Friday, February 8, 2008

Frances Bean is actually not a screwed up headcase!

Doesn't it seem like just yesterday Courtney Love was pregnant and being accused of taking drugs? Well that was 15 years ago and here is Frances Bean Cobain now.

Frances is featured in the upcoming March issue of Harper's Bazaar where she poses as stars from various musicals in a fashion spread.

If Courtney was on drugs during the pregnancy, so far it looks like Frances has turned out pretty well in spite of it. On (not) famewhoring off her parents' success she said, "I get it, I really do," she says, "but at the same time it's creepy. These people are fascinated by me, but I haven't done anything. If you're a big Nirvana fan, a big Hole fan, then I understand why you would want to get to know me, but I'm not my parents, People need to wait until I've done something valid with my life." Listen up Rumer Willis!

On what it is, she would like to do with her life, Frances said she's thinking about photography and/or journalism but adds "I'm taking my time. But I get asked what I want to do all the time because of my parents, because of the life I live."

And her grandma (Kurt's mother) is her hero:
"[She is] the most constant thing I've ever had. I'm really lucky because I've been able to go places and meet people you can only dream of, but she's probably the person I respect most out of anybody in the world."

Way to go Frances Bean!!! Now just be sure to steer clear of Britney, Paris, Lindsay, Rumer, and your mother!


Katharine McPhee's Creepy-ass Wedding Photos

"I did it!! I got a trophy wife!"

Her dad's like "Sweetie, you do realize he's my age right?"

Notice how everyone is looking away to avoid being creeped out.

Yeah, that's Pickler on the right but gives a shit? The flower girl, on the other hand, is awesome!

"Haha!! Look the little groom guy is bald too!!"

"Are there are any record label executives in the house?"

An end in sight?

The writers strike may be coming to an end very soon! Thank god, now we can stop watching Moment of Truth!

A deal has been reached between the Writer's Guild of America and major media companies. The details have not been released yet, but the assumed resolution is that writers will receive a large share of royalties.

Before the strikes can come to an end, however, the deal will need to be approved by the Guild's board and then ratified by the union's 10,500 members.

But former Walt Disney chief executive Michael Eisner told CNBC that he's pretty sure the writers will hit the red button and say "DEAL!" Michael said, "It's over. They made the deal, they shook hands on the deal. I have some friends in certain places and I believe there was a handshake last Friday... it's possible they (the writers) will turn it down but it would be insane if they turned it down."

You never know Mikey. Did you see Deal or No Deal the other night when that dumbass was down to her final two cases - $200,000.00 and $1,000.00 The banker's final offer was $100,000.00 and she turned it down opting to go for the 50/50 chance that her case had the $200,000 in it. It didn't. (Is it wrong that I laughed my ass off at the greedy moron?)


Who's IN and who's OUT!!!! (of rehab)

So here's the update on the revolving door of Celebrity Rehab (no, not that one)!

Amy Winehouse: Still technically IN rehab, with daily outings. OUT of the Grammy Awards because her passport was denied. She will perform via satellite from London though.


Eva Mendes : OUT of rehab, but only temporarily. Her publicist said: "Eva is attending to some personal business in Los Angeles and intends to return to complete her treatment shortly." So it's ok if she has a little chippy, because Eva and rehab are ON A BREAK!!

Kirsten Dunst: IN rehab. PEOPLE confirmed that Kirsten checked into the Cirque Lodge Treatment Center in Utah (the same facility where Eva is on the break from) and according to a source, Kirsten is "not doing well. People were pushing her to go in there but there was no intervention… She has been partying hard for a while and I'm sure the Heath Ledger thing put people over the edge."

Scott Weiland: IN rehab. Poor guy keeps falling to pieces. (That was lame I know.)

Velvet Revolver released the following statement:
"Following VELVET REVOLVER's performance last night [Wednesday, February 6] in Los Angeles, lead singer Scott Weiland voluntarily entered a rehab facility. Tonight's San Diego show at the House of Blues has been postponed; the rescheduled date for San Diego is [to be announced]. VELVET REVOLVER deeply apologize to their fans and thank them for sticking by the group."


Miley Cyrus: NOT in rehab.


Thursday, February 7, 2008

Harvard is Hot!

Harvard awarded Paris Hilton the "Woman of the Year" award yesterday.

