The dog said "Yum-o!"

From PAGE SIX:
' RachaelRay was attacked by a dog in Union Square Park Saturday while bravely defending her pit-bull mix, Isaboo. According to the TV host's rep, "This dog came up - there was no owner in sight - and became aggressive. Rachael and some others shooed it away, but it came back and attacked Isaboo. Other dogs were involved, and Rachael jumped in and was bit by one of the dogs on the leg. A nurse was in the park and checked her out. She's fine." '

I always suspected Rachel might be part-dude and this confirms it. You gotta be damn tough to protect a pit-bull, since it's usually the other way around.

Oh, please let there be a YouTube of this!

FROM THE NY DAILY NEWS:

' Oil-heir bad boy Brandon Davis can't get away with his nasty remarks in New York. When Paris Hilton's L.A. hanger-on insulted the deejay at The Box on Chrystie St. Saturday night, a spotlight was turned on him and an onstage MC "ripped on him for like 10 minutes," reports our spywitness. "He didn't even know who Brandon was — that was the best part." '



Comeon, I know someone had a cameraphone.

I'm back.....Damn you Axl!

Sorry I wasn't around yesterday. I was waiting outside my local record shop for the delivery of Chinese Democracy. Axl said it was coming out this morning. I slept out in the damn freezing cold, I even lost a couple toes to frostbite. It's cool though, they were the ugly hammer ones.

Alas, still no Chinese Democracy.

I'll be back in a few, I gotta go thaw the thong strap out of my ass.




(PS - if anyone actually believed this, please call me ASAP, I have some of Britney's hair I'd like to sell you)

I bet Fox gets a show about the Burger King guy

FROM TMZ:
' ABC is looking to an unlikely place to find the next big television show: Geico TV commercials. Yes, the net is developing a half-hour comedy based on the cavemen characters from the popular insurance ads. The show would revolve around three pre-historic men who must battle prejudice as they live their day-to-day lives in modern Atlanta. '

It could work. Remember what a big blockbuster hit Encino Man was? Although in that movie, the people were all so stupid they didn't even realize he was a caveman so he didn't really have to battle much prejudice. In fact, he became the big man on campus , much to the dismay of that kid from the Goonies because he wanted to be popular. But Pauly Shore set him straight and there was a big dance number and then they found a hot cavewoman and"Um excuse me? This is supposed to be about MY show, not some stupid Pauly Shore movie. See, I never get any respect! Pauly Shore can kiss my prehistoric ass!"

"Hey, easy buuuuuddy. I'm just chillin', I don't want to kiss your ass."

"Why not? My ass isn't good enough for you but Brendan Fraser's is? Why is that? Is it because he's smart? Because he's not a real caveman?"

"Actually on second thought, I think I will kiss your ass, IF you can get me a part on your new show. I've kind of been hard up for work for the last 15 years or so."

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Sorry, I'll stop now. I'm a little shot today. I think I'm gonna go write on my hands. Thanks for stopping by Geico Caveman and Pauly Shore!

Um, yeah..

Well, I used to write O-Z-Z-Y on my fingers

So Britney left rehab for a bit to go to an AA meeting (I don't get it either) and people noticed that she had writing all over her hands:

' The 'Toxic' star, who hid her recently-sheared head under a brown wig and hat when she left Malibu's Promises treatment centre to attend an Alcoholics ' Anonymous meeting, shocked onlookers by revealing the strange doodles all over the backs of her hands. Flowers and the word 'Push' could be made out among the scribbles. A smiling Britney met with photographers and an eyewitness described the troubled mother-of-two as 'relaxed and in good spirits'. '


Hmmm, flowers and "PUSH" Maybe it is postpartum.

Also, I can't believe they let her have pens in there!

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Mary Hart, you make me ill

So Anna Nicole is finally being buried today(one down, we still have James Brown to go!) If you want up to the nanosecond coverage, just check out Entertainment Tonight's website . I swear, that studio must be covered in used tissues because I guarantee they jack off over there every time they get a new detail.

Did anyone see last night's episode? I don't know if it was ET or Insider (they're both the same anyway) but it was sickening. They went into all this detail describing the funeral arrangements. For a minute there, I actually thought they were talking about a wedding: "Anna will take her final ride from the beautiful church, past the lovely Bahamian beaches and crystal blue water to the grave site, which will be decorated with lilies and azalias ...." GROSS GROSS GROSS! Stop it!

Did Jessica borrow Britney's wig?

Here's Jess filming a scene in New York city yesterday for a new movie called Blonde Ambition. Looks like one to watch for next year's Oscars, though it will have some stiff competition from Blonde and Blonder with Pam Anderson and Denise Richards.

