Friday, December 5, 2008

Merry Christmas OJ!!!

Heidi and Spencer's Fake ass Honeymoon Photos

Everyone's favorite couple, Heidi and Spencer, topped off their fake-ass wedding with a fake-ass honeymoon. Of course, they brought along a photographer to document every wretched moment. You can see all the photos on TMZ (there's over 100!), but actually, some of them weren't so bad:

"Hey Joel, you were right! That flesh-colored beard IS creepy!"

Asshat Hollywood would like to extend its best wishes to the happy couple!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Asshats of the Week

Memorize the faces of the two bitches above so you can spit on them if you ever see them.

Their names are Brianna Broitzman (19, left) and Ashton Larson (18, right) and they have been named in a lawsuit along with four other teenagers for abusing elderly Alzheimer's patients in a Minnesota nursing home. The other four girls were not named since they are minors (Bullshit! I hope someone finds out their names and posts them all over the internet!). Their parents must be so proud!

So what exactly did these sperm-better-off-left-in-the-condom little cunts do? Here's a list:

Brianna poked one resident's breasts, spit a loogie into the mouth of another elderly person, stuck her fingers in a resident's mouth and nose to make them scream (which she thought was hysterical), and stuck her bare ass in the face of another resident. She has a total of eleven criminal counts.

Ashton "inserted her finger into a resident's rectum," spit water on another, and would deliberately bathe a resident in a rough manner so the elderly man would get an erection. Sick! She has ten counts.

There's more on the Smoking Gun in the official documents. It's really disgusting. They took photos of a lot of this stuff too.

The girls defense? They were "just having fun." Way to insult Cyndi Lauper you little twats!! This is NOT what she had in mind. Yup, the girls would get together each day and laugh about all their silly antics. They figured they would not get caught because "the residents did not have their right minds."

Each bitch faces up to a year in jail for each of the counts. Here's hoping everyone on the jury has a parent or grandparent in a nursing home.

Oh, here's the best part, you ready? The name of the facility this all went down in is the Good Samaritan Society Nursing Home. Guess, they'll have to change the name.


Dear men of Hollywood,

Please stop with the freakin' moustaches!

Set your Tivo!

PEOPLE reports that the Duggars plan to let the TLC network film the birth of their 18th (not a typo) child and air the footage for all to watch.

It will look something like this:

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Blake Incarcerated

Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil is going back to the slammer.

Blake's lawyer confirmed the news to PEOPLE today, but did not say why, though rumor is it's because Blake failed a drug test. Shocking!

Blake, who was sentenced for 27 months on assault charges, had been released early to rehab, but since he has been recalled, he now must serve the remainder of his sentence behind bars. That means he'll be locked up until 2010.

Last night, Blake allegedly ran away from rehab to visit Amy, who is currently in (another) rehab facility. He reportedly begged Amy to forgive him.(for getting her hooked on drugs?)

No word on Amy's response, but when reached for comment on Blake's reincarceration, she said "BLLLLLAAAAAAAKEEEE!"


Quick!! Who is this?

If you said Barry Manilow, you're.......................WRONG!!

If you said Clay Aike, you're..............................WRONG!!

It's our old friend Phil Spector at his trial. What's with the pin btw? Is he hoping for a pardon or something?


Happy Birthday Britney!

(The New and Improved) Britney celebrated her 27th birthday last night in New York. Here's hoping 27 is a better year than 26 was.

Everything that is wrong with music today

So KANYE WEST... beat my boy Axl in the race for #1 album (in this country anyway. Chinese Democracy went platinum in Finland bitches!) While Axl remains missing, Kanye is currently having his head measured to so his asinine Star Trek glasses can be refitted to accommodate his (even more) expanded head.

KANYE is so impressed with his new album, 808s and Heartbreak, that he has reportedly turned his back on the hip-hop genre altogether, as he claims it has become a "cliche," and will now focus on a new genre he has created which he refers to as "pop art."

"This is not hip-hop music. Taking a sample, looping it and doing all that 'throw your hands up in the sky' thing has become such a cliche. Hip-hop is over for me. I sing, not rap, on this album. I now want to be grouped among those musicians you see in those old black-and-white photos - the Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, the Beatles. And I'm not going to get there by doing just another rap album full of samples. I've had to create a whole new musical genre to describe what I'm doing now and I'm calling it 'pop-art' - which is not to be confused with the visual art movement."

Christ, where do I begin? Ok, first off, while I agree with Kanye's assessment of the hip-hop genre, it was ALREADY cliche when he came on to the scene, so the way I see it, he owes all of his success to the fact that it was already at the point where any moron can become a successful hip hop artist!

Secondly, The Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, and the Beatles never used fucking auto-tune! A vocoder is NOT singing and a product it was used in should never be referred to as "art." Do people actually like the way that shit sounds? This is very troubling to me. Worst fucking invention in music since Britney Spears. And it's all your fault Cher.

Kanye recently compared the current musical landscape to the greatness of the 60's and 70's. Yeah, ok. Shit, the 90's (which sucked!) were better than most of the garbage that's out today. Know what people had in the 60's and 70's Kanye? Talent. These days, people decide they want to be stars before they even know if they have any talent. Because it doesn't matter anymore. Singles have replaced albums, autotune have replaced singing ability, The Pussycat Dolls have replaced The Supremes, and Guitar Hero has replaced guitars.

I sound like a pissy old fuck, I know, but maybe that's because I am one now and I finally understand where the pissy old fucks that used to complain about the synthesized music I loved as a child in the 80's and how it wasn't "real music" were coming from. And that shit was more "art" than today's crap!