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Hey remember last week before the big American Idol finale there were all kinds of rumors going around about who the "BIGGEST STAR IN THE WORLD" was going to be? Well, it wasn't George Michael they were talking about.
Turns out it was supposed to be Wacko Jacko himself!
Michael was going to be the big surprise star but pulled out (insert your own sick pedo joke) at the last minute because he had stage fright.
A source told The Sun, "This was his big chance but he got stage-fright. [He kept saying] 'I can't do it. Everyone will hate me'."
Oh Michael, don't be silly, people already hate you!
In related news, David Archuleta is said to be very relieved. (I know, that was lame)
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So while the New Kids on the Block are reuniting, their former manager, Lou Pearlman has been sentenced to 25 years in prison for money laundering and conspiracy to which he pleaded guilty in March.
Lets hope he goes to a real prison where he'll be treated how his pedo-ass deserves and not one of those pussy prisons for white collar criminals.
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In the new issue of Vanity Fair Magazine ex-boybanders and others have come forward with some startling (ok, well not really all that startling because we all knew it) claims about Lou Pearlman, you know that fat guy to blame for Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, and all those other awful "bands?" They say Lou is a pedophile, a sexual predator, and an all around sick fuck. Who knew? (Yeah, me too)
Here are some of the quotes:
"I would absolutely say the guy was a sexual predator. All the talent knew what Lou's game was. Some guys joked about it. I remember [one singer] asking me, 'Have you let Lou [fellate] you yet?'" - Steve Mooney, Pearlman's assistant.
Mooney recalled what had happened when he once asked Pearlman what it would take for him to get into a band.
"I'll never forget this as long as I live. He leaned back in his chair, in his white terry cloth robe and white underwear, and spread his legs. And then he said, and these were his exact words, 'You're a smart boy. Figure it out.' "
Phoenix Stone, an early member of the Backstreet Boys, tells the mag that Pearlman was "definitely inappropriate" with Nick Carter.
Nick's mom, Jane, wouldn't get into specifics, but said: "Certain things happened and it almost destroyed our family. I tried to warn everyone. I tried to warn all the mothers . . . I tried to expose him for what he was years ago."
In addition to being a perv, Pearlman is also a con artist. He is currently being held in jail in Florida awaiting trial for allegedly scamming 1,000 investors out of $315 million dollars. That silly Lou!
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Woo hoo, get that Jesus Juice on ice! Michael Jackson is NOT married!
Earlier this week, many hearts were crushed when reports came out that Jacko had married his children's nanny, Grace Rwaramba. However now his spokeswoman has released a statement that the rumors are false:
"Wide-spreading reports regarding Michael Jackson being married are not true. Documents stating otherwise are a hoax."
I know you all are relieved that this hot piece is still on the market.
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He heard boys' pants were half off! [tap,tap, cymbal crash!]
Wacko Jacko pledges his support to Asshat Hollywood by donning a pair of tighty whities on his head. Now that's a real asshat, especially if they are used.
Ok, you have one minute to make all the Michael Jackson/little boys/underwear jokes you can. Go!