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"You know Heather, artificial limbs actually date back to the cavemen......."

Vincent Pastore dropped out of Dancing With the Stars earlier this week due to his heart condition and the rigorous physical demands of the show. His replacement was announced this morning: it's John Ratzenberger from the best sitcom ever, Cheers. He will be paired with professional dancer (Joey Lawrence's partner last season) Edyta Sliwinska and will have only three weeks to practice before the show premieres on March 19th. They should have gotten Nick Tortelli instead-- he rules.

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She's got the whole world in her hands

St. Angelina is adding a Vietnamese orphan to her collection. She filed paperwork this week with the Vietnam's International Adoption Agency. She was recently quoted as saying "I'd like to add many more children and many more obstacles and many more things to my life."

Yeah, obstacles are fun!

She's like a crazy cat lady, but with children.
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Ryan Seacrest Rules

"Just shoes?"

And watch Simon turn away and try not to laugh.

Awesomeness!

What the Asshats are up to

Jess - "So then I called Ken about my new hair and he suggested I buy more autumn colored clothing so I went shopping, but then I remembered I left the oven on so I had to run home and then..............."

John - (thinking) "I can't believe Nick isn't an alcoholic."

"The name on everybody's lips is gonna be.........NO TURN THE LIGHTS BACK UP! I THOUGHT I MADE YOU PROUD!"

"Those cops were so nice, they didn't even cuff me this time. Not even the black ones. They're hot."

"I can't believe we got Paula to streak!! Look at her go!"

"Does this haircut make me look thinner?"

"Please Jake, can we reenact that scene from Brokeback?"

It's nice to see the Hepatitis P (for Puck) only affected her hair.
(For real news: Her people said she didn't eat any of the tainted food.)

Mary Kate Olsen on the set of live action Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. She's playing the Witch:

"Wow, that's one major McSteamy McPoopy! Make that two!"

PHOTOS

Simon defends Sucky Antonella

Simon has finally commented on the Antonella Barba (Sucks!) photo scandal.

At a party at the Playboy Mansion he told PEOPLE:
"I think it's disgraceful that so-called friends would sell these pictures. It's private property. I really, really have a problem with that – big problem."

Hmm, ok so it was private and not for money, I see where this is going. This is Simon's argument to the whole "why is sucky Antonella still here and fabulous Frenchie Davis was kicked off?" (By the way, anyone else think it's kind of funny that he said this at a party at the PLAYBOY MANSION? )

Meanwhile Antonella's friend Amanda Coluccio (who also auditioned for American Idol) has insisted that while the Maxim wannabe shots are sucky Antonella, the blowjob ones aren't. Yeah, ok. (see for yourself)

On top of it all Antonella, who sucks, had the gall to compare herself to Jennifer Hudson last night after the judges dissed her sucky mangling of a Celine Dion song.

I am eagerly anticipating the results show tonight. I really hope America got it right. I'd rather see another Sanjay performance than her sucky ass anymore.

Bad news for all you bachelors out there

Spoiled, talentless, Jennifer Aniston-hatin' Kimberly Stewart has topped a poll to be named the world's most eligible woman. 10,000 men were surveyed in FHM. Kimberly landed the #1 spot, #2 was Carmen Electra and Lindsay Lohan came in at #3.

I'm thinking "most eligible" means "most willing to have sex with you after four Red Bulls and vodkas, " because that's the only this skank could ever be ranked above the goddess that is Carmen Electra.

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Everyone can relax--Bobby is free!

Bobby Brown was released from a Massachusetts jail last night. His brother paid his child support bill for him.

Bobby will be back in court today to tell the judge how he will raise the $5,500.00 he owes for his next payment due on March 7th.

Let's play : HOW WILL BOBBY RAISE THE MONEY?

A) Try to get New Edition back together for another reunion tour

B) Ask Whitney for a loan. What do you say to that Whitney? CLICK HERE FOR HER ANSWER

C) Get a job at a convalescent home picking poop out of the patient's butts (Whitney and fans of "Being Bobby Brown" know he's actually very good at this)

D) Ask his brother again


My money's on "D".

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Ben Affleck likes the ho's

He does according to a new book by Hollywood madam Jody "Babydoll" Gibson. The book is called "Secrets of a Hollywood Super Madam" and outs hooker-lovin' celebrities including Bruce Willis, Gary Busey and Steve Jones (of the Sex Pistols), among others. Bruce Willis has called the story about him in the book "a complete fabrication." Affleck has yet to comment.

I wonder if this was when he was with J-Lo. There were those stripper rumors back then too. I never understand why rich and attractive celebrities pay for sex, ok, well maybe I could understand Gary Busey.

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