Asshat Idol- Top 8

When we last left our Idols, something terrible was headed their way. It appeared to be a man in a leather jacket about to waterski over a shark! He ended up making a U-Turn though because he realized he was going the wrong way to Wisteria Lane. "Every damn time I go there, I get lost!" he thought angrily! But as he turned around, the shark jumped up out of the water yelling "First the Jaws franchise, now a tired old catchphrase! Can't everybody just leave me be and let me sleep? And you wonder why we're so mean!" And he bit the man, later identified as Fonzie. Fortunately, Fonzie was airlifted to a nearby hospital. He was treated for the bite but then the doctors determined he may also have a rare and debilitating disease, but they didn't know which one. So they are currently performing dangerous and gruesome tests on him, including a brain biopsy, temporarily paralyzing him, and searching for additional hidden sexual organs, among others. When reached for comment the head doctor said "Bite me!" We will keep you updated on Fonzie's condition.

Meanwhile, little did the people of Idoland know that something much worse than the jumping of a shark was about to happen.

Tuesday night:

"Wait a second!! That ain't Carlos Santana!"

"Oh, now I'm pissed!"

"LIARS!!!!!"

Phil: "I will slaughter you all in the name of Satan!"
Ryan: "That actually means 'I love you.' "

"The things I have to do get votes. {wipes mouth} "Ok, who's next?"

Ryan: "Blake, MY MAN! Great job! If you want to vote for Blake, please call 1-866-IDOLS-07."
Blake: "Could you maybe stop fondling my anus now?"

BREAKING NEWS: We just received an update on Fonzie. They found the problem in exactly 54 minutes! Turns out it was just exhaustion due to all the jumping he's been doing lately plus he's on cancellation duty--The Black Donnellys, 7th Heaven, The Wedding Belles, too much for one man, even the Fonz. So he is currently resting comfortably in a musical montage set to an emotional and fitting song, spliced in with scenes of the doctors in the hospital dealing with their own problems and convictions.

Now back to our recap:

"Everyone at home look into my sultry eyes for it is Sanjaya time!"

"You are all my disciples. You will do everything I say."
Audience: "YEESS MASSTTERR SANJAAYYYAA."

"You all make Sanjaya very happy. Bless you all."

Ryan: "Um, you guys, do you notice anything weird about Sanjaya?"

Randy: "No, I don't see anything wrong with MASTER SANNNJJAAYYYYAAA."
Paula: "Dude, I told you not to mix the green and blue pills."

"SANNNJAAAYYAAAAA."

"You've all gone bloody apeshit.......Oh, wait, this is bad. Wrap it up Ryan!"

Ryan: "Thanks for watching American Idol, voting opens now!"
Phil: "I'm still gonna kill you fuckers. See, the sign of Satan!"
Ryan: "Oh no, what's happening?"


"No one will stop me now! MUHHAHUHHAHAAAAA!"

To Be Continued........