Friday, July 27, 2007

In strangely fascinating casting news...

Kelly Osbourne is in negotiations to play Mama Morton in the London's West End production of Chicago.

A spokesman for Kelly revealed, "They've been talking about it but nothing has been signed yet. If they do sign something it will be next week. It all depends on timing because there might be a film in the pipeline too."

Wow, first Ashley Simpson, now Kelly Osbourne. What's next? Brooke Hogan as Velma? Oh god, I hope no one from their casting department just read that, don't want to give them any ideas.


There really are no words

So remember that guy Prince Fritz von Anhalt? You know, Zsa Zsa's Gabor's husband and contestant #3 on the Who's Anna Nicole Smith's Babydaddy game show?

Well he's back in the news. This time for calling police claiming to have been robbed at gunpoint by three women.

When police showed up they found Prince Fritz sitting in his Rolls Royce. Handcuffed. And naked. He told the cops that the women stole his watch, clothes, and keys.

Now I'm no career criminal but if I were going to rob someone that drove a Rolls Royce, I'd probably take the car in addition to the keys. I'd probably take his cell phone too. In case you're wondering, I'd still definitely undress the old man because gray pubes are sexay.

So let's reason this out. There are only three logical options:

A) He was robbed by three of the cast members of Rock of Love
B) He's a batshit crazy attention whore giving Britney and Lindsay a run for their money and called the cops himself
C) It was a performance art piece, a social commentary on the wealthy: How one can seemingly have everything, but still be naked inside.

Vote now. The winner gets a two-for-one coupon at Britney's Chicken Shack:


Another Hollywood Baby!

Congrats to Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber who are new parents of a baby boy! Naomi gave birth yesterday at 3:59pm in Los Angeles. They opted for a normal name and chose Alexander Pete Schreiber, who weighed in at 8 lbs., 4 oz.


Baby Bump Worked!

TMZ reports that Nicole Richie has been sentenced to serve four days in the City or County Jail or her choice for her DUI conviction last December (remember she drove the wrong way on the highway?) . In addition to the four day sentence, Nicole will be on probation for three years, will have to pay a fine of $2,048.00 and will have to attend an alcohol education course. Nicole must serve her four day sentence by September 28th.

FOUR DAYS???!!!! Boy, Paris must be pissed.

I must be dreaming. If so, I don't wanna wake up!

Holy shit!! Two of my favorite YouTube celebrities together!! The Kid From Brooklyn interviews Rehdogg!!! This is the best thing since the Seven Layer Crunchwrap at Taco Bell!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Stars Are Blind to Puppymills

Paris Hilton has apparently been making good on her post-prison promise of making the world a better place.....well if making good means being photographed and interviewed at every charitable event she could find within a 20 mile radius in LA. Perhaps she ought to start looking into making an appearance at a Humane Society function to backpeddle the big pile of poopoo she's created for herself by purchasing a chihuahua (which you know she refers to as a "Teacup") at the same pet store where Britney just came under attack for purchasing a dog. The reason animal rights groups are pissed is because many dogs sold in pet stores are products of puppy mills and purchasing them from pet stores perpetuates the problem by keeping the puppy mills in business.

Now I'll give Britney the benefit of the doubt because she's a simpleton, so I wouldn't expect her to edjumacate herself on ethical vs. non-ethical dog breeding practices before purchasing a new pet. After all, she had two children with Federline, so there's proof right there she doesn't exactly think things out. Now, as far as Paris... The stairs go up a little higher, but I still don't think she'll be winning on Jeopardy (the dumbed down Celebrity Jeopardy, that is) anytime soon but you'd think since BRITNEY JUST GOT BLASTED ALL OVER THE PRESS OVER BUYING A DOG LESS THAN 2 WEEKS AGO IN THE SAME STORE! that she just might think twice before doing the same thing. Especially since she's trying to change her image. Dumbass.

In other Paris news, she's about to grace us with a follow-up album. I know, please calm down and contain your excitement. TMZ has spotted her leaving a recording studio. Between that and Brit's upcoming album there's sure to be an exciting Best Female
Vocal Performance Grammy race next year!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

He Can Do It!!

In case you missed it, here's Rob Schneider's appearance last night on Leno. (Lindsay Lohan was supposed to appear)

Rob's the shit!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

At least it's not AC Slater

Congrats to Drew Carey, the new host of The Price Is Right. He announced it was a done deal during the taping for his appearance on the David Letterman show yesterday afternoon.

I know, it seems weird. But I think no matter who they got it would seem weird.

Good luck Drew!! May I suggest changing the opening sequence to a dance number? "Plinko Rocks!!


Celebrity Deathrace 2007

Our first contestant is Lindsay Lohan (aka "Firecrotch") who was arrested in Santa Monica early this morning. The police received a call from a driver in an SUV claiming another SUV was chasing her. When police pulled over the SUV in pursuit, guess who? (Lindsay also had two unnamed men in the car with her, but they were not arrested.) They arrested Lindsday after she failed the Breathalyzer. (She clocked in at .12 percent on her Breathalyzer tests, going well above the legal limit of .08. Way to go!! High Score! I guess the SCRAM anklet didn't work so well.)

