Last night on the American Idol results show, the first three members of the top 12 were chosen.
After Alexis Grace and Michael Sarver (why?) took the first two chairs of victory, it came down the goddess that is Tatiana and douchebag dead wife pimper Danny Gokey for the final two spots. After dragging it out "after the break" solely in hopes for a Tatiana meltdown, here's how it went:
Hey, Danny's friend: Cue the photo of Danny and his dead wife! Classy!
I can't believe America bought into that shit. So fucking wrong!
It really, really pisses me off. So much so, that I'm having a hard time putting it into words. So at this time, I'd like to introduce our special guest, WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Edge, to tell America just how fucking wrong they were to put Danny through instead of Tatiana.
I think that sums it up pretty well. Thank you Edge.
"All lies. I have no interest in her. None," she says. "I've never been a fan of anybody famous. Now I kinda have a taste. But it's not being famous – it's being infamous. It's a nightmare." - Octomonster desperately trying to keep her name in the news by still denying that she is obsessed with St. Angelina.
By the way, if anyone out there is bummed that Nadya's donation website is closed, have no fear!! Donate to this guy!
Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez used their appearance at the Inauguration's Western Ball to once again deny that their marriage is in the shitter.
Marc brought Jennifer up on stage to perform a duet with him, introducing her as "my wife." After their performance, they kissed and Marc commented "Man, she's cute" as Jen left the stage. SOURCE
Dina Lohan attempted some damage control on the rumors that Lindsay's guest stint on Ugly Betty was cut short from six episodes to four because of Lindsay's behavior and disrespectful actions.
On Lindsay's alleged dispute with America Ferrara: "It was just silly. America's a doll."
On Lindsay bringing a large group of friends on set and trashing her dressing room: "And they said [Lindsay] brought a posse. It was my mother and myself, and Ali. It was not a posse. We had sushi and no one trashed the room."
On why the episode arc was cut to four episodes: "She had fun on Ugly Betty. "It was long hours and when you're on a movie set it's a lot different. She's not used to television, but it was fun."
On Samantha Ronson: "We've known the family for years, so it's great. Sam is so tough and smart. "She's a sweetheart."
Ok, let's activate the Asshat Hollywood Bullshit Translator:
TRANSLATION: "Please, movie and television producers, please buy this load of crap and hire my daughter. I have become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Lindsay is my only hope. God knows, I've tried with the other one, but she's useless. Hey, how about a reality show about Lindsay and Sam's alternative relationship? I'm accepting of it you know, not like her father. I even said Sam's lovely, see?"
"Would you please stop hi-fiving people in Yankees caps?"
Madonna and Guy Ritchie had a nice normal dinner together in New York's Cesca restaurant last night and even held hands! Wow!! Way to prove everybody wrong!! See people, they are FINE!
A diner at the restaurant said they looked "like a normal couple that just wanted to have a nice dinner out. They looked very unassuming. Not like they were looking for attention. Everyone was whispering and saying, 'Wow, that was Madonna. She is supposed to be separating from her husband. I can't believe she is here.'"
Ok, this source is obviously a tourist because no way in hell would a real New Yorker be that naive.
I just want to bitch about So You Think You Can Dance for a minute. Why the hell wasn't Comfort eliminated last night? They got rid of Chelsea, who is much better and they didn't even tell her why!
Comfort must have some good dirt on Nigel, that's the only thing that could explain why she wasn't cut after week one! All the girl can do is one hip hop routine over and over.
I'm really pissed off about this.
Here's Comfort's performance from this week, I'm only posting it because I never thought I'd see the day that a Marilyn Manson song would be used on So You Think You Can Dance and I find it pretty hysterical and awesome. I hope on next week's show there's a Mia Michaels contemporary routine to Slayer's "Dead Skin Masks". They even say "Dance with the dead in my dreams" in the song---they could do the flower petal thing again!
