You'll poke your eye out!

WARNING: All Umbrella-ella-ella dancing is performed by professionals and should not be attempted otherwise.

Rihanna should consider printing that warning on her concert tickets after banning fans from bringing umbrellas to her U.K. shows over fears for their safety.

And the hysterical part is that the ban is actually warranted after several concertgoers were injured after attempting to imitate her umbrella-accompanied dance moves during her performance of her hit song at recent shows on her European tour!

A security guard who works at an arena in Scotland where Rihanna recently performed said, "We don't normally ask people to leave an umbrella outside. But we were taking precautions over a potential accident. We were told that Rihanna's song features dancing with umbrellas on stage. We didn't want the crowd following her actions and someone getting their eye poked out."

I applaud Rihanna for looking out for her fans like that. Umbrellas are no joke. Just ask Britney! If only Gene Kelly had taken this precaution back in his day-- I'm sure lots of people's grandparents would still have both eyes.

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Snoop don't like Oprah no more!

Snoop Dogg has shot back at the Queen of the World, Oprah Winfrey after she called him a misogynist.

This all started last year when Oprah called out Snoop for perpetuating a negative image of women through hip-hop on her show. Snoop felt she should have invited him on her show to give him the opportunity to defend himself.

The always eloquent Snoop said, "I don't like her no more. I really was offended, because I kind of like her. Liked her. I'm very articulate, very intellectual. She didn't even get a chance to even know me."

That quote gets funnier every time you read it.

Snoop added that his misogynisting days are over, know what I'm sayin? He said his new work "is for the women" and that he wants to " give the ladies something, because I've been so mean and so rude."

To start on his quest of feminism, Snoop will serve as the master of ceremonies for the "BunnyMania Lumberjack Match" at this year's Wrestlemania. In the match, four scantily clad women (two of which are Playboy Playmates) roll around the floor with each other while other scantily clad women surround the ring. Take that Oprah!!!

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Why do bad things always have to happen to good people?

The National Enquirer reported today that Patrick Swayze has terminal cancer and the doctors have given him five weeks to live.

According to the story, pancreatic cancer was found in late January and it has since spread to other organs. Patrick has allegedly been seeking treatment in California but has not had success. He reportedly received three treatments of chemotherapy which made a little progress in shrinking the tumor but doctors are concerned that it's not enough.

Neither Patrick, his reps, or his family have released any statements or confirmed the National Enquirer's report.

UPDATED: Patrick's publicist issued the issued the following statement to TMZ:

"Actor Patrick Swayze has been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and is currently undergoing treatment.

Patrick's physician Dr. George Fisher states, 'Patrick has a very limited amount of disease and he appears to be responding well to treatment thus far.

All of the reports stating the timeframe of his prognosis and his physical side effects are absolutely untrue. We are considerably more optimistic.'

Patrick is continuing his normal schedule during this time, which includes working on upcoming projects. The outpouring of support and concern he has already received from the public is deeply appreciated by Patrick and his family."

New career for Britney?

Britney still may not be allowed to see her children whenever she wants, but nobody said she couldn't hang out with other people's kids!

She's been teaching dance to a class of 15 young girls (whose parents' obviously have not seen her performance at the MTV Video Awards) at L.A.'s Millennium Dance Complex for the past month.

And the kids love her! Little Elissa Bouganim told PEOPLE, "I like Britney. Today, first we were dancing slow, and then faster and faster ... Then we did the fish-move and lots of other fun things." (Note: the "fish move" was just Britney nodding off and losing her balance, but the five-year-olds were none the wiser.)

Elissa's mom was really happy with her daughter's new teacher, "It's just amazing to watch Britney with the kids. Elissa won't stop dancing now, that's all she wants to do. Britney has really inspired her."

Dammit, I can't make fun anymore. I think this is great and maybe this will finally help Britney turn things around. She should move back to Kentwood and open a dance studio and be Miss Britney.

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Holy shit- I guess I have to love this chick now!

Relax, it's not Danny Noriega again.

It is a former American Idol though:Carrie Underwood.

And she's taking on.... GN'R?

And not just one song, but two!

And it's awesome!

Want more Danny Noreiga?

This guy's quickly getting up to Chris Crocker YouTube status!

I can't help it, he's really growing on me. That rap is awesome!

I can't wait to hear what he does tonight!

I need more!!

Danny Noriega is punk rock!!!

This video of American Idol contestant Danny Noriega spreading some Christmas cheer surfaced today.

How did he know what I wanted for Christmas?!

Paula's not forever MTV's girl

MTV has dissed it's former darling Paula Abdul big time, choosing not to air her new music video for the song, “Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow.” Those cold-hearted snakes!! (sorry!)

