Friday, January 30, 2009

Nick Mitchell/Norman Gentle will save American Idol!

Well, maybe not since there's no way in hell he's going to make the top 12, but he did save last night's episode from being a complete snoozefest like all the other audition shows this year were.

For the love of Grayskull!

The latest 80's cartoon most likely to be ruined by making it into a live-action movie is..... He-Man!!!

Warner Bros has teamed up with filmmaker Joel Silver and director John Stevenson to make a new Masters of the Universe film. No one has been cast yet.

Those of us over the age of 30 may remember that there already was a He-Man movie back in 1987 with Dolph Lungren as He-Man and Oscar nominee Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon) as Skeletor:

No word on whether Marc Anthony has signed on for the role this time around (I know, sorry. Cue collective groan).

Hey, I wonder what my She-Ra doll thinks of this.

"They better not have the fat bitch Jessica Simpson play me or somebody's gettin' cut!"

Um..What is Heidi holding??

If you didn't say "towel", you have a very sick mind!

The Mom Jeans Hall of Shame

Jessica Simpson's been getting a lot of flack for her weight gain and many believe the culprit is the godawful Mom Jeans she wore to that chili cookoff (BTW If I were the winner of that chili cookoff, I'd be so pissed right now that no one's even talking about me!!)

Now of course Jess has packed on a few as evidenced here by another poor, poor style choice (can somebody please call Stacy and Clinton already??):

But even there, she doesn't look quite as large as she did in those wretched jeans.

No one, I repeat NO ONE, looks good in those things:

Here's Kim KardASShian, who came to Jess's defense and said that she looked "hot" , probably because she thinks she also looks hot in her same exact pair.

Here's Scarlett Johanson wearing nearly the same outfit as Jessica.

Of course, fellow size 2, Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Mischa Barton looks like shit in them too!


Thursday, January 29, 2009

Mickey out of Wrestlemania (for now)

Mickey Rourke's spokeswoman Paula Woods announced yesterday that Rourke will not wrestle WWE superstar Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania 25 as previously announced.

Woods wrote in an email:
"Mickey was very honoured to be asked as he has the greatest respect for WWE however he will not be participating in Wrestlemania. He is focusing entirely on his acting career."

Sounds like someone's fearing a
Norbit-like reaction from the voting Academy to Mickey's appearance at at the event.

Seems they forgot to tell Chris Jericho though, who appeared with Mickey on Larry King Live in-character taunting him for their match.

Of course, this could all be a huge work and Mickey may appear at Wrestlemania after all---once the voting for the Oscars has closed. Who knows? I just want to see him win the Oscar.

Poor Jericho, a lot of non-wrestling fans will probably think he was for real and that he's really that much of an asshole.

Also backpedaling, and may I say rather harshly, is Evan Rachel Wood, who denied that she made out with Mickey after the SAG awards.

Evan told Rolling Stone: "I'm upset because I feel disrespected by the press and by Mr. Rourke. Just because I'm single doesn't mean that you can take advantage of me. It's unfair that the performances might suffer because of all of these distractions."

Just so everyone was clear, Evan added, "I'm not attracted to him, he's too old for me. Nothing ever happened and nothing ever will."

OUCH! Low blow!

Hey Evan, you do realize people believe that rumor mostly because you dated Marilyn Manson, right? And how old was he again??


UPDATE 1/30 - Vince McMahon has issued a statement to E! Online saying that Rourke will appear at Wrestlemania: "I am pleased that Mickey Rourke will be in attendance at WrestleMania to support the WWE Superstars who support him and the film in which he stars, The Wrestler. "

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Now, a message from our sponsor

Many of us are having a snow day today due to the winter storm that's wreaking havoc on the Northeast(I always wanted to use the term "wreaking havoc!"). You know what that means! Getting some household tasks done and other productive things? Hell no! It means hanging out in your pajamas, drinking Baileys hot chocolates, and watching trash tv!

While doing so I've noticed some truly awesomely awful commercials they play during the day.

My personal favorite is for a product called RePHresh (Get it? it's like "refresh"?). For when your vagina feels really stinky, even after douching. It looks like one of those fake Saturday Night Live commercials but apparently it's for real.

The best part is at :12. That lady rules. She's like "Can you smell what my vagina is cookin'?" Then they all do the fresh vagina dance.

Speaking of dancing, if you want to learn how to dance like a ho, there's Flirty Girl Fitness!

Check out one happy Flirty Girl Fitness customer! It really works!!:

We can't talk about awesome commercials and not mention SHAM WOW!

