Friday, September 14, 2007

I am officially in love with Seth Green

So the Chris Crocker spoofs are starting to come out now, but Seth's owns.

Just Say No to drugs kids


This is almost as bad as that public service message with the lady that started out pretty and got uglier and uglier and took her teeth out at the end.

We need an awesome person

So here's Christina. You rock that baby bump girl!

What The Fuck?

Is this a joke?

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott "are currently in talks" with producers to star in the Broadway musical "Chicago." Damn, these two make Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin look like Alfred Lunt and Lynn Fontanne. Who the hell is Dean McDermott anyway? I thought she married the guy from The Practice when I first heard of him and I still have no clue.

Wait! I just remembered when Tori was on Saved By the Bell and sang! Remember? She was Screech's (she called him "Samuel") girlfriend and was too nervous to sing in front of others and then he dirty sanchezed her and she wasn't shy anymore and rocked the school assembly? So maybe she'll be awesome after all.

I still have no clue who Dean McDermott is.


Hey look!! It's Fred Durst, and he's still a douche

Besides that sex tape that gave me a permanent scar my brain from watching, we (thankfully) haven't heard much from Fred Durst in the past few years. But now TMZ reports that back in October of last year, Fred was involved in a hit and run with a pedestrian in Hollywood and was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, battery, criminal threats, and reckless driving.

So last month (see when no one cares about you anymore, there's a delay in reporting) went to court and accepted a plea deal. Because he still technically qualifies as a celebrity he won't get any jail time and instead will serve 3 years probation and will have to pay fines. He also must pay a small amount to the victim. How about a 3 Dollar Bill Y'all.? Seriously, I'll bet that's all he has.

Today's Music is Shit: Exhibit A

I saw this video this morning and was like: are you fucking kidding me? Really, does anyone truly like this shit? Let me rephrase that, does anyone truly like this shit when they're sober cause I could already picture some drunk underdressed skank doing that awful doggystyle buttbounce move in the club while lipsynching "I got it from my mama." (Sorry if I made you puke.)

Note to - Market this song to Jerry Springer for when the toothless trailer trash freaks cheat on their girlfriends with their 400 pound mamas.

Ok, I've given this waaayy too much thought.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Why didn't you wear this Britney?

I'm not going to kick Britney when she's down. I mean, yeah she was bad at the VMA's. Really, really, bad. And she looked terrible. Really, really, terrible. And she's a really bad mother. Really, really, bad. And she's batshit. Really, really, batshit. And she just can't get the weave thing right. Really, really, unfortunate hair.

But look at this recent photo of a post-trainwreck performance Brit out and about at a grocery store. She looks........ good. She even may have panties on.

(btw - if any of my jokes ever fall as flat as the accompanying TMZ post, please tell me for my own good. Britney's a prime example of the dangers of yes-people.)

More fightin' bitches

Oh just make out already!

In other feud news, 50 Cent and Kanye West are fighting like little bitches over who is going to sell more albums (people still buy albums?). Kanye is winning if anyone cares.

Kanye is also pissed at MTV , "Whitey", and the rest of the world (by the way, for some awesome VMA dirt, read this ) because he didn't win any awards at the show and MTV chose Britney to open the show while poor Kanye had to perform in one of those little rooms (that if I paid to attend the awards, I'd be superpissed that I didn't get to see half the performances live).

He then blamed MTV for Britneygate: "Man, they were just trying to get ratings, and they knew she wasn't ready and they exploited her."

Ironically, Britney continues to be further exploited by being used as a pawn in the Chess for Bitches game that Kanye and 50 are playing. See now, 50 is using the Britney rant as an opportunity to hit back at Kanye, accusing him of being jealous at all the attention Brit's been getting (I know I sure am!)

Fiddy says:
"[West]was upset, he's not used to being recognized. Period. Kanye expressed that he felt that Britney shouldn't be actually opening the show - almost like he forgot that Britney Spears sold 50 million records. She did. He is not thinking about her full body of work. (insert your own "full body" joke here--I'm over that one) She deserved to headline the show better than anybody else that was on it - even in the state that she is in."

Um yeah.... good point Fiddy. Because crazy sells!

Chris Crocker, I think I'm with you.

SOURCE 1 & 2

Get in the Ring

So besides Britney's little trainwreck (anyone else tired of it yet?), and Kayne West being a crying little bitch, the other big story this week was the Kid Rock-Tommy Lee almost-brawl.

The possible source of the fight, Pam Anderson, was on Ellen yesterday. Pam wants to stay out of it and frankly doesn't really care because she has yet another man in her life (not that magician guy and not Rick Solomon)

Here's some of the interview from Ellen's show:

"I'm staying out of it."

"Last time you were here you said they didn't get along?"

"Can ya tell? I actually left. As soon as I left, meow! They all went after each other."

"Clearly you and Tommy are good friends? You have kids together and were sitting on his lap earlier."

"He pulled me on his lap and spanked my butt."

"Was that okay or no?"

"Yeah, that was okay. What are you going to do? Boys."

Then Pam changed the subject and told a touching story about her latest penis.
"I paid off a poker debt with sexual favors, and I fell in love. It's so romantic. It's romance." (She actually has a pretty good sense of humor--I love that she embraces the slut image and doesn't try to go all Paris on us.)

So Pam wouldn't give a name but she confirmed that the dude is a professional poker player. She added
"I'm not really engaged. I don't know what I am. We may never get that far. We're in love. This is nice."