Upon a search conducted at the police station, cocaine was found on Lindsay. She was then booked for DUI, possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custody facility, and driving on a suspended license. Lindsay later posted $25,000 bail and was released from jail at about 6:30 a.m.

Her publicist, Leslie Sloane, had no comment. I have a comment for her publicist: RUN and find a new client!! That sweet little Abigail Benson, perhaps?


Damn, surely no one can top that!

Oh silly, silly me!

So Brit had contacted OK! Magazine and arranged an exclusive photo shoot and interviewTMZ has learned that Britney's self-arranged photo shoot and tell-all interview. Well TMZ is reporting today that the photo shoot was a complete disaster and now OK! is in a predicament, and don't know what to print. A source said that if they published the photos it could "kill her career." (Yeah, I'm not sure how you can kill something that's already dead either.)


' Apparently, Brit Brit's eyes rolled back in her head at one point, causing her to look half dead. Her mood, we're told, was extremely erratic. She took frequent bathroom breaks our source says, and each time she returned her mood would change. She was also completely paranoid during the entire interview, fearing at one point the ceiling was about to cave in on her. Out of control y'all!

We've also learned that Brit had some issues with hygiene on the set as well. At one point, Britney ordered up some fried chicken to munch on. We're told after she chowed down, she wiped her hands on a several thousand dollar Gucci dress that she was wearing for the shoot, staining it with grease. Yuck! One of her dogs also needed some assistance in the housebreaking department. Our on-set spy says that the dog pooped all over the floor, and Brit used (what else?) -- a Chanel dress to clean it up! How trashtastic!As for how Brit looked for the photos, another nightmare. We've learned that OK! hired two of the best hair and makeup artists in L.A. to transform the once-bald beauty into something more presentable, but she wasn't havin' none of that. She refused to let the hired help touch her, opting instead for her "skanky friends" to do her hair and makeup. No wonder she always looks so fantastic! '

Neither Britney's or OK!'s reps have commented.

Wow, this one's tough. I'll call it a draw. It's tough not to be swayed by chicken grease on Chanel though.


Monday, July 23, 2007

How do you roast a walking caricature?

I have no idea either, but apparently VH1 tried. Here are some pictures from the Flavor Flav roast, taped last night and soon to be shown 789 times on VH1:


"Shit, even I don't know what he's sayin."

Buckey, Deelishis, and Deelishis's ass.

I think he keeps his steroids in that box.

Yo! Yo! It's time to get Buckwild....hang on, something's different........

Saaphyri had some leftover dye from her old weave, so she used it on her dress. It also looks like she just applied some lipchap.


This is before the big fight broke out between Coco's boobs and Deelishis's ass. It was just like Biggie/Tupac.

Bogart and Bacall. Tracy and Hepburn. Gita and Foofy Foofy. Nuff said.

EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!!!! Dammit! Stop doing that!

My only question is, where's New York?


In What-Took-Them-So-Long? news:

Rhianna has released a collection of umbrellas--ellas--ellas for TOTES. I think this is great news!! Check out the tops: nice and pointy, which makes them perfect for stabbing in your ears whenever that fucking song comes on.

In related news, Britney Spears is reportedly pissed about the Rhianna endorsement deal.

Amanda and Peter

The only thing that would be more awesome than these two getting back together is if they faked their deaths in a huge explosion.


You look better on TMZ

Ok, so here's a picture of the newly sober (stop laughing) Lindsay Lohan from PEOPLE. :

Ok, so then I head over to TMZ and look what I see:


I feel like I'm having deja vu.

I feel like I'm having deja vu.

Maybe this is the sequel to The Parent Trap?

Wait, I know! This is one of those games where you have to circle the things that are different? I'm really good at these!!! I wonder what I could win. Ok, time to get to work...Surfboard, Bikini, SCRAM anklet, Peace Sign, Gold Shoes..........

Oh god, this is like that movie Citizen Kane, you know where you later find out Rosebud was a sled.................

Whoa, I wasn't prepared for this and almost choked on my wine!! Bret Michaels on tv without a bandana or hat? Yup!! On last night's Rock of Love, Bret ended a decade-long mystery and bared all---his hairline. Check it out:

Now the question is: weave, plugs, wig, or natural receded hairline? I have no idea, but here's an old picture for comparison. If there are any weave experts (any of the Charm School girls will do) please let me know.

I do kinda have to hand Bret an Awesome Person Award for having the balls to go through with the (literally) unveiling. And wearing awful pajamas at the same time too. Oh, AND while hooking up your penis to a machine that measures the hurt. Damn, he's just going all out!

But I'm sad that Tiffany was eliminated. Goodbye Tiffany, you sure did threaten us all with a good time.

Rest In Peace Tammy Faye

Evangelist Tammy Faye Messner died on Friday morning of inoperable cancer, CNN's Larry King announced on Saturday night, after her family asked him to personally make the delayed statement. She was 65. MORE

We all knew it was coming, but it's still very sad. Such a sweet woman. I loved her on the Surreal Life.