When wrestlers make movies

Earlier today, I posted about the upcoming awesome tough-guy movie, The Expendables, and I mentioned that the cast should include more wrestlers in it. How funny that on the very same day, I came across this trailer for an upcoming (most likely straight-to-DVD) thriller called End Game (no, not that one, that's a whole nother thing) that made me maybe want to rethink my earlier statement.

End Game stars the amazing roided-out crazy bitch and Olympic gold-medalist, Kurt Angle, as a crazy psychopathic serial killer. Wait, it gets better! The film also stars Jenna Morasca of Survivor and Playboy fame (and now appearing along with Kurt on TNA aka: the poor man's WWE). She plays, wait for it, a stripper! This is actually a real movie. And not a porn (obviously, those have much better acting.). I especially love the clown getup (Doink!). Try to get through it without laughing (or chanting "YOU SUCK!")



All I can say is, John Cena's gotta feel a whole lot better about 12 Rounds after checking out this trailer.

Guess who may be getting married.........again

Stop me if you've heard this one - Pamela Anderson may be getting married again.

Rumors started after Pam's designer friend, Richie Rich (the hell?), told people at a party this week in Miami that he is working on designing her a wedding gown. Richie was quoted as saying "I already did one - we'll do another one" in response to a question about designing a wedding gown for Pam after she gushed about her boyfriend. He didn't mention if the dress would be white.

Pam is currently dating scuba diver (insert your own "going down under with an oxygen tank" joke here) Jamie Padgett.

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Sex and the City Sequel Spoilers

A source recently revealed to MSNBC some possible plots for the 'Sex and the City' movie. So stop reading this RIGHT NOW if you don't want to know. But it's probably better if you do, so you can save your money.


Samantha's going to become a broke-ass bitch:

"The proposed story line for Samantha will be her having to downsize her big-spending life after some of her investments get wiped out. You will see her having to survive on a more modest budget but still staying true to her fabulous taste."

As for everyone that screamed at the ending of the first movie when Carrie married Big, they may be screaming "I told you so dumbass!" during this one:

" The sequel will include key scenes of Carrie and Big in London [Carrie will move to London with her husband 'Mr. Big' after his business in New York starts to suffer], possibly shooting this winter for six weeks. Big loses a lot of money and takes a job in London, living alone in a one-bedroom apartment. Big gets really low and ends up in bed with another woman. After she leaves him Carrie discovers she is pregnant."

(However, Chris Noth has not yet signed on for the sequel so that storyline may not even happen.)


What the hell? Samantha shops at Fashion Bug? Big cheats on a pregnant Carrie? Why don't they just kill off Miranda and make if even more fucking depressing? God. They should have quit after the first one. Bad, bad idea.

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Octomom - The TV Show

We all knew it was coming.

Nadya Suleman reportedly has a reality show in the works. The show which is being described as “Jon & Kate Plus 8” meets “The Bachelor”will chronicle her life raising 14 children and looking for love. (I'm guessing the men will consist of aspiring cult leaders.) Further details, including the network which will carry the show, have not yet been disclosed.
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There's only one way this could possibly work:

Here's the story of a crazy lady
who already had too many freaking kids
all of them hoped to be sold, to Angelina
the youngest prayed for sids

The lady's story, it got more shady
When she wanted eight more kids of her own
Her vagina became a clown car
and America groaned

Then the lady whored herself to tv fellows
And some wackass (probably Fox) producer had a hunch,
That a crew should document this family
And then we'll call this trash tv the Octo bunch

The Octo bunch, the Octo bunch
Tune in, you'll be sure to lose your lunch!

With Gloria Allred!

And Dr. Phil as Sam the Butcher!

For the love of Kimberly's wig!

Is nothing sacred? Ashlee Simpson-Wentz has reportedly signed on to star in the upcoming Melrose Place remake on the CW.

Ashlee will play "a small-town girl who arrives in Los Angeles with a big secret." How original! Whatever could this big secret be? That she had a nose job? That she doesn't really sing live? That this show is gonna suck?

I'm sure an Olsen twin will be cast next.

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Please no!

Limp Bizkit have announced that they are reuniting with the band's original line-up. They will reunite after eight years with a tour and a new album.

Fred "hire me as an actor" Durst and guitarist Wes Borland issued a joint statement:

"We decided we were more disgusted and bored with the state of heavy popular music than we were with each other. Regardless of where our separate paths have taken us, we recognize there is a powerful and unique energy with this particular group of people we have not found anywhere else. This is why Limp Bizkit is back."

Ok, first: Limp Bizkit is back because they need money and they know there are morons out there that will pay money to hear "Nookie."

