I say good for her!

Lindsay Lohan posted a fake eHarmony ad on FunnyorDie.com:

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan is an artiste!

For anyone lucky enough to live in New York, Lindsay Lohan will be opening her very own art exhibit on Thursday!!

No, Lindsay doesn't paint. Or take photographs. Or know anything about art. Instead, the collection will consist of photographs, chosen by Lindsay, which "represent the mood behind her tattoos." That Lindsay is so deep!

Still don't get it?

Here's an example:

The "La Bella Vita" tattoo above her ass was the end result of a three day drinking binge which is represented here by this photograph of Jack Daniels:

If you are artsy (like Lindsay!) and would like to read even more into it, "La Bella Vita' means "beautiful life" and life sure is beautiful after some Jack! Or at least people look better. Better enough, in fact, for you to show them your ass and your exotic foreign language tattoo!


Lindsay also has the word "breathe" tattooed on her wrist in white ink:


Which would be represented by this photograph:

The similar color scheme is not the only link between the tattoo and the photo. The word breathe is very significant as well. One breathes through his nose, and snorting is a variation of breathing--one with added purpose. So it is very important to breathe correctly. Notice the placement of the word breathe on the inside of the wrist--that is significant as well because this way Lindsay can always be reminded of the importance of breathing right before she's about to dive right into some lines.

I never realized how artistic Lindsay was!

SOURCE

Lindsay wants to be an adequete magnet

In bizarre celebrity news of the day, Lindsay Lohan is reportedly taking lessons to turn herself into a human magnet. She has hired a man from Romania named Aurel Raileanu to teach her how to lift metallic objects with her mind. This guy's no joke, he's listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most powerful human magnet after lifting a 50 pound television set.

Lindsay says of her new interest, "I've always been interested in off-the-wall abilities. And this is a really interesting phenomenon. I'd love to find out more about it and try and pinpoint what causes these supernatural abilities."

Plus, it comes in handy when you misplace your coke spoon!

SOURCE

WHAT??!! Part 2

In other troubled spoiled bitch news, Lindsay Lohan has plead no contest to two counts of DUI. By doing this, she will not have to stand trial. Originally she was to serve a minimum of four days in jail. But that was soon changed when she was then given community service for two of the days. New count: 2 days in jail. But wait, there's more! The judge gave Lindsay one day credit for time served when she was arrested. New count: 1 day in jail. After her hard time, Lindsay have 36 months probation and attend an alcohol education program for 18 months. She also needs to show that she has successfully completed a rehab program by January 18 and was told not to use or associate with people with controlled substances. (insert laughter here)

WTF??!!! I just don't get it. Isn't what Nicole and Lindsay did worse than what Paris did? It's like they got their quota of spoiled celebrity time with Paris and now everyone else gets a free pass. It's ok Paris, you got a book and street cred.


Back to Lindsay. She (yeah right) released the following statement to TMZ today declaring her inadequacy:

"It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs. Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am ashamed. I broke the law, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case. No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than myself. I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have.

I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so."

Motivational and Adequete Words of Wisdom From Lindsay Lohan

"The drama and the tabloids will die down. I'm just a girl but I'm growing up. I'm learning. I'm playing different characters and hopefully, once I'm more settled in life, then you probably won't see me out so much."


Translation: "I don't have a problem, I can stop anytime I want to."

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt sweetie.

SOURCE