In What-Took-Them-So-Long? news:

Rhianna has released a collection of umbrellas--ellas--ellas for TOTES. I think this is great news!! Check out the tops: nice and pointy, which makes them perfect for stabbing in your ears whenever that fucking song comes on.




In related news, Britney Spears is reportedly pissed about the Rhianna endorsement deal.

Amanda and Peter

The only thing that would be more awesome than these two getting back together is if they faked their deaths in a huge explosion.

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You look better on TMZ

Ok, so here's a picture of the newly sober (stop laughing) Lindsay Lohan from PEOPLE. :


Ok, so then I head over to TMZ and look what I see:

??????????


I feel like I'm having deja vu.



I feel like I'm having deja vu.

Maybe this is the sequel to The Parent Trap?

Wait, I know! This is one of those games where you have to circle the things that are different? I'm really good at these!!! I wonder what I could win. Ok, time to get to work...Surfboard, Bikini, SCRAM anklet, Peace Sign, Gold Shoes..........

Oh god, this is like that movie Citizen Kane, you know where you later find out Rosebud was a sled.................

Whoa, I wasn't prepared for this and almost choked on my wine!! Bret Michaels on tv without a bandana or hat? Yup!! On last night's Rock of Love, Bret ended a decade-long mystery and bared all---his hairline. Check it out:



Now the question is: weave, plugs, wig, or natural receded hairline? I have no idea, but here's an old picture for comparison. If there are any weave experts (any of the Charm School girls will do) please let me know.



I do kinda have to hand Bret an Awesome Person Award for having the balls to go through with the (literally) unveiling. And wearing awful pajamas at the same time too. Oh, AND while hooking up your penis to a machine that measures the hurt. Damn, he's just going all out!

But I'm sad that Tiffany was eliminated. Goodbye Tiffany, you sure did threaten us all with a good time.

Rest In Peace Tammy Faye

Evangelist Tammy Faye Messner died on Friday morning of inoperable cancer, CNN's Larry King announced on Saturday night, after her family asked him to personally make the delayed statement. She was 65. MORE

We all knew it was coming, but it's still very sad. Such a sweet woman. I loved her on the Surreal Life.

Random acts of endorsed kindness

Hilary Swank is going to cut off all her hair and she's not doing it because she's batshit crazy, desperate for attention, or even for a movie roll! (see I just can't help it, sorry Britney!)

Nope, she's actually a spokesperson for the Pantene Beautiful Lengths Campaign and is having her hair made into a wig for a female cancer patient. She will also make Public Services Announcements that will air in the US and Canada, encouraging others to join her and donate their hair.

"It's wonderful to know that my hair is going to help someone feel better through the process of getting treatment. It's growing and hopefully I can get a little more length so I can get a nice ponytail to donate. I have lost multiple family members to cancer and witnessed their struggle first hand. I've never heard of anything quite like Pantene Beautiful Lengths (um, Locks of Love?) , and I'm proud to be asked to promote the goals of such a unique and heartfelt program, " she said of the cause.

Hilary added: "I think having short hair is really fun and it looks like it may be the new look. So, it will, if anything, just make me hip. Finally a reason to be hip! "I just hope that my contribution will help to inspire others to get involved in whatever way they can."

I changed my mind, she must be crazy. Doesn't she know in Hollywood you're supposed to spend thousands to add more hair to your head, not cut if off and ewww: give it to charity!? What a stupid and selfless thing to do!

I'm kidding of course, you rock Hilary!

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Now that's one classy bitch

Here's a photo taken yesterday of Britney reportedly on the set of her music video. I feel kind mean, it seems every other post lately is of Brit wearing some horribly craptastic outfit. I can't help it though, it's like a train wreck, but with a weave.

Rumor is, the song the video is for is titled Get Back!! (No problem there Brit....Hey, now I get the outfit!) I sure hope they hired the effects team from Paula Abdul's Promise of a New Day video.

Lindsay Surrenders to the Po-po

Lindsay Lohan surrendered to Beverly Hills police yesterday afternoon, facing up to the charges for driving under the influence and the hit-and-run back in May. She arrived with her attorney and was released on $30,000 bail about an hour later. Her court date is set for Aug. 24 in Superior Court in Beverly Hills.

Lindsay was cited back then but hadn't been officially arrested until now. She waited this long so as not to clash with Paris and Nicole Richie's trials and sentences. (Because that would be, like, so embarrassing!)

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For Real?

