Happy 2nd Anniversary to Tom and Katie!!!

Hang in there Katie, only seven more years and 364 days to go!

Deep thoughts

Katie - "No, I thought about the whole faking our deaths scheme---too involved."

Suri - "What about those nice people that want to save you mommy? They will help us."

Katie - "No, I thought about that too. I'm sorry but we're just going to have to wait until the contract is up sweetie."

Suri - "Aw shit then! Can I at least have some socks in the meantime?"

Katie - "Suri!! Where did learn a word like that?"

Suri - "Socks? All the kids are wearing them. You should look into it."

Katie- "No, you know what word I'm talking about."

Suri - "Oh SHIT? Zahara. She said 'Don't take no shit from those paparazzi fuckers!' Hey, maybe her mom can adopt us!"

Katie sings!

In case you missed it, here's Katie Holmes on Eli Stone last night.




Not bad! It looks like all those Chicago viewings paid off! Thanks Tom!

Katie's Big Night!!

Katie Holmes made her Broadway debut last night in the Arthur Miller play, All My Sons to rave reviews!!! Well, I mean she "didn't embarrass herself".

Many fans showed up to cheer Katie on!




And look! Tom isn't dead!!! (Apparently there was a rumor going around yesterday of a rumor that Tom had fallen off a cliff. And I say a "rumor of a rumor', because no one actually heard a rumor that Tom had fallen off a cliff. Got that?)

So in love those two!!

Creepy

Didja ever notice, in like every single picture of Tom and Katie, he's got that weird kung-fu grip around her wrist?

I'm sure she deserved it though, she was probably disobeying him again.

Yikes!! Don't Mess With the Thetans!!

Controversial biographer Andrew Morton has been forced into hiding following alleged threats made on his life by the Church of $cientology over a revealing biography he has written about Tom Cruise.

The biography reportedly exposes all kinds of dirt on Tom's sexuality and all the kooky alien stuff. I'm sure the contracts with Nicole and Katie are in there too.

So basically, the biography contains a lot of stuff everybody already knows.

But we all know how Little Tommy gets his panties all bunched up when someone dares bring any of that stuff up. Morton claims he has been forced to "disappear" and sell his London home as a result of the threats made to him while attempting to research Tom's life for the book.

Morton told the British newspaper The Sunday Express, "I have received threats from the Scientologists and things have become pretty heavy - to the extent that it's almost more than my lawyers can handle. I've sold my flat and I'm not telling anyone where I'm moving to. I intend to disappear for a while."

Morton added that researching the Royal Family was "a walk in the park" compared to this latest project.

Sorry but it's over for you Andrew. You can't hide from the $cientologists. They've got laser beams and stuff like that. They're gonna find you and sue you and erase your brain and you'll be writing a romance novel about the great love of Tom and Katie in no time.


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Shut up Tom!

For no apparent reason Tom Cruise has decided to announce that he is above worldly possessions and has shunned his multi-million dollar fortune in favor or a more simplistic lifestyle. Tom believes that his family and career are much more important than 250 million dollars.

Tom recently said, "I have no iPhone, no mobile, no e-mail address, no watch, no jewelery, no wallet. I simply want to be with my children and make movies. I am the boss of 1,000 people (but) I don't see myself as an icon."

Well duh, if you want to achieve the the highest level of Operating Thetan, it's gonna cost you!

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Suri is a spoiled little alien!

A friend of TomKat (probably not anymore) recently told US magazine that they spoil the shit out of little Suri.

"Suri pretty much does whatever she wants, whenever she wants. If she fusses before bed, they let her stay up later. If they want her to go swimming and she cries, they'll take her out. If she whines about food, they'll ask her what else she wants to eat. They always want to please her."

Well duh, how else to do treat the future leader of the Galactic Marcab Confederation?

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Katie defies Tom again

According to Life and Style Magazine, Katie Holmes is secretly (well, maybe now not so much) talking to non-$cientologist pastors about Suri's upbringing and is looking to enroll Suri into "kiddie Catholicism" classes when she is older to learn about the faith.

Whoa, I'm really scared for her. When Tom gets word of this, it's back to the ol' deprogramming machine. Be strong Katie, Jesus will help you!

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Star Rules! Check out their new cover:

I wonder what she did. Spoke without being spoken to? Took L. Ron Hubbard's name in vain? Made a mess in her cage? Wore heels? Walked in on Tom and Rob Thomas?

Whatever it was, it must have been bad. Vegetable Oil Purge?

