Showing posts with label shut the fuck up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shut the fuck up. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Latest Member of the "I'm a size 2" Club is..........



Kim Kardashian posted a message on her blog taking offense to the store Forever 21 referring to her as a "fuller-sized woman" while introducing their new line of plus-size clothing. Only, they never actually called her anything other than a "fan" of the store.




Kim wrote:


I am a huge fan of Forever 21 and I'm very happy they have expanded their line to include a plus-size range, but I am not in that size category and this article makes it sound like I am! I am a curvy girl and I love my curves, but curvy and plus-sized are two very different things. I work really hard to maintain my curves while staying slim and healthy, so to be classed as a "fuller-figured woman" of extra large proportions is a little offensive.

For the record, I am a size 2, not 2XL.



HAAAAAAAAA!! Can't. Stop. Laughing! Size 2! I love it! Even Kim's "fans" aren't buying that shit:

April 21, 2009 7:19 AM
blondedmbfan15 says: | Reply

I’m Sorry Kim but maybe you wore a size 2 when you were ten but any women knows that with an ass and thighs like yours you wear a much bigger size. Also maybe you need to take some college courses or high school for that matter; all the article said was that you were a fan of the store not the damn plus size line.


April 21, 2009 5:51 AM
tqgucci says: | Reply

I think you need to go to try on a size 2 in case you forgot what a size 2 is, you are NOT a size 2. Sorry but that's the truth.



April 21, 2009 5:02 AM
badeiah11 says: | Reply

YOU ARE A SHALLOW BITCH*ONCE AGAIN YOU OFFEND YOUR FANS!!! BUT THIS TOPPED IT! ALL US CURVY WOMAN LOOKED UP TO YOU!!! AND NOW WE SEE YOUR TRUE COLORS!!**ITS REAL MESSED UP THAT YOU WON'T TAKE TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO ADDRESS THIS! We FANS DESERVE AN APOLOGY

kareno8 says: | Reply

My sister and I used to be fans, but no longer.
You are NOT a size 2. I am 105 pounds and 5 feet and I AM A SIZE 2.
You're not even a size 4 or a size 6. We saw your cellulite get blasted off on TV!


April 21, 2009 2:18 AM
kareno8 says: | Reply

we are still laughing at how you say you are a size 2. Also, some plus sized women still work hard to stay slim and healthy. losing weight is a struggle for many because not all have the same metabolism, genes, or cosmetic surgeons (kim).


April 20, 2009 9:03 PM
shaydiva says: | Reply

ONE OF UR THIGHS IS A SIZE 2


April 20, 2009 9:33 PM
bechiiik said to: shaydiva | Reply

No but what you can do is put a rope around your neck, tie the rope to your roof, get on a chair and then let you fall from it :)


April 20, 2009 11:33 PM
shaydiva says: | Reply

I AM A SIZE 2XL AND I DNT HAVE HALF OF THE CELLULITE AND STRECH MARKS THAT U AT A SIZE 2 HAVE! LMAO!


April 21, 2009 3:28 AM
M. says: | Reply

Kim, I know you're not 2 smart, but now I see that you just might be "Dumb and Dumber" built into 1! The US article states that you are a fan of Forever 21, not the plus size Faith line. You clearly lack reading comprehension skills!!!


(The last 1 is my favorite.)

I have the best idea for a game show. It can be called "So You Think You're a Size Two" where contestants like Kim, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, and any other delusional moron who has ever referred to themselves as a size two have to attempt to put on actual size two clothing in front of a studio audience (and America). Tyra Banks would host of course and any(every)one who didn't fit in the clothes would have to yell "KISS MY FAT ASS!"

In other useless bitches with the last name Kardashian news, Kim's two sisters just got their own reality show for some unknown reason.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Chris Brown speaks (sort of)


Chris Brown has broken his silence on The Incident by posting an update on his private Facebook page.

The entry reads: "You'll begin to see her true colors. Believe it!"

Note to Chris, her true color is not blue. That is the color people turn when you cut off their oxygen supply.

Chris also changed his relationship status to "single." That's right ladies, he's available!!!

SOURCE

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

LEAVE JESSICA ALONE! SHE'S A SIZE 2 DAMMIT!



Ashlee Simpson has posted a reaction on her blog to the recent critism of her sister's weight gain since photos of Jessica performing at a chili cookoff in horribly unflattering mom jeans last Sunday surfaced online.

Ashlee wrote:

"I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister's weight. A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman's weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.

