Happy Birthday Maddox!

Superchild Maddox Jolie-Pitt turned six on Sunday! Life & Style had this picture from his birthday party. Maddox is far too advanced for Pin the Tail on the Donkey so at his party the children played Settle the Conflict in the Middle East Peacefully. That was followed by a rousing discussion of 16th Century Russian Literature. In lieu of "Happy Birthday, " Maddox insisted on treating his peers to a performance of Beethoven's Symphony Number 5.

I don't think they're ready for that jelly

One of Wolfgang Puck's prep cooks may have exposed guests at the Sports Illustrated party to hepatitis A. The Los Angeles County Department of Health sent all guests, including Beyonce, alerts and recommended vaccinations for anyone who ate uncooked food such as sushi and fresh vegetables. So far, no illnesses have been reported. The tainted prep cook was not involved with any of the recent Oscar parties.

Damn Wolfgang, this one's going to be harder to redeem yourself from than "Puck and Pickler."

SOURCE

Oscar Party time!

"Oh Penelope, at least you were nominated! Here drink mine. I know! Why don't you adopt an African boy? That will make you feel better. Hey there's one!"

"What the hell Madonna? That's my son!"

"Oh my god, here it comes.......BEST ART DIRECTION!!"

"You know sis, after six rum and cokes, that dress doesn't look so bad."

"Help me balance Kate, these lifts are hard to walk in."
"Hell no, I look way too fabulous for you to hold me up."
"Ok, somebody needs to go back to the Center for some reprogramming."

"What do you mean what are we doing here?"

"I told you Jennifer Hudson was better than your racist show and would win an Oscar! Aw hell, you're still damn sexy though."

Kid - "So Sheryl, I hear you're single again. I am too, wanna give it another shot?"

Sheryl - "Who the hell are you?"

"Aww memories, cute."
"I know, let's get another one but this time with Celine punching her chest!
HEY CELINE, COME HERE!!"

"LOOK! It's Kojak!! I thought he was dead"
"Um, that's Jack Nicholson mom."

"Forest, why do people keep smelling my ass?"

Gwenyth "Oh Sasha, I do hate those stupid Americans! Look at them! Hahaha......oh wait, I didn't mean you Latifah. Really, I'm sorry."

Ha, Helen can party harder than Vince and Jaime!
Vince looks like he's about to hurl (why does he look so skinny? and tall? and scary?) Jaime's all "Do you remember when I won the Oscar? Wanna hear about my grandmother again?"

PHOTOS

Happy Birthday Paris Hilton

Happy 26th Skanky!! With each passing year, you look more and more ridiculous.

Are they all packed in a trailer or something?

"WHY IS NO ONE PAYING ATTENTION TO MEEE?!!! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!"

"Who else wants to take a picture while sticking their face in my crotch?"

"I'm sorry Miss Hilton, but you are going to have to remove your shoes, the floor is extremely slippery with Brandon Davis around."

"MMMM Paris--I mean Stavros."

"MMMMM, fries."

"Hey Ludacris!! You N*****!!! "

PHOTOS 1 & 2

CELEBRITY COUPLES CELEBRATE THE NEW YEAR

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden in Las Vegas. Don't cry Hilary, I'm not a guy, but I'm pretty sure doing Nicole would probably actually be the equivalent of doing a hole in the wall (or that skeleton from Science class), so you were probably better, even if you didn't put out at all.



Jessica and John Mayer- the most obviously together "non-couple" since Vaughniston, spent NYE at a party at the Hudson Hotel New York City and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

[THUD!]



Oops! Sorry, it was a combination of being bored and tired. I'm very "tired".

Anyway, speaking of Jess, rumor is Nick Lachey may have proposed to Vanessa Minnillo.

People reports: Lachey whispered into Minnillo's ear and kissed her neck. The occasion appeared to overwhelm Minnillo, who responded by dabbing away joyful tears. Minnillo later told PEOPLE she was pent up with emotion because "everyone that is important in my life is here. I literally choked up. I'm just so happy."

I was going to make an oral joke about Vanessa being choked up, but this is just sweet so I won't ruin it.

Finally, the hottest couple of all, Britney and alcohol!

Britney Trainwreck Tour Hits Las Vegas NYE

So Britney passed out drunk and fell on her face New Year's Eve. Her reps insist she was just taking a little nap. In the middle of the floor. In a nightclub.

Her manager, Larry Rudolph was quoted as saying: "By about 1 o'clock, she was just done, so we took her out." That sounds like something they say about a racehorse being taken out to pasture.

Full Story

Asinine Paris Quote of the Day

Defending Britney on her MySpace page:

"For people to call out her parenting skills on behalf of her partying ethics is appalling"

"Britney loves her kids to death, and I know for a fact that it truly hurts her when she sees these cruel things being written about her. She goes home every night to her babies and partying has not come in the way of her parenting."


Well, she's right about Britney loving her kids to death. That's what we're afraid of!