I literally jumped up and cheered last night when Tatianna Del Toro was given a spot in tonight's American Idol Wildcard show.
Let's relive the awesome moment:
Simon pointed out earlier in the show that Jennifer Hudson was brought back as a wildcard pick in her season. I'm sure Tatianna will follow in her footsteps and be the next AI contestant to go on to win an Oscar. I mean, she deserves one already for her performance last night!
Let's see Tatianna's reaction after the show last night:
Not everyone's happy about the news though, here's what Adam Lambert had to say:
SHUT UP ADAM!
So everyone out there, even if you don't watch American Idol, watch the Wildcard show tonight and make our beautiful goddess's dream come true!!!!
(NOTE: For all the idiots out there, those last two videos were impersonators.)
First off, since I didn't post on last week's show - NORMAN GENTLE WAS ROBBED!!!! Once again America got it WRONGWRONGWRONGWRONG!!!! Now we can only hope to see him again on the Wildcard show, along with Tatianna. Hey, they can do a duet, just like on that awesome show Superstar USA. Remember that? That show ruled, I'd rather watch another season of that than this season's AI with the way this year's top 12 snoozefest is turning out. At least we're getting some highlights along the way though . Which brings me to:
MOST AWESOME PERFORMANCE:
Hands down - Alex Wagner-Trugman. This could be a scene out of American Pie. Like if Jason Biggs suddenly accidentally finds himself up on a stage and the band leader's like "Nobody leaves this place without singing the blues." And then he stumbles through it to try to impress the Band Camp girl.
Seriously, how could you not root for this lovable dork? I love the part in the beginning where he goes "I can be your boyfriend tonight." Oh yes you can, baby.
MOST AWESOMELY BAD PERFORMANCE:
Somebody watched Mamma Mia one too many times.
YOU ARE A LIL' LOCK, YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THIS:
At one point during her song, Lil' Rounds changed the lyrics to “Call this show if you just can’t be without me.” Way to copy Norman. You forgot to hump the logo though.
Also, three kids at 23??!!! Watch out Octomom!
WHAT THE FUCK?
The outfit, the headband, the awesome dancing, Meatloaf!!
All of it pales in comparison to Nathaniel's Grandma:
Go Granny! I voted for her.
Tune in tonight to see Lil' Rounds, Blind Scott, and Jorge: The adorable Crying Puerto Rican (TM Paula) go through to the Top 12 and more importantly, to see how they incorporate Blind Scott into the cheesy group song and dance number!
Hulk Hogan recently told the Los Angeles Times that he was sent the script for the lead character in The Wrestler but passed on the movie.
He went on to say, "I don't think the public could have handled it, though. Just made me realize after seeing the movie with Mickey Rourke that if someone does the real Hulk Hogan movie, you better hang on for the ride, brother."
He continued, "[The movie] Made me realize how shock value - that just the drop of reality - can have an effect on the public. It was wrestling light. Very light version of wrestling."
If that wasn't enough, Hogan, then went on to give advice to Mickey Rourke on appearing at Wrestlemania (which after last night's episode of Monday Night Raw, looks like it is going to happen.)
Hulk said, "You don't want to jade your performance or have the Hollywood community look at you like, 'you sold out."
(I'll pause while everyone laughs over the idea of Hulk Hogan giving advice on not selling out.)
He went on to say that it was because he continued wrestling that he was never accepted by the Hollywood community and never able to become a legitimate movie star like Dwayne "Don't call me 'The Rock' " Johnson.
Yeah, that's why. Not because of dookie like this:
RadarOnline posted a video of batshit Nadya Suleman arguing with her mother. Those lips really start going when Octo loses her shit when her mother suggests giving up the babies for adoption.
Anyone else smell a sitcom? It's the next Kath and Kim!
Sorry, I had a bit of an Oscar hangover yesterday. So, hopefully everyone watched, but just in case you missed it here's the Oscars in a nutshell:
Thankfully, the horrible Hugh Jackman/Beyonce!/High School Musica/Beyonce!/Mamma Mia/Beyonce! number was not included in that highlight reel. Baz Luhrmann needs to go into the "Never Be Allowed to Stage An Oscar Performance Ever Again" file right next to Debbie Allen. (Sorry Baz, I still love Moulin Rouge!)
