The Simple Crackhead Life

Nicole Richie wants to make it clear that while she was a drug addict, she has never been under a bridge (though Anthony Kiedis has claimed to have spotted her there once) and she never, ever went without footwear.

In a recent interview for Nylon magazine Nic said, "When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes."

Uh, yeah, that's because your father is Lionel Richie moron! Maybe if he didn't adopt you, you would have ended up under a bridge and not having any Christian Louboutins to protect your feet! Speaking of being a moron, crack and heroin are two different drugs. Care to educate her Whitney?

"CRACK IS WHACK!! KISS MY ASS!"

Thanks Whit!

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Dumb Lawsuit of the Day

Remember that flop of a show called Armed & Famous where C-list stars underwent police training and rode along with cops on actual calls?

Me neither. Anyway Jack Osbourne has been named in a recent lawsuit filed by a woman in Indiana whose home was raided by mistake during a pursuit of a fugitive by the police unit (Jack included) and camera crew during a taping of the show back in January. The woman, named Lyndsay Clements, claims she was embarrased when footage of her handcuffed in her nightgown was aired. She is demanding 1 million dollars in the lawsuit.

I'm perplexed by this. Don't you have to sign a release to be shown on TV? Did they actually show her face or did they blur it like on Cops? Because if her face was blurred, no one would know who she was. Actually, even if her face wasn't blurred, no one would know because I'm pretty sure nobody actually watched that show. Of course, now everyone will know who she is. So yeah,way to go, Lyndsay Clements!

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Lets play What the Fuck is on Mary Kate Olsen's legs?

Still a little shelf life left in those spices

Hey Ginger, Nicole Kidman called. She wants her Far and Away look back!

YESSS, dreams do come true!! The Spice Girls are reuniting!!! Zig-a-zig-ahh!

The group will release a greatest-hits album which will consist of "Wannabe" repeated ten times and starting in December, will lip-sync together on an 11-date world tour in December with shows in Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York City, London, Cologne, Madrid, Beijing, Hong Kong, Sydney, Capetown and Buenos Aires.

"We are celebrating the past!" said Geri "Ginger" Halliwell.

"No shit!" said me.

Baby Spice Emma Bunton said"I want to be a Spice Girl again. We are like sisters and we have our arguments, but by the end of the day we get back together." Doesn't she mean decade?

Sporty Spice, Mel C called the tour " a proper good farewell to our fans." Who knew the fans have been waiting ten years for a farewell? On being the last Spice Girl to agree to the reunion, she said"A girl is allowed to change her mind. We only started serious discussions this year. We feel the time is right. I'm very, very excited." Doesn't she mean very, very broke?

Girl Power!!!

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The only part of the Larry King Paris Hilton interview worth watching!

Busted!! Dumbass couldn't even think to say John 3:16.

Stock on on your Valtrex boys, Paris is Free!

It seems weird to follow the Chris Benoit story with something as trivial as Paris Hilton being released from prison, but it's everywhere so it must be done. She was released just after midnight this morning. So now she's off to make the world a better place, worship the lord, and build halfway homes for female inmates.

BWAHHHAAHHHHHAAA!!!!!

Oh and in case you haven't heard, she'll be on Larry King tomorrow night!



TMZ posted the following illustrated Thank You card Paris made for Harvey Levin (managing editor of TMZ) Yeah, it's for real:



Actress, singer, humanitarian, philanthropist, author, and now artist. Is there anything this remarkable young woman cannot do.? She certainly is special.

Still in shock: Chris Benoit and family dead

So last night I put on my sweats, poured a Mojito, and settled in for a 3 hour long Raw which was supposed to be a "Tribute to Mr. McMahon, " going along with the whole fake murder storyline from a couple weeks ago. There were to be touching speeches by the wrestlers, retrospective clips, and even an investigation.

How creepy that wrestling fans got exactly that, but instead of an over-the-top, scripted tribute, we got a real one, for Chris Benoit.

