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Pamela Anderson has said that she plans to retire from showbusiness in five years in order to devote all of her time to her family. Funny, I thought she had already retired! Seriously what has she done lately besides get married, divorced, and married again?
Oh that's right. How stupid of me!! She made that upcoming movie Blonde and Blonderer with Denise Richards! In that case it seems fitting that she'd retire after that. I mean, how do you top that one? Especially since she's sure to win an Oscar!
Anyway, Pam says ,"I get offers to do movies and TV all the time. I say no to everything. Drives my agent crazy. But I'm lazy. I don't want to work. I want to be with my kids. So I just fly in from Los Angeles, do a few days of shows and go back home."
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Looks like someone's been shopping in the "Not the best, but still a great buy!" bin at the plastic surgery store. Any guesses?
I'm sad to admit, that this is a recent picture of 80's Teen Queen, Debbie, excuse me, Deborah Gibson.
Such a shame.
These aging pop stars, always searching for the Fountain of Electric Youth.
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So like, Britney Spears, like, texted Ryan (Seacrest--duh!) on the way home from her awesome video shoot to tell him that she ain't pregnant.
Here's what Brit's text said:
"It's B.S, I don't know who made it up. J.R. doesn't even know what's up. It's fake, completely fake. (The) paparazzi are trying to kill us, otherwise I'd talk."
Then Ryan was like "OMG, LOL! R U OK?"
And Brit was like: " : ) So what's up?"
And Ryan was like: "IDK, NMH. Hey, did u watch DWTS last night?"
And Brit was like: "Yeah, Maks is so hot!"
And Ryan was like: "I wanna hit that shit so bad!"
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In the cover story of the latest issue of Us Magazine, a "friend" of Jessica Simpson says that Jess regrets divorcing Nick Lachey and spent October 26th, what would have been their fifth anniversary, somberly looking through old photo albums of herself and Nick when they were together.
The mystery friend said, "Jessica thought she would be with someone right by now."
Ok, so she's not missing Nick specifically, she just wants to be with someone? And she thought she'd leave Nick and get somebody better, but it didn't happen and now she's sad. And she thought she'd be a big movie star but that didn't happen either. Poor, poor Jessica!
Jess herself recently said when a guest on The View, "I want a man. Somebody who's a really great family guy...Gosh, just somebody who's strong enough to be my man." Isn't that a Sheryl Crow song?
Anyway, Jess, you don't need a strong man, just a deaf one! And when you find one, stay far, far away from your father!
This season of Dancing With the Stars has had enough scandal to fill up a year of a soap opera! The were family deaths, (faked?) fainting spells, food poisoning, legit hook-ups, alleged hook-ups, and Wayne Newton's scary-ass face.
They couldn't even get through the finale without someone going to the emergency room!! Professional dancer Mark Ballas was taken by ambulance to the E/R just minutes after performing his cha-cha (or is it cha-cha-cha? Whatever.) with girlfriend (that's the legit hook-up above) Sabrina Bryan. Turns out he dislocated his shoulder Monday night during rehearsals.
Judge Bruno Tonioli told PEOPLE after the show that "he should not have been out there on the floor tonight, but he is so committed to this show and he is such a professional he said ‘I am going to dance.’ He came out her and gave it his all and now he’s made it worse. I am devastated. That boy is one of the best dancers we’ve ever had. He’s a star. I am so worried. I just pray to God he’s okay.”
Sabrina had to stay for the duration of the telecast and was not allowed to leave to be with Mark in the hospital. She said, “I’m dying right now.I know I had to be here, but I’m so worried about him. I’m so mad they wouldn’t let me leave. But I have so much thanks for this show so I guess I had to stay. The ambulance came and took him away in the middle of the show, and I just want to get to a phone and call him.”
How are they ever going to top this season? They're gonna have to put landmines under the dance floor and have Edyta wear even fewer scraps of clothing next time around.
Oops, she's pregnant again?