Well, sort of. They gave her the Lampoon Woman of the Year award, which is a spoof on Harvard's actual Man and Woman of the Year awards which are given out by Harvard's Hasty Pudding Theatricals acting group. Those awards are presented annually to actors who've made a "lasting and impressive contribution to the world of entertainment." (The Lampoon award? Not so much) This year's recipients of those awards will be Charlize Theron and Christopher Walken.

But let's let Paris have her day!!! The idiot actually thought she was seriously being honored. It's almost as awesome as when Michael Jackson thought he won that artist of the millennium award that year on the MTV awards.

On her award Paris (who arrived an hour late to the ceremony) said, "Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine standing here, standing on the steps of the Harvard Lampoon. It's really exciting and I've had such a great time."

Congrats moron!



So Britney is free to roam the streets in search of gas stations late at night again! Yup, a court representative has ruled that there was "no just cause" to keep Britney in the psych ward anymore after a hearing at the hospital and a quick interview with Britney.

The was the reason Britney was RELEASED yesterday. While it was recommended by doctors that her stay last the additional 14 days, this moron court representative overrode the decision.

Yes, again, the ruling was "no just cause." For the patient whose condition less than a week ago was classified to be "G.D." -- Gravely Disabled, meaning she was determined to be unable to take care of basic needs, such as dressing herself, or the acquisition of shelter.

No word on whether or not Sam Lutfi drugged the court representative, however suspicions arose when the rep suddenly began speaking in a faux British accent and later was seen out wearing a hot pink wig.


Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Happy Birthday Axl!!

With all this craziness going around, it's perfectly fitting that today is the birthday of none other than one W. Axl Rose. Can you believe it's number 46?!! Damn! It seems like just yesterday he was old at heart, but only 28.

I don't wanna celebrate this historic day by thinking about botox, braids, or democracy in China.

Instead let's go back in time to 1988 when Axl was the hottest living creature on Earth and watch GN'R perform my favorite song of all time, Rocket Queen, at their now legendary concert at the Ritz.

This is classic old-school GN'R and classic Axl. You can see the beginnings of what would come to be. Like when Axl just decides to walk away instead of singing the second verse. The band looks around for him and quizzingly at each other, but continue to play on, because they know.

Then all of sudden, there's Axl again! Relief! He just needed a ciggy, and Slash can't stay mad for long because Axl was kind enough to get one for him too.

(It's also interesting to note that Axl completely ignores the stagecrashers and lets security take care of them.)

So everything's moving along again and the song goes into the awesome ending and Axl nails the hell out of it, all the while looking like sex that would be worth the STD's and you totally forget about the whole second verse thing.

Until he throws his microphone down and does it again.

But you know he'll come back and you'll forget again.

And that is the magic of Axl Rose.

Happy Birthday you amazing batshit motherfucker!

P.S. - Happy birthday also to Duff (Feb 5th). I apologize for only remembering your birthday because it's the day before Axl's, but hell--I don't remember that many birthdays of people I actually know!

Oh for the love of Margot Kidder!

The Psych Ward truly is the new rehab. First Brit, then Eva Mendes, then that guy from Grey's Anatomy, now fucking Suzanne Sugarbaker!

Delta Burke has checked herself into a psychiatric hospital for depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder and "hoarding." Not to be confused with "whoring," hoarding is when people accumulate massive quantities of stuff and never throw anything away. Then they go out and keep buying more stuff even though they don't have anywhere to put it until their homes look like this:

Get it? If not, George Carlin explains it much better.

So anyway, Delta says she's been suffering from hoarding syndrome and now she's in the psych ward too.

Delta's suffering from wanting-to-get-her-name-in-the-headlines-itis. She doesn't need a stay in the looney-bin to cure that, all she needs is a good, stern, lengthy, no-nonsense speech from Dixie Carter followed by applause. That'll fix her in 23 minutes flat.


Is anyone really surprised?

The whole Britney saga has gone from
what a crazy bitch!-let's point and laugh, to I feel kinda bad laughing, but I just can't help it, to maybe she really is insane, to just. plain. sad.

Now the story has taken another turn with an evil villain, named Osama no less, Sam Lutfi.

More and more has been coming out about this guy ever since he's been legally barred
to visit Britney in the psych ward by the request of Brit's parents . They are claiming that he drugged Britney and stole items from her home.