Meanwhile, the always well spoken Tommy Lee decided to chime in with his side of the story on his website:

' Yeah!! I am minding my own biz having a great time with my friend Criss Angel (magician) and watching the Mtv awards in the front row saying hello to all my friends......Pamela comes and sits on my lap who I love and adore
(he loves and adores his lap? Well, yeah I guess if I were him, I would too)....and also say hello to my friend Travis Barker and his wife!.....and i get a text from another friend P. Diddy and he says come sit with me.....and he's sitting with Miss HOT AS FUCK!!!!.....Megan FOX!!! So I go over and sit with P!! Not a minute later and Alicia Keys starts her amazing performance...."i apologize sweetie".....i had nothing to do with the timing and disrespect, ......back to the stupid-ness!! I get a tap on the shoulder from Kid Pebble...i stand up and embrace him with a semi hug and say "Hey dude...What up"?? He punches me in the face.....well if ya wanna call it that!?....more like a bitch slap!.......Wuss!! Anyway....i go to knock this jealous no career havin country bumpkin the fuck OUT....and before I can have a meeting with my fist and his ugly ass mug guards...NOT MINE at the Palms grab me and haul my ass outta the award show threatening me that if I move they'll break my arm......yeah whatever!! security guard Bruce grabs them and say's I got him....let go!!! So im fine and of course leave to my room with police and owner George Maloof......the rest is paper work and bullshit!... Anyway...... I would like to apologize to Alicia and George and Mtv for the disrespectful bullshit caused by a piece of shit called Kid Pebble!! '

"Kid Pebble" BURN!

Now Vegas comedian Jeff Beacher has proposed a a winner-take-all $1 million boxing match between Tommy and Kid. Beacher told PAGE SIX: "We all know that they are fighting over Pam Anderson. What better way to settle their differences then to slug it out in the ring!" Yeah, yeah, I'm not falling for this one, I'm still waiting for Vince Neil VS Axl Rose.

Tommy may want to consider taking the deal though because he won't be making any money on any Motley Crue tours anytime soon. Apparently he quit the band!

There is a squabble going on between bandmates Mick Mars, Vince Neil, and Nikki Sixx and Tommy's manager and business partner Carl Stubner. Mick, Vince, and Nikki are demanding 20 million dollars in damages claiming Stubner cost them the amount by persuading Tommy to turn his back on lucrative concert dates and concentrate his efforts in two reality TV shows (in case you're racking your brain, that's
RockStar Supernova--yeah that huge band got their start on a reality show!! and Tommy Lee Goes to College, which judging by Tommy's above post, didn't seem to help so much.)

Tommy's management company released a statement that Tommy
"recently informed Sixx and Mars, the shareholders of Motley Crue, Inc., that he was resigning from the band and his resignation was accepted."


Damn everybody's fighting!! I think Jeff Beacher had the right idea, except let's make it a battle royale with Tommy, Kid, the other members of Motley Crue, Axl Rose , Kanye West, and 50 Cent with Pam as the special guest referee. Oh and Britney can perform the National Anthem.

Monday, September 10, 2007

VMA Captions

"Guys, help I can't stay up."

"Damn bitch, I think I just got hernia!"

"Sorry Britney, we can't find the last ounce of dignity you just lost."

"You look like such a slut tonight!"

"I love you baby."

"That's funny, it looks like someone dropped an ounce of dignity."

"Help, this show sucks so bad that MTV's imploding and I'm stuck in an 80's video! Ideo..ideo...ay.ay.ay"

"MTV couldn't get any real stars, so we are here to present the next award."

"And they say I can't act!"

"Excuse me, has anyone lost their dignity?"

"I think I may have."

"I've been shot in the face nine times too Mr. Fiddy."

Diddy, Fiddy, and Dumber

"Keep your damn hand up so the photographers can get the ring."

"We are going to PUMP. YOU-UP!"

"It's a text from my vagina, she says no more of either of those two."

Hey, it's better than Britney's latest song

Here's a treat for all you Rock of Love fans. Lacey (have you heard? She's a musician!) has her very own music video!!!

And it's every bit as awesomely craptastic as you'd imagine! Seriously, it's right up there with Why Must I Cry.


I wonder who Otis is.

Tommy and Kid: still fighting over Pam?

"Tired of the boys in blue runnin up on your crew? You know what to do, tell em Fuck You! It's a proposition."

Tommy Lee was escorted out of the MTV Video Awards last night after a scuffle with Kid Rock. This all went down during a performance by Alicia Keys. Which is pretty damn funny, because one of the songs she sang was called Freedom.

Tom Higginson, the singer of the Plain White Ts (the band responsible for that annoying Hey There Delilah song) was an eyewitness. "There were no fists, they were just holding each other, grabbing each other. Security had to break them up." Maybe they were just making out?

Too bad they didn't show it, it would have made for at least one interesting moment.


Update - PAGE SIX reports that both Tommy and Kid Rock were escorted out and that Kid Rock "sucker smacked" Tommy and was laster cited for misdemeanor battery with a maximum possible sentence of six months in jail!

MTV has a video of the incident

What a stellar performance!!

Don't we all feel silly for doubting Britney? She is amazing!! A tour de force if you will. Fantastic job on your big comeback performance!!!

I loved the opening shot that zoomed in on her weave!