Britney has reportedly confessed on a private MySpace page that she is expecting her third child.
On the page, a photo of a sonogram dated November 14th, 2007 is accompanied by a message that reads, "Yes, I am pregnant and I am shocked, almost 4 weeks to be exact. I don't really know if I'm happy or sad. I am happy I guess. I saw the ultrasound and it was really kewl (sic)."
KEWL - oh god, it really is Britney! It must be true!!
There is also a reply allegedly from Brit's sis Jamie Lynn in which she says, "No, I didn't tell mom cuz I think it would be better if you did. I really hope it's a girl."
My old ass still can't figure out the whole MySpace thing (just like the whole texting thing these kids are doing nowadays--just freaking CALL the person!) so I don't know how to check out this page for myself, so if anyone can send me a link, I'll pay you in sexual favors. Thanks!
In addition, In Touch Weekly magazine also has photos of Britney revealing a baby bump (or beer gut) and is naming Brit's producer J.R. Rotem as the father.
She better make me godmother this time, I swear to god. Sit down Chris Crocker!
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Sources have told New York Daily News that Lindsay Lohan has been "drinking a little bit" (By "little" they mean two, rather than three, bottles of Jager a day) over her Thanksgiving holiday week in New York with her mother.
But the "friends" insist that the booze is ok and that Lindsay's problem is drugs, not alcohol (because we all know alcohol isn't a real drug!! Duh, it's legal.) They say, "For Lindsay, her real problem was drugs, not alcohol. In the past, it wasn't the drinking that was the problem - it was the heavy drug use. The drug use was way more intense than her party drinking. As long as she isn't doing drugs, she's okay." Party on!
Lohan's spokeswoman has of course refuted these claims, saying "These so-called friends are making up things about her."
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A) Keeps the doctor away.
B) Is good for your remaining teeth.
C) Tastes good after a hit on the crack pipe.
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I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I don't know about you, but it's been hard to get back into the regular swing of things after a long holiday weekend filled with lots of food, booze, and sleep. It's kind of a funk you don't want to get out of. Now I understand how Britney feels!
But even Brit pulled herself out of the funk long enough to make a new video. That's right kids, I said Britney Spears has a new video y'all!!! Here's a picture of Britney on the set. She's the one in the middle by the way (I was able to tell because she's wiping the Cheeto grease off on her jacket).
The video is for a song called "Piece of Me" (no, it's not an Ashlee Simpson cover!) and the video is being directed by famed video director Wayne Isham. The concept? Britney and her backup dancers all dress alike to throw off the paparazzi. They escape into a club where dancing ensues (since they all look alike, we won't notice that the real Britney is no where in this dance sequence! You're a genius Wayne!). At the end of the video, it is revealed that Britney called the paparazzi herself. She then turns on her dancers and hits them with umbrellas. Ok, that last part's not true, but it would be awesome. Man, I really gotta lay off watching wrestling a little.
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Speaking of wrestling (see what I did there), by now I'm sure you've heard about Linda Hogan filing for divorce.
Apparently Hulk didn't know Linda had filed until he was told by a reporter. (Maybe he just didn't hear her. You know how he always puts his hand up to his ear?) Since the news was announced there have been various stories coming out about the split. Everything from Linda not wanting a divorce after all, to the whole divorce being a ruse to protect the couple's assets in a potential civil suit brought upon them by John Graziano, the victim in the street racing accident caused by their son Nick. Perhaps the saddest thing to come out of all of this is that their beautiful and talented daughter Brooke has put her singing career on hold. I know!! How can she deny us that angelic voice and timeless class?
Guess we'll just have to wait and see how this develops brother.
(I realize now that I've brought up wrestling I could comment on current storylines in the WWE, however I've blocked certain things out of my mind, so I'm gonna skip it if that's cool.)
Congrats to Helio and Julianne, this season's winners of Dancing With the Stars!! I wanted Mel and Maks personally but as long as it wasn't Marie "Vote for me, I'm 48 and I have drama!" Osmond, I'm happy. How much you wanna bet Donnie is on next season?