Secondly, they're disgusted with the state of heavy popular music? Limp Bizkit is a very large part of the reason why music sucks so much today. Once that shit got popular, no one even bothered putting out decent music anymore.

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For the love of Grayskull!

The latest 80's cartoon most likely to be ruined by making it into a live-action movie is..... He-Man!!!

Warner Bros has teamed up with filmmaker Joel Silver and director John Stevenson to make a new Masters of the Universe film. No one has been cast yet.

Those of us over the age of 30 may remember that there already was a He-Man movie back in 1987 with Dolph Lungren as He-Man and Oscar nominee Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon) as Skeletor:


No word on whether Marc Anthony has signed on for the role this time around (I know, sorry. Cue collective groan).

Hey, I wonder what my She-Ra doll thinks of this.

"They better not have the fat bitch Jessica Simpson play me or somebody's gettin' cut!"

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You disappoint me Mickey

Of all the big award season movies, my favorite has been The Wrestler. (See it, now!) Everyone knows the story by now: big wrestling star from the 80's-- twenty years later: broken down body, broken family, and just plain broke. It was a very real and beautifully tragic character-driven film and Mickey Rourke was absolute perfection in the role.

Part of what made the movie so great was the way it showed how the (without actually naming names) wrestling industry chews up and spits out it's "products." How for every Hulk Hogan and Steve Austin, there's dozens of "Randy's": addicted to painkilers, wrestling at the local high school, and bagging groceries for minimum wage.

So of course, when WWE chairman Vince McMahon first heard about the film, he requested a private screening. Director Darren Aronofsky never revealed what Vince exactly said, but a source close to McMahon was quoted as saying "the word 'negative' isn't strong enough to describe Vince's reaction. [This is] no surprise because Vince's vision of the 2008 image of wrestling and even fading stars directly contradicts what The Wrestler accurately portrays." SOURCE

Since then, the film has received tons of critical acclaim and Mickey won a Golden Globe and has been nominated for an Oscar.

And it seems Vince has now changed his tune. He recently publicly praised the movie and there is even a feature about it on the WWE website where past and present wrestlers talk about the film. Well you know what he likes to say, "It's all about the mon-ey." As well as publicity.

Now he's even managed to get Mickey Rourke to sign on to appear at this year's Wrestlemania in a feud with Chris Jericho. Mickey hinted at it at the SAG Awards last Sunday and last night Chris cut a promo against Mickey on "RAW":



The whole thing troubles me. And I'm a wrestling fan! It's just weird. It would be like Kate Winslet publicly endorsing illiteracy and Nazi's.

I can't fault Mickey too much though. He's riding a huge career high and he knows how those things go up and down so he's taking everything that's coming his way lately (including the Iron Man sequel), but I don't know, it just doesn't seem right.

Another thing that just doesn't seem right? He's reportedly messing around with Evan Rachel Wood. Now again, you can't fault the dude too much. This is another example of things coming his way that wouldn't usually (and she does likes the freaks, you know). But she plays his freaking DAUGHTER and it's gonna kind of ruin that whole awesome scene for me a little bit now.

Not to mention, what is The Academy going to think of all this stuff? Sean Penn better start writing his speech.



In related news, Meryl Streep was recently spotted making out with the kid from Doubt and will face Beth Phoenix at Wrestlemania 25.

"I'll show you who the real Glamazon is!"

Kelly Osboune engaged!

Now we know why Ozzy's doing those cell phone commercials. He has a wedding to pay for!

US Weekly reports that Kelly Osbourne is getting married! Her boyfriend, model Luke Worrall made the announcement on his Facebook page when he changed his online relationship status to "engaged to Kelly Osbourne."

The couple has been dating for six months. Kelly is 23 and Luke is 18. Kelly, you cougar!! At least unlike some people, he's legal.

Congrats to the happy couple who I'm sure will have a long, happy marriage!

Watch out Pussycats, there's a new show in town!

Melanie Brown (aka Mel B) and Kelly Monaco are set to star in a new burlesque show in Vegas called PEEPSHOW. Although the dancers in the show will be topless, Mel and Kelly will not be. (For anyone that wants to see Kelly's boobs, just google "Kelly Monaco Playboy") Both women have appeared on Dancing With the Stars.

Here's the plot, Kelly's character is "Little Bo Peep," a timid and lonely girl who is guided by Mel's, "Peep Diva,"who says she will be "scantily clad, but in a classy way."

Mel went on to tell PEOPLE, "This is an original show. The Peep Diva is a diva, but it's all about empowering Kelly's part."

I know, wow! Although, I think I saw a porno like that once.

