America hates blind people!

You should be ashamed of yourself America! And judges for not using the save! Scott MacIntyre was sent home on American Idol last night. Ok, so he was probably the worst one left, but he's blind! Or is he? (Anyone catch when he said "I'll have to watch my performance back." Hmmmm. Nice job!)

Well, goodbye Scott. I sure am going to miss him in the group numbers. I'll also miss the Braille Vote For the Worst banner:


Oh also, FloRida? FloRida? Are you fucking kidding me Idol? God I hate that shit. As if that song hasn't been tortured enough.

Next week - Songs from movies. And guess what? Quentin Tarantino's back!

Octomom - The TV Show

We all knew it was coming.

Nadya Suleman reportedly has a reality show in the works. The show which is being described as “Jon & Kate Plus 8” meets “The Bachelor”will chronicle her life raising 14 children and looking for love. (I'm guessing the men will consist of aspiring cult leaders.) Further details, including the network which will carry the show, have not yet been disclosed.
SOURCE

There's only one way this could possibly work:

Here's the story of a crazy lady
who already had too many freaking kids
all of them hoped to be sold, to Angelina
the youngest prayed for sids

The lady's story, it got more shady
When she wanted eight more kids of her own
Her vagina became a clown car
and America groaned

Then the lady whored herself to tv fellows
And some wackass (probably Fox) producer had a hunch,
That a crew should document this family
And then we'll call this trash tv the Octo bunch

The Octo bunch, the Octo bunch
Tune in, you'll be sure to lose your lunch!

With Gloria Allred!

And Dr. Phil as Sam the Butcher!

Goodbye Megan! I won't forget to caw!

VFTW

Sorry about the no Asshat Idol post this week. I did try yesterday, but the fucking copyright police took down every freaking performance from YouTube.

It doesn't really matter though, because there really weren't any standout performances (no, not even Adam) on Tuesday night. The real highlights were on last night's results show when America's favorite songbird, Megan, was eliminated. I hate when people use the term "EPIC", but there really is no other way to describe just how awesome Megan's exit was:



Way to go out Megan!! Tatianna, Norman Gentle, Adam's Ring of Fire, and Megan = BEST AI SEASON EVER! Suck it Simon!

Oh and then there was this insanity:



I'll confess I don't know much about this Lady Gaga person all the kids are listening to these days. I've heard her name mentioned a lot over the past couple years, especially when Christina Aguilera ripped off her gimmick that time, but I've never actually seen a Lady Gaga performance. Wow, that was pretty amazing. It kind of reminded me of those weird alternative videos they used to show on 120 Minutes. I sure hope we get to see a Lady Gaga/Adam Glambert duet on the finale.

Happy Friday!

Here's one for all the TwitterTwats out there (I'm talking to you John Mayer):

Asshat Idol - Top 10- Motown Week

It's too bad that everyone was pretty good last night on American Idol. Not really any trainwrecks, well unless you count Paula.



Oh Paula, don't you know you're supposed to live above the influence?



MOST AWESOME PERFORMANCE:

It's a tie -



&



Congrats to Allison for kicking everyone in the face for that bottom three bullshit last week and to Adam for continuing to be the most interesting contestant this show has ever had. If there is any justice in the world these will be the final 2.

MOST AWESOMELY AWFUL PERFORMANCE:



Not as awesomely awful as her past performances, but still pretty bad. But fun. Megan may be in trouble though, so she cawled upon her fans to vote! Hopefully they did enough to keep her beautiful feathered head around another week.

DOUCHE ALERT!:



Danny Gookey decided that he didn't need to listen to Smokey Robinson's advice because he's too much of a douche. Hopefully this will piss everyone off and the pimping will finally stop.


NOW AUDITIONING FOR DREAMGIRLS 2:




EVERYONE ELSE:



Bottom 3 predictions: Oil Rig guy (what the hell is his name?), Blind Scott, and Megan (NOOO!)

You're pissing me off Kathy!

Kathy Griffin shopping with Paris Hilton? WTF?

Jennifer #1 Sexiest Woman in Hollywood?

Jennifer Aniston has topped Details Magazine's new list of Hollywood's Sexiest Women.

The top five is:

1. Jennifer Aniston
2. Megan Fox
3. Gisele Bundchen
4. Frieda Pinto
5. Kim Kardashian

Hmmm, no Angie?



Very funny Jen!

SOURCE

Hey, remember Jamie Lynn Spears?

Britney's sister has reportedly called off her wedding to babydaddy Casey Aldridge. However, despite rumors of infidelity in the relationship, the couple is still together.

A source told OK! magazine, "The wedding’s off. They are still in love, living together and very happy, but they have no plans to get married. Jamie Lynn has everything she wants and feels no need for a ring and piece of paper."

The source also added that Jamie Lynn is going to quite showbusiness once and focus on being a mother: "She has told friends and family she’s never coming back to Hollywood. She feels that part of her life is over. Jamie Lynn enjoyed every minute of doing Zoey, but since she’s had Maddie, her life has changed completely. She's happy being a real hands-on Southern mother and hopes to continue that for years to come with Casey right by her side. Jamie Lynn knows she needs to make a living when she grows older, so she’s already discussing her career options with advisers. She wants Maddie to grow up in comfort."

Career options = look for Jamie working the register at the local Piggly Wiggly. Good for her!

Ok, so that's one down......

