Friday, December 22, 2006

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Congrats Puff Daddy!!

Full Story

Yeah, I know it's Diddy but I don't give a turd. If I was ever invited to one of his asshat swanky "White" parties, I'd scuff up my shoes when I got inside, just to bug him.

Anyway, Kim Porter, aka "the woman who waited by the phone for Diddy to take her back after J-Lo dumped him" gave birth this morning to twin girls. They originally named the girls Fluff Baby and Buff Baby, but then Diddy changed their names to F. Kiddy and B. Kiddy, then changed them once again to just Kiddy and Kiddy, however then they couldn't tell them apart so Diddy decided to do what he does best: sample other people's stuff. The children are currently named "Apple" and "Suri." I'll post updates as I receive them.

The Hair vs The Mouth

So the latest asshats feuding are Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell.
Here's the rundown:

On Wednesday, "The View" co-host Rosie O'Donnell expressed her dismay over Donald Trump's news conference with Miss USA Tara Conner, saying it had annoyed her "on a multitude of levels."

The real-estate mogul countered on "Access Hollywood," saying he would sue O'Donnell and have someone seduce her girlfriend.

The following are excerpts from their tit-for-tat comments:

O'Donnell on Trump:

"This young girl, Tara Conner, how old is she? 20? 21. She went out and she was partying. She's from Kentucky. She went to New York and she was hanging out at all the parties, doing what Paris and Lindsay do — you know, dancing, whatever.

"And so he held a press conference on whether or not she was going to retain her crown.

"And then she started to cry, going 'I just want to thank Donald for giving me a second chance.'

"And there he is, hair looping, going 'Everyone deserves a second chance. I'm going to give her a second chance.'

"He annoys me on a multitude of levels. He's the moral authority? Left the first wife, had an affair, left the second wife, had an affair. Had kids both times, but he's the moral compass for 20-year-olds in America.

Donald, sit and spin, my friend. I don't enjoy him. No, no, no, no.

He inherited a lot of money, wait a minute, and he's been bankrupt so many times where he didn't have to pay. ... I just think that this man is sort of like one of those, you know, snake oil salesmen in 'Little House on the Prairie.'"

Trump on O'Donnell:

"Well Rosie is a loser. Rosie’s been a loser for a long time. Her magazine failed. She got sued. She folded up like a tent. It was too bad.

"Everything about Rosie, and I watch her — and actually somebody sent me a clip of what she said — Rosie is somebody out of control who really just doesn’t have it. And she ought to be careful cause I’ll send one of my friends to pick up her girlfriend, and I think it would be very easy.

"Rosie’s first show had very poor ratings, and at the end she was doing very badly because the public got tired of her, and Rosie is somebody you get tired of.

"But her show did very poorly. Her magazine, I think it was called Rosie, was a total failure. Rosie is a failure.

"Ultimately she will be a loser and you watch. Watch what happens to 'The View.' I will bet the ratings very shortly will start going down. People can’t stand watching her. She’s both unattractive inside and out. She’s got some big problems.

"Well you know what, I’m worth $5 billion plus — by a lot. And Rosie said Trump went bankrupt. I never went bankrupt. She’ll say anything that comes to her unattractive mouth. She said I went bankrupt. I’m worth much more than $5 million.

"She said lots of things. She said the Miss USA pageant was the small sister to Miss America. Miss America was thrown off the air. It’s on cable. It’s on a small cable network. And the Miss USA is getting great ratings and most importantly, it’s on network television. It’s on NBC.

"So she says things that come to her mouth. She’s not smart. She’s crude. She’s ignorant, and to be honest, I look forward to suing Rosie.

"I’m going to sue her and I look forward to it. She’s really very dangerous for the show. Now the people on the show don’t like her, the people that watch don’t like her and let’s see what happens.

"She’ll find out. She’ll find out. Rosie will find out what we’re suing her for. She knows what we’re suing her for. It’s something I look very forward to. ...

"In the case of Tara I wanted to give her a second chance and I thought it was important and somebody like Rosie doesn’t take it seriously because Rosie doesn’t have sensibility.

