Friday, April 13, 2007

See what you started Angelina!!

I'm kidding, I think adoption is great. It's just funny how it's become a trend now and all of Hollywood has gone baby-crazy. Here are the latest future MILF's to jump on the babywagon:

"Of course I want to have kids. I want to have my own kids, but also adopt. For a while I've had the feeling that my life won't be complete if I don't adopt." - Penelope Cruz


'Having children is my next big project. I'm planning on becoming pregnant by the end of the year – it's my age, it's only natural. If it can't happen naturally, Gabriel and I will adopt.' - Halle Berry


Way to go!

I would like to take this moment to congratulate Paris Hilton on finding two things she thought she had lost forever, Tinkerbell and her panties. Props to you Paris! I'd give up on the search for your dignity though.


Sorry, that's just nasty

In an interview with PEOPLE, the most recent Idol bootee Stacey, um, I mean Haley Scarnato revealed that the cheap bastards at American Idol made her wear Katharine McPhee's used hair extensions.

"Yes, that is true," Haley answered, "I think it's cool. They can wash them, so it's fun. I think it's cool to wear the hair extensions of Katharine McPhee. She's Katharine McPhee!"

Well I guess in order to pay Seacrest the big bucks, they had to make some cutbacks. Word is they saved more on the hair extensions than they did when they got rid of Brian Dunkelman.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Asshat Idol- Top 8

When we last left our Idols, something terrible was headed their way. It appeared to be a man in a leather jacket about to waterski over a shark! He ended up making a U-Turn though because he realized he was going the wrong way to Wisteria Lane. "Every damn time I go there, I get lost!" he thought angrily! But as he turned around, the shark jumped up out of the water yelling "First the Jaws franchise, now a tired old catchphrase! Can't everybody just leave me be and let me sleep? And you wonder why we're so mean!" And he bit the man, later identified as Fonzie. Fortunately, Fonzie was airlifted to a nearby hospital. He was treated for the bite but then the doctors determined he may also have a rare and debilitating disease, but they didn't know which one. So they are currently performing dangerous and gruesome tests on him, including a brain biopsy, temporarily paralyzing him, and searching for additional hidden sexual organs, among others. When reached for comment the head doctor said "Bite me!" We will keep you updated on Fonzie's condition.

Meanwhile, little did the people of Idoland know that something much worse than the jumping of a shark was about to happen.

Tuesday night:

"Wait a second!! That ain't Carlos Santana!"

"Oh, now I'm pissed!"


Phil: "I will slaughter you all in the name of Satan!"
Ryan: "That actually means 'I love you.' "

"The things I have to do get votes. {wipes mouth} "Ok, who's next?"

Ryan: "Blake, MY MAN! Great job! If you want to vote for Blake, please call 1-866-IDOLS-07."
Blake: "Could you maybe stop fondling my anus now?"

BREAKING NEWS: We just received an update on Fonzie. They found the problem in exactly 54 minutes! Turns out it was just exhaustion due to all the jumping he's been doing lately plus he's on cancellation duty--The Black Donnellys, 7th Heaven, The Wedding Belles, too much for one man, even the Fonz. So he is currently resting comfortably in a musical montage set to an emotional and fitting song, spliced in with scenes of the doctors in the hospital dealing with their own problems and convictions.

Now back to our recap:

"Everyone at home look into my sultry eyes for it is Sanjaya time!"

"You are all my disciples. You will do everything I say."

"You all make Sanjaya very happy. Bless you all."

Ryan: "Um, you guys, do you notice anything weird about Sanjaya?"

Randy: "No, I don't see anything wrong with MASTER SANNNJJAAYYYYAAA."
Paula: "Dude, I told you not to mix the green and blue pills."


"You've all gone bloody apeshit.......Oh, wait, this is bad. Wrap it up Ryan!"

Ryan: "Thanks for watching American Idol, voting opens now!"
Phil: "I'm still gonna kill you fuckers. See, the sign of Satan!"
Ryan: "Oh no, what's happening?"