This makes Julianne a two-time champion!! Sadly however, this means that next season she'll be paired up (also referred to as "Burked") with some geriatric leadfoot so enjoy it now Julianne!!
In related news, Helio has split up with his fiancee leading to speculation that rumors of a relationship with partner Julianne may be true. SCANDAL!
We'll probably never find out who was so vain, but now the secret is out on the identity of Caroline from the Neil Diamond classic and Fenway favorite, "Sweet Caroline." (You just went "BAH! BAH BAH!" Don't lie.)
It's President John F. Kennedy's daughter, Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg!
On the reveal, Neil told the Associated Press, "I've never discussed it with anybody before – intentionally. I thought maybe I would tell it to Caroline when I met her someday."
Neil, who recently performed the song for Caroline via satellite at her 50th birthday party, said he was inspired to write the song when he saw an "innocent, wonderful" picture of Caroline in a magazine, and added "I'm happy to have gotten it off my chest and to have expressed it to Caroline. I thought she might be embarrassed, but she seemed to be struck by it and really, really happy."
Why would she be embarrassed? Was he beating it when he was looking at the picture?
Oh my god, wait a second. "Warm touchin' warm." "Reaching out." "Touchin' me." Touchin' me? That song's totally about masturbation!
So good indeed!
Wait, how old was she when he wrote the song? Um, yeah, I had no intention of going into kiddie porn land. Just clearing that up.
But it does sound like it's about masturbation.
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Remember American Idol Season 4? Of course you do! That's when we were introduced to America's still-reigning country sweetheart, Carrie Underwood. Oh, and remember when Bo Bice did that awesome a cappella number on the finale and then nobody bought his albums? And of course, how can we forget the daterape eyefucks of the fabulously douchy Constantine?
But how about Jessica Sierra? You may not remember her as well as the others. She finished tenth that year and hasn't really done much since.
Unless you count getting arrested for battery (she threw a cocktail glass at a bar patron's head) and cocaine possession back in April, that is. Take a look at her mugshot! It looks like one of those websites where they show what meth does to a person over time. She's only 22!
After pleading no contest to the charges yesterday in court, Jessica received 12 months of probation. If she successfully completes her probation, the charge will be removed from her record. (Unfortunately the mug shot will not)
Poor Jessica. Where's a disgraced C-List drug addicted celebrity to go in this day and age?
VH1 of course!! Jessica is going to be one of the contestants on VH1's newest celebreality show set in rehab for "stars" with drug and alcohol problems!! Cool! It'll be like Intervention, but with people we actually semi-care about! May we be so lucky to have Danny Bonaduce on that crapfest too?SOURCE
Nicole Richie, who is due is January with Joel Madden's child, is going to give away all of the baby gifts that she received at her Wizard of Oz themed baby shower to the poor.
Nicole and Joel will donate the gifts to 100 needy families through their newly formed Richie Madden Foundation which runs through the Los Angeles Free Clinic.
Maybe I'm just in the spirit of the holidays, but I feel like I must applaud Nicole and Joel for this. It seems they both are really turning over a new with this whole baby thing!
Or maybe they just realized that witches, flying monkeys, and Munchkins (particularly the Lollipop Kids), are way too fucking scary for a baby!
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On regretting cheating on Sienna with the nanny, Jude Law had this to say:
"There's no regret. You can't regret. I mean, I've felt regret but I've also refused to allow regret to sow a seed and live in me because I don't believe it.
You feel it, it's like guilt, it's like jealousy, it's like all those horrible things and... You've just got to snip them and get them out, because they're no good. Because if you regret, in a way, have you learnt and moved on?"
Wow, I bet whoever asked Jude this question regrets it.
Or maybe they feel the regret but are not allowing it to sow a seed in them. Or maybe they snipped it and got it out. Or quite possibly, they had the regret, but learnt and moved on. In a way.
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