They actually did do a pretty classy thing this year by not cutting off any of the winners speeches with the annoying music cues.
However, they made up for that display of class by tackily teaming Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black (AKA Angelina Jolie's costar in Kung Fu Panda) as presenters for the sole purpose of getting a Jen/Angelina reaction shot:
Ugh, I have to say, well played Jolie. Poor Jen looked so nervous!
Sadly, the Best Actor win was an upset, with Sean Penn winning for Milk, however that may have been a good thing because I don't think Mickey could have topped the speech he gave the previous night at the Independent Spirit Awards:
In other Oscar news, doctors are preparing to remove the giant growth from Jessica Biel's gown. We wish them the best.
On this Oscar Eve, we'd like to welcome you to the 1st Annual Assy Awards. However in honor of this year's big movies, I think it's appropriate to call them the Kill Your Assy Awards. Seems like every film that came out this year was a major downer. So in recognition of just how freaking much we all wanted to slit our wrists after watching these films, we'll start with our first category:
MOST DEPRESSING MOVIE MOMENT OF THE YEAR: (Caution: these nominees contain spoilers, so if you haven't yet seen or have had these movies spoiled for you, skip to the next category.)
And the nominees are:
Home Abortion Kit: what could possibly go wrong? - Revolutionary Road
Wait a minute, this movie was actually really fucking sad. That cute Bollywood dance routine at the end doesn't change that! I mean, that Marc Anthony looking fucker BLINDED a little boy!- Slumdog Millionaire
"Whoa, I finally realize that killing hundreds of people is worse than being illiterate. I've gotta hang myself right now, but how will I ever reach my noose? Oh yeah, I can climb up on all these books! How ironic and dramatic!" --The Reader
"Hey kid, I'm broken down, washed up and have no real friends, wanna play an old Nintendo game from my glory days in my trailer? You could even tell me how much it sucks compared to new technology."-- The Wrestler
It's bad enough they killed the dog, but did they have to draw it out for So. Fucking. Long? - Marley and Me
And the Assy goes to:
Comeon now, everybody knows there is nothing worse in a movie than when a dog dies. Especially when they trick the public into thinking the movie is going to be a fun, sweet, holiday film for the whole family. To be fair, I didn't actually see it, but come on, the dog DIED. I'm sure parents everywhere that had to comfort their hysterical children on the ride home from the theater will agree with this choice.
Ok everyone, put the razor blades down, yes you too Randy the Ram. Let's lighten things up a bit, huh?
MOST AWESOME QUOTE IN A MOVIE:
"Did I ever tell you I was stuck by lightning seven times?" - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
"Then Kurt Cobain had to come along and fuck it all up" - The Wrestler
"We are going to go on a big boat." - Revolutionary Road
"You never go full retard." - Tropic Thunder
"Get off my lawn" - Gran Torino
And the Assy goes to:
"GET OFF MY LAWN"
Gotta give it to Dirty Bunker in Gran Torino. That was the only moment in that wretched movie worth watching.
MOST AWESOME MOVIE MOMENT:
Nixon drunk dials David Frost and loses his shit - Frost/Nixon
Randy the Ram blades himself --on a deli meat slicer! - The Wrestler
Paris Hilton's face falls off - Repo! The Genetic Opera
"The End" - The Reader
And the Assy goes to:
Paris Hilton's face falling off in Repo! The Genetic Opera. It really doesn't get much more awesome than that. Well, maybe if her genitals fell off too (and that wouldn't be much of a stretch for Valtrex girl). Congrats Paris!
MOST POINTLESS SCENE IN A FILM:
DISHWASHER RACE!!! - Rachel Getting Married
Sex scene #32: WE GET IT ALREADY! - The Reader
Clint Eastwood gets a shave and buys a suit... AKA: Foreshadowing sequence for all the idiots that can't see the ending of this movie coming a mile away. - Gran Torino
What the fuck? Brad Pitt shrunk down to a baby? I was buying this curious shit until this crap!- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
And the Assy goes to:
The dishwasher race in Rachel Getting Married. TEN FUCKING MINUTES OF THIS SHIT?!!!! I stuck through it because I was really hoping that appliance would go bad like in the horror classic "Attack of the Killer Refrigerator":
but sadly, it didn't.