Like the Pussycat Doll lounge act, the show will have a revolving cast of guest (C-list) celebrities starring in it. Let's just hope this show doesn't spawn a pop group.

Let's check in the rehearsals:

Who looks like a bigger asshat?

Mariah:


or Kim?:

You have got to be fucking kidding

"GROUP SEX! GROUP SEX! GROUP SEX!"

Ok, this really pissed me off. Are you ready?

MTV is remaking The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

And the executive producer of the original 1975 movie, Lou Adler, is giving it his blessing by overseeing the remake! He says he hopes the movie will be ready in time for Halloween next year.

Can somebody please flip the Medusa switch and turn everyone involved in this into statues and then just forget this even happened? Seriously, where's Tim Curry?

This is so not cool.

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Who even watches commercials anymore anyway?

Heinz made news this week when it pulled the above commercial for mayonnaise featuring...OMG!!! two men kissing! The company reportedly received a whopping 200 complaints after the spot aired. They pulled the ad and apologized to anyone who may have been offended.
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In a related story, another commercial recently spread online (this one actually legitimately offensive). It was for JC Penney and showed two teenagers rushing to get dressed after having sex:


Calm down everybody, Jamie Lynn Spears doesn't have her own teen maternity line at Penney's. The commercial was created by an advertising agency and submitted to the store, but JC Penney claims they never approved the ad and are "furious" over the attention it is bringing to the store--which hasn't gotten attention since...well, ever. Yeah, ok, whatever you say JC Penney.

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Here to comment, please welcome the Geico Caveman.

Welcome!

"What's up?"

So I'm interested to hear your take on all these controversial commercials, being in advertising yourself. Do you think commercials have gotten out of control, or are we just being too sensitive?

"You know I come from a time before television. Back then, it took a lot of time to get information on a product out because there were no commercials. We had to go door to door, you know? Like when I invented the wheel..."

Wait, wait, hold up, YOU invented the wheel? Like, you personally?

"Did I stutter?"

No, it's just that's pretty impressive, that's all. Hey, too bad there weren't patents back then huh? Ha!


"Oh ha ha, yeah, very funny. Do you even know how much that sucks? Now look at what I'm forced to do. I'm an advertising gag and the star of a failed sitcom. I INVENTED THE DAMN WHEEL! If it weren't for me, there wouldn't be any cars. There wouldn't be any car insurance. There wouldn't be any GEICO!! It's so disrespectful it makes me sick!"


"I don't mean to barge in, por favor, but Ay dios mio!!! Give it a rest Caveman!!!! At least you still got a job! I had to hump a lot of legs to get that Taco Bell gig! I gave them best years of my life and then they just threw me out like the leftover pintos and cheese. Speaking of which, thanks to that place, I had the runs for TWO WHOLE YEARS ese! That's 14 years for me! Oh yeah, I dropped the chulupa alright.

Oh, and now Taco Bell wants 50 Cent to change his name to 79 cent and he wants to sue them. Did it ever occur to them to ask me? Hell, I'd change my name in a Nueva York minute! So I don't wanna hear your bitching or about your dumb wheel invention, which you probably didn't even really invent, it's just that there's no one other cavemen alive to dispute it!"

".........................."

Caveman? Anything to add?

".........................."

Um, ok then. Thanks to the Geico Caveman and The Taco Bell Dog.

"I am not the Taco Bell Dog anymore! My name is Rick James. Yeah, like 'I'm Rick James bitch'! Don't get me started on that one either. "

Oh great, now she'll want to adopt all the Fraggles

There are reportedly talks to make a new Muppets movie and Saint Angelina is considering starring in the film.

A source said, "The idea is to re-launch the Muppets with a big name and a big movie. Angelina is a big Muppets fan and being so passionate about kids there's a very real chance that she'll take this project on. Even Brad might want to have Miss Piggy as a love interest!"

Angelina better watch out. Miss Piggy's hot. She'll pull an Angelina and steal Brad.

No word on whether Daisy De La Hoya has signed on to play Janice.

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Britney doesn't love rock n' roll!

Joan Jett has finally commented on Britney Spears' massacre of "I Love Rock N' Roll" back in 2002.

Joan claims to never have actually heard Britney's version, (Here you go Joan, but don't say I didn't warn you.) but that she didn't get it because Britney is not a rocker.

She says, "I've never even heard Britney's version. I mean, I've obviously heard about it, but I never understood that whole idea. I mean, people usually cover a song that says something about them, but I doubt she loves rock 'n' roll. Maybe she likes songs."

Joan's right. Although Britney in recent years has exhibited more rock 'n' roll behavior than anyone since Ozzy snorted a line of ants, she does not actually love rock 'n' roll. The whole thing was really just a big misunderstanding.

