Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Monday, December 15, 2008

Is this commercial creeping anybody else out?

For real! It's just fucking wrong! If I were a kid, this kind of crap would ruin Christmas for me.

Listen up kids, don't believe this garbage ok? Yes Virgina, Jessica Simpson and Donald Trump are right, there really IS a Santa Claus, but he's not some weird skinny douche with a smartphone.

To get that mess out of our heads and warm our chilled heartstrings back up here's a local commercial starring this guy named Good Ol' Tom. Now, unlike that Palm Centro tool, Good Ol' Tom is a warm-hearted, huggable real-life Santa, helping people in these hard times by giving them cash for their old broken jewelery and family heirlooms.

You know the class ring guy went on a crack binge after that!

That was touching, I know, but this one is the best. I dare you not to tear up at this Clio deserving masterpiece:

Gets me every time! "Thank you Raymond!"

Porn Shop Musical!!

Check out Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens posing with a fan as they shop for some new toys!

Looks like Vanessa is in the baking section. I never knew you can buy cupcake pans in the shape of balls with mini-penis candles! How sweet of her to bake for Zac!


Fight at the Rock of Love Charm School reunion, and it's not Heather!

On Rock of Love Charm School a few weeks ago, Megan Hauserman was expelled after she kicked Brandi M. Host Sharon Osbourne told her she just would not tolerate violent behavior.

However, what Sharon didn't mention to Megan at the time was that the no violence rule did not apply to her!

At the RoL Charm School reunion special taping Saturday night, Megan insulted Sharon by telling her that she was "only famous for managing a brain dead rock star." Oh snap!! (Oh Megan, you poor, dumb, slut. That may very well be true, but you never, EVER say it to Sharon's face!) That was it. Sharon reportedly jumped up, ran across the stage and grabbed Megan by her hair and beat her ass down. Security had to separate the two. Megan went to the hospital the following day and was seen exiting wearing a sling. She also filed a report with the LAPD.

Megan is next up to star in her own VH1 reality show called Trophy Wife (Christ, make this shit stop!) in which she searches for love with a sugardaddy. She may not need one after this is all settled.


Tom and Matt Part 2: Less Glib, More Boring

In order to get people to pay money to see his new movie, Valkyrie, Tom Cruise is in the middle of a desperate attempt to convince the public that he is not a crazyfuck. This morning to returned to the Today Show to make nice with Matt Lauer after Glibgate '04 (Holy crap, that was almost FIVE years ago?!!)

In the clip above, Tom says he came across as "arrogant" and said that he learned a lesson from the incident. Then he and Matt Lauer made out. Then a giant meteor crushed all the waving morons.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Another Baby!

Naomi Watts gave birth to her and Liev Schreiber's second child yesterday. They had a boy, but the name was not released.

They have a one-year boy named Alexander.

Let's hope they keep up the "normal baby name" trend!


Ho, Ho, Creepy Flesh Colored Beard!

Santa: "You would not believe the number of people who have asked me to make you two go away!"

Charlie and Denise's daughters in 4 car pileup

Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards's daughters were involved in a car accident yesterday afternoon when a Honda Civic cut off the Mercedes the girls were riding in (driven by their nanny), causing a four car pileup.

Fortunately Sam and Lol were not harmed. The only person who was injured was the driver of the Honda, who was taken to the hospital.

Charlie's publicist Stan Rosenfiled told PEOPLE, "Charlie told me that the girls are fine. He said it could have been much worse. They were in their car seats, and he is extremely grateful for the safety features from Mercedes.”

In related news, the girls also seem to (so far) be unharmed from a recent train wreck they were involved in.

When auto-tune attacks!

Congrats Ashlee Simpson! You no longer have the worst musical performance in Saturday Night Live history!

David Cook once again proves that he is the most awesome person on the face of the Earth

"Suck it Archuletta!"

Our leader finally speaks to us!! Directly!

Our leader has been MIA ever since the release of Chinese Democracy -no interviews, no press, no promotion, no Axl. (That's where I've been by the way, searching all the caves of Malibu one by one with a lantern and a bucket of KFC--sadly to no avail.)

But then all of a sudden, last Thursday, someone with the screenname "Dexter" randomly appeared on the forum of and started going off on another poster, calling him a "cunt." The two went back and forth for awhile and it was eventually revealed that Dexter was in fact Axl Rose (he disguised himself by using "cunt" instead of "fuckhead.") After the site admin confirmed that it was in fact, the real Axl, he then began answering questions from fans on everything from being late to shows, the reunion rumors, and Oprah, and being pretty open (and funny) while doing it.

If that wasn't enough, "Dexter" then went over to another fansite, and once again, answered even more questions.

Then the next day he took Carpal Tunnel Tour '08 over to

You can read a transcript of all of chats HERE. (the best part is when he says he's skateboarding in blue jello while on acid and wearing the white booty shorts) It's pretty amazing stuff (well if you're a nutswingin' diehard like me) and I gotta say, that's a pretty damn cool thing to do.
In fifteen years when the next album is released this will definitely rank in the top five of the new Great Moments in Axl History!