#30: Axl the movie star (aka: Don't blink!) In the 1988 Dirty Harry film, The Dead Pool, celebrities are killed off one by one (About time for a remake starring Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, and Heidi and Spencer, don't you think?). One of these celebrities is a rock star named Johnny Squares:
You are not having an acid trip, that is in fact a very young Jim Carrey lipsynching to Welcome to the Jungle!
Johnny gets offed pretty early in the movie (thankfully after that awesome video!) and Axl and the rest of the original band play....a rock band!!...that come to Johnny's funeral to pay their respects. Seriously, don't blink:
Even though he doesn't have a lot of screen time, you really can tell that Axl really picked up a lot of acting skills during the filming of this movie, later evident in the funeral scene in the November Rain video.
Unfortunately for our leader, Slash got the coolest part :
Though GN'R's music has been used in many movies, this was Axl's first and only foray onto the big screen. (Contrary to popular belief, Axl did NOT play one of the Twins in The Matrix Reloaded:
Sasha is an alter ego that Beyonce created for her stage persona. She explains: "Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I'm working and when I'm on the stage. I have someone else that takes over when it's time for me to work and when I'm on stage, this alter ego that I've created that kind of protects me and who I really am.""
#31 Axl vs. Jon Bon Jovi (aka: "Bon Jovi can suck my dick!")
You know how there's always that cool, dangerous, guy with a bad reputation who other guys secretly want to be but they'd never actually dare because they're too chickenshit to break the rules? Not to mention, "what would mom think?" This always seemed to be the case with Jon Bon Jovi and Axl Rose.
Both bands formed around the same time, but Bon Jovi struck it big first in 1986 with their breakthrough album Slippery When Wet. Jon soon became America's sweetheart with his bright Chicklet smile, perfectly coiffed mane, and mom-friendly pop-rock. Don't get me wrong, Bon Jovi did rock, but they rocked safely, never pissing anybody off, and always with a smile.
Enter Guns N' Roses: sleazy, dirty, drugged-up Los Angeles trash that almost seemed like they were trying to piss everybody off. And their leader (our leader) was the quintessential bad boy, the complete opposite of nice, cute, boring Jon. Who could ever mistake one for the other?
Someone apparently did one evening in 1987 at a Hyatt Regency Hotel. According to Axl, via onstage rant of course, "five guys in suits" who decided they were "scumbags" picked a fight with the band. One of the men grabbed Axl and referred to him as "Bon Jovi." This offended Axl, who, on the mistake commented to the crowd: "Bon Jovi can suck my dick." You can hear the whole thing here, skip to 4:24. Jon didn't take Axl up on his offer nor have the two ever actually had a face-to-face altercation (not yet anyway), but Jon has taken a public swipe at Axl. In 2006 he told the NY Post:
"You know what pisses me off? I was reading this British rock magazine this month and there was a story about Axl Rose and the $13 million GUNS N' ROSES record that was never made. That motherfucker hasn't made a record in 13 years and he gets all that attention. You know what I've done in 13 years? A lot. But they have continued to write about the freak show aspect of him. Because he's a recluse. That makes him interesting, right?"
Hmmm, somebody sounds a weetle geelus!
Poor Jon, he'll always be the Brandon Walsh to Axl's Dylan Mckay, (sorry, I gotta stop with the 90210 references).
Mr. Blonde was taken away from his home by the L.A. Sheriff's deputies on Monday and was placed in the looney bin on a 5150 hold (Remember? 5150 is code for "batshit" that Britney made famous.)
It is reported that a family member called the police after becoming alarmed by Madsen's crazy behavior.
A Kabbalah insider told TMZ today that the religion teaches,"If a couple has done the spiritual work to earn their soul mate and their current partner is not their soul mate, then universal law says they must split and only two choices remain: divorce or die."
That's some serious shit right there! The source also added that Kabbalah doesn't look down on divorce "because it creates an opening for the other to be with the one they are supposed to be with."
You know, this sounds a lot like that episode of 90210 where that dumbass Kelly got sucked into that cult and Professor Finley told her that Dylan, not Brandon, was her soulmate to try to get her to break up with Brandon because he was a "negator". But it turned out Professor Finley only said that because Dylan had more money.
In other news, A-Rod's contract is 275 million dollars.
Before we get to our next moment, I'd like everyone to turn on their favorite rock station because Chinese Democracy makes it's radio debut today!!! So crack open a Dr. Pepper, crank it up, and rock out! (Well, you'll have to wait for about a minute first because of the intro.) You can hear the final version HERE.
#32 THOU SHALT NOT PISS OFF AXL (aka: The Stupid Fuckheads!)
Remember that Bruce Springsteen video where Bruce plucked a young Courtney Cox from the audience and brought her up on stage to dance badly with him? Ah yes, being pointed out of the crowd by your favorite singer during a concert is a great honor, EXCEPT if it is by W. Axl Rose. That is one time you do not want this to happen because usually it means you have done something that pissed him off. Examples of this type of behavior include throwing things (understandably), spitting (ok, that's understandable too), taking his picture (uhhhh), or giving him the stinkeye (with him on that one). The good part about this is that you don't have to wonder if you've done something to piss him off because he'll let you know by doing one (or more) of the following things:
Throwing you out:
Taking your camera, bringing you up on stage to insult in front of everybody, then throwing you out:
Calling you a Stupid Fuckhead and threatening to go home:
Actually going home:
But Axl loves us so sometimes he will show forgiveness and give you a second chance if you promise not to throw shit or spit on them again. For some reason though, this usually only happens in countries other than the United States:
So in summary, just remember the most important commandment of all: "THOU SHALT NOT PISS OFF AXL" and everything will be fine..............Unless some other guy pisses him off, because you'll suffer for his sins too.
Politco.com reported today that the Republican National Committee spent more than $150,000 on clothing, accessories, and beauty treatments for Sarah Palin since she was announced as John McCain's Vice-Presidental pick.
Financial disclosure statements documented the charges--all paid for by the RNC. They included:
$75,062.63 at a Minneapolis Neiman Marcus $49,425.74 at Saks Fifth Avenues in St. Louis and New York $4,716.49 for hair and makeup
Spokesperson Tracy Schmitt defended the spending saying,"With all of the important issues facing the country right now, it’s remarkable that we’re spending time talking about pantsuits and blouses. It was always the intent that the clothing go to a charitable purpose after the campaign."
That charitable purpose? The Foundation for Pissed off Republican Campaign Contributors.
In comparison, during Hillary Clinton's campaign, the Democratic National Committee saved money by buying white pantsuits from Sears and getting them dyed at Payless.
After you're through with Heidi, just use your toe!