All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you're a celebrity, there shouldn't be a different standard.

Is this something you would say to your wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, or even a friend?

I seriously doubt it.

How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?

Now can we focus on the things that really matter."

Wait a minute... I'm all for Ashlee sticking up for her sister and all but did she just say that Jessica's a size TWO? Nobody believed it when Jennifer Love Hewitt said it and nobody's believing it now either! I guess there is a different standard for celebrities, since they all say they are a size two when they aren't.

Ok, listen. By insisting that you are a size two when you are clearly not totally negates the point you are trying to make about being accepted for the size you are! Why is this so hard for these morons to get?

And you know Ashlee is secretly loving this after all those years of being Jess's less famous, less pretty sister.
(You're all thinking it, I just said it!)

Monday, November 3, 2008

Heidi Klum pisses off the Hindus



Heidi Klum continued her tradition of wearing awesome, extravagant, and non-slutty Halloween costumes this year by dressing up as Hindu Goddess Kali.

But now many Hindu scholars have their panties (most likely not from Victoria's Secret) in a bunch over it and even feel Heidi should make a public apology for posing as a sacred figure.

Indo-American statesman Rajan Zed said, "Goddess Kali is highly revered in Hinduism and she is meant to be worshipped in temples and not to be used in clubs for publicity stunts or thrown around loosely for dramatic effects. Hindus welcome Hollywood and other entertainment industries to immerse themselves in Hinduism, but they should take it seriously and respectfully, and not just use the religion for decoration or to advance their selfish agenda. Casual flirting sometimes results in pillaging serious spiritual doctrines and revered symbols and hurting the devotees."

Ok, these Hindus should learn to lighten up a little. If anything they should be thanking Heidi. I mean, before this, who had even heard of Goddess Kali? (By the way, she is the goddess of
time and change.)

SOURCE

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Nick's out!! Let's Party!



Nick Hogan was released from jail at 12:30 am this morning after serving 166 days of his eight-month sentence for his involvement in the drag racing crash that injured his friend John Graziano for life.

Nick's mother Linda peeled herself off her 18 year old boyfriend long enough to release the following statement:

"This is our time as a family to come together to support Nick's adjustment back into the public life, keeping it as normal as possible. Neither Nick, nor we as a family, has any interest in making this anything but private. We respect the media's role and only ask that they respect our privacy. Nick went into prison as a juvenile and has experienced something that will mold and affect him for the rest of his adult life. His focus is to make a positive difference in this world, media-free. Since his future actions will speak louder than any words, there is no need to speak to the media at this time."


Soooo, the biggest famewhore family on television wants their privacy now? That's pretty funny. Also funny is that while in jail, Nick reportedly said that hopes to get his own reality show! What's sad is that he probably will seeing as how VH1 is giving out reality shows to just about anyone these days (
Real Chance at Love, Daisy of Love, I love VD's!). They can fucking call it Nick Should Know Better.

But right now, the media needs to leave them alone? Sorry brother, it don't work like that. I wish the media
would give them privacy as in NEVER SHOWING THEM ON TELEVISION AGAIN!

Seriously, is there anyone in America (or any other country) who actually likes these brats? Is there seriously anybody that enthusiastically watches Brooke Knows Best (and I don't mean watch it in an ironic "why is this annoying giant chick with no talent, personality, or any redeeming qualities relevant enough to warrant a national 30 minute television show?" kind of way.) I mean, Jesus! Nick and Brooke Hogan make Jack and Kelly Osbourne look like Donny and Marie Osmond. Enough already. Nobody likes them!!

Are you listening VH1? Read your own message boards!

The first season of Hogan Knows Best was ok and kind of fun BEFORE THE FAMILY TURNED INTO A FREAKIN' TRAINWRECK (or is that carwreck?)!! And that show was centered around someone who was actually famous for their accomplishments. And now that I bring him up, I'm sick of him too! He's just as much a famewhore as the rest of them. Anyone catch Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling? Yeah, he could disappear too. And I'm a wrestling fan! (When Hulk's music hit on Monday Night Raw a couple weeks ago, I was actually relieved when it was Charlie Haas doing an impression!)

Ok, I think I'm about done. I just had to get that out.

Oh yeah, one more thing... Wanna know the first thing Nick did to make a "positive difference" when he got out of jail? He had a loud party! Seems he's taking the Paris Hilton route to post lockup enlightenment.


FUCK OFF HOGANS!

SOURCE

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Shut up Oprah!


