Saturday, August 11, 2007

Off to Promises

Asshat Hollywood will be, um, suffering from exhaustion until August 20th .

In the meantime, to catch up on all the latest Hollywood Asshatitry, check out the links under "Not Asshats."

Take care and see ya soon bitches!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

It's really Britney y'all!!

During the shoot, Britney bit the head off that bird

A rep for Elizabeth Arden insists that the above photo of Britney Spears for her new fragrance, Believe, was taken earlier this summer and that a body double was not used. There was speculation that a double was used when Britney left the set and the wardrobe assistant stood in while the lighting was set up.

Elizabeth Arden even went as far as to release the following statement to Access (not Asshat) Hollywood:

"We recently shot Britney Spears for the print campaign for her new fragrance Britney Spears Believe, in Santa Monica. It is true that Britney did leave the set; however, she returned after a brief time. Cayli was the wardrobe assistant on the shoot. We used her as a stand in so that we could set up the lighting while Britney was off the set. When Britney returned, we shot the national print ad with her.The only person in the national print ad for Britney's Believe fragrance is Britney Spears."

Well duh, they don't need body doubles anymore, they have Photoshop these days!

Who the hell is going to buy that crap anyway? They should have gone with the first idea:

Sex in Six

Sarah Jessica Parker has confirmed that the Sex & the City movie is not only a go, but that they will begin shooting in six weeks! But that's all she's saying. And I can't tell if it's by choice:

Sarah said, "It looks closer to actually happening. It's a dream. We know it's in the present. All else has been wiped from my memory."

Wow, that's some secretive stuff! I hope they didn't wipe Girls Just Wanna Have Fun from her memory because that movie ruled!

Sarah adds, "We still have some stuff to iron out, silly stuff before a studio says OK." {insert your own Botox joke here}

Personally, I can't wait! I will be first in line to download this


I love when Axl stirs the shit

Keep on dreaming..

So remember a while back when there were rumors of a Guns N' Roses reunion? Well, you probably don't, but the diehards like me do. So anyway, the most recent rumors made Slash's bandmates in Velvet Revolver really nervous.

Slash says, "I was sitting at home writing songs when I heard Axl had put out a press release saying in so many words that I was going back. There had been a lot of shit going around, stories about me and Axl, but what made this so bad was that it seemed so factual. The guys were worried, angry even. I had to sit them down and tell them it wasn't true. They were still a bit skeptical as it seemed so detailed. We got through it but it was an unexpected bump in the road. I didn't expect to go there with something that was so much part of my past."

Ok, for those of you that don't know, Velvet Revolver is made up of Slash, Scott Weiland from Stone Temple Pilots, some other dude, and TWO other former members of Guns N' Roses. Can anyone see the irony? Wouldn't the other two guys know if there really was a Guns N' Roses REUNION. Maybe not Matt Sorum but at least Duff.

I'm boring the non-GN'R nutswingers, sorry.


I can already see the Lifetime movie

She must go to the same salon as Delicious's mom

In a sort of a social commentary on America's obsession with fame, a pregnant woman named Antoria Gillon was waiting in line to try out for American Idol in Dallas on Monday when guess what? Come on guess. Here's a hint, she was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT. Yup, she went into labor.

But contractions be damned! Instead of, you know, going to the hospital and having the child, Antoria insisted on going through with the audition in front of Randy, Paula, and Simon. In case you missed it, she was in LABOR at the time.

Now you know how this show loves fact, if you listen carefully, you can actually hear Ryan Seacrest cream himself over this one. No surprise, Antoria got her golden ticket to Hollywood!!!!

Oh yeah, she also had the baby, a son she named Jamil Labarron Idol McCowan. Idol weighed in at 6 lbs. 7oz.


When you don't go to rehab, you go to the hospital

TMZ reports that Amy Winehouse was rushed to a London Hospital this morning and treated for..say it with me: exhaustion. She has been told to take "a rest" and all of her upcoming concerts have been canceled. I'm shocked! She seemed so healthy not to mention she's sooooooooo talented. (you can't see but I'm rolling my eyes and making the jerking off hand gesture as I say that)

Can I just rant for a minute here? We joke about this stuff all the time and laugh at trainwrecks like Britney, Lindsay, and Amy but I'm really getting bored with these fucking spoiled brats messing up their lives up. Then people say things like "I'm so worried about {insert random spoiled asshat} " Well you know what? I'm not worried. I'm just bored. Throw your lives away morons!

Can somebody please do something other than go to rehab, crash a car, or get pregnant?

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Damn, why didn't I think of that?

Click on the picture to get your very own Michael Vick Doggie Chew Toy!

Happy Birthday Maddox!

Superchild Maddox Jolie-Pitt turned six on Sunday! Life & Style had this picture from his birthday party. Maddox is far too advanced for Pin the Tail on the Donkey so at his party the children played Settle the Conflict in the Middle East Peacefully. That was followed by a rousing discussion of 16th Century Russian Literature. In lieu of "Happy Birthday, " Maddox insisted on treating his peers to a performance of Beethoven's Symphony Number 5.

It has to be a deal with the devil!

Damn! Michelle Pfeiffer is 49 and looks better than a lot of women half her age! Those women in the background are going "BITCH!"

Anyway, she received her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday. Are you thinking,
"She just got one NOW?" too? That means Britney and Seacrest got theirs before her. That's crazy.

Trainwreck Tour of the Decade Back On!

The Van Halen Reunion Tour is a go!! Again. The band David "Radio Legend and part time EMT" Lee Roth, Eddie "where's my teeth?" Van Halen, Alex "the other Van Halen" Van Halen, and Eddie's son Wolfgang will hold a press conference on Monday, August 13th in LA and announce the dates for the fall tour.

I give it three shows tops.


Today - LA Children's Hospital Ambassador...Tomorrow: Nobel Peace Prize Winner

Go to church right now because Armageddon has to be near. Paris Hilton is "in talks" to become an ambassador for the Los Angeles Children's Hospital.

Paris said, "I went and visited the little premature babies who were only, like, one pound. And the cancer patients. It's nice when I can go there and visit them and brighten their day and make them smile. It feels good to be able to do that."

I can't tell if she's for real or if this is all PR bullshit. Maybe she made a bet with Larry King. Who knows? I just hope those children are vaccinated, I mean their immune systems must be so low already...


Fashin Tips with Britney

Hey yall, Britney here! Welcum to the first addition of Fashin Tips with me....BRITNEY!
Weather I'm shopping, getting a new weave, or preparin for a movie roll, I always want to look my best!

So my first tip is Don't Be Afrayed of See-thru! In fact, play it up by wearing somethin brite underneeth. Keep em guessing you know? Well, maybe not, but it sure looks cute! Top it off with some shades and a doo-rag and you got one classy outfit.

Ok, I'm off to find my kids yall! See ya next time!


Hmm, that's kind of a funny coincidence

Something to put the hurt on your penises

It's a slow day, actually it's been a slow week so far for celeb gossip so here's picture of Derek Jeter and David Beckham.