FUCK!

Yup at 1:37 PM today I will officially be turning off the twentysomething expressway. I have no freaking idea how this happened.

Anyway, to make myself feel better, here are some people that share my birthday and most are older than me:

Harrison Ford - 65 (7/13/42)
(and the sad part is I would be too old to play his girlfriend in a movie.)

Cheech Marin - 61 (7/13/46)
Smoke up man!

Cameron Crowe - 50 (7/13/57)
Almost Famous is one of my favorite movies ever. Having him on my birthday almost makes up for also having

Yup, Corey Clark (7/13/80)

and then there's also:

X- Pac - 35 (7/13/72)

Who you might remember as Chyna's asshole ex-boyfriend on The Surreal Life a couple years ago and who may be returning to the WWE.



Also turning 30 with me today is

Some actress named Ashley Scott. I've never seen her in anything, but she's pretty cute and doesn't look like an old lady so that makes me feel better. Girl, I'm sharing your pain.

She didn't really say that, did she?

In an interview in the August 2007 issue of Glamour magazine, Jennifer Lopez says that while she is not pregnant, she's pretty sure everybody wants her to get knocked up because the future of the world depends on her eventual offspring with husband Skeletor, um, I mean Marc Anthony.

When asked about the pregnancy rumors, Jenny replies with this thoughtful piece of verbal diarrhea, "Marc and I just saw Children of Men. The message of the movie was if we don't have children, there's no hope for the future. And without hope, society just goes to pieces. Maybe that's what the pregnancy rumors are about---hope for future."

Methinks she's been hanging out with Tom and Katie a wee bit too much.

Your call

Brooke Hogan: Breast implants or maturing?

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New Couple?

TMZ reports that David Spade and Pamela Anderson hung out in Vegas over the weekend. They showed up together at JET nightclub at the Mirage. Their drinks of choice were champagne and Red Bull vodkas.

While some people might say HUH?, it makes sense to me. From what I've heard David has a lot in common with Tommy Lee and it's not just Heather Locklear.

In "Who Asked?" News

"We've been recyclin' with Mr. Al Gore............"

Burnt out as I am, you know I couldn't pass up an opportunity to post when my beloved Axl decides to issue an out of nowhere and pointless press release. So in the latest one released today on his website, Mr. Rose explains, in great length as usual, why (nu) GN'R did not play one of last Saturday's Live Earth shows.

Guns N' Roses or myself will not be performing at Rio Live Earth or Live Earth for a couple of reasons. The first is that we were not asked until the last couple weeks while we were on tour in Australia and have upcoming sold-out dates already rescheduled in Japan. Our gear is already en route to Japan for these shows. We have attempted to find a solution to be able to perform in Rio, but unfortunately none has been suggested.

I was asked to perform individually with Lenny Kravitz by the promoters and Mr. Gore. As we were working this out, Lenny unfortunately became injured and temporarily canceled his involvement from the event. According to the promoters, by the time they had reconfirmed Lenny's performance, there wasn't enough time to arrange flights for myself to Brazil and then to Japan for our upcoming shows. Unfortunately, I was not informed that Lenny's performance was reconfirmed until our own explorations and in following the media surrounding the event today, which is Saturday morning here in Australia and Friday in Brazil.

Guns N' Roses or I were not asked to play anywhere else such as Japan or Australia (as we are already in the regions on tour) and in which we have formally offered to perform but the offer of our involvement was declined.

We wish all involved, the performers, the organizers, the fans and audiences around the world all the best and a very successful event.

Thank you,
Axl Rose

Um, ok? I'm not sure who asked. Even I didn't, and I implore you to find a bigger nutswinger than me.

But now that he's explaining things, hey Axl, how come you didn't play the American Idol finale? Or Eva Longoria and Tony Parker's wedding reception? Or Philadelphia that day in 2002?



You know, you could make it all better though. I have a birthday coming up on Friday. Why don't you give Slash, Duff, Matt, and Izzy a call and give those other dudes a day off? Say about 4 (that's 8 your time)? I'll even dread my hair. (If you can't make it though, I expect a press release.) Ok, call me.

Sorry, it's been a busy day for me

Haven't had a chance to post so in the meantime, for your viewing pleasure, here's a clip from Batshit Abdul's new reality show, Hey Paula!

They are married, but it's not the one that counts

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker were married at a small civil ceremony (which is required by French law) at Paris's city hall on Friday, but they are still having a big church wedding and reception tomorrow.

FROM PEOPLE:
' "They are married. They were married here by the Mayor of Paris, Monsieur Bertrand Delanoë," a spokesperson for the 4th Arrondisement district confirmed to PEOPLE.

The bride's guests arrived in a Hummer with California plates around 2:45 p.m. Exactly four minutes later, Longoria stepped out of one of the other limos wearing a rose Empire-waist mini dress. She waved to cheering fans on her way into the building. The groom appeared just before 3, greeting officials amid a chorus of cheers and calls of "To-nee!"

With the civil service complete, the newlyweds will cement their union with a ceremony at the Church of Saint Germain l'Auxerriois on Saturday.

