Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Asshat Idol - Top Seven - Movie Week

This week's theme on American Idol was "Songs From Movies That Other American Idol Contestants Have Already Done a Million Times." "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing": CHECK. "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" CHECK. "Have You Ever Really, Really Ever Loved a Woman?": CHECK. Yawn.

However fortunately, we have Adam:

I mean, even Rob Halford was sitting at home like
"Damn!" Then he added, "Shit, he's pretty hot too. Wonder if I'm too old for him."

The only problem with Adam is where the hell is he going to go from here? I mean, is there more or did he blow his load with this? Guess we'll have to wait and see what next week's theme is ("Metal Night" please!!).

Lil Rounds is about to cut a bitch:

Lil' Rounds responded to the judges' previous criticism about choosing adult contemporary songs by singing "The Rose" by Bette Midler. She attempted to throw some gospel in the middle of it to make it her own, but the judges hated it anyway. Then Lil' finally cracked and delivered a verbal beatdown. Sadly, I couldn't find video of it (the one above cuts off before the judges' critique) but it went something like this:

Simon: "Little, you are not as good as we thought you were. You sucked. Allison is the only girl in this competition that has a chance. Oh screw that too, everyone knows Adam is going to win. So you should just sing Mary J Blige songs until you're voted off because that's your box."

Lil: "Ryan, may I say something?".....:

That doesn't really matter though, because in Lil's favor, she has gained Megan's fans and according to DIALIDOL it's going to be Kris or Matt. (WTF, Gokey's in first place?! What the fuck is wrong with America?)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Random Shit I Found on YouTube

Hey kids! You don't need to buy expensive trendy designer clothes by Calvin Klein, Gloria Vanderbilt, or Bill Blass to be a real hot dog, just check out Mr. T's tips on how to be stylin in this amazing 80's treasure.

Donna's Back on 90210! Hijinks and Shenanigans ensue!

Here's a sneak peek at tonight's episode of 90210 with the return of Donna Martin, Fashion Designer Extraordinaire:

So, Silver's normal again?

I say good for her!

Lindsay Lohan posted a fake eHarmony ad on

Monday, April 13, 2009

Not buying it

Useless slut, Tila Tequila, claims a crazed stalker broke into her house yesterday while she was out at a friend's Easter barbeque, smashed her living room and locked her dog in the trunk of her car.

Tila Twittered (yes, she Twittered!):
"Someone did indeed break into my house. It's been a very scary night for me... Too much has happened. I am scared, exhausted and drained but I am ok! Want to apologize to my fans who were worried about me.
I'm moving into a different house very soon because I have a stalker who is very much so endangering my life at the moment... They broke everything in my living room....EVERYTHING IS SHATTERED! I'm so sad right now....this sucks. Then I found my dog locked in the trunk of my car!!!!!!!!!! I've been crying all night. This is fucked up. I'm sad and shocked... I'm still shaking and crying! My dog in the trunk of the car, house is shattered, everything is smashed! I'm staying at a friends house 2nite. Please pay attention to me!! Remember me? I'm a reality star! If I have a stalker, that means I am still relevant dammit. Like that girl on Dancing With the Stars, hey I could be on that show... ARE YOU LISTENING PRODUCERS? Hopefully this will make E! News. Oh shit, I just realized that I broke the glass from the inside."


The Duggars are planning to take over the world

Seriously, think about it: If each of their eighteen kids have eighteen kids of their own, that's 324 Duggars. Then their eighteen kids will have eighteen kids and so on and so on and before you know it, the Duggars will control Earth and we'll all be forced to join that crazy ass cult where everybody has really ugly clothes and bad hair and gets molested by Daddy Jim Bob!! I seem to remember Nostradamus mentioning this once.

And it's starting with their oldest son, Joshua, 21. Joshua's new wife Anna is pregnant with the couple's first child. The couple told PEOPLE they are planning a "name theme" like Joshua's parents (all eighteen kids' names start with "J") which means, they are planning to have many, many more.


All I can say is:

Another womb
Preparing for wreckage
Now that Michelle’s out of her prime
More Duggar children
A new generation
They’ll have two hundred kids combined
And I wonder are they all fucking deranged?
And if under the bad hair, if they have any brains

We don't need another Duggar
We don't need no more sperm to roam
Why couldn’t his wife use some contraceptive foam?

Try looking for something….to do besides spawn
There’s stuff like knitting a sweater to wear
If music’s a passion, maybe try drumming
If not there’s reupholstering chairs
Then I’ll ponder if you can be the ones who will change it?
Cuz you don’t need a family the size of Ukraine
Where all names start with “J”

We don't need another Duggar
Michelle’s already got 18 at home
And we sure as hell don’t need another reality show

Please, Joshua and your wife…
Listen to my remarks
If you need yet another life
Get something that barks
Like a dog or something

Trouble (again) in Paradise?

"That Natalie Portman sure is cute."

There's a rumor going around that Angelina Jolie is rippin' over Natalie Portman personally requesting Brad Pitt to play her lover in a new movie.

A source said:
"Angelina had a massive fit and was shouting her head off. She accused Brad of flirting with Natalie. "Angelina can't help but feel threatened. Brad knows how jealous she gets but won't stop saying how gorgeous and intelligent Natalie is. He keeps saying she is 'cute as a button. Angelina worries about karma. It's eating her up and we're sure the cause of a lot of the rows is her not quite trusting Brad."
Ooohh, what goes around comes around!

There are also rumors that Brad had pleaded with Angie to attend couples' counselling in a desperate bid to save their relationship to which Angelina is said to have agreed to, but only after seeking the advice of her ex-husband Billy Bob Thornton. The source added:
"This just caused more friction with Brad because although he doesn't have a problem with her talking to her exes, he doesn't understand why she would take Billy Bob's advice to try therapy as when he suggested it to her she reacted very angrily."


Wait a minute, Angelina asked BILLY BOB THORTON for advice?