"Well look, Rosie is a very unattractive woman. I’m saying something. I’m not a politician so I’m not running for office so I can say it. I’m mean, Rosie is a very unattractive woman but as unattractive as she is on the outside, she’s even worse on the inside, and she’s very lucky to have a nice girlfriend.

"I think you better hold onto your girlfriend Rosie because if you lose her, you’ll never be able to get another one."

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

But wait!! There's more!!


Rosie O'Donnell shot back at Donald Trump this morning on "The View" -- with nothing more than a piggy-ish face.

Fitting, perhaps, since "pig-faced" was just one of the adjectives Trump used to describe Rosie yesterday after their public slapfight exploded. Against expectations, Rosie chose not to get in the ring with the Infamously-Coifed One, making only passing reference to The Donald.

Pointing out the presence of her partner Kelli in the studio audience, Rosie said, "I was afraid to leave her home in case someone with a combover [ahem] came and stole her from me."

And that was that. Meanwhile, Donald vented on "Good Morning L.A." Is Rosie now taking the high road, or has she been silenced? Her rep says she's has no additional comment.

Got all that? I know, they're not as skilled and it's not as fun as Paris, Nicole, and Lindsay. "Pig-faced" is no "firecrotch," but oh well, it's a slow gossip day so it's something to talk about (exactly as the Donald wants you to)

Hey Fox Network, I smell a "Celebrity Ultimate Fighting" special in this, how about you?
You can even get O.J. to ref!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

She's So Emo!


The latest stop on Britney's Nationwide Holiday Trainwreck Tour was an LA tattoo parlor with sister Jaime-Lynn (You know Jaime is taking notes on what not to do--or at least she should be) . So what did she get?

Wait for it.

A star on her hand! Photos

I know!! How original!!

Brit's looking worse and worse these days. She needs to hook up with Brandon Davis. They'd have the greasiest kids ever!

Guess Who's A Free Man?

Eminem's divorce was finalized yesterday [again].

That's all she did?

Underage Drinking? ZZZZ Cocaine? Boring. Faux-lesbianism? Yawn. Paris, Lindsay, and Britney have jaded me. I was hoping for a real scandal. Like being born a man or a donkey show or something. Even an affair with Donald would have been better.

Tara Conner was tearful and full of remorse when she attended a press conference to announce that she was set to keep her crown and fulfill her duties as Miss USA for pageant owner Donald Trump. The blonde beauty queen had had accusations of cocaine use, passionate public lesbian kisses with fellow beauty queen Miss Teen USA and several other sordid allegations hurled at her from all angles and made no denials at the morning press conference.

The soap opera has all the elements, gorgeous blondes experimenting and kissing in public, men being snuck into rooms for alleged sexual encounters, underage drinking and positive drug test results have all been reported. Talking heads filled the cable TV shows and many said they were outraged that Donald Trump could forgive the Kentucky gal just because she was blinded by the lights of Broadway.

Full story

Here's a picture that recently surfaced of Tara getting shitfaced with actor Jay Hernandez, some other dudes, and fucking Constantine from American Idol (don't even). I wonder how that night ended.

Why did Michael Jackson go to Kmart?

He heard boys' pants were half off! [tap,tap, cymbal crash!]

Wacko Jacko pledges his support to Asshat Hollywood by donning a pair of tighty whities on his head. Now that's a real asshat, especially if they are used.

Ok, you have one minute to make all the Michael Jackson/little boys/underwear jokes you can. Go!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

YouTube Picks of the Day


Ralphie & family - played by cartoon bunnies

This never gets old!

Everyone loves some Schweaty Balls for the holidays

It's really scary to think there are people that fall for this shit

More Lego fun

Everyone be sure to only refer to him as K-Fed

So K-Fed was on WWE Raw frickin' again last night (Please Vince, it couldn't cost that much to buy out whatever dates he's contracted for!) to promote his gimmick match with John Cena on New Year's Day. He kept saying over and over how he does not want to be called K-Fed anymore and that he wants to only be known as Kevin Federline (watch video) Personally these days, I think he should be thankful if people refer to him as Assmunch Poopypants, so long as they are referring to him at all.