Invited guests – about 250 of them – include Desperate Housewives pals Teri Hatcher, Felicity Huffman, Nicollette Sheridan, James Denton, Ricardo Chavira and the show's creator Marc Cherry (Marcia Cross sent her regrets because she couldn't leave her twin babies).

Also expected are Parker's San Antonio Spurs teammates, coaches and friends, as well as Michael Douglas and wife Catherine Zeta-Jones and Jessica Alba and boyfriend Cash Warren.

Longoria and Parker got engaged in November and immediately made plans to have what her rep called a "big, happy ceremony with lots of family and friends" in Parker's native France.

Saturday's guests can look forward to a lavish reception at the Chateau of Vaux le Vicomte just outside Paris, where "the big color theme is red," says a source. "It's going to be a fairy-tale wedding."

Friday's ceremony capped off a week of partying, shopping and socializing, including a his-and-her bachelor party in St. Tropez. The newlyweds have been staying in an $11,000-a-night suite at the Park Hyatt Paris Vendome hotel.

"Paris is such a romantic city," says a source close to the couple. "They are so excited to get married there." '

Congrats? Can I say that yet? I'm so confused.

Holy shit, she really is pregnant! How is that possible?

I still don't understand how it's possible, but Nicole Richie is pregnant with Joel Madden's child! Multiple sources (not including Nicole) have confirmed to US Weekly that she is 12 weeks into her pregnancy. I predict it will be a boy. I also predict the child will weigh .5 lbs and will be wearing eyeliner.

If these two kids can't make it.....

Say it ain't so!! Pete Doherty and Kate Moss are over! There are even rumors that Kate has hired security guards to keep him away after kicking him out of her house and to the curb (which coincidentally, is his old home) after he was caught slipping his diseased,um, peter, in another woman.

Removal men were spotted at Kate's house taking his piano, guitars, and needles away.

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Happy (belated) July 4th!

No point, you're gonna have to just drain it.

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July and that you listened to the advice of the reformed and newly wise Paris Hilton who posted on her MySpace:

"Happy 4th of July everyone, and remember to be responsible and have a designated driver!"

Paris even set a wonderful example by having three designated drivers. In fact, she had a few non-designated drivers as well. And a couple doormen. And the guy that delivered the beer. And another Greek Shipping heir.

Hope everyone had as much fun and enjoyed as many hot dogs as Paris did this Independence Day!

Christina's gonna be changing some dirrty diapers soon!

Congrats to Christina Aguilera and husband Jordan Bratman!! E! has confirmed that the two are expecting their first child together! There hasn't been any further information as to when the little Brat is due.

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The Simple Crackhead Life

Nicole Richie wants to make it clear that while she was a drug addict, she has never been under a bridge (though Anthony Kiedis has claimed to have spotted her there once) and she never, ever went without footwear.

In a recent interview for Nylon magazine Nic said, "When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes."

Uh, yeah, that's because your father is Lionel Richie moron! Maybe if he didn't adopt you, you would have ended up under a bridge and not having any Christian Louboutins to protect your feet! Speaking of being a moron, crack and heroin are two different drugs. Care to educate her Whitney?

"CRACK IS WHACK!! KISS MY ASS!"

Thanks Whit!

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Dumb Lawsuit of the Day

Remember that flop of a show called Armed & Famous where C-list stars underwent police training and rode along with cops on actual calls?

Me neither. Anyway Jack Osbourne has been named in a recent lawsuit filed by a woman in Indiana whose home was raided by mistake during a pursuit of a fugitive by the police unit (Jack included) and camera crew during a taping of the show back in January. The woman, named Lyndsay Clements, claims she was embarrased when footage of her handcuffed in her nightgown was aired. She is demanding 1 million dollars in the lawsuit.

I'm perplexed by this. Don't you have to sign a release to be shown on TV? Did they actually show her face or did they blur it like on Cops? Because if her face was blurred, no one would know who she was. Actually, even if her face wasn't blurred, no one would know because I'm pretty sure nobody actually watched that show. Of course, now everyone will know who she is. So yeah,way to go, Lyndsay Clements!

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Lets play What the Fuck is on Mary Kate Olsen's legs?

Still a little shelf life left in those spices

Hey Ginger, Nicole Kidman called. She wants her Far and Away look back!

YESSS, dreams do come true!! The Spice Girls are reuniting!!! Zig-a-zig-ahh!

The group will release a greatest-hits album which will consist of "Wannabe" repeated ten times and starting in December, will lip-sync together on an 11-date world tour in December with shows in Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York City, London, Cologne, Madrid, Beijing, Hong Kong, Sydney, Capetown and Buenos Aires.

"We are celebrating the past!" said Geri "Ginger" Halliwell.

"No shit!" said me.

Baby Spice Emma Bunton said"I want to be a Spice Girl again. We are like sisters and we have our arguments, but by the end of the day we get back together." Doesn't she mean decade?

Sporty Spice, Mel C called the tour " a proper good farewell to our fans." Who knew the fans have been waiting ten years for a farewell? On being the last Spice Girl to agree to the reunion, she said"A girl is allowed to change her mind. We only started serious discussions this year. We feel the time is right. I'm very, very excited." Doesn't she mean very, very broke?

Girl Power!!!

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