And since I'm posting clips of SYTYCD, here's my favorite routine from last week, Chelsea (different Chelsea--all the girls are named Chelsea and Courtney this season) and Mark's hip hop routine to "Bleeding Love." It's worth watching even if you swore you'd jam pencils in your ears if you heard that damn song one more time:
Remember that picture of Joel Madden and Lindsay Lohan? Well, despite Lindsay currently being a lesbian, Star is running with the scandalous story.
One "on-looker" said, "Their heads were practically touching, and he had his leg over hers. Joel has a flirtatious side, and he definitely wasn't turning her away."
Then Paris supposedly sent Nicole a text that read: "Lindsay was all over Joel!"
Then a "friend of the couple" who claims to be with Nicole at the time said that she tried to call Joel, but he didn't answer the phone. "He was so zeroed in on Lindsay, he never heard his cell ring. Nicole felt so incredibly helpless and upset that she threw her phone against the wall in a rage."
Wow!! That friend saw how Joel was zeroed in on Lindsay and then saw Nicole throw her phone? I had no idea Nicole and Joel are friends with David Copperfield, because those are some magic powers that friend must have had to be in two places at one time! SOURCE
Jennifer Lopez is already working on getting back into shape after giving birth to twins - She's hired a trainer and is even planning to compete in a triathlon in six months!
She told People magazine she is planning to enter "probably in October, September/October... I want my babies to be proud of me."
Um, J-Lo, they'll be six months old! They'll be throwing their poop!
J-Lo also has dismissed claims that she and Marc used in-vitro fertilization: "It was natural. We didn't do in vitro, which I know was reported. Everybody assumed that because we had twins. I wanted to have a baby, but I've always said exactly what I said all those years they (reporters) asked us since we've been married: 'Well, when are you guys gonna have some kids?' 'When it happens naturally, I guess!'
Amy's dad, Mitch Winehouse insists that, despite rumored recent drug binges and accounts of hotel trashing, his daughter is on the straight and narrow.
Why is he so sure?
Because she's with Kelly Osbourne of course! Who happens to be a drug counselor. What, you didn't know?
Mitch told Closer magazine, "Staying out til 5am is what people her age do, she hasn't relapsed. If she's with Kelly there's no relapse. Kelly's a drug counselor, so Amy's completely safe with her."
Star is reporting that Adnan Ghalib has been telling friends that Britney's pregnant with his child. They even go as far as to reach that Brit shows a baby bump in the above photo.
One of Adnan's "friends" told the magazine, "Britney is Adnan's dream come true. He knows that if he has a child with Brit, he'll be made for life."
Anyone that watched the Oscars last night may have noticed that during the "In Memoriam" montage, Brad Renfro was not mentioned.
TMZ called the Academy out on the omission, and this was their lame ass response: "It is simply not possible to include everyone in that segment."
I told you it was lame ass. So we're supposed to believe that they didn't have enough time. The close to FOUR hour long Academy Awards didn't have two seconds to spare for an actor that made 26 movies in his very short life.
But they had enough time for the gag about the history of binoculars in film.
Apparently there were rumors that Beyonce broke Rihanna's toe in a jealous fight over Jay-Z.
Rihanna has spoken out on the rumors, insisting that they are "crazy" and that there is no rivalry between Beyonce and her. (Yeah, ok.)
Rihanna told the British magazine Star, "That's crazy. Not at all (is it true). "It (breaking her toe) happened on vacation. I'd just got there and couldn't sleep, so I wanted my best friend to go in the pool with me. I ran into her room and straight into a solid mahogany chair. It hurt so much - my toe was pointing to the side."
No word on whether the toe was pointing to the left, to the left. SOURCE
The website for Classic Rock magazine (I know, isn't that sad?) reported yesterday that...wait for it...Chinese Democracy, the album that Axl Rose and his hired Guns N' Roses replacements have been recording for 37 years, is COMPLETE!!!
Axl's personal manager, Beta Lebeis, told the magazine that the album"was finished before Christmas".