All this time Sam's been swearing up and down that he has been the only one that cares about Britney and has been looking out for her best interests. So guess what Sam's gonna now?

Write a tell-all book about Britney of course!

In one of Sam's many interviews with media outlets, he told Rolling Stone magazine, "We've been doing dictation, she's been telling me her story, and I've been writing it all down. It would make a great book!"

I'm gonna bet that these dictation sessions started with "Ok Britney, take these 10 pills and then tell me a story."

This guy's scary, he's like a one-man cult.


Got Milk?

Christina Aguilera and her boobs made their first post-baby appearance at a Hollywood Best Buy to promote her new concert DVD.


Sorry, that's all I got.

RIP Heath

The NYC medical examiner has ruled that Heath Ledger's death was caused by "acute intoxication by the combined effects of oxycodone (painkiller), hydrocodone (painkiller), diazepam (anti-anxiety-sold under the name Valium), temazepam (sleep aid) , alprazolam Zanax) , and doxylamine (another sleep aid) ."

The findings concluded that the cause of death was an accidental overdose.


Tuesday, February 5, 2008

What the hell is she talking about?

"In my country, all good girls are taught to wash out their undies in the bathroom." - Gisele Bundchen

I just don't get this. Then again, this is someone that drinks freaking red wine at the Superbowl.


In da mall

While in Scottsdale, Arizona for the Superbowl last week, 50 Cent was forced to leave the Fashion Square Mall after security guards objected to members of his crew carrying guns and other weapons. 50 and his entourage obliged to the request from police to leave and no one was shot nine times.

I don't blame them for bringing weapons to the mall. I never go to my local mall without my semi-automatic. No bitches cut in front of me at the Orange Julius anymore!


Paris Hilton is a well-mannered lady- She got it from her Mama

If you are currently eating or drinking please swallow (or spit, if you prefer that) before reading the following Paris Hilton quote.



Paris says that she gets her manners and "sweetness" from her mama, telling Parade magazine, "She always taught us to be polite. We had the best manners, so I've kept them. My mom has always been really supportive. She's one of my best friends. And she's just always told me to stay the same and stay the sweet girl I've always been since I was little and not let any of the Hollywood stuff get to my head, and you'll leave a good karma."

Mama's best advice to Paris? "Put your shoulders back and don't chew gum." Wow, good thing mama learned her real good on that one! Could you imagine how uncouth Paris would be? It's bad enough she displayed such poor etiquette when she took a phone call during sex, but THANK GOD she doesn't chew gum! Good job Kathy!!

In related Paris news, bad news for fans of The L Word. Looks like Paris got that role she's had her eye on. Her good eye, I presume. "It's true," she says. "I have no idea what kind of character I'll be playing, but it's a good show."


Do we really need proof that Kellie Pickler is not smarter than a 5th grader?

Screw this game, I want to see Kellie Pickler and fellow Mensa candidate Sherri Shepherd play each other in Russian Roulette.

It would go like this:

Kellie: "Is Russia a country ? Ah don't undurstand, how do y'all fit a country on a Rou-lette wheel?"

Sherri: "Well it's flat so you can just lay it on top."

So, some stuff to catch up on.


In related news, Patriots coach Bill Belichick may not be getting (another) SuperBowl ring, but he's not going home empty-handed because CONGRATULATIONS BILL, you are this week's winner of ASSHAT OF THE WEEK for being a such a sore loser!

Wait, hang on--I can't give you your trophy yet, because there's still one second on the clock. All the asshats back on the field!!

That includes you Heidi Montag and your stupid new "single" , God, it's like a bad ripoff of Paris Hilton's Stars Are Blind.

I'd rather watch Paula Abdul's SuperBowl performance again. Yeah, she was lipsynching, so what? It's Paula Abdul, did anyone really think she'd sing live? I was surprised that Jordin Sparks lip-synched the National Anthem, (watch closely). Speaking of the National Anthem, did you ever notice that old people get REALLY pissed when someone sings it and changes the melody around a little or inserts a run instead of singing it straight? Just something I noticed over the years.

Speaking of former American Idol contestants and old people, Season 5 runner-up Katherine McPhee married that creepy guy over the weekend? Does anyone care? She was dropped from her label, wasn't she? She's 23, he's 42.