Sinead O'Spears?

It's kind of not funny anymore. Britney's done gone and lost her friggin' mind. She shaved her head! Seriously. Then she went to a tattoo parlor where she got a tattoo on her wrist of red and pink lips. Um, yeah. Crazy, she's in too deep.

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CHARGED!

Nicole Richie has been charged with misdemeanor driving under the influence. The DA says Richie is charged with being under the influence of "an alcoholic beverage and a drug. She will be arraigned next Wednesday.

I hope her punishment is that she has to eat.

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A Britney Haiku

Brit went to rehab.
But checked out one day later.
Maybe she's better.

Suck on that Rosie!

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Watch closely

He really, really, wanted it to snow.

Well Duh, you can't dance on tables at the Vienna Opera Ball!

Paris entertains herself by taking photos...of herself. This went on for nearly three hours.

' VIENNA, Austria (AP) -- She could have danced all night. Instead, she stifled yawns. Hotel heiress/reality TV star Paris Hilton certainly didn't look like she was having a ball Thursday night at the Vienna Opera Ball, Austria's society event of the year. Live TV coverage repeatedly showed her looking bored as she sat in her luxury box at the State Opera House. As debutantes in white dresses and their escorts in black tuxedos and tails marched into the ornate ballroom, Hilton was seen resting her head in her hands, absentmindedly flipping through the program and fiddling with her mobile phone.

"Look how excited she is," deadpanned a commentator for public television station ORF, which broadcast the ball live.

Hilton was the guest of Richard Lugner, a 74-year-old married construction magnate who invites a celebrity each year. His previous guests have included Geri Halliwell, Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra. '


Who is this guy Richard Lugner? Why would you invite Geri Halliwell, Pam Anderson, Carmen Electra, and now Paris Hilton to the Vienna Opera Ball? Is this like that contest where guys see who can pick up the ugliest girl at the bar? Invite the woman who looks the most out of place? Granted the guy is 74 years old and married and I could see why he'd want to hang out with sex-symbols, but to invite them to a ball where they obviously don't fit in seems almost mean (in Paris' case though, well done Rich!). I bet next year his special guest is Jenna Jameson.

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The Hoff-ette

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PHOTOS ARE NOT INTENDED FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.

Here are some photos of David Hasselhoff in costume for his latest role as the cross-dressing director Roger DeBris in a Las Vegas production of the Broadway musical The Producers. He kind of looks like Patrick Swayze in To Wong Foo, but Patrick had much better legs.










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Kenny Chesney is desperate for attention

Almost two years after his fraudulent marriage to Renée Zellweger, Kenny Chesney is denying rumors that he is gay.

In an interview with 60 Minutes that will air Sunday he says, "It's not true. Period. Maybe I should have come out and said, 'No, I'm not [gay],' but I didn't want to draw any more attention to it. I didn't have to prove to anybody that I wasn't [gay]. I didn't feel like I really did. We thought the least harmful [stated reason] was fraud because it [is] kind of broad ... doesn't specify. And boy ... we were wrong. The only fraud that was committed was me thinking that I knew what it was like ... that I really understood what it was like to be married, and I really didn't."

Yeah, yeah, whatever. If he doesn't want to draw attention to it, why is he bringing it up again two years later? Who cares? Renée certainly doesn't, she's banging Dylan McKay! My guess is the gay rumors hurt his album sales. I could see a successful openly gay rapper before I could see a successful openly gay country singer. (Yet another reason metal rules btw) Just sayin'.

So he didn't understand what it was like to be married. What couldn't he have understood? The sex part perhaps?

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Billionare Hair Bet

Donald Trump made an appearance on WWE Raw last night to continue the feud with Vince McMahon. He challenged Vince to a match at this year's Wrestlemania on April 1st. Vince counteroffered to instead have each of them find a wrestler to represent them and fight. Donald accepted that offer, but added, “But let’s make this a little more interesting. As you know, I have quite possibly the most famous head of hair in the world, and for years, people have questioned if yours is even real! “At WrestleMania, if my guy loses, you can shave my head. But if your guy loses, I’m going to shave your head!”