A lot of people are happy that Barack Obama has clinched the Democratic presidential nomination, but few are self-important enough to go and issue a freaking statement about it.

Of course we're talking about Oprah Winfrey.

Oprah said, "
I'm euphoric, I've been doing the happy dance all day. I'm so proud of Barack and [his wife] Michelle Obama and what this means for all of us ... the new possibilities for our country. And if he wants me to, I'm ready to go door to door."

SOURCE


Why did I get a dirty picture in my head when I read the part about Oprah being "euphoric?" Bleck. Thanks a lot Obama.


Now here to demonstrate the aforementioned "happy dance," we bring you Carlton Banks:

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Michael Lohan thinks he is setting a good example

Michael Lohan is feeling a little desperate for attention, since Dina's in the spotlight with the future Emmy award-winning Living Lohan, so he's decided to out his daughter as a lesbian and out himself as a Bible-thumping homophobe.

Michael told Usmagazine.com that Lindsay and Samantha Ronson's relationship "is evident to anyone with half a brain."

But that doesn't mean he approves. "Just like the [topless] Marilyn Monroe spread, Linds is my daughter and there are just some things a father doesn't want to see or hear, regardless of whether they are true or false."

He adds Lindsay "is a big girl, and she can make her own life choices. Then it is between her and God."

Then, for good measure, Michael decided to shift to Dina, "Maybe her mother's life revolves around the tabloids and reports, but mine doesn't. I am into setting a good example and doing good things that don't deceive or exploit my kids. But I will say this: While we were a family, you never even saw or heard a negative thing about any of us. But since the separation, look at everything that has happened!"

Speaking of, TMZ has some video of Michael setting a good example.

Asshat of the Week



So Brooke Hogan was in a car accident Sunday. It wasn't her fault. Another car that was speeding hit her car and pushed it into a concrete wall while she was driving on the Bayside Bridge in Clearwater, Florida. No charges have been filed in the accident.

There were no injuries and Brooke's 2008 four-door Mercedes had $3,000 damage.

So here's why Brooke's Asshat of the Week.

Brooke posted a message on her MySpace page (which has since been removed) referencing her brother Nick's accident (you know, the one that he's serving time for for reckless driving and that left his friend John Graziano paralyzed in the hospital?) and she even goes as far as to credit Nick and John with saving her and her passenger's lives by reminding them to put on their seatbelts.

"I don't know if you heard, but my friend and I got into a really bad car accident today ourselves . . . As I turned on my car I clicked my seatbelt. As we pulled out onto the road, I looked over and realized my friend didn't have her seatbelt on. I reminded her to put it on and the minute she clicked it, a car crashed into us. It was a horrible car accident, one that most would be severely hurt in, but we had our seatbelts on and they kept us in tight."

Thank god for John!!! If not for him getting crushed to the point of most likely having to spend the rest of his life in a nursing home, Brooke might have been hurt and the world would be denied of her beauty and angelic voice!

Seriously? You fucking idiot!


SOURCE

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

New tattoo?


Stripper-turned Oscar winner Diablo Cody is planning to celebrate her Best Original Screenplay Academy Award by getting a tattoo of Juno star Ellen Page.

Asshat Hollywood ran into the screenwriter recently and asked about the impending ink. Diablo responded with "
NOBODY ASKED ME! I would never consent to a lame publicity stunt at a time when I already want to hide. Jeebus!"

Ok then. Sorry?

SOURCE



Wednesday, February 13, 2008

If there is a sudden rise in teenage prenancies, blame Hannah Montana


"We've actually been talking. She's now really excited, so I'm proud of her. I think she's done the best she can." Miley Cyrus on Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy

Good job moron, now all these dumbass tweens who worship you will all go out and get pregnant because they think that will make you proud.


SOURCE

Monday, February 11, 2008

Stupid Pregnant Jessica Alba Quote of the Day



"I wish to God that my dad spoke Spanish to my brother and me, but he didn't grow up with it. Hopefully I can pick it up because I want my kids to speak Spanish. I don't even want them to speak English for maybe the first two to three years, until pre-school. We're in the United States so they're going to learn it anyway."

SOURCE

Thursday, January 31, 2008

A touching story of an ugly duckling

MY EYES!!!

Hard as it is to believe, the homely thing in the above photos is none other than now-beauty, Eva Longoria. Eva explains that she was once an "ugly duckling."

Try to hold back the tears for her, especially after looking at those horrid pictures of her as a young, slim, perky, cheerleader.

