Because I Got High: Michael Phelps Edition

(hit play and sing along with the lyrics below)

I was gonna swim the race, until I got high
I was gonna win it and take first place, but then I got high
But I already got eight medals, so why even try? (why man?)
I’ll just get high
I’ll just get high
I’ll just get high

I was gonna do some laps before I got high
I coulda' backstroked and freestyled fast, but I got high
Now my gills will fester and I know why, (why man?)
'cuz I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

I was gonna make a protein shake, until I got high
I was gonna watch my fat intake, but then I got high
Now I got the munchies and want a pizza pie
Does Dominos
still have
the 5-5-5?

I was gonna sign some autographs, but I was high,
I was gonna pose for photographs, but I was high
Instead I’m on my couch watching Bill Nye, (who man?)
The Science Guy
The Science Guy
The Science Guy

I made a public apology, because I got high
I said I was ashamed and sorry, because I got caught--I mean high
Now I'm losing all my endorsements, and I don’t know why
I just got high
I just got high
I just got high

I really wasn’t planning to smoke that infamous night
I was just hanging out with some folks and I was shy
They passed that bong my way, gave me a high-five
(and yelled!)
“Go dolphin guy!”
“Go dolphin guy!”
“Go dolphin guy!

I'm not putting on my spandex thong, because I'm high
The only water’s in my bong, because I'm high
And I don’t give two shits, wanna know why? (why man)
'cuz I'm a rich guy
I’m a rich guy
So I’m getting high

AXL HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU I LIKE YOU

Hard to believe but our leader turns 47 years young today!

I pretty much exhausted every video and clip of Axl during my Greatest Moments in Axl History countdown a few months back, but I was fortunate enough to find a couple gems by typing "Happy Birthday Axl" into the searchbox on YouTube.

This one made me shed a tear:



But that's nothing compared to this one titled : "AXL HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU I LIKE YOU"



I know right...

Beautiful!! ! And no, that's not me. I wish I could say it was, but unfortunately, I will never be that gorgeous and talented. The emotion is breathtaking. I, for one, do not understand how that cardboard cutout didn't spring to life when she kissed it, you know like in Mannequin. Still, what a performance. It's just really too bad that the people she keeps tied up in her basement didn't sing backup because that really would have put the lotion in the basket.

Let's go Balistic!

Sorry, sorry. I went MIA again. Not really, I've been here, I was just lazy. But today I decided to check back on my blog and I'm so excited because I actually got a comment on my last post!!!! I have readers!!!! Well, a reader! Ok, technically it's spam, but I don't care, I'm invigorated! Watch out Perez and Dlisted, soon I may even get a comment from that millionaire dating site!!

I feel like dancing!!! Let's all (and by "all" I mean me and that spambot if he's still around) dance to my new favorite song. Of course I'm referring to "The Christina Bale Dance Remix (What don't you fucking understand?) "

I know you've all heard this already, but it's so addicting, it must be played again.
Seriously, you could tell me this was a real song and I'd be like "cool, is it new KMFDM?"