Friday, October 12, 2007

For real ???

The following is an actual word-for-word quote from Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus telling a story about how she recently lost her credit cards and really wanted a Frappuccino.

"I lost my credit cards that I had just gotten and I was learning responsibility and how to take care of it and I had no money and I really wanted to go shopping. So I played at Starbucks and I put my guitar (case) open - and I made $7, so I got me a Starbucks."


Hey Billy Ray, forget credit cards, y'all need to git her some schooling!

In other future member of Mensa news, Miley and her dad Billy Ray are working with authorities to investigate Ticketbastard and scalping laws after tickets to her concerts sold out in less than one minute and were found being resold by ticket brokers for as high as $2,500. Yeah. Apparently this girl is that popular. Ah, another reason I am so thankful I don't have children. Because if I had a daughter that idolized a dumbass like that, I'd probably end up going to jail for attempting to beat some sense into her.

For real.


Pete Dohery says he has kicked his drug habit and will tour only alcohol-free venues to celebrate.

Petey claims he has been sober for two months and has requested that the venues his band, The Babyshambles, play do not serve alcohol. The tour will kick off in a juice bar in London on October 21st.

A source told the Sun, "Pete came up with the new idea. He feels like a new man. It'll be a challenge for him to go on tour without drugs. Everyone expects him to fall back into it but he's confident he can keep in the straight and narrow."

Ok, I shouldn't make a joke out of this if he really did get his life together.

BUT COME ON!! It's PETE DOHERTY! I wonder which will last longer - Pete's Juice Tour or Pam and Rick's marriage. Your call!


Oh Britney!

Couple News

PEOPLE reports that Rose McGowan and director Robert Rodridguez are engaged. The two became involved while Robert was still married to his wife. So you know these two are gonna make it!

My Girl star Anna Chlumsky, now 26, is engaged to Shaun So, 26, an Army reserve member. They are planning a wedding that is a fusion of their two cultures - Shaun's family is Chinese, and Anna's is Catholic.

Note to Anna: don't invite that man-bitch Ann Coulter to your wedding.

Tootie got married in a low key wedding (so low-key we're hearing about it four months later to Broadway actor Christopher Morgan, July 23rd. She gave birth to his son earlier in the summer and waited until after he was born to focus on the pregnancy.

Tootie said, "I wanted to be married first, but when this came up, it was like, there's no need to rush anything. We wouldn't go into something like [having a baby] without knowing that we're it for each other and we're not going anywhere. These are life commitments."

I know her name is Kim Fields, I just like to say Tootie.


Speaking of Tootie, remember this?


Roger gets 007 star!

Former James Bond Roger Moore has been given his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and in an ironic coincidence, the star is located in front of 7007 Hollywood Boulevard. Moore starred in seven James Bond films and is the only Bond besides Pierce Bronsan to have his own star on the Walk of Fame.


I wonder what Sean Connery has to say about Roger Moore getting the 007 star?


I'm with you Sean.

Asshat of the Week

We all knew Ann Coulter was an asshat, but the verbal diarrhea she sputtered on Donny Deutsch's CNBC show, "The Big Idea," was just unbelievable. I don't understand why people continue to give this "woman" (Adam's apple!!) airtime.

I'd like to shove an imperfect menorah up her ass sideways.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Fergie's junk fell ill

Fergie "fell ill" onstage during a Black Eyed Peas concert in El Salvador last Friday, forcing the band to cancel the show. No word on what the mysterious illness is (tequilla?), whether she pissed herself again, or if she cried.


Becase we need more sequels

Maybe I shouldn't have jumped into the fountain at the mall and taken back my wish for a Goonies sequel after all. Actor Sean Astin told MTV recently that a sequel to 1985 hit is "almost certain to happen." "The writing's on the wall when they're releasing the Goonies DVD in such numbers."

Sean added that he and Corey Feldman hope the sequel will focus the children of the characters from the original film: "I have three children and Corey's got a kid now. So as we now all have kids who are coming into the age that we were when we made the movie, it's more likely to me that they'll figure out how to design a story that will satisfy the older audience in terms of connecting with the original 1985 Goonies, and then create this new thing."