"I was the darkest one of my family. I was the only one with black hair and the only one with dark skin. All my sisters were light blondes with hazel eyes. They used to call me ugly duckling."

Oh yeah, it gets worse...

"I grew up without being beautiful so I kind of relied on my personality and my character. I kind of developed a skill not to depend on anything superficial because I didn't have anything superficial to depend on."

I knew it!! That sparkling personality and ravishing character just had to be that of someone who was once a troll but is now a goddess!



SOURCE




Barf now.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

"LEAVE TOM CRUISE ALOONNEE!"



Everyone's picking on Crazy Little Tommy Cruise so Adam Sandler has spoken out on his defense. He told PEOPLE, "To see anyone's private life invaded and mocked like this is sickening. It's especially gross when it happens to a guy like Cruise, who's a great dad, a great husband, and a great friend."

And Adam's not the only star speaking on Tom's behalf.

Dustin Hoffman said,"Tom Cruise is an American and has the right to freedom of speech and freedom of religion."

Washington Redskins owner, Dan Snyder (who has a financing deal with Cruise/Wagner Productions) said,"Tom is a winner. That's a fact. He is a terrific actor, a terrific father and a terrific person. I'm proud to be his friend."

Other celebrities that defend Tom in this week's issue of PEOPLE include Bruce Willis, Demi Moore, Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller, Jerry O'Connell, and
Harvey Weinstein. (Made you look twice, didn't I?)

He so sent these people coupons for free stress tests and brainwashed them at the Center because that's easier than growing a damn set.

SOURCE

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Scarlett Johansson doesn't want to alienate old hags

Scarlett Johansson is threatening to sue Us Weekly magazine after they ran a photo of her and below quoted her as saying, "I definitely believe in plastic surgery. I don't want to be an old hag. There's no fun in that." She's also pissed that the mag implied that she had a nose job.

Scarlett is now denying that she said that and is afraid the quote will damage her image and alienate her fans. In a statement she said, "I have always been straightforward with the press regarding my body image and I am very concerned that my fans (and perhaps even my employers) will feel mislead. Thus, I feel compelled to take immediate legal action against Us Weekly."

Yeah right, she said it and she meant it!


SOURCE

Feel smarter in 42 seconds!

Sherri Shepherd - Wow!

Monday, December 3, 2007

Does anyone even give a crap about this guy anymore?



Remember when Akon threw that fan off the stage at one of his concerts earlier this year? Yeah, everyone does right? Except for maybe Akon. Well ok, maybe he does, he didn't mean it.

Akon plead not guilty to charges of endangering the welfare of a minor and second-degree harassment stemming from the fan-throwing incident in Fishkill, NY in June. The fan apparently threw something at Akon, who then ordered the teen be brought up onstage and proceeded to hoist him up on his shoulders and throw him back into the audience. The thrown fan landed on another teen, who reported she suffered a concussion.

Akon's lawyer Benjamin Brafman, attempted to use the Axl Rose defense in court today saying that, "It was never Akon's intention to violate the law. This unfortunate incident was a spontaneous reaction during a live concert that Akon deeply regrets."

So he regrets it, he's still guilty!

SOURCE

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Shut up Tom!


For no apparent reason Tom Cruise has decided to announce that he is above worldly possessions and has shunned his multi-million dollar fortune in favor or a more simplistic lifestyle. Tom believes that his family and career are much more important than 250 million dollars.

Tom recently said, "I have no iPhone, no mobile, no e-mail address, no watch, no jewelery, no wallet. I simply want to be with my children and make movies. I am the boss of 1,000 people (but) I don't see myself as an icon."

Well duh, if you want to achieve the the highest level of Operating Thetan, it's gonna cost you!

SOURCE

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Those Crazy McCartneys!




Paul McCartney has a new woman in his life to comfort him through his awesomely messy divorce battle with Heather Mills. Her name Nancy Shevell and she's got it all: looks, money, two legs, and a HUSBAND!

Nancy, 47, is the wife of Bruce Blakeman, a commissioner of the New York Port Authority and a partner in a top New York law firm. Nancy has her own money though, she is the vice president of her family’s successful transport firm. Nancy and Bruce have been married for 23 years and have a teenage son named Arlen. They are also supporters of George Bush and contributed to his presidential campaign in 2004. Oh Paul!

Nancy has recently dropped her husband's last name, Blakeman, and is now going by Nancy Shevell.