The rumor is that Trump's wrestler is going to be Stone Cold Steve Austin in a rare return to the ring. Vince's will probably be Eugene, cause you know there's no way in hell Donald Trump is going to shave his head (even though he really should).

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Kramer won't show up in fake court

Gloria Allred and the lawyer for Michael Richards are trying to work out the details for a "mock trial" tomorrow at Loyola Law School. The meeting is proposed to be a face-to-face of Richards and the four black audience members who were the subject of his racial slurred tirade at a stand-up performance at the Laugh Factory last November. All parties involved, including Richards, want this " opportunity to sit down and talk, " but disagree on whether this "trial" should be public (Allred wants) or private (Richards wants) and whether or not cameras should be allowed. Since it is scheduled for tomorrow and there doesn't appear to be a resolution, Richards most likely will not show, though the Loyola courtroom has been rented.

A "mock trial?" Didn't they do that on the Brady Bunch?

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As you may have noticed, I haven't posted any stories on Anna Nicole Smith since her death and autopsy. My reasoning is this, it's nearly impossible and physically exhausting to keep up with every BREAKING STORY! and there are plenty of other newssites and blogs (see "NOT ASSHATS" sidebar) that are doing a great job keeping up, not to mention Entertainment Tonight-who are creaming their shorts and milking this more than the Mary Kay Lanterno wedding. But this story I felt compelled to comment on because I have a great idea that I'd like to pitch to the folks at Fox.




FROM TMZ.com (one of those great sources for everything Anna):

' Sources tell TMZ that Smith and Stern, in collaboration with Hallock Healey Entertainment, shopped around the reality show, centered on Anna's quest to find a husband -- similar in concept to VH1's "Flavor of Love." The program would have had men, young and old, of different ethnicities and orientations vying for Anna's affections, with the "winner" marrying her. We're told the series was pitched as being very tongue-in-cheek, and that during meetings, network execs were repeatedly told how Anna was "completely in on the joke," and that in at least one meeting, Anna brought her poodle Sugar Pie along ... perhaps as an executive producer.

While no network went forward with the series, Anna did wind up finding a partner, of sorts, in Stern. '


Ok, so here's my idea. Repitch this as a reality show called "Who's the Daddy" to settle once and for all who Danielyn's father is. And Sugar Pie should definitely be the executive producer.

Love is in the air for Betty and Felicity

Life and Style magazine is reporting that Ugly Betty star America Ferrera is engaged to longtime boyfriend Ryan Piers Williams. Congrats!! (no jokes here, she's too awesome)
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UPDATED: America has denied the wedding rumors.



Congrats are also in order to Keri Russell and boyfriend/babydaddytobe Shane Deary who wed yesterday in New York City. They are expecting their first child together this summer.

A wedding on Valentine's Day? How corny! ;)
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They should call it Pout of Love

Lisa Rinna wants her lips back

It has been confirmed that Bret Michaels is indeed the 80's rocker looking for love on the upcoming VH1 show, "Rock of Love."

The press release is hysterical:

' Hot on the heels of VH1's record breaking hits, "Flavor of Love" and "I Love New York," comes a fresh new take on this wildly exciting relationship show. Known as the bandana-clad ( lol ) , blue- eyed lead singer/songwriter from one of today's (today's?) legendary (legendary?) rock bands, Bret Michaels has been handpicked (the only one that would do it) by VH1 and producers Mark Cronin & Cris Abrego to take this series to all new heights of rock-n-roll insanity! The hard-rockin' Poison front man is looking for a woman who can truly keep up with his rock-n- roll lifestyle (um, he's what? 50?) and not become jealous of his one true passion -- performing, which has been the reason for and destruction of most of his relationships (either that, or they saw him without his bandanna). As VH1's hottest eligible bachelor (well yeah, when your only competition is Flavor Flav), a bevy of beauties (washed-up groupies or young girls trying to get an insta-career) will vie to win his heart (whatever money he has which can't be much since he's doing a VH1 dating show) in the new series "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels" premiering in July. With twenty years of continuous multi-platinum success (two twenty year old albums that sold a lot in the 80's) sold-out tours and a couple of high-profile relationships that never led to the altar, Michaels is ready to wear his heart on his sleeve (or on his head for extra coverage). The series will focus on the never- before-revealed private side of Michaels ( Pam/Bret video anyone?). With that said, the casting executives have received an overwhelming (20) response from female fans of all ages (washed-up groupies or young girls trying to get an insta-career). Residing with Michaels in his (Vh1's rented) Los Angeles rock palace, these women will be tested on their devotion to him and their love and understanding of all that is rock-n-roll (they will be tested on who's the biggest trainwreck). To help narrow the field, Michaels will put these women through various challenges. The ladies who win these challenges will join Michaels on some wild (nothing too wild, don't wanna lose the bandanna!) and exclusive excursions, while those who can't hang like true backstage VIPs will be escorted out in bona fide rock star fashion. '


Don't get me wrong, I'm superduper excited about this! In fact, if it had been C.C. I would have auditioned myself (he ruled on Surreal Life). I bet that instead of clocks, Bret gives out backstage passes.

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Brad and Ang at Mardi Gras

FROM NY DAILY NEWS:

' Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting into the spirit of their new hometown, New Orleans. The stars dined with two other couples at Arnaud's Friday night in the French Quarter, where many were celebrating Mardi Gras early. "Brad and Angelina are trying to make friends with regular people in NOLA," says a snitch. "Bourbon St. was packed that night, and when Brad and Angelina were trying to leave, they kept getting mobbed by all the people." "One of the bodyguards came upstairs and asked us if they could have some beads and masks so they could get back home without getting noticed." '


How nice of them to want to make friends with the "regular" people! I know they didn't use that word but I could just picture them talking.

Angelina, "Brad dear, I think it would be very noble of us to go out and mingle with the commonfolk."

Brad, "You are so hot when you're charitable."

Angelina, "If the peasants get too pesky though, we can flee in diguise with those silly masks."

Brad, "Sounds like a plan hon. Let's go. Maddox you're in charge, if you want ice cream, you could take the jet."

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What the asshats are up to

Hey it's Snoop! Boobizzles, know what I'm sayin?

Heather Mills kicking a paparazzi or practicing for Dancing With the Stars? Whoa, wouldn't that thing be considered a weapon?

Travis and Shanna together again? Do we care?

In case you're wondering what Winona Ryder's been up to, here she is shopp(lift)ing. Look, she's checking to see if anyone's watching her before she shoves that bag of chips in her bag.

Haylie Duff with new boyfriend A.J. Discala. They make a perfect couple- two people that are only famous because of their relation (or ex-relation) to real famous people!

You know Forest's wife is all, "Step away from the crazy lady!"

Damn, Pacey's morphing into Mel Gibson!

Mimi's thighs are begging for emancipation in that ensemble.

Keith Urban. I bet he's jones'n being in that snow.

Jenny and Jim. She looks fabulous, but what the hell is going on with Jim Carrey's face? I blame $cientology. He looked better with the thetans in.

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Courtney Cox confirms lesbian kiss is a publicity stunt

Courtney recently told Access Hollywood (not to be confused with Asshat Hollywood) that the upcoming lesbian kiss between her and guest star Jen Aniston is just a boring ol' "goodbye peck."

"I am not saying don't tune in to watch Jennifer on the show, because she is fantastic and you get to see us together again," she said, "but if you think it is just about a major make-out session, you will be disappointed."

Dumb move. she should have kept quiet and just let it air because that's the only reason people would actually tune in to that wretched show.

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