"No one will stop me now! MUHHAHUHHAHAAAAA!"

To Be Continued........

"Will you love me if I get a mohawk mommy?"

Life and Style allegedly spoke to a Brangelina "insider" who said that St. Angelina doesn't love Shiloh as much as her more exotic children.

The insider revealed, “Angie doesn’t change Shiloh’s diapers or hold her when she cries. One time Shiloh was having a tantrum and Angie just told Brad to quiet her down because she was upsetting the other kids.”

In the magazine's cover story other sources claim that Angelina and Brad are frequently at odds over Angelina's preferential treatment to the other children. And don't forget that "blob" comment Angelina made a few months ago.

I'm actually siding with Angelina here. She probably figures that Shiloh's already going to be conceited enough having those genes and doesn't want to make it any worse. I can't wait to see Shiloh in 17 years though, she's gonna be so messed up she'll probably hook up with Maddox.

Sorry ladies, Pete's almost off the market

Pete Doherty finally confirmed the long-standing rumor that he and Kate Moss are engaged. At a Babyshambles concert last night he dedicated one of his songs to "my beautiful fiancée." Later, Kate joined him on stage wearing an engagement ring.

Aww, how sweet! That just warms my heart. And grinds my jaw.


If this doesn't make you believe in karma.......

So in addition to the criminal contempt charge that our buddy Joe Francis was arrested on earlier this week, he will now also be charged with tax evasion and could face up to 10 years in prison.

' The indictment alleges that Joe's companies claimed over $20 million in false business deductions in 2002 and 2003. It also alleges that Joe tried to hide income using offshore bank accounts and entities supposedly owned by other people.

Joe is due to appear before a U.S. magistrate on May 22.


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Samannn harris tha preg is nant (get it?)



And the daddy is........................

Prince Frederick Von Anhalt???

I'm kidding, it's Larry Birkhead. Like we didn't already know..


Update on Sanjaya's quest for world domination

Sanjaya is the most searched topic on the internet according to Yahoo! Buzz which ranks popular search terms. So more people looked for Sanjaya than porn? This is getting scary folks.

I can't wait to see what he sings tonight on American Idol. Rumor is it's in Spanish. Of course I'm more interested to see how he does his hair. J-Lo's gonna be so jealous she'd not the top perra!


Broken Bonaduce

is reporting that Gretchen Bonaduce has begun divorce proceedings against Danny.

Danny told TMZ, "Yes, this is happening. I don't want a divorce. This sucks ass."

Isn't this like the forth or fifth time she's left him? I bet she doesn't go through with it. She should, but she probably won't.

I can just see the previews for the next season of Breaking Bonaduce.

About damn time!

From Fox News:
' PANAMA CITY, Fla. — "Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis was arrested Tuesday morning in Florida, the U.S. courthouse in Panama City confirmed.

Francis was arrested at the Panama City International Airport. He did not turn himself in, but the U.S. Marshal's Office believes he intended to do so.

He arrived in Panama City on a chartered jet at 7:30 a.m. EDT. He is currently being held at the Bay County Jail in downtown Panama City.

Francis told local media he would turn himself in between 9 a.m. and 11 a.m. EDT at the federal courthouse, according to WJHG-TV in Panama City. However, as he landed in the city, airport police took him into custody at 8:05 a.m. EDT.

Last week, Francis defied a federal judge, calling him a "judge gone wild" and refusing to surrender to U.S. marshals on a contempt citation. '

We really need a prison like in Escape from New York. They can put Joe in there along with Paris, Nicole, and the all the Laguna Beach morons that keep getting arrested.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Should've known better than to cheat a friend and waste the chance that I've been given

George Michael has shot down rumors of a Wham! reunion, saying that he and former bandmate Andrew Ridgeley have moved on with their lives. Although they have had huge monetary offers to reform, George said no, adding that it would, "be almost as bad as The Sex Pistols when they reformed".

