Friday, May 25, 2007

Better start back-pedalling Dean!

Mary Jo Eustace, former wife of Dean McDermott (who left her for Tori Spelling), has written an essay for a new anthology called The Other Woman, a collection of stories written by 21 woman who have been betrayed. PEOPLE has an excerpt:

' When Dean called me from the set [of his TV movie], he told me how great he was getting along with his costar Tori Spelling. She was fun, caring and much hotter in real life. I assumed this was good. Before he left, jokes flew at the prospect of working with the daughter of a Hollywood mogul. I suggested he befriend her. "Who knows?" I laughed. It might be good for his career.

Now here he is, back. We're on vacation and I'm wearing my bikini with saggy faded bottoms. I know something is wrong. "Have you met someone?" I ask. He nods yes. "Is it Tori Spelling?" He nods. "We're soulmates," he says. "She loves me unconditionally."

"What conditions?" I scream. "You've only known each other three weeks."

I look down at my baby daughter. "We just adopted a baby." The phrase single mother pops up in my brain. I start to feel weightless as I cross the divide between together and alone.

"I'm not leaving the kids," he says. "I'm leaving you."

I begin to sob. I actually begin to worry that maybe it's all because I look fat. Maybe he was undecided, and this dreadful bikini sealed the deal. '

Yeah, I think it was the saggy bikini bottoms for sure. Chick lit irks! The much hotter part is awesome though! It's a good thing they have that unconditional love, because that's one hell of a back-handed compliment!

Yay!! Finally a new feud!!! And it doesn't involve Rosie O'Donnell!

Sharon Osbourne has lashed out at Gene Simmons for talking smack (no pun intended) about her kids being junkies.

In a recent interview with Blender magazine, Sharon said, "He said that our kids are on drugs and that his aren't messed up like that." She goes on to call Gene a "C-list [celebrity]." But she saved the good stuff for Gene's wife Shannon Tweed: "His wife's snatch has been rubbed on every pole in L.A. I'll fucking tear his head off and stick it up his wife's cunt!"

It's so cute when sweet old people fight.


Get well Don!

While in Cannes promoting Ocean's Thirteen, Don Cheadle was stung by a jellyfish. He was swimming with his daughter at the time and sacrificed himself to protect her. "I took the hit for my daughter," he said.

Don is recovering. Fortunately for him, Joey, Chandler, and Monica were nearby and we able to pee on the sting just in the nick of time.


Motivational and Adequete Words of Wisdom From Lindsay Lohan

"The drama and the tabloids will die down. I'm just a girl but I'm growing up. I'm learning. I'm playing different characters and hopefully, once I'm more settled in life, then you probably won't see me out so much."

"I don't have a problem, I can stop anytime I want to."

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt sweetie.


Fashion Icon

Isn't she lovely?

I'll wait for you to catch your breath after looking at this awe-inspiring vision.

Ok, so in other classy Britney news, both Brit and ex-Witherspoon, Ryan Phillipe, have denied that they hooked up last week in the bathroom at the LA nightclub Les Deux despite a story in the National Enquirer where a source claimed the bodyguards "busted in the door [of the bathroom] and found Britney and Ryan groping and kissing."


And the Maturity Award Goes To.................

PAGE SIX reports there is more fallout from the huge Rosie O'Donnell/Elisabeth Hasselbeck debacle on Wednesday's The View.

Yesterday, Janette Barber, who is Rosie's chief writer, was supposedly escorted from the building after being caught drawing mustaches on photos of Elizabeth's face in the "View" studios.

ABC released a statement saying that "photographs at 'The View's' offices were defaced. Rosie O'Donnell was not in the building. ABC Legal and Human Resources are investigating the matter."

There was also word of an alleged whoopee cushion, but ABC would not confirm or deny the rumor.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

"My dead husband ain't wearing your outdated shoes!"

"Why can't you just leave me alone? I hate being famous and now it's worse than when I was alive!"

Courtney Love is pissed at Dr. Martens shoes because of this advertisement that features Kurt Cobain sitting in on a cloud in heaven adorned in the roach stompers.

Her rep said to PEOPLE:"Courtney had no idea this was taking place and would never have approved such a use. She thinks it's outrageous that a company is allowed to commercially gain from such a despicable use of her husband's picture. It does appear that in the UK what Dr. Martens has done is allowed. Courtney did not, and would not, approve of such a use of Kurt's name and likeness."