Maggie to take over Katie-bot's part

Maggie Gyllenhaal is involved in talks to star opposite Christian Bale in 'the new Batman movie, The Dark Night'. Maggie will play the role of Rachel Dawes that was previously played by Katie Holmes. Katie dropped out of the movie in January because Tom wouldn't allow her to play the part because she'd have to kiss Christian Bale (Poor girl, so now she gets ZERO action).

Katie is reportedly "Very, Very, Happy."

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Hang in there Katie, you only have 9 more years to go!

Page Six reports today that Tom Cruise has called the producers of Katie's new movie "Mad Money," a comedy about three women who steal money from the Federal Reserve also starring Queen Latifah and Diane Keaton, and informed them that he will be hovering over Katie on the set all day, every day of the filming.

An insider told the NY Post, "Katie's agent, Hylda Queally [at CAA], chose this role for her because it is a female buddy movie. There is no love interest and she wouldn't be kissing anyone or have a sex scene."

Cruise was upset about Katie's sex scene in "Thank You For Smoking" and many speculate that he was responsible for it's omission in some festival screenings.

They should remake Sleeping With the Enemy starring Tom and Katie. I think it would be a hit. Of course, when she shoots him at the end, he'd just turn back into an alien and suck out her brain so that wouldn't be so good.


Btw, what the hell is goin on with Katie's face? She sort of looks like Brooke Shields here:

Translation: HELP!!!!

Katie Holmes recently gave her first post-sham marriage interview to Harper's Bazaar. Here are the answers Tom programmed:

On Tom and Suri: "I have a husband and children that I adore. I have a career that I really love. When I sit back and reflect, it's – wow!"

"I am very grateful. Tom makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and has since the day I met him. I love being with him. I love calling him husband."

On motherhood: "I felt so proud to be having a baby and so excited. And I felt closer to other women – to my sisters, to my mom. I felt empowered, like, 'I've given birth. I did it! There's nothing I can't handle.' "

"I've really enjoyed this time that I have taken to be with Suri as well as the challenges of the first couple of months: feeding and pumping, learning to decipher what each cry means – is she hungry? Is she tired? Does she need a fresh diaper? – and figuring out how to really help her."

On her {cough} career: "I have a whole new set of responsibilities," she says. "My work is very important to me. My family is very important to me. When I go to work, it will be the right thing, worth my time and worth my time away from my family."


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Tom and Katie's Coming-Out Party

No, it's not what you think, although I wonder if the E! staffer who wrote the article worded it like that intentionally. They had another damn party. They dissed Oprah again. John and Kelly dissed them. Dawson was there though.

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Tom and Katie's Coming-Out Party

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes traded an Italian castle for the Beverly Hills variety Saturday night, as the newlyweds were feted by some of the most powerful players in show biz at the home of Cruise's longtime producing partner, Paula Wagner, and her husband, Rick Nicita.

Police cordoned off the area around the home in the early evening, threatening the dozens of reporters and video and still photographers with citations if they clogged the streets.

Guests started arriving around 6 p.m., with Mr. and Mrs. Cruise, along with daughter Suri, arriving in a three-vehicle armada of tinted-out black SUVs around 6:40 p.m. Cruise's two children with Nicole Kidman, Connor and Isabella, arrived separately in a Bentley. (The entire family spent the earlier part of the day watching the older kids play soccer in L.A.)

Ostensibly, the party was a celebration for those who couldn't make it to Rome for the couple's Nov. 18 nuptials and a who's-who of Hollywood royalty descended upon the affair in style. Steven Spielberg and Cate Capshaw pulled up in a Bentley, Oliver Stone arrived in a silver Porsche and Orlando Bloom kept it on the down low, driving himself in a yellow VW Bug. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, who were at the Bracciano, Italy, wedding, turned up for Saturday's soiree in a Rolls Royce. (For exclusive video of the arrivals, check out The Vine.)

Others spotted arriving chez Wagner included Cruise's ex, Penéope Cruz, James Van Der Beek, Derek Luke, Catherine Bell, Diane Sawyer, Larry King, Brian Grazer, former Paramount studio boss Sherry Lansing, Variety's eminence grise Army Archerd, and Last Samurai director Ed Zwick and producer Marshall Herskovitz.

Tents were erected to shelter the 300 guests from the night's rainfall.

The entire affair cost an estimated $400,000, reports E! Online senior editor Marc Malkin.

No word on whether John Travolta and Kelly Preston, who were said to have received an invitation but were no-shows in Rome, turned up for the postwedding bash.

However, Oprah Winfrey, who was passed over for the Italy celebration, also failed to make the cut for the L.A. edition, according to her