The bodies of Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy, and their young song Daniel were discovered by Fayette County sheriffs at their Atlanta home yesterday around 4PM. The police were asked to do a "wellness" check on Benoit after he cancelled several appointments, including an appearance at Sunday night's Vengeance Pay-Per-View where we was to win the ECW Championship, due to "family issues." He reportedly sent out "curious text messages" early Sunday morning which prompted friends to alert Richard Hering, VP of Government Relations for WWE, Inc.

The cause of the deaths were not immediately released. Last night's live Monday Night RAW event was cancelled and instead the WWE aired some of Benoit's greatest matches (including one from WCW in 1994 where Nancy, a valet character known as "Woman, " cheered him on from beside the ring) and clips of other wrestlers crying and telling of what a great, respectful, and devoted man Benoit was. They cried, fans cried, it lasted the entire three hours. The last match they showed was Chris's win of the Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania 20. He celebrated in the ring with his best friend, Eddie Guerrero (who died at age 38 in 2005 of heart failure).

Then it came out that the deaths were being investigated a double murder-suicide with Benoit being the killer. HUH? This guy, that not one person ever had anything bad to say about, that was devoted to wrestling for over 20 years, and taught his kids to always be respectful and polite (he even made his son wear a suit and tie whenever his family would visit him at a show) just snapped and strangled (cause of death was not officially released, but that is what they are saying) his wife and child?? I don't get it.

There is a conflicting rumor that his wife killed the son and he killed her in a rage after discovering what she'd done and then hung himself.

It is all speculation at this point, until the police release a full report to the public (apparently the WWE has further information but was asked by the Fayette County Sheriff’s Department not to release it), we can only wonder what could have caused this horrible tragedy.

wwe.com

UPDATED 3:30PM -
FROM TMZ.com:
' Officials have confirmed the horrifying details in the deaths of wrestling superstar Chris Benoit and his family/

In a statement by a member of the Fayetteville Sheriff's Department, "Mr, Benoit had sometime, possibly Friday, murdered his wife by asphyxiation. Sometime shortly after that, the same for his son Daniel and sometime later ... committed suicide by hanging himself in the basement area."

According to officials, Nancy was bound at the wrists and feet, with a towel wrapped around her body, and blood was found underneath her head. A Bible was also reportedly found near each one of the bodies.

Police have also confirmed that prescription drugs and steroids were found in the house.

Benoit was found hanging in a weight room in his house. Cops say that he used a cord from one of his workout machines as a makeshift noose. Authorities also believe that Benoit died on Saturday. '

I'm literally sick to my stomach. I'm also sick that I spent three hours yesterday being sad and crying over what a great guy he was. Crazy fuck! Unbelievable.

What the Asshats Are Up To

'Mr. Murphy, are you my daddy?"

"Hey Suri, pull my finger!"

"One, two, three---wait a minute. Zahara?"

Charlie's Angels 3: Full Throttle To Video

"Here's your dry cleaning, can I be of any further assistance?"

"No, I wasn't just working on the bike...why do you ask bloke?"

Classy Foreign Ad of the Week

The photos above are from a new Brazilian ad campaign for Itambé Fit Light Yogurt. They portray classic scenes from movies with plus-sized models (and apparently, Courtney Love) in place of Sharon Stone, Marilyn Monroe and Mena Suvari.

The most controversial part is the tag line, which translates to "Forget about it. Men's preference will never change. Fit Light Yogurt."

Well, it is Brazil, isn't that the plastic surgery capital of the world?


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PHOTOS

Paris has seen the light ! (and it's not a camera flashbulb either!)

Well we know she's grateful for Valtrax

Paris Hilton called into Ryan Seacrest's radio show from prison claiming to be a changed woman.

"I'm so much more grateful for everything that I have, even just to have a pillow at night or food,. You know my gratitude has gone up so much and I just realize that the media used me to make fun of and be mean about it. Frankly [I'm] sick of it and I want to use my fame in a good way."

She also discussed the hardships of prison life. "I am behind glass and I want to give my dad a big hug and they won't even let me do that. That's how the rules are, you have to be behind glass. I'm not a criminal, I'm not dangerous, so it makes me feel like that. It's hard but I'm stronger everyday. I just can't wait to see my family and have a nice meal and be in my own bed and appreciate all the things I took for granted and never really thought much about."