MOST AWESOME MUSICAL PERFORMANCE IN A FILM:
Randy and Pam's duet to "Round and Round" - The Wrestler
The groom randomly serenades his new bride with Neil Young - Rachel Getting Married
The awesomely awful vocal stylings of Pierce Bronsan -Mamma Mia!
"Zydrate Anatomy" - Repo! The Genetic Opera
And the Assy Goes to:
The movie sucked, but this song was pretty awesome (yes, even with Paris). Plus, that Graverobber dude was hot.
NOTE: Unfortunately, "Dah Duh Dah Duh Dah Duh" by Christian Bale was deemed ineligible for this year's Assy Awards since "Terminator: Salvation" has not yet been released, otherwise it would have been the clear winner.
BEST MOVIE ABOUT DOGS:
Marley and Me
Hotel For Dogs
Beverly Hills Chihuahua
And the Assy goes to:
My reasoning is this:
Marley and Me is definitely out for reasons stated above.
I didn't see Hotel for Dogs
Beverly Hills Chihuahua is about the greatest breed of dogs
Best Use Of a Guns N' Roses Song In a Film: (You knew I was gonna go there)
"If the World" - Body of Lies
"Welcome to the Jungle" - Death Race
"Sweet Child O' Mine" - The Wrestler
And the Assy goes to:
"Sweet Child O' Mine" in The Wrestler!! Since it was the only movie of those three that didn't suck! Which goes to show that even GN'R can't save a sucky movie.
Here to perform the winning song is 1988 era Guns N' Roses. (Because it's my awards show):
Best Use of Shit in a Film:
Jamal really, really wants that autograph - Slumdog Millionaire
Sucks to be the camera guy - Zach and Miri Make a Porno
And the Assy goes to:
It's a tie! Because there just weren't enough shit scenes in movies this year:
Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler. Kate's won enough awards, and sorry, but about a half hour into The Reader, I was yelling at her to put some damn clothes on. Marisa rocked those B cups and at 44, she looked better than a lot of women half her age.
And no, I didn't read the wrong name off the card!
Oh yeah, also, I was kidding about Meryl Streep.
Best Supporting Actor:
The guy that got struck by lightning seven times - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard's brother as the camera guy- Frost/Nixon
Diego Luna as Harvey's annoying boyfriend - Milk
Verne Troyer as Benjamin Button as a baby - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
And the Assy goes to:
Verne Troyer as baby Benjamin Button!!
What?
That wasn't Mini Me?No shit?
Ok, well I guess that was a mistake. Verne wasn't in the movie. So we are going to give the Assy to Ron Howard's brother in Frost/Nixon, because let's face it, that film ain't gonna win anything tomorrow night.
Best Supporting Actress:
Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler
Amy Adams - Doubt
Taraji P. Henson - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Rumer Willis - The House Bunny
And the Assy goes to:
Rumer Willis in The House Bunny!! Because Rumer gets a lot of shit, but this scene in The House Bunny ripped off Forrest Gump way better than the entire 2 1/2 hours of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. (sorry it's dubbed, it's the only one I could find. It makes it kind of artsy though.)
Best Actor:
Mickey. No joking here, he better fucking win tomorrow.
Best Actress:
Again, no reason even nominating anyone else, Kate Winslet for her performance at the Golden Globes. Not only did she act soooo surprised and humble, but she referred to Angelina Jolie as "the other one." You rule Kate!
Best Picture:
DUH!
Thank you so much for attending the 1st Annual Assy Awards! To take us out, in honor of Bruce Springsteen's snub, here is a medley of overlooked Oscar songs throughout the years:
Last night on the American Idol results show, the first three members of the top 12 were chosen.