A spokesman for MTV told OK! magazine, “There are currently no plans to play the video.”

The spokesman then added, "There are currently no plans to play any videos."

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Rumor Control

NOT CANCELED:

Sources within Van Halen have told Billboard.com that despite recently postponing and rescheduling concerts in Virginia, Georgia, and Texas, the band's tour is not being canceled.

The reason for the postponement of these shows (and three upcoming ones) is so that Eddie Van Halen can undergo medical tests.

Van Halen's management released the following (vague) statement: "Eddie is undergoing a battery of comprehensive medical tests to determine a defined diagnosis and recommended medical procedures."

The tour is set to resume next Tuesday, March 11th.

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NOT PREGNANT:

Kate Hudson's brother Oliver has denied that his sister is knocked up. Oliver said, "I will squash that right now. She is absolutely 100 per cent not pregnant."

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NOT ENGAGED

Tony Romo has denied reports that he and his lucky charm, Jessica Simpson are engaged. He told PEOPLE, "I mean, it's just rumors. That's what people say. I'm sure I'll get married one day. I don't know when."

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NOT KIDDING:

Madonna's friend and fellow Detroit native, Iggy Pop, and his reformed band, The Stooges will perform punked up versions of some of her hit songs as a tribute when she is inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame next week.

I can't wait to hear what he does with La Isla Bonita!!

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Lindsay Lohan is an artiste!

For anyone lucky enough to live in New York, Lindsay Lohan will be opening her very own art exhibit on Thursday!!

No, Lindsay doesn't paint. Or take photographs. Or know anything about art. Instead, the collection will consist of photographs, chosen by Lindsay, which "represent the mood behind her tattoos." That Lindsay is so deep!

Still don't get it?

Here's an example:

The "La Bella Vita" tattoo above her ass was the end result of a three day drinking binge which is represented here by this photograph of Jack Daniels:

If you are artsy (like Lindsay!) and would like to read even more into it, "La Bella Vita' means "beautiful life" and life sure is beautiful after some Jack! Or at least people look better. Better enough, in fact, for you to show them your ass and your exotic foreign language tattoo!


Lindsay also has the word "breathe" tattooed on her wrist in white ink:


Which would be represented by this photograph:

The similar color scheme is not the only link between the tattoo and the photo. The word breathe is very significant as well. One breathes through his nose, and snorting is a variation of breathing--one with added purpose. So it is very important to breathe correctly. Notice the placement of the word breathe on the inside of the wrist--that is significant as well because this way Lindsay can always be reminded of the importance of breathing right before she's about to dive right into some lines.

I never realized how artistic Lindsay was!

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Daisy is lovely

Speaking of Jack Daniels and cocaine, here's a photo from the Myspace of the beautiful and talented Daisy from Rock of Love. TMZ posted it today and I had no idea she was Oscar DeLaHoya's niece!!! Wassagoin'on with me? Daisy sang a heart-wrenching version of the national anthem on this week's show. Why doesn't Oscar have her sing before his fights?

If you ever get bored, a good way to pass the time is to look at the MySpace pages of the contestants of Rock of Love and Flavor of Love. I said a good way, not a productive way.

I call Daisy and Kristi Jo for top two!

This is a photo of:

A) TYRA!!! Banks and Janet Jackson on Tyra's talk show?

B) TYRA!!! Banks taking down Janet Jackson in a figure four leglock?

C) TYRA!!! Banks attempting to rape Janet Jackson?

D) TYRA!!! Banks feeling threatened by someone more fierce than she is and preparing to strangle Janet with her own weave.

Everybody knows, so just admit it already Kate!

And it's not David Lee Roth's fault!

Is theVan Halen tour over?

TMZ reports that hotel arrangements for the band for the remaining dates of their tour are being canceled right this minute after the tour, which was scheduled to end April 19th, has been canceled.

Sources say that the reason is Eddie Van Halen and that he is having "issues" and has been performing "atrociously" in recent concerts.

Obligatory photo:

He's probably started drinking again after Valerie started airing all their dirty laundry in a lame attempt to get people interested in her stupid book instead of just eating her Jenny Craig dinners and making Lifetime movies. Damn you Valerie!

How could you Adnan?!

Britney Spears has dumped Adnan Ghalib after she found text messages containing "pretty saucy stuff with sexual references" from another woman on his phone.

An insider told the Sun, "Britney lost it and started yelling. She was demanding to know who sent the texts and shouting, 'What's this about? You're cheating on me' Just before she told Adnan to go, she took the phone and threw it in the pool right in front of him. He didn't even bother trying to get it out of the water."

Look for those pictures Adnan's been rumored to be shopping around to surface any day now. He's gonna need some cash!

No word on which paparazzi photographer Britney plans to date next.

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