So the Emmy nominations were announced today. Check this out:



Outstanding Original Music And Lyrics:
Family Guy - "Peter's Two Dads" , MADtv -"1209". Saturday Night Live - "Dick In A Box", Scrubs - "Everything Comes Down to Poo"

That's awesome! (I still can't stand Timberfuck though)



Here are some other Emmy nominations:

Best Drama: Boston Legal, Grey's Anatomy, Heroes, House, The Sopranos

Best Comedy: 30 Rock, Entourage, The Office, Two and a Half Men, Ugly Betty

Best Actress, Drama: Patricia Arquette (Medium), Minnie Driver (The Riches), Edie Falco (The Sopranos), Sally Field (Brothers & Sisters), Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: SVU), Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)

Best Actor, Drama: James Gandolfini (The Sopranos), Hugh Laurie (House), Denis Leary (Rescue Me), James Spader (Boston Legal), Kiefer Sutherland (24)

Best Reality Show: The Amazing Race, American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, Project Runway, Top Chef

Best Actor, Comedy: Alec Baldwin (30 Rock), Steve Carell (The Office), Ricky Gervais (Extras), Tony Shalhoub (Monk), Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men)

Best Actress, Comedy: America Ferrera (Ugly Betty), Tina Fey (30 Rock), Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives), Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine), Mary-Louise Parker (Weeds)

FOR A COMPLETE LIST CLICK HERE

Please put it away

"Oh good, they're here! Wait till they see how hot I look!"

"Thanks for showing up guys! Sorry about the short notice, I didn't even have time to buy a suit."

"It's cool though y'all, I'll just wear my bra and undies! Oh no, can you see through the bottoms if I get wet though? Oops, I did it again!"

"Did you get it the first time or should I take off my dress again?"

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Coppa-coppa-coppa-coppachameleon..........

In strange future career goal news, Boy George has expressed interest in becoming a police officer.

He said recently: "Being arrested in America is terrible. I don't wish it to anyone. At first I was sad and scared, but, within time, the police gave me support and tranquillity. I ended up getting close to them, maybe it will be my next job!"

Um, well he does seem to have the handcuffing part down. I sure wouldn't wish to being arrested by Boy George.

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I Officially Love Her!

I never was a fan of Victoria Beckham's. She just always seemed like a snobby bitch to me. But lately she's been growing on me. I think it all started when she had her friend Scary's back and publicly called Eddie Murphy a "Beverly Hills Cock." Then I saw some of her show Victoria Beckham: Coming to America the other night and I actually caught myself smiling and laughing thinking "You know, she's pretty damn cool!"

If there was any doubt remaining as to her awesomeness, check this one out: Paris Hilton has been quoted as saying, "We could be soulmates" about Victoria and that she'd love to hang out with her. To which my girl Vicky replied (to a "friend"), "Over my dead body!" That is so awesome I have to go change my knickers!

You Go Girl!! Who cares if your show tanked, you are fabulous!

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Lindsay wasn't available?

A rep for the soon-to-open LAX nightclub in the Luxor Hotel in Vegas told PEOPLE that Britney Spears will host the grand opening next month.

Fabulous idea!! Because the last time she hosted something it was such a success:

This show will change the world!

Snoop Dogg is the latest celebrity to get their own reality show. Try to contain your excitement. The show, which will be on E! (I can already see Joel McHale showing clips: "Let's take some E!"), will focus on Snoop's balance between his family, career, and blunts.

Ted Harbert, president of Comcast Entertainment group, said in a statement: "Snoop Dogg is, without a doubt, one of the most charismatic and intriguing personalities in pop culture today." (He actually made this statement in 1993 between bong hits in the parking lot before a date of The Chronic Tour, but who's keeping track?)

Anyway, we here at Asshat Hollywood are very excited to have with us today, Snoop Dogg!!

Welcome Snoop!

........................

Um, ok. Sooo, are you excited about the new show?

"Know what I'm sayin'?"

I'll take that as a yes I guess. So, how do you feel about being compared to Ozzy Osbourne?





Wow, that's um, interesting. So how does your family feel about being filmed 24/7?

"Know what I'm sayin'?"

Yeah, uh, actually no. No, I really don't know what you're saying because YOU AREN'T SAYING ANYTHING BESIDES 'KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN?'. What's that? What are you handing me?

No, I don't smoke the pot. No thanks, really. Well ok, maybe just a little hit.....

"Know what I'm sayin'?"

You know, I think I do! Wow, that Ted Harbert was right! You ARE charismatic and intriguing! Good luck on your show! Let's go get some Cheetos!

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ASSHAT OF THE WEEK

Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has been indicted on federal charges related to illegal dogfighting.

When police searched this disgusting piece of shit's property called "Bad Newz Kennels" (no kidding) they found 54 pit bulls, blood on the carpets, a treadmill for dogs, and a "rape stand" which is used to hold dogs in place while mating. SICK SICK SICK! There were also graves for seven pit bulls (I'm surprised he even bothered to give them a grave and didn't just throw them out in a garbage bag) Dogs were killed after being tested whether or not they would be good fighters. The methods Vick and the other monsters would use to kill the dogs included drowning, strangulation, hanging, gunshot and electrocution. (And you know they got some sick pleasure out of murdering them.)

I don't know if I want to cry or scream. Probably both. Cruelty to animals is the trigger that makes my YOU'LLBESORRYYOUPISSEDMEOFF button go off. Dogs especially, because they are so loyal and all they want in return is love and maybe a Milk-Bone once in a while. These dogs fought because they were trying to please their "friends." It's so awful and maddening. And this is just one instance. I know DMX was into that shit too and that's just another celebrity. It's happening all over the country. To read more and find out how you can help put an end to this terrible crime please check out the The Humane Society website.


I just hope they have rape stands in prison.

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