Friday, June 1, 2007

A tiger never changes its dimples

Did anyone think Mario Lopez would really change his ways (has anyone even seen that Doritos girl since their divorce?) and be faithful to Karina Smirnoff? Wait, let me rephrase that: Did anyone, besides my mom, think Mario Lopez would really change his ways ?

STAR reports that he was 'caught canoodling in a casino with a mystery blonde just six days after enjoying a poolside lovefest with his girlfriend', Karina. This all went down on May 19th at Harrah's New Orleans Casino & Hotel.

Oh Karina dear, cha-cah far away from the cheating bastard. You have an open invitation to come over my house to get drunk, watch Saved By the Bell, and make fun of AC Slater's Jerri Curl mullet and acid-washed jeans.

Promises Made, Promises Broken

Here's Lindsay Lohan spotted outside a gym near Promises, the rehab facility where she is currently checked in. Just like Britney, she got bored with the whole working on sobriety in seclusion thing and left for a few hours to "work out." Please, the only part of her body that is getting a workout is her left nostril.

It was also reported today that Lindsay is getting another hall pass so she can..wait for it, celebrate her 21st birthday at a NIGHTCLUB!

The doctors at Promises must have gotten their license from the same place as Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon.


Asshat of the Week

I know I'm being a lazy bum today and only posting YouTubes of So You Think You Can Dance, bite me! Anyway, this guy's dad gets the honor of Asshat of the Week.

See Myles' dad is just so embarrassed his son would rather dance than play football. He's probably afraid he's also a queer (you know he uses that word) The fuckhead even says "I had it all" when talking about his son.

I have a small suspicion that this backstory may be a set up for Asshat Dad's inevitable redemption later in the season when Myles needs votes, or maybe I'm just hoping it's that because that would mean there was one less douchebag homophobe in the world. I mean seriously, parents like this is the reason some kids commit suicide.

This Guy Rules!

If you don't watch So You Think You Can Dance (which you should, especially if you are having American Idol withdrawal--it's like American Idol methadone), you missed this guy. His name is Bryan Gaynor and he has scoliosis.

Talk about making the best out of what you have. I'll admit it, I teared up! Check him out, he's awesome! I wish I could do the robot.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

I thought he was broke

Michael Jackson has purchased the publishing rights for Eminem's back catalogue.

Wacko bought Famous Music LLC from Viacom for an undisclosed amount and now owns the rights to songs by Shakira, Beck, and Bjork, as well as Eminem under the transaction.

He said, "This is a milestone event for Sony/ATV Music Publishing. The diverse collection of songs in this catalogue range from timeless classics to contemporary hits, and I am pleased to add the acquisition of Famous Music to Sony/ ATV."

So I guess this means we'll be hearing "Stan" in a Nike commercial soon!


PP Cool J?

Could a duet with Fergie be far behind?

Marilyn Manson on Firecrotch

God, I am so sick of this asshat! Nobody's talking about him, so he jumped on the Lindsay hoopla bandwagon, set up his tripod in front of his living room curtains, and filmed this video of himself talking about one time he hung out with Lindsay. He claims he was a gentleman when she undressed in front of him and "averted his gaze" from the firecrotch. Well duh! Lindsay's way too old for him!

Seperated at Birth?

So You Think You Can Dance's Mary Murphy and Rosie O'Donnell

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Hollywood Cokeheads, Drunks, and Skanks Update for Wednesday, 5/30/07

Here's Lindsay arriving at Promises rehab. You know she's just going to try to get a lighter sentence. Oh well, fake it until you make it Firecrotch!


Let's check on Britney,

Oh dear, Britney got really drunk at the Skybar over the weekend. A source told that she got really, really sick in the men's bathroom and had to be carried out, "Britney was found slumped over the toilet bowl with make-up smeared over her face and her wig hanging off." Wow, hot! Hey guys, don't all race to the Kleenex box at once!
So like Lindsay, Brit practiced some damage control by posting a message on her website.

And of course, there's the religious literature connoisseur herself (and quite possibly the root of all the above people's problems, Paris Hilton herself. TMZ has learned that Paris's cell mate has already been chosen. It will be a woman who is already there doing time for reckless driving. Jailers told TMZ that they 'were looking for someone who they believe will not try to cash in on Hilton's stay.' Yeah, that'll happen.

Officials at the prison are currently conducting searches of the staff and inmates for anything electronic in order to avoid any photos A memo went out warning staff that if they take any pictures, they will be FIRED! There's also talk of a "written protocol"prepared for Paris detailing "when and how things should be done for her." Um, the bitch get a rider for PRISON?

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

What the Asshats Are Up To

"Excuse me, Mr. Bookstore man, do you have any of these with bigger letters on the front? The paparazzi can't make out what the title is."

"Yes, I'm only gray on the head. No you can't see my carpet!" (that's Taylor Hicks btw)

Baby Hayek: "Owww Mom, I keep hitting my head!"

"Yeah, Diana Ross had a garage sale. I'd like to see Jessica Biel pull this shit off."

"You better take back that you like Elisabeth before I Blanket your ass!"

Nicole: "Charcoal, check! Ok, we're all set for Memorial Day!"
Mischa: "Don't we need food?"
Nicole: "Nah, we got mushrooms, that's enough."


Oh great, now they'll think all our beauty queens are drunks

Funny, but Sandra Bullock did it better in Miss Congeniality.

Girl Fightt!

The MTV Movie Awards just may be worth watching this year, and not just because the very awesome Sarah Silverman is hosting.

Page Six reports that people working on the show, which airs live June 3, are concerned about the fact that Cameron Diaz and Jessica Biel are both scheduled to present awards and want to make sure they are kept far, far, apart.

Yes, this is all because of Timberfuck. (Still don't get it!) He's even nominated for his role in some movie no one saw called Alpha Dog (only on MTV).

A source said, "It's becoming a big deal because the girls both want very separate arrival times. Nobody knows who Cameron is going to bring, if anyone. But if Jessica walks with Justin, Cameron will want to bring a date. If Jessica goes alone, Cam will probably walk alone. It's a mess. Cam is used to being more high-profile than Jessica. But now that Jessica's dating Justin, she has more leverage. Cameron's looking a little unstable lately."

Remember when MTV punk'd Britney and Christina on the Video Awards and made them think they were going to be presenting an award to Eminem? They pussied out of course, but it was cool for a second just to see the looks on their faces. They should have Timberfuck and Jess come out together and present an award to Cameron. Then they could lower a steel cage and Cam and Jess could fight it out. Then they could tell Timberfuck that he didn't pay his taxes and they are going to take all his stuff away and he could cry like a little bitch. Then Jack Black could come out and sing a song during all of this. That would be awesome.


Herbie- Fully Loaded

I'm sure by now everyone's heard of Lindsay Lohan's very busy Memorial Day Weekend.

She crashed her car into a curb early Saturday morning, had some minor injuries to her "upper chest area" (?) and was arrested for driving under the influence. Then the cops found a "usable amount" of cocaine in the car so further charges could be filed and she might just find herself in jail.

Now she may be headed back to rehab as early as today but not before she got one more night of partying in. Last night she reportedly stumbled out of the club around 4:00 AM and collapsed. A bouncer had to pick her drunk ass up and put her in the (thankfully) passenger seat of her SUV.

Wow, so first the Laguna Beach idiots, then Joe Francis, then Paris, now Lindsay. I love it! The police sure are meeting their quota for Hollywood cokehead skanks!