What happened was Britney heard the Weird Al version, "I Love Rocky Road" and agreed to cover the song based on her love of the tasty treat. Which nobody can argue!





The music nerd in me also feels the need to point out that Joan's version of "I Love Rock N Roll" is a cover as well. The song was originally written and recorded by a band called The Arrows back in 1975.

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Is nothing sacred?

Hey, this was funnier when I was stoned!

Beavis and Butthead creator Mike Judge said in a recent interview that he's considering making a live-action movie out of the 90's cartoon. "I feel like it's something I can come back to and do."

No Mike, it's not!

On who would play the characters he said "I guess Seann William Scott's kinda got Butt-Head eyes. A long time ago, Johnny Depp had said to me that he really wanted to play Beavis. ... He was doing that ['Don Juan DeMarco'] movie with Marlon Brando, and he said Marlon Brando used to imitate Butt-Head, and he would do Beavis."

Ok, Mike, Johnny was JOKING! (Although, he's probably the one person that could maybe make it work.) And Marlon's DEAD!

God, I really hope this doesn't happen.

I wouldn't be totally against another feature-length cartoon though. It could be about what happened to Beavis and Butthead and what they are doing in present time. If they aged in real time, Beavis and Butthead would be around 30 now. I'm sure they'd still be on the couch, but now they wouldn't be able to find any videos on MTV to make fun of. Of course Stuart would be some Bill Gates type millionaire now.

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Worst idea ever!

Yo, it's about that time
To bring back the rhythm and the WHY?

So the Funky Bunch are reuniting......without Marky Mark! The original members have teamed up again, recruited new members that are not Oscar-nominated actors and are now calling themselves the The Funk B's.

Original member Scott 'Great Scott' Ross said, "Hector, Terry, and I have had the opportunity to do many wonderful things in and outside of the music industry since the days of (hit single) Good Vibrations. We always knew that we would do another musical venture together. This year it felt like it was the right time to return. The music on our new CD represents the best in world music and the newest members add a great sound and new look to our product!"

Personally, I'm waiting for Hootie and the Blowfish reunion, without Hootie of course.

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I smell an Oscar!

Here are some leaked scenes from the upcoming Anna Nicole Smith biopic starring Willa Ford!

I think you Duggar enough, Jim Bob

Speaking of people the need to be spayed and neutered, have you heard about the Duggar family? These are the asshats in Arkansas that have 17 children aging in range from 9 months to 20 years, all with names beginning with the letter J (I guess they're trying to cover all the J names). Well guess what? Just in time for Mother's Day, baby number 18 is on the way!

The Duggars live in a 7,000-square-foot home. All the children are home-schooled and do chores to keep up with the growing family's needs. And of course, they are going to have a TV show. It will be on Discovery Health. Maybe instead of a TV show, they should consider getting a TV. With cable. A Flavor of Love marathon should be enough to stop the sperm parade.

So eighteen kids, that's gotta be enough right? (Hey, I just thought of a great name for their show!) Nope!! Not as long as God "wills it." Ok, can I just say right here that that kind of verbal diarrhea pisses the ever loving shed uterine lining out of me? God also wills murder, disease, war, and Heidi and Spencer---that doesn't mean that those are good things.

I'm not even trying to be funny, these people are fucking crazy. They are making their own little cult and those kids are all brainwashed. Check out their daily schedule on their website. Here's an example:

9:00p.m. is Bible time with Daddy. This is probably our favorite time of day. Daddy reads the Bible & we discuss the passage together. We talk about the day & bring out points of how to apply what we have learned. We enjoy making up skits & acting out examples of right responses & wrong responses. Often our little ones will fall asleep as Daddy begins Bible time, still they love to be with us at this special time. Bedtime is 10:00p.m.

Say it with me folks: Creepy. Ass. Shit.

I wonder what these little skits for Daddy Koresh are like, especially the "wrong responses."

But no, it's ok!! Let's reward this kind of shit and make this family into celebrities! Only in America.


I seriously need to stop thinking about this. What can I think about to cleanse my brain? Ok, so Britney calls K-Fed and is like "hey baby, I got some Frappuccino foam on my nipples...."

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Ugly Lindsay

PEOPLE (who else?) has released the first photo of Lindsay Lohan filming a scene for her guest stint on Ugly Betty. Lindsay will appear in six episodes beginning with the May 22nd season finale (which will also feature Naomi Campbell).

The scene above is a flashback to Betty's high school days. See, Lindsay is going to play a former high school bully that resurfaces in Betty's life when Daniel goes to a doctor to get a tattoo removed and she is the doctor's ditzy receptionist and...wait...