"LEAVE TOM CRUISE ALOONNEE!"

Everyone's picking on Crazy Little Tommy Cruise so Adam Sandler has spoken out on his defense. He told PEOPLE, "To see anyone's private life invaded and mocked like this is sickening. It's especially gross when it happens to a guy like Cruise, who's a great dad, a great husband, and a great friend."

And Adam's not the only star speaking on Tom's behalf.

Dustin Hoffman said,"Tom Cruise is an American and has the right to freedom of speech and freedom of religion."

Washington Redskins owner, Dan Snyder (who has a financing deal with Cruise/Wagner Productions) said,"Tom is a winner. That's a fact. He is a terrific actor, a terrific father and a terrific person. I'm proud to be his friend."

Other celebrities that defend Tom in this week's issue of PEOPLE include Bruce Willis, Demi Moore, Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller, Jerry O'Connell, and Harvey Weinstein. (Made you look twice, didn't I?)

He so sent these people coupons for free stress tests and brainwashed them at the Center because that's easier than growing a damn set.

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Chinese Democracy STARTS NOW..........after another 14 years of negotiations

The website for Classic Rock magazine (I know, isn't that sad?) reported yesterday that...wait for it...Chinese Democracy, the album that Axl Rose and his hired Guns N' Roses replacements have been recording for 37 years, is COMPLETE!!!

Axl's personal manager, Beta Lebeis, told the magazine that the album"was finished before Christmas".

Hmm, creation of Jesus, creation of the masterpiece that will be Chinese Democracy-do we not see the parallels?

Beta then added that: "Everybody knows that." Everybody referring to the various people in Axl's head.

She then said that as far as a release date, Axl is currently "in negotiations". Negotiations referring the new code word that will replace "putting the finishing touches on" as the reason for why the album will not be released for the next 14 years.


In all seriousness, I really hope the album is never realeased. It will never live up to the build-up. It will be the Snakes On a Plane of rock and roll. And by the sound of some of the leaked demos, it sounds like a small dog gets killed on that as well. And then that will piss me off even more.

Sad news ladies (and some gents)

George Clooney has asked girlfriend Sarah Larsen to move in with him.

A "friend" said, "Sarah is always with him, so it just made sense. Plus, he likes having her around. She has made him very happy because she has a great sense of humor and doesn't stress him out. She's easygoing and loving, and I think he really needs that right now. George has been feeling lonely. Sarah has filled the void."

If you listen carefully, you can hear the sobbing of women around the world.

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The reality show that will never happen, but should..mostly because of it's awesome name

Dennis Hof, owner of Nevada's Moonlite Bunnyranch and star of HBO's Cathouse has an idea for a new reality show. And it's awesome!
"We can call it 'P & B: Celebrity Sex with Paris' Punani and Britney's Booty'." Dennis said, "I think Paris and Britney would be fun - and they're both tramps. Hell, they're giving it away for free, so they might as well get paid for it! It'd make a great show. I'll speak to HBO and see if we can make it happen."

Note to Paris and Britney - He does have a point!

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It's the asshat death parade!

If it isn't bad enough that the paps aren't going to leave Heath Ledger's family and friends alone and let them grieve without shoving a camera in their face, and sick fucks like Fred Phelps and his church of hate planning to pickett Heath's funeral, now we have everyone coming out of the woodwork to make a quick buck off the tragedy with dirt-filled stories.

Enter a women named Rebecca White. Rebecca was Naomi Campbell's former assistant from 2001-2003. She ran straight to the Sun to tell all about being witness to "drug binges" involving Heath and Naomi Campbell.

Rebecca said, "When I was working for Naomi I saw Heath do drugs a few times. He was new on the scene but everybody was hailing him as the new It Boy actor. We had been hanging in Naomi's bungalow at the Bel Air Hotel. Heath asked Naomi if she had any cocaine - I use to carry it around for her - and I remember giving him the packet and he went off, back and forth throughout the night."

At another event, "We went to... (a) party at this club. There was coke and a big bag of ecstasy pills. Naomi gave Heath a handful of these little blue pills and I remember him putting them all in his mouth at once and swigging a bottle of Cristal champagne."

Rebecca also claims that she purchased cocaine for Heath several times, "Each time I got an eight ball, which is four-and-a-half grams. The second time he came up all three of us spent a night doing coke in her (Campbell's) bungalow. It was quite decadent. We were there for five or six hours doing lines."

Congratulations Rebecca, you have served the world with your relevant info and profited off someone's death. I hope Naomi throws a cell phone at your fucking head!

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Meanwhile, the initial autopsy report was inconclusive and the official results will take at least a week. NYPD sources have told TMZ that the drugs found in Heath's apartment were Xanax, Valium, Ativan, Lunesta and Restoril.

Jerry O'Connell Rules

To lighten the mood a bit, check out this awesome parody of Little Tommy Cruise by Jerry O'Connell. Jerry's got Tommy downpat, right to the maniacal laugh (to which he cleverly added a bit of Krusty the Klown to to make it even more menacing!) The edits and the laser beam sound effects add to the awesomeness!

Jerry and Seth Green need to get together and start a sketch comedy show. That would rule.

Enjoy!

(Thanks Goldil!)

HOLY SHIT!