SHAM WOW's especially come in handy when you have an accidental spill in your home meth lab!! Vince can attest to that!

Finally we have the Bissell vacuum cleaner commercial starring the amazing Mr. Jiggles:

I truly believe that that black and white dog framed Mr. Jiggles. Go back and look at the way he's smirking at Mr.Jiggles while the lady yells. That dog better watch out for Mr. Jiggles will have his vengeance!


Ashlee Simpson has posted a reaction on her blog to the recent critism of her sister's weight gain since photos of Jessica performing at a chili cookoff in horribly unflattering mom jeans last Sunday surfaced online.

Ashlee wrote:

"I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister's weight. A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman's weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.

All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you're a celebrity, there shouldn't be a different standard.

Is this something you would say to your wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, or even a friend?

I seriously doubt it.

How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?

Now can we focus on the things that really matter."

Wait a minute... I'm all for Ashlee sticking up for her sister and all but did she just say that Jessica's a size TWO? Nobody believed it when Jennifer Love Hewitt said it and nobody's believing it now either! I guess there is a different standard for celebrities, since they all say they are a size two when they aren't.

Ok, listen. By insisting that you are a size two when you are clearly not totally negates the point you are trying to make about being accepted for the size you are! Why is this so hard for these morons to get?

And you know Ashlee is secretly loving this after all those years of being Jess's less famous, less pretty sister.
(You're all thinking it, I just said it!)

John Mayer is no Stuart Smalley

.. or as funny as he thinks he is. He is an attention whore though.

In a homemade video he posted on YouTube yesterday, John plays some kind of motivational speaker. It's a like a bad SNL skit, but maybe a tiny bit funnier (which really isn't saying much). So people are making a big deal about it because he mentions "The Curious Case of Benjamin Bratt" starring you know whose ex. Could be, but seems like more of a dig at
Benjamin Bratt because everyone assumes he's calling Brad a brat, and forgetting that there's actually a guy named Benjamin Bratt.

I did like when he quoted that song from The Karate Kid though.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

You disappoint me Mickey

Of all the big award season movies, my favorite has been
The Wrestler. (See it, now!) Everyone knows the story by now: big wrestling star from the 80's-- twenty years later: broken down body, broken family, and just plain broke. It was a very real and beautifully tragic character-driven film and Mickey Rourke was absolute perfection in the role.

Part of what made the movie so great was the way it showed how the (without actually naming names) wrestling industry chews up and spits out it's "products." How for every Hulk Hogan and Steve Austin, there's dozens of "Randy's": addicted to painkilers, wrestling at the local high school, and bagging groceries for minimum wage.

So of course, when WWE chairman Vince McMahon first heard about the film, he requested a private screening. Director Darren Aronofsky never revealed what Vince exactly said, but a source close to McMahon was quoted as saying
"the word 'negative' isn't strong enough to describe Vince's reaction. [This is] no surprise because Vince's vision of the 2008 image of wrestling and even fading stars directly contradicts what The Wrestler accurately portrays." SOURCE

Since then, the film has received tons of critical acclaim and Mickey won a Golden Globe and has been nominated for an Oscar.

And it seems Vince has now changed his tune. He recently publicly praised the movie and there is even a feature about it on the WWE website where past and present wrestlers talk about the film. Well you know what he likes to say,
"It's all about the mon-ey." As well as publicity.

Now he's even managed to get Mickey Rourke to sign on to appear at this year's Wrestlemania in a feud with Chris Jericho. Mickey hinted at it at the SAG Awards last Sunday and last night Chris cut a promo against Mickey on "RAW":

The whole thing troubles me. And I'm a wrestling fan! It's just weird. It would be like Kate Winslet publicly endorsing illiteracy and Nazi's.

I can't fault Mickey too much though. He's riding a huge career high and he knows how those things go up and down so he's taking everything that's coming his way lately (including the Iron Man sequel), but I don't know, it just doesn't seem right.

Another thing that just doesn't seem right? He's reportedly messing around with Evan Rachel Wood. Now again, you can't fault the dude too much. This is another example of things coming his way that wouldn't usually (and she does likes the freaks, you know). But she plays his freaking DAUGHTER and it's gonna kind of ruin that whole awesome scene for me a little bit now.

Not to mention, what is The Academy going to think of all this stuff? Sean Penn better start writing his speech.

In related news, Meryl Streep was recently spotted making out with the kid from Doubt and will face Beth Phoenix at Wrestlemania 25.

"I'll show you who the real Glamazon is!"