After Alexis Grace and Michael Sarver (why?) took the first two chairs of victory, it came down the goddess that is Tatiana and douchebag dead wife pimper Danny Gokey for the final two spots. After dragging it out "after the break" solely in hopes for a Tatiana meltdown, here's how it went:
Hey, Danny's friend: Cue the photo of Danny and his dead wife! Classy!
I can't believe America bought into that shit. So fucking wrong!
It really, really pisses me off. So much so, that I'm having a hard time putting it into words. So at this time, I'd like to introduce our special guest, WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Edge, to tell America just how fucking wrong they were to put Danny through instead of Tatiana.
I think that sums it up pretty well. Thank you Edge.
I don't even know why I am bothering after the suckfest that was last night. Let's just get this over with.
WORST PERFORMANCE:
Pretty much all of them were big fat failure turtles, but Casey Carlson butchering the Police was probably the suckiest:
(sorry, couldn't find a better video)
BEST PERFORMANCE:
Gotta give it to Seacrest.
SIT THE FUCK DOWN RANDY, PAULA, and WHATEVERYOURNAME IS, HE AIN'T THAT GOOD:
Danny "Have I told you about my dead wife lately? No? Well, let me tell you my sad story as I sing a sad song and point up to the sky dramatically." Gokey. Ugh. Of course he's going to make the top 12 and he's going to irritate the shit out of me every damn week.
PS - Robert Downey Jr. called, he wants his look back.
WHAT ABOUT TATIANA?
Know what? She didn't suck as much as most of the others. Someone obviously told her to take the crazy down a notch, but it had some weird results. After she was done with her song and Ryan was interviewing her on the couch (not sure if she was on the hard part) the drama came back a little and she pled to America to vote to make her dream come true.
Ok, well, INXS have kicked winner J.D. Fortune out of the band, and apparently he's homeless now. (Is anyone else surprised that they were even still together? They had that one album, toured, and then we never heard from them again.)
Fortune, real name Jason Dean Bennison, recently told Canada's Entertainment Tonight how INXS delivered the news that he just wasn't roit for the band after all. JD said, "I was in an airport (in) Hong Kong and literally got a handshake. They said, 'Thank you very much.' I found myself really alone because I had traveled with these guys for 23 months. I don't know where I am going from sofa to sofa, from night to night. I am trying to get through my life."
JD also confessed that the firing might have been the result of his cocaine addiction, adding, "It got as bad as it needed to be for me to numb out the fact that I knew this was going to come to a screeching halt." He also says that he has been clean for two years.
Look for JD to appear on the next season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.
"Sometimes when a man’s alone, all you got is your dog.”
This is so freaking sad. Mickey Rourke's beloved Chihuahua, Loki, has crossed over the Rainbow Bridge before getting to see her best friend win an Oscar.
Loki was 18 years old and died yesterday morning.
Mickey flew Loki to Italy for the screening of The Wrestler at the Venice Film Festival last year. He explained, "Loki is the love of my life. My dog is very old and she is not going to be around for long so I want to spend every moment with her."
Excuse me a minute..........I have something in my eye. SOURCE
"All lies. I have no interest in her. None," she says. "I've never been a fan of anybody famous. Now I kinda have a taste. But it's not being famous – it's being infamous. It's a nightmare." - Octomonster desperately trying to keep her name in the news by still denying that she is obsessed with St. Angelina.
By the way, if anyone out there is bummed that Nadya's donation website is closed, have no fear!! Donate to this guy!
Belated congrats go out to Salma Hayek and her billionaire babydaddy Francois-Henri Pinault who wed in a small ceremony in Paris this past Saturday (Valentine's Day).
PEOPLE will reveal details of the wedding in their new issue. Salma wore white, carried red and white roses, and said her "I Do" in French.
An attendee told the magazine, "The bride was extremely beautiful, even when she was crying tears of joy. They were extremely happy."
Salma,42, and Francoi, 46 (not a typo) have been dating on and off for three years and have a daughter together.
I just heard this this morning and it's my new favorite song! I'm usually skeptical when bands cover 80's pop songs and make them heavy, but this one's pretty damn awesome. Ok, I'm a sucker for when bands cover 80's pop songs and make them heavy.
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