So stupid. This is like when J-Lo wanted to be Jennifer Lopez, and when Puff Daddy wanted to be P. Diddy and then just Diddy, and when Tom Cruise wanted Katie to be Kate. Enough with the stupid "I will now be referred to...." crap, especially when you don't even have the talent to backup your asshatness. Oh, and K-fed, get your damn weasel-face off wrestling bitch! I'd rather look at Snitsky's backne.

In related news - Edge and Orton beating the shit out of DX - HOT!

Yeah, and Lindsay's Sober and Chinese Democracy is Coming Out

I think the unseasonably warm weather has these morons thinking it's April Fool's Day and not Christmas.

Paris Hilton Says She's Been Celibate for 'Six or Seven Months'

By Jennifer Cox
Dec 18, 2006

Many folks mocked celebrity socialite Paris Hilton when she declared that she was swearing off sex this summer. But the party girl is sticking with her story. According to a report from MSNBC Paris says she has been off sex for about six or seven months.

Uh-huh. Jeannette Walls reports in the Monday morning 'Scoop' offering that the hotel heiress is who reportedly has been dumped by her panty-less best friend, Britney Spears insists she’s made good on the no-sex claim.

When asked by a reporter how long it’s been since she’s had sex, Hilton said, “About six or seven months, I think. I don’t care,” reports the London Mirror. “I would rather just make out and kiss someone instead of sex.”

Hilton insists that she’s actually quite modest in that area.

“I’ve only been in, like, two relationships and I just thought I’d like to be single,” Hilton declared. “Sex is sacred. People shouldn’t have sex unless they’re in an exclusive relationship anyway. I’d rather not do anything. Guys want you more when you don’t do it! Young girls should know that.”

Paris Hilton the role model. Of course it is always difficult to tell with Ms. Hilton as she is also reportedly set to marry her on/off sweetie Stavros Niarchos.


According to Star Pulse She told the Daily Star in the UK, "It's true. I am going to get married. "I want a fairytale wedding and Britney's going to be my matron of honor. She can advise me."


The only thing I can think Britney can advise Paris of is to make sure you have an iron-clad pre-nup.

Maybe it was the pizza deliveryman

Penn Wants Bush Impeached ... But Hang On Just A Sec, Wouldja?

Sean Penn railed against President Bush and Vice President Cheney last night in New York and even called for their impeachment – but he first had to take a phone call while at the podium.

As FOX News reports, the Oscar-winning actor was honored with the Christopher Reeve First Amendment Award from the Creative Coalition, and even though his message was a fervent, stern one, he couldn't quite get on track because his cell phone kept ringing. Penn decided he had to answer the call. Still, once he got going, he went there: "If we attempt to impeach for lying about a [certain oral sex act], yet accept these almost certain abuses without challenge, we become a [human] stain on the flag we wave," said Penn.


He is so humorless he totally missed out on a perfect set-up for a Lewinsky joke. Where did you go Jeff Spicoli?

She's so classy, I can't stand it!



Britney Strips for Free, Still Gets the Hook

Britney Spears just can't – or won't – keep her clothes on. After exposing herself with a little see-through number for her mom's birthday (photos and video here) and then a cleavage-spilling blouse for the Lakers game Sunday night, Brit went over to Hollywood burlesque club 40 Deuce and, as the New York Daily News reports, decided to give the patrons a little show of her own between striptease acts. Brit, cig in hand, "gyrated for the crowd," and bared her bra for all to see (not that we haven't seen it all before).

Amusingly, the club owner actually had to ask the Unsinkable Ms. Spears to cede the stage to the pros, but she wouldn't budge.

Finally, to refresh herself after all the exertion, Brit slaked her thirst, says the Daily News, with that classic cocktail of Champagne and Coke.

That is so awesome that the club owner booted her ass from the stage!