Paul and Nancy were spotted strolling arm-in-arm and kissing in the Hamptons recently. Sources say they were routinely spotted dining at area restaurants and at each other's mansions.



Meanwhile, Heather Mills is still bringing the crazy to anyone that will listen to her.

Accusing Paul of being a tightwad:
“This is a man that hangs on to his money. He wouldn’t be as rich if he didn’t. Who needs that kind of money?”

On not wanting any money from Paul: “When I left I said ‘I don’t want a penny, all I want is for you to protect me. I want my reputation, so I can carry on my work with the charity."

On being gagged (not really, but we can dream?):“He wants me to be gagged and they won’t give me a divorce until I’m gagged. So I’m waiting for the two-year separation. If I wanted to speak before this, I would have spoken by now. He forced me into a corner. It’s not about wanting to speak, it’s about having the right to protect myself and my daughter."

On the non-existant prenup: "I offered a prenup. Paul refused, saying it isn’t romantic. I offered to walk away with nothing if he protected me.”

So this is about protection, not money? If she didn't demand any money and just left the relationship, why would she need to worry about her reputation? And what does she mean by protection? Does she want a bodyguard? Does she want condoms? Is protection another word for something in England, you know, like lift? And Paul is cheap. But it's not about money, it's about protection.


My head hurts. She's as batshit as Britney. They should lock them up in a looneybin together and make a reality show out of it called Crazy Bitches. They could even use the Buckcherry song as the theme song.

SOURCE


But wait, there's more!

Paul's daughter, fashion designer and Heather-hater Stella McCartney is creating a stir after revealing her latest design : a silver leg pendant to honor her soon to be ex-stepmum.

A source told Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper: "She unveiled it to fashion industry insiders in Paris last month. A lot of people thought it was really edgy while others secretly thought it was out of order. It's such an obvious dig at Heather. It will cause a stir when it goes on sale."

Heather has not commented on whether this is the first piece in a jewelery collection featuring celebrity dismembered body parts. I hope it is, I want a Rick Allen arm necklace, a Michael Jackson nose charm bracelet and the Star Jones complete set of silver fat cells!

SOURCE

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Um, Ok, whatever


I guess when you've seen a million faces and rocked them all it makes you kind of jaded.

On his success, Jon Bon Jovi recently told America's Best Life magazine, "I don't give a fuck that I just sold out 10 nights at the arena. It's just what I do. It's just a job - and I get paid well for it. I get to wear a T-shirt and dirty jeans, but I don't really give a fuck about the rest of it, because it's a shallow pool, man."

Hey Jon, garbage collectors get to wear t-shirts and dirty jeans too, would you be happy doing that? No? Then shut the fuck up you ungrateful asshat!

SOURCE

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Donald Trump says Clooney is "short" and St. Angelina is "no beauty"


Oh no Donald Trump!! You haven't been in the news for awhile so what are you going to do?

Insult Rosie O'Donnell? Again?

Nah, beyond played out.

Talk about the new season of the number 1 hit show The Apprentice?

Oh, wait. Never mind that one too.

Get into another fictional feud with Vince McMahon and make wrestling fans suffer through it for months?

For the love of Snitsky, fuck no!!

Uh, ok. How about insult a couple random big celebrities for no reason?

DING! DING! DING!


Donald Trump has recently declared himself an expert on beauty and sorry George Clooney and Saint Angelina, you guys don't make the cut.

Trump recently told Larry King, "One of the perceptions I had of George Clooney was he was this big, strong guy. And he was very little when I met him."

On Angelina he had this to say: "Angelina Jolie is sort of amazing because everyone thinks she's like this great beauty. And I'm not saying she's an unattractive woman, but she's not beauty, by any stretch of the imagination. I really understand beauty. And I will tell you, she's not - I do own Miss. Universe. I do own Miss USA. I mean I own a lot of different things. I do understand beauty, and she's not."


Hey Donald, I do own a muzzle. I do own duct tape. I understand relevance, and you are not.

By the way, has anyone checked in on George and Angelina to make sure they are not on suicide watch?

SOURCE

(Yeah, I realize I sorta, almost, kinda defended Saint Angelina. Mark today's date, because it won't happen again anytime soon.)


Meanwhile, Trump's first ex-wife Ivanna (58) will marry 35-year-old dancer and model Rossano Rubicondi. The couple is planning to wed at Donald Trump's Florida estate. Ivana told the New York Daily News, "I feel great. We've been together five years."



Now I ain't sayin' he's a gold digger.