Heath Ledger was found dead today at a downtown Manhattan residence. Police said drugs may have been a factor. He was 28.

Heath's housekeeper told NYPD spokesman Paul Browne that Heath's body was found by his masseuse who arrived at the residence for an appointment at 3:26 p.m.

Wow, this was a shocker. So sad. RIP.
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TMZ just reported that the apartment where Heath was found was owned by Mary-Kate Olsen. No word on whether she was there.

UPDATE 1/23 - The apartment was not Mary-Kate's. While the cleaning lady called police, the masseuse, called her friend who was an EMT. He also happened to be the Olsen's bodyguard. SOURCE

She's so hot!

So here's another photo of Paris wearing a shitty t-shirt of her shitty self. Ugh, how many shirts paying tribute to yourself does one need? Recently she was seen wearing an "I LOVE PARIS" tee. And who could forget the classic one that read "I'm Hot!" on the front and "Your [sic] Not!" on the back. That was my personal favorite.

If Paris really wants cool t-shirts of herself, she should have some made up from the awesome caricatures on Gallery of the Absurd. That would be cool:







(Sorry about the shitty photoshop work. I'm waiting for a recommendation on someone more skilled from Mariah Carey.)

The check is in the mail Wyclef

Or was that the Jacko is in the male child? Either way, Wyclef Jean is still waiting for payment from Michael Jackson for recordings of some of Michael's tracks that he worked on nearly ten years ago!

Wyclef said, "Michael owes me money. After Mike did Blood On The Dance Floor I went into the studio with him. We did a couple of sessions. When I'm in the studio I'm very specific. I'm very tough in the studio. It was a long time ago now, but I still haven't been paid. Mike knows the money he owes me. I just wish he'd get in touch."

Yeah good luck on that man. You have a better chance of the Fugees reuniting than you will ever seeing a dime from Michael Jackson. On a possible Fugees reunion, Wyclef has said, "Before I work with Lauryn Hill again, you will have a better chance of seeing Osama Bin Laden and [George W.] Bush in Starbucks having a latte, discussing foreign policies, before there will be a Fugees reunion"

Ok, in that case Wyclef, make that you have a better chance of seeing Osama Bin Laden and George W. Bush in Starbucks having a latte, discussing foreign policies, than you will ever seeing a dime from Michael Jackson.

Michael is believed to be over 300 million dollars in debt. (Makes ya feel a little better about your Visa bill huh?)

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Here's a name for you: DOUCHE

Guess what kids? SeanPuffDaddyDiddyJustDiddyCombs is changing his name again.

Whoeverthefuck heis says, "I have always evolved and taken a different name each time. It's nothing unusual where I come from. Right now I want to be Sean John because that's where I am."

Where exactly does he come from where people change their names all the time? The Social Security office?

Prince wasn't this annoying when he changed his name to a symbol!

I swear, I'm just going to call him Douche from now on.

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When did this happen???

TMZ has this photo of an extremely perky and buff-looking Mariah Carey and it's perplexing me a bit.

I'm sorry Mimi, but this is stinking of staged. And airbrushed. And leaked by your publicist. And is that even your actual body?

What do you think? Abs of Steel or Body of Erasertool?

Rats again have a home!!

Amy Winehouse has gone back to her signature 'do. Thank god!! It's like when Julia Roberts went back to the curly red hair for My Best Friends's Wedding!

In not-so-good Winehouse news, there is a video circulating of Amy smoking crack. You can watch it here.

Poor Amy. She needs Jesus. Or Dr. Drew.

UPDATE: AMY CHECKED INTO REHAB!

Britney gives deposition

Wow, first Lindsay wears underwear and now Britney Spends actually showed up for her deposition today!

And she went inside!!!

Brit showed up at K-Fed's attorney's office at 10:40a.m. this morning and stayed for over two hours, leaving at 1:20p.m.

The deposition will be used in the custody trial which is set for April.

No word on the details or which of Britney's personalities gave the deposition.

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Fucked up Craigslist ad of the week

For Sale - beautiful pink "vagina couch" that I made in art school and no longer have space for. The couch is large: measures 5' 3" long, 3' 3" wide at the middle, and stands 2' 3" tall (and is heavy like a couch). The pics are from my portfolio and are several years old; as a result, the couch has some scuffmarks and stains around the bottom from being moved, but otherwise is in excellent shape. A professional upholsterer helped me build the couch, so it is also functional and durable as a piece of furniture. The couch must be picked up in Mendocino, a 3-hour drive north of SF. I am asking for $600 and a loving home! Call Willow at [deleted] or reply to posting.

SOURCE (Thanks ikmccall!)

If you don't think $600 is a steal, I hear in addition to being comfy and durable, it is also a full-scale replica of Pamela Anderson!

We salute you Lindsay!!

Refreshing (and adequite) celebrity trend for 2008: underwear!!

Party with your pants down, Kiefer's free!

Kiefer Sutherland was released from jail today after serving 48 days on a drunken driving charge

Los Angeles Police Officer John Balian said Kiefer was wearing a shirt and jeans when he left at 12:05am and " looked like he was glad to be out." No shit?

Bailan added, "He was very humble, never complained. He didn't give us any problems at all."

Kiefer must now serve five years probation. He also has to complete an 18-month alcohol education program and attend weekly therapy sessions for six months.

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