He went on, "I've never been tempted because Wham! was of its time. When the group started, Andrew and I were both kids. We were at an age where how you were developing as a person was just as important as the songs you were writing. It all made sense then but at this point, a Wham! reunion doesn't make any sense."

Uh yeah, because George is so busy between nodding off at red lights and picking up sexual partners in public restrooms. He's just above all that kid stuff.

psst George: DUMBASS!! That's the one thing that could possibly save your career, or at least make some extra money so you could hire a driver and some quality male ho's in the privacy of your own home!

When reached for comment Andrew Ridgeley said, "No one asked me! You want fries with that?"


It's a hard knock life

Trouble for Jay-Z. A woman is claiming he's the babydaddy of her five-year-old son. According to rumors, Jay-Z met model Shenelle Scott on the set of his video for Big Pimpin and then in 2001 they conceived a child together. Supposedly Jay-Z paid Shenelle $1 million so his name wouldn't be on the birth certificate.

Jay-Z denies all of this. His spokesperson told, "There is no truth to these ridiculous rumours. People should be ashamed of using this kind of story and exploiting a child for publicity and ratings."

I want to see a picture of the kid. You don't even need a DNA test.

You know Beyonce's pissed. She's getting a box ready and putting it to the left, to the left.



PAGE SIX reports that Brandon Davis showed up at the Details magazine party on March 29th and was denied access! So then "he started demanding that staffers get Stavros [Niarchos]" who had told him about the party. So when they found Stavros, Stavros begged the staffers to tell Brandon that he wasn't there! Supposedly, his exact words were "I didn't invite him here, and I don't really want to be around him." Brandon eventually managed to slide himself into the party somehow. When Stavros saw, he apologized to a Details editor saying, "You know I would never bring him here."

Save Jenna

then now

' Jameson, who reportedly underwent a botched and career-threatening vaginoplasty operation, has lost so much weight that she's almost unrecognizable and was a disappointment to fans at last weekend's Exxxotica convention in Miami Beach.

According to one insider, "She was contractually supposed to show up for a total of six hours in two days yet arrived late both days and blew off the event 45 minutes early on the second day of her appearance."

The source continued, "When fans openly asked her about her [botched surgery] and why she was so thin, her people cut them off. But she shouldn't be standing in front of an old photo of herself when she's about 40 pounds skinnier than she was."

Jameson has said her dramatic weight loss is due to stress from her ongoing divorce from estranged husband Jay Grdina.
The buxom blonde also refused interviews with the media - including CNN's Anderson Cooper, The Miami Herald and adult supersite She left the event early with her martial-artist boyfriend, Tito Ortiz, when she saw that rival porn star Tera Patrick had a longer line of waiting fans than she did. '

Aw, it's ok Jenna, I hear Posh Spice said she thought you look great.

Jessica dissed by Beverly Hills bitches

"You better stay that way girlie. Kelly Taylor is the HBIC around here!"

I love when new-old gossip surfaces, especially when it's about the ever-awesome Beverly Hills, 90210!

So remember way back in 1998 when Jessica Alba played the knocked-up teen who came to the clinic where Saint Kelly was working? And she was a homophobe who didn't want a gay couple to adopt her baby? And then Kelly's homophobic tendencies came out (even though a season before that she was bff's with Blossom's gay brother that had AIDS and Kelly was like "I can't believe there's a disease that kills lovers."--BEST LINE EVER!) and she didn't want them to adopt the baby either?

So anyway, in a recent interview, Jessica recently spilled that she was contractually forbidden from making eye contact with the cast during the filming of her episodes.

Jess said, "I don't really know why. Maybe because the leading characters were so popular they didn't want other actors looking at them. You wouldn't be allowed to talk to them unless they spoke to you first. It was bizarre. But I guess that's what happens when you become a big star.
A lot of actors get away with murder on set, but I always like to be part of the crew."

Damn, BITCHES!! And Shannon wasn't even on the show anymore at that point. It's pretty awesome that she's a bigger star now than any of them.