Sounds like wishful thinking on Sean and Corey's parts, probably because they need the money but being a child of the 80's, I'd actually be excited for this one for nostalgic reasons. Hopefully they don't screw it up. And they gotta get Cyndi Lauper and that woman from Throw Momma From the Train ( if she's still alive).

Below is a reunion photo of the cast of Goonies from a couple years ago. Chunk's not so chunky anymore. But where's Sloth?


In other sequel news, Warner Brothers has confirmed that Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins (aka Terminator 4) will begin production in early 2008.

Executive producer Moritz Borman says that the film is "set in the future, in a full-scale war between Skynet and humankind." He added that "The third film was really the conclusion of what happened in the 'now'. "You will find the most-loved characters, but the intention here is to present a fresh new world and have this be the first of a trilogy." Yeah, he said trilogy, they're going all Star Wars on us.

Although producers are hoping for an Arnold Schwarzenegger cameo, the rumor is that the main Terminator will be played by Vin Diesel. Yeah, I said Vin Diesel. This'll go well......



That's how many hours Kiefer Sutherland will serve in jail for his drunk driving charges last month. Keifer was sentenced yesterday after pleading no contest and will serve 30 of the days for the the DUI and 18 days for violating his probation for the last conviction he got for driving drunk. He also has to attend alcohol education classes for 18 months and alcohol therapy sessions for six months. Kiefer is also not allowed to drive for six months.

So let this be a lesson drunken celebs - HIRE A MOTHERFUCKING DRIVER! I will never understand that, they can afford it!


Tuesday, October 9, 2007

More Britney bashing

See, I was all proud of my little Britney parody, but this bitch owns me.

Everybody Sing Along

Recently there have been rumors that the reason we keep seeing all these photos of Britney everywhere, everyday, and every hour is because she is personally tipping off the paps herself when setting up her daily excursions to Taco Bell, Starbucks, and gas station bathrooms, apparently belonging to the belief that there is no such thing as bad publicity, only bad weaves. This inspired me (no, I don't know why) to re-write the lyrics to her very first hit single. Hope you enjoy.

Snap My Picture One More Time

Oh pap-a-razzi
Oh pap-a-razzi

Oh pap-a-razzi
I’m glad that you got my call
Cause I’ve been waiting right here
Oh pap-a-razzi
Let me grab my cigs and we’ll go
Make sure you adjust my light, dear

Follow me, take my photo while I pee
And just maybe
That’ll be the shot that makes the bloggers buzz

My desperation is driving me
I will undress for TMZ (TMZ)
Look no panties to get in a bind
I’ll make you go blind!
Snap my picture one more time

Oh pap-a-razzi
I really should get a clue
But I’m absentminded
Oh pap-a-razzi
Everybody’s rooting for me to pull through
But I’d rather do this crazy shit

Follow me, I’m going on a shopping spree
Fredrick’s maybe
Cause that’s where I buy my fancy duds

Rock bottom does not exist for me
When called a trainwreck, I do agree (do agree)
No one to help me straighten out my mind
They all resigned
So snap my picture one more time

Oh baby, baby, when did I become a ho?

Speaking of babies, where did my children go?

I must confess that my craziness
Got me kicked out of Mr. Chow’s
But let me show you my new weave
Make sure the pic’s clear
And get my best side (Paparazzi: how?)
Snap my picture one more time

Monday, October 8, 2007

A Love That Will Last Forever

Congrats go out to Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon who were married on Saturday in Las Vegas.

The wedding took place between two of Pam's performances as magician Hans Klok's assistant at his show at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino. At Pam's second show (after the ceremony) she greeted the audience by saying "Hello, I just got married ... I did. I'm distracted. It's a big day. A big day at the office."

I don't know about you, but I think these two kids just might make it!

In case any of you would like to pick up a gift, the happy couple is registered at Radio Shack.