When Celebrities Go to McDonald's - The Pharrell Williams Edition

Pharrell>>>>>Ashlee Simpson

Ladies and Gentlemen, your next American Idol

So the damn President decided he's going to make some damn speech tonight which means no American Idol until tomorrow night. BOOOO!!! Damn issues and shit.

However if you're jonsing for another outrageous Adam Glambert performance, you don't have to wait until tomorrow. This one's everything you'd expect it to be, and then some. And then some more:

"Put it in me Scott!"

You know tv's getting pretty bad when you talk more about the commercials than actual shows.

About a week ago, I mentioned that fucked up cell phone commercial with the pigs eating a pig but Quiznos new commercial for their new foot long torpedo tops that. Let's watch the adventures of curious Scott and the hot slut known as Mr. Toaster.



Damn, anybody got a ciggie? I do feel a little gypped out of money shot though. You know there was a version of that commercial with mayo shooting out of the torpedo.

However, still, not better than this one:



Quiznos is so whacked, I want to get a job in their advertising department.

John Mayer is a TwitterTwat

So Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer broke up. Again.

The latest rumor is that Jenn dumped John because he was too obsessed with Twitter (STILL DON'T GET THAT SHIT!)

A source told U.K. magazine Star, "Jen was fuming. There he was, telling her he didn’t have time for her and yet his page was filled with updates! Every few hours, sometimes minutes, he’d update with some stupid line. She was like, ‘He has time for all this Twittering, but he can’t send me a text, an email, make a call?’ He didn’t deny it. He knew he was avoiding her. So when she ended things, he just said OK, and he was sorry it didn’t work out.”

You can read John Mayer's Twitter here. Here are a few examples of John's twats:

the man is dressed in a teal polo shirt and is eating an ice cream cone by way of cocking his head to one side and spinning across tongue.

We know 'fight or flight' but in a civilized society we rely more on "posture" and "submit." It's a psychic war. When 2 rise, when 2 give in

Seriously, let me get the spread gun. You're better than me and I need it. There it is... hold on, let me... DICK!!

Today, let's get out there with 30 lives!! UP UP DOWN DOWN B A B A SELECT START!!!! Let's go people!! Let me get the spread gun, please.

This crap reminds of that kid in high school (everybody had one) that always made such an effort to so bizarre and eclectic by writing random shit like Sonic Youth lyrics on their book covers or the chalkboard but you could tell they were trying way too hard and were actually just a total attention whore.

By the way John, it's UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT B A SELECT START dumbass!

SOURCE

This next song goes out to Paris Hilton...

I recently saw Papa Roach live for the first time and I've gotta say, they're pretty damn awesome. I never really gave them much credit before and they surprised the hell out of me at that show.

Here's a video off their upcoming album, Metamorphosis (comes out next Tuesday, March 24th) , it's called "Hollywood Whore" and it's my new favorite song. At the show, lead singer Jacoby Shaddix dedicated it to the lovely Paris Hilton-



Be warned though, around 2:50 it gets a little Raiders of the Lost Ark scary, but it's awesome.

"Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya honey!" I think I love this dude!

Asshat Idol - Top 11 - sorry so late

I'm starting to wonder if this is even necessary this season because I feel like every week I'll just be posting Adam and Megan's performances.

In case you're one of the two people that hasn't seen Adam Glambert's amazing rendition of "Ring of Fire" or if you insist you hate it but just can't stop yourself from watching it one more time, here it is, complete with Randy Travis protesting wayyy too much:



It's like this dude slipped America a cosmo/roofie/acid cocktail and then slipped them something else up their collective conservative ass. And it freaked everyone the hell out because it was so strange yet incredible and it BURNS like a motherfucker!!. Which is awesome, especially after 8 seasons of this show. The closest we came to this was Sanjaya or maybe that time Fantasia performed, but it's clear now that they were just the warm-up acts. People are all "Johnny Cash is rolling over in his grave." No he ain't, he's loving this shit. He covered Nine Inch Nails for Christsakes.

On to my other favorite girl, Megan Joy (apparently she dropped the Corkery-- Which makes me wonder, is she afraid of people calling her Corky because of her awesome dance moves? Which then makes me wonder, do people even still use "Corky" as a politically incorrect putdown for someone who displays characteristics resembling that of a mentally challenged person? Cause that show was a long time ago. I know lately people just go with "retard." And they are all going to hell. Where Adam's "Ring of Fire" is currently on permanent loop). Anyway, Megan had the (bird) flu this week so instead of imitating robins and crows, she took it to the farm and did a goat impersonation. A lady goat. Full of milk.



Then last night on elimination night, TPTB over at Idol tried to punish Adam for his awesomeness by making him think he might be in the bottom three, but everybody knew it was going to be Allison. I mean Alexis. Allison was in the bottom three too though. And that oil guy.

Allison, I mean Alexis was the lowest vote-getter and attempted to sing for the judges' new power of veto, but she "just wasn't good enough" so she went home with the most awesome bitchface ever.

ASSHAT OF THE WEEK

It's one thing for the inconsiderate fuckheads at TMZ to cream themselves over every detail of a horrific tragedy, we expect that by now. But shoving cameras in the faces of a grieving family? That's bad taste, even for them.

Asshat of the Week runner-up goes to Liz Smith for selfishly attempting to stay relevant by blabbing details of Natasha Richardson being taken off life support yesterday.

The whole thing is terrible and sad enough and it's really disgusting the way these leeches are treating it.

RIP Natasha.