Hmm, creation of Jesus, creation of the masterpiece that will be Chinese Democracy-do we not see the parallels?
Beta then added that: "Everybody knows that." Everybody referring to the various people in Axl's head.
She then said that as far as a release date, Axl is currently "in negotiations". Negotiations referring the new code word that will replace "putting the finishing touches on" as the reason for why the album will not be released for the next 14 years.
In all seriousness, I really hope the album is never realeased. It will never live up to the build-up. It will be the Snakes On a Plane of rock and roll. And by the sound of some of the leaked demos, it sounds like a small dog gets killed on that as well. And then that will piss me off even more.
Britney Spears was scheduled to be in court today to give an ordered deposition in her divorce battle with K-Fed, but cancelled it due to an undisclosed "illness".
K-Fed's lawyer commented, "I was told of a general [medical] condition, and [Spears] felt she couldn't attend." He also indicated he would be pursuing a court sanction against Britney for not showing up.
A new date has been scheduled but not announced to the public.
Britney Spears, come on down!! You just failed your court-appointed drug test!
Which means, it's time to play Pick A Drug To Blame Your "False-Positive" On!
Britney: "Let's go with Provigil. I take it for my narcolepsy." EEENNNTTTT!!!
Bob: "I'm sorry Britney, but that drug would not show up on a court-ordered drug test."
Britney: "Shit. Ok, how about Albuterol? I take that for my...um....my......."
Lawyer: "Asthma moron."
Britney: "Asthma moron."
Bob: "Are you calling me a moron young lady?"
Britney: "No Mr. Barker, my lawyer is."
Bob: "Can we just see the answer please?" ENNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!
Bob: "I'm sorry but that is wrong also. Albuterol is not an amphetamine and your failllll---um, false positive was caused by an amphetamine. You have one more chance to choose your defense."
Britney: "OOHH Cheetos are up there, can I have those?"
Lawyer: "No! Adderall."
Britney: "I mean Adderall."
Bob: "Wait, so you have ADD now in addition to narcolepsy and asthma?"
Britney: "No silly, that's what my lawyer is saying to cover up the speed!"
Lawyer: "I quit."
Bob: "Let's see how you did Britney. Adderall is.............." DING DING DING!!!
Bob: "CORRECT! Congratulations Britney, you have won the ADD medication defense to use in court tomorrow!"
For no apparent reason Tom Cruise has decided to announce that he is above worldly possessions and has shunned his multi-million dollar fortune in favor or a more simplistic lifestyle. Tom believes that his family and career are much more important than 250 million dollars.
Tom recently said, "I have no iPhone, no mobile, no e-mail address, no watch, no jewelery, no wallet. I simply want to be with my children and make movies. I am the boss of 1,000 people (but) I don't see myself as an icon."
Well duh, if you want to achieve the the highest level of Operating Thetan, it's gonna cost you!
Soprano's creator David Chase has finally broken his silence regarding the ending of the Sopranos finale. In an interview in the upcoming book, The Sopranos: The Complete Book, Chase says that Tony did NOT get killed when the screen went black.
"There are no esoteric clues in there. No Da Vinci Code," he said. Chase went on to say that he as surprised that fans wanted Tony to die. "They had gleefully watched him rob, kill, pillage, lie and cheat. They had cheered him on. And then, all of a sudden, they wanted to see him punished for all that. They wanted 'justice' ... The pathetic thing -- to me -- was how much they wanted HIS blood, after cheering him on for eight years."
Geez, way to take it seriously dude. That's how it works moron! All the bad guys you root for have to get it at the end. Could you imagine what a pussy move it would have been if Tony Montana didn't die at the end of Scarface?
He totally meant for Tony to die. What was with all that "everything just goes black" stuff? I think with all the Sex and the City hoopla, David's thinking movie.
Last night on the American Idol results show, the first three members of the top 12 were chosen.