The ad is part of a campaign featuring several dead rock stars, including Sid Vicious from The Sex Pistols and Joey Ramone from The Ramones.

Dr. Martens's U.S. office did not immediately return calls to PEOPLE.

Me thinks she's more pissed off that she isn't getting a piece more than the fact that it's in bad taste.

I had no idea they still even made Dr. Martens. I think the last time I saw someone wearing a pair was around 1996. I never wore them personally. I got the real shit--combat boots from the army/navy store. (Holla Kate!) Yeah, we were badass. Or assbad. One of those.

Rock History

The first time was bizarrely awesome.

Add a wind machine and Joe Perry and it's off-the -charts-Grade-Fucking-A-Prime-Cut-Amazing-Ridiculousness!!

Congrats Blake!

on NOT winning American Idol and on not having to sing that wretched "This is My Now" song ever again!! This performance was awesome...full of energy, fun, and spit. Blake's the DAUGHTRY of this season for sure. (He'll be more successful than Jordin.)

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

I was gonna get a life, but then I got high

Really now, what does Mischa do all day other than smoke pot, shop, and have wardrobe malfunctions?

I'm kind of envious. Sounds like a pretty non-stressful existence.


Asshat Idol - Finale Part One

The fallen Idols watch in anticipation as Blake and Jordin compete for a crappy one-album record deal which they will have no creative freedom over:

Melinda - "That's what I would have had to sing? Thank god I'm not up there."
Lakisha - "Girl, you know it. That shit's rank."
Chris - "ZZZZZZZZZ---MMMMM Blakkkeee....Oh? Damn, I keep falling asleep. Hey, pass the joint back Phil! And what's so damn funny?"
Phil - "I just farted! Hehehee!"
Old Dude next to Phil - "What is that smell?"
Haley - "I hate sitting here. No one can see my legs."
Chris - "Shut up Stacey!"
Sanjaya -"I will execute my final plan for world domination tomorrow night, muhahhahaha!"
Chris Sligh - "Yo, can I get a hot dog over here? Hey! Aren't you Brian Dunkelman?"
Woman in the upper right hand corner - "SOMEONE HELP!! I'VE BEEN STABBED!"

Seriously, that picture pretty much sums up my feelings on part one of the finale. Too bad Blake didn't beatbox over the entire last song, refusing to sing it! That would have been so punk rock! Oh well. Since we all know Jordin is going to win (especially Jordin --by the way, you didn't yet so STOP CRYING!) the most we can hope for is a semi-funny skit featuring Sanjaya. I hope someone called Joel Mchale

Trannies revolt! Britney is no Madge!

' May 23, 2007 -- WHO knew Miami was such a tough crowd? When Britney Spears did an impromptu lip-sync/dance performance at Mansion on Saturday night, the reception was less than enthusiastic. The crowd, full of "trannies and gay guys," according to our spy, sneered at "those hideous white go-go boots and ratty extensions." One particularly unimpressed audience member: Madonna's brother Christopher Ciccone, who told our source, "My sister would never go onstage looking like that." '


Tuesday, May 22, 2007


Told ya she'd go back to blonde!

Can you stand the excitement? PEOPLE is reporting that Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are back on after being spotted on a date Sunday night in New York City.

"A source said "They saw each other last night. I have no idea what will happen with them tomorrow. I don't think they're sure. All I know is that they like each other and saw each other. Everyone's waiting to see what's going to happen." (We are?)


Oh For Fuck's Sake

Watch out, you just may run into Paris Hilton at your next Bible study group!

(She's not fooling anyone, everybody knows she can't read)


Get well Pauler

Paula Abdul's chihuahua Tulip has had enough of Paula's sanity and lucidity this season on American Idol and decided to salvage the finale by causing Paula to trip and fall, resulting in a broken nose and (hopefully) lots and lots of painkillers.

Her rep told PEOPLE, "She went to the doctor and she did break her nose, but she's moving on and doing great. She looks terrific. If you didn't know she broke her nose, you'd never guess anything happened to her."

Oh stop, I'm just kidding (mostly) Get well Paula! And take twice the recommended dose.