Hey she's trying right? Good for her! So just for that I've decided to help her out with a list so she could get started on her newfound appreciation.

Some of the things Paris took for granted and never really thought much about:

• undergarments
• night vision
• kegel exercises (her shit is droopier than this guy)
  
• racial slurs
  
• cell phone security settings
  
• the inhabitants of the city in France
  
• the fact that animals, especially wild ones, are not accessories (sorry, I'm on a total animal rights kick today)
  
• sexual etiquette (answering a cellphone during sex is the equivalent of farting at the dinner table)
  
• Britney Spears' mental health

Add your own!

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Asshat Hollywood Picture and Quote Match-up

"I hope all my new work will help producers in getting past my hotness." - Jessica Alba

(By the way, how come whenever one of the Jessica's (Biel) talks about how hot she is, another (Alba) has to also? I'm really getting tired of it and I must applaud Jessica Simpson for keeping her puffed out lips shut for once and not joining in the contest.)

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Naked girls & naked [dead] animals is how they roll in Finland

Pamela Anderson has been hanging out in Finland with her father and she's really, really feeling her heritage (her great-grandfather was was from Finland) and wants to make some changes to the country.

She wrote on her official website:

"Our heritage is here. We are both excited. We will be taking lots of saunas. Save my liver. (HUH? That was random.) Also I thought of a great way to celebrate my Finnish heritage at home. I'm going to look into opening a chain of strip clubs and I'll call them Lapland!'"

In addition to saving lonely men, Pam also wants to help out her home country by saving the animals farmed for fur. Pam has also written to Finnish President Tarja Halonen asking him to ban fur farms.

In the letter Pam says: "It's time for Finland to move into the 21st century and follow suit. There are hundreds of fur farms here. The demand is getting lower for fur coats and they breed foxes here just for fur. Awful. Sweden, Austria and England have banned fur farms. Let's hope Finland will too. Other than that I'm very proud of my Finnish heritage. It is the most beautiful countryside."

Finland's fur auctioneers have replied that Pammie's campaign is unrealistic as fur is Finland's top export and responsible for the "livelihood" of many people and the unlivelihood of the foxes. Fortunately she seems to be having more luck with the other furless venture, Lapland.

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Quick! Someone make a Bridget Jones movie!

Sarah Jessica looks fat next to Renee!

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Bad timing, not bad taste (this time)

Given my obsession with all things pro-rasslin, I can't help but feel obliged to comment whenever the WWE makes national news. This time it's over the "death" of chairman Vince McMahon on the 6/11 episode of Monday Night Raw (He's not really dead, see because in case you didn't know, KISS 95.7 , wrestling is FAKE).

See, a couple days after Vince supposedly perished in a limo explosion, former woman's wrestler "Sensational Sherri" Martel was found [for real] dead at her mother's home. Of course the timing couldn't have been worse with the whole McMahon fake-death and now the WWE is being accused of, gasp, poor taste. I know, How dare they! The WWE have always been known for their high standards in providing us classy, quality programming. Geez! I bet next they're going to say that the Katie Vick storyline wasn't an artistic and thought-provoking potrayal of a psychological study on the effects of loss and one man's yearning for closure. The nerve! (Speaking of which, I think Kane is the prime suspect and I wouldn't blame him one bit.)

Plus, Vince "died" before Sherri. And it's not like they are going to have Sherri's husband come on Smackdown every week for two years to milk her death and then try to become Teddy Long's assistant. Oh god, at least I hope not.

Anyway I really hope they don't scrap the whole "Vince is dead" storyline because I'm so happy we won't have to see him every damn week.
UPDATE- Looks like the they aren't dropping the storyline anytime soon.

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Just can't get enough of the little lad who loves Starburst Berries and Cream?

I know I can't, he's one hot piece of ass. I have fantasies of a menage a trios with him and the Burger King. Ooh baby... Pardon me while I go rub one out.