

Once inside the suite, they found the floor littered with empty champagne bottles, cigarette butts and ashes all over the carpet, and spilled drinks which ruined the wooden floors in the hallway. The bathtub was stained with black hair dye.

A source told Britain's The Sun, "It was covered in booze and fag butts, absolutely disgusting. …Most of the room had been used as an ashtray… the place smelt incredibly stale.
The bath had to be scrubbed and unblocked from balls of matted hair. It took three maids two hours to get it in a habitable order."

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Forever Our Drunk-Ass Girl

Since the premiere of this season's American Idol, something didn't seem right.

I noticed that Paula didn't seem like herself. She'd been speaking clearly, making sense, and giving pretty good critiques and advice. Almost...sober.

But everyone can calm down now because drunk crazy Paula is BACK! I repeat: the Abdul-Alert has been raised to "TOUCHDOWN!"

Party with your pants down, Kiefer's free!

Kiefer Sutherland was released from jail today after serving 48 days on a drunken driving charge

Los Angeles Police Officer John Balian said Kiefer was wearing a shirt and jeans when he left at 12:05am and " looked like he was glad to be out." No shit?

Bailan added, "He was very humble, never complained. He didn't give us any problems at all."

Kiefer must now serve five years probation. He also has to complete an 18-month alcohol education program and attend weekly therapy sessions for six months.

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24 X 48

Kiefer Sutherland surrendered to jail yesterday at 5:46pm to begin serving a 48 day sentence for his DUI conviction. He is expected to serve his entire term.

A spokesman for the jail said, "Mr. Sutherland is very polite and humble. He was very cooperative during the booking process. He will be issued an orange jumpsuit, and will be housed alone in a cell, since he'll be a long-term inmate."

Keifer will be an inmate worker and his duties include doing laundry and serving meals, which is the only contact he'll have with other inmates.

PEOPLE reports that Keifer's cell is 8 by 10 feet and has a toilet, washbasin and water fountain. He will get (and serve) two hot and one cold meal a day, including such delectable choices as corn flakes, turkey sandwiches, meatloaf, mac-n-cheese and chicken a la king. He will be allowed two 15 minute visits a day between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m.

Those inmates are so lucky!! How many people can say Jack Bauer served them corn flakes?

Is she/ isn't she?

Sources have told New York Daily News that Lindsay Lohan has been "drinking a little bit" (By "little" they mean two, rather than three, bottles of Jager a day) over her Thanksgiving holiday week in New York with her mother.

But the "friends" insist that the booze is ok and that Lindsay's problem is drugs, not alcohol (because we all know alcohol isn't a real drug!! Duh, it's legal.) They say, "For Lindsay, her real problem was drugs, not alcohol. In the past, it wasn't the drinking that was the problem - it was the heavy drug use. The drug use was way more intense than her party drinking. As long as she isn't doing drugs, she's okay." Party on!

Lohan's spokeswoman has of course refuted these claims, saying "These so-called friends are making up things about her."

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1152

That's how many hours Kiefer Sutherland will serve in jail for his drunk driving charges last month. Keifer was sentenced yesterday after pleading no contest and will serve 30 of the days for the the DUI and 18 days for violating his probation for the last conviction he got for driving drunk. He also has to attend alcohol education classes for 18 months and alcohol therapy sessions for six months. Kiefer is also not allowed to drive for six months.

So let this be a lesson drunken celebs - HIRE A MOTHERFUCKING DRIVER! I will never understand that, they can afford it!

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K-Fed got the kids!

What's in the cup?

We can all breathe a big sign of relief for Sean Preston and Jayden James. TMZ has breaking news that Britney has lost custody!

' L.A. County Superior Court Judge Scott Gordon issued an order today stating that Kevin Federline, the boys' father, "is to retain physical custody of the minor children on Wednesday, October 3, 2007 at 12:00 PM until further order of the court." '

You can view the official document here.


Let's see how long it takes Britney to notice. Seriously though, will SOMEONE help this crazy bitch before it's too late?

1:35 A.M.

After a night of partying at the FOX Eco-Casino party at the Area nightclub, Kiefer Sutherland was stopped by police after making an illegal U-turn in on La Cienga and Beverly in West Hollywood. He was given a Breathalyzer and failed, allegedly blowing more than twice the legal limit of .08.

4:09 A.M.:

Kiefer was booked on DUI at the LA Sheriff's Department.


5:42 A.M.:

Kiefer was released on $25,000 bail.


As of 8:48A.M.:
A rep for Sutherland could not immediately be reached for comment.


October 16:
Kiefer will face a judge.

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Timberfuck lives up to his name

Remember the most awesome episode of Punk'd?

Justin Timberfuck has come clean about the reason that two of his recent concerts in California were cancelled. Originally he claimed that he strained his voice after his performance at the VMA's, but there were rumors that the real reason he cancelled the shows was because he drank one too many wine spritzers at the afterparty (that would mean he drank two -- you know that's all he can handle.).

Justin revealed that he's a big fat liar at a recent show in San Jose when he said, "Certain bloggers said I cancelled because I was hungover and they were right… I was."

He must be taking lessons in pissing off your fans from his ex-girl Brit.

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Baby Bump Worked!

TMZ reports that Nicole Richie has been sentenced to serve four days in the City or County Jail or her choice for her DUI conviction last December (remember she drove the wrong way on the highway?) . In addition to the four day sentence, Nicole will be on probation for three years, will have to pay a fine of $2,048.00 and will have to attend an alcohol education course. Nicole must serve her four day sentence by September 28th.

FOUR DAYS???!!!! Boy, Paris must be pissed.

Celebrity Deathrace 2007

Our first contestant is Lindsay Lohan (aka "Firecrotch") who was arrested in Santa Monica early this morning. The police received a call from a driver in an SUV claiming another SUV was chasing her. When police pulled over the SUV in pursuit, guess who? (Lindsay also had two unnamed men in the car with her, but they were not arrested.) They arrested Lindsday after she failed the Breathalyzer. (She clocked in at .12 percent on her Breathalyzer tests, going well above the legal limit of .08. Way to go!! High Score! I guess the SCRAM anklet didn't work so well.)

Upon a search conducted at the police station, cocaine was found on Lindsay. She was then booked for DUI, possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custody facility, and driving on a suspended license. Lindsay later posted $25,000 bail and was released from jail at about 6:30 a.m.

Her publicist, Leslie Sloane, had no comment. I have a comment for her publicist: RUN and find a new client!! That sweet little Abigail Benson, perhaps?

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Damn, surely no one can top that!

Oh silly, silly me!

So Brit had contacted OK! Magazine and arranged an exclusive photo shoot and interviewTMZ has learned that Britney's self-arranged photo shoot and tell-all interview. Well TMZ is reporting today that the photo shoot was a complete disaster and now OK! is in a predicament, and don't know what to print. A source said that if they published the photos it could "kill her career." (Yeah, I'm not sure how you can kill something that's already dead either.)

FROM TMZ:
' Apparently, Brit Brit's eyes rolled back in her head at one point, causing her to look half dead. Her mood, we're told, was extremely erratic. She took frequent bathroom breaks our source says, and each time she returned her mood would change. She was also completely paranoid during the entire interview, fearing at one point the ceiling was about to cave in on her. Out of control y'all!

We've also learned that Brit had some issues with hygiene on the set as well. At one point, Britney ordered up some fried chicken to munch on. We're told after she chowed down, she wiped her hands on a several thousand dollar Gucci dress that she was wearing for the shoot, staining it with grease. Yuck! One of her dogs also needed some assistance in the housebreaking department. Our on-set spy says that the dog pooped all over the floor, and Brit used (what else?) -- a Chanel dress to clean it up! How trashtastic!As for how Brit looked for the photos, another nightmare. We've learned that OK! hired two of the best hair and makeup artists in L.A. to transform the once-bald beauty into something more presentable, but she wasn't havin' none of that. She refused to let the hired help touch her, opting instead for her "skanky friends" to do her hair and makeup. No wonder she always looks so fantastic! '


Neither Britney's or OK!'s reps have commented.

Wow, this one's tough. I'll call it a draw. It's tough not to be swayed by chicken grease on Chanel though.

Ok fine, CONGRATS BRITNEY!!!

Lindsay Surrenders to the Po-po

Lindsay Lohan surrendered to Beverly Hills police yesterday afternoon, facing up to the charges for driving under the influence and the hit-and-run back in May. She arrived with her attorney and was released on $30,000 bail about an hour later. Her court date is set for Aug. 24 in Superior Court in Beverly Hills.

Lindsay was cited back then but hadn't been officially arrested until now. She waited this long so as not to clash with Paris and Nicole Richie's trials and sentences. (Because that would be, like, so embarrassing!)

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Lindsay wasn't available?

A rep for the soon-to-open LAX nightclub in the Luxor Hotel in Vegas told PEOPLE that Britney Spears will host the grand opening next month.

Fabulous idea!